Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild  You're not going to cure or be able to one-up answer these type of folks. It only feeds their enjoyment, IME. The only things you can control are your reaction, to a lesser degree your presence, and how you think of them (friends/acquaintances/outsiders/ect).
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I think that's really important, so it bears repeating...
The only thing we control is ourselves, and barely, somtimes...
Quote:
Originally Posted by teachma UNbelievable. I mean, really. People say these things???  :
I often have a related, but different problem. People telling me how great my daughter is. It gets extremely awkward and makes me uncomfortable for many, many reasons. I know they are probably well-intentioned, but it sometimes comes across as insecurity on their parts, too. It's just...icky. |
I just ran the gambit on the emotional spectrum in this thread... Started out thinking "I am glad I don't have these interactions." Went on reading and came to think "Maybe I don't have these interactions because
I'm the one that seems like she's being competetive, and one-upping... I
do always like to chime in on
any topic that's being discussed. I
am very proud of my very awesome dd. I
do get very excited and animated. Hmmm..." Then I read
that and that is something that I can relate to... I think there
is a flip side to this competetive thing, that ought to be noted here... The "Underdog Complex" that some moms have espoused to me, that comes across when they relate how "Wow!" dd is... "I thought she was a lot older,
my dc can't do that yet." I get this from a relative whose dc is close in age to dd. "You
really should get her into x, y, z class/program, etc... we did. Even tho OUR dc isn't as blah blah blah as Dd, they'll get all the chances in the world and maybe catch up,
someday." Arg! Spare me! Kids have differnet personalities, lives, developmental rates, etc...
Mind, I'm not trying to derail from the topic, nor detract from the heat some folks have had to, and in some cases
still have to take from so-called friends and/or relatives that behave in the afore-mentioned competetive, mean-spirited, snide manner. That's a crappy way to feel, and on any given day, I'm sure it feels a
lot crappier than just hearing how great your kid is a little much, from folks who need to focus more on the awesomeness of their own children than they do on someone else's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivgaen ...they could just be totally blinded by love for their own children that they are totally self-centered and completely and utterly oblivious to anything else that goes on around them. Who can blame them, really? Having children is such a life changing experience and your children become your world -- who among us don't look at our own kids and think they are better, smarter, prettier, more polite, better behaved, etc. then someone elses kids, at least in some aspect? We all are bias towards our own children in one way or another.
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I thought this was compelling, too, because, as I mentioned above, I wonder if I'm ever perceived in this light... So I called my best friend, just now, whom I have known for 25 out of 31 years. I asked her, "Do I ever make you feel like I'm trying to one-up you?" She replied, "You've always had a little of that, I think its part of your genetic make-up..." Abashed, I asked, "Really? Do you,
now, ever leave interactions with me feeling badly, or like I was tying to place myself above you, or make you feel less than me??" "No!" she said, sounding surprised, "You've gotten really good about looking at others and how you relate to them... Where is this coming from?" I told her about this thread... she laughed, and said "Well, you don't do that... People naturally compare everything to everything... in work, in school, in families, we compare things to like things and look for contrast... It's what we do." I asked her, "So, do you think the people who say they don't compare are lying?" She again said, "No!" and went on to say, "I think in some area of
anyone's life, we compare something to something else... and many people do it with their kids because from birth on, they're kids' development is guaged against, what? Other kids. It's normal, it doesn't mean it's right..."
And I agree with that... it's normal, but it doesn't mean it's right.... nor natural. And maybe these moms who crazily can't be talked to about
anything much less this behavior are reacting in heightened, super-sensitive response to that pressure that's been applied from the outside entities (like docs, schools, in-laws).
Feel bad for them, and keep your guard up...
Crazy people never think
they're crazy... and competitive one-uppers will debate and compete to show you how non-competitive they are... Much to the aggrevation of you who are bombarded by their need for attention and validation.
Been there, done that 
I think the part I'm missing here is understanding what the prize is.
