How do you have PS friends when homeschooling??

[happyus3]

We take care of a little boy who now attends preschool, and the majority of my kids friends go to PS. My older son went to PS and decided he didn't like it, but DS2 hasn't had any school experience. Our problem is the little boy we care for, his mom and family we see are always making such a big deal of him going to school and how great school is (because he doesn't want to go), and now DS2 really wants to go to school. He's hearing such conflicting stories on school, and doesn't want to believe that he won't like it. How do we explain this? DS1 has told him over and over the reasons that he hated school.

Then we also have the problem of DS1 going on about how he hated school and how happy he is that he doesn't have to go around his PS friends, and their parents don't want to homeschool. How do you keep relationships with PS kids, and not have the kids so jelous?, or the parents mad that your kid is making theirs want to go to school even less?

[oceanbaby]

I'm kind of wondering about this myself. Ds1 went to preschool, but that was it. The little boy next door yesterday was telling me all about how he is going to start K next year, and I basically said something along the lines of "You must be so excited! That sounds like a lot of fun!" Ds1 wasn't with me at that particular moment, but I was very aware of what a conflicting message that would send to him, and it's bound to come up in the very near future, especially because his cousin is starting K this year.

Even if I'm not involved in the conversation, I'm wondering how to address it when other people talk about how great schoo is. My inlaws will surely be going ga ga over how exciting and fun K will be for my neice's benefit, and I'm not sure how to address this with ds. I don't want him to feel bad, but I obviously can't say much to the contrary in front of them.

[PumpkinSeeds]

That's really funny about all the school talk. We haven't experienced that at all. My almost 6yo goes out to play with the neighborhood kids and talk about school never comes up. They are always riding their bikes, playing tag or hide and go seek.

[happyus3]

This is somewhat new to us too. Our preschool friend just started about two months ago, so that's pretty new. And most of ds2's friends are going into either prek or K this fall and getting excited and preparing for it. So he's questioning why he doesn't get to go, I'm trying to think of ways to make this fall exciting for him too. He doesn't do much book work, a couple of pages a week, unlike his brother, and I plan on working with him a bit more this fall, I just don't know how to turn that into something as exciting as going to school - with friends and recess and all that is "great" about school.

DS1 has also said things infront of his cousin who doesn't want to go to school- my nephew will complain about having to leave for school (pm Kindergarten), and mine will say something about how he's happy he doesn't have to. Or we'll pick up a friend from school and he'll say what a terrible day he's had, or how much he hates school and my boy will agree and say how awful PS is and how great homeschool is. And we've talked about when it's really not appropriate to go on about school, but sometimes it just slips out.

[Eris]

I don't get this. I guess kids just want to believe... but at some point they must notice that the grownups rarely go on and on about things which are really good.... "Aren't you excited?! You're going to have ICE CREAM next week! I bet you can hardly wait. I remember when I had ICE CREAM once. And then, I'm sure you're really looking forward to the ballet/princess party. Only BIG GIRLS get to go to ballet/princess parties, you're a very lucky kid." No, when things are really good, it seems like the grownups are all, no, stop, don't do that... don't go up the slide, no you can't have another cookie, go to bed, no more TV today, STOP DANCING.

This post is completely useless, huh?

[Eris]

On a possibly more helpful note- our homeschool group has a "not back to school" picnic/park day in mid-September, right about when schools start up, with potluck food, various races and games with little prizes, and general play and fun. I think that helped my then 4yo DD really get into the groove of being proud to be homeschooling. Generally, just getting involved with the homeschool group has been a huge help in that area- she has homeschooled friends she looks forward to seeing, and activities/events related to that, all of which sounds like more fun than being in a room learning what someone else says she has to learn about today.

[annethcz]

In our experience, my kids talk with their PSed friends about school occasionally, but it's not a frequent topic of conversation. The kids are too busy playing and having fun.

We did notice that it was hard to stay in contact with some friends after they started PS- the friends were so busy during the day, and there wasn't much 'free time.' Most of my kids' PSed friends are neighborhood buddies- they are friends because they can just go outside and play without planning a playdate and trying to coordinate schedules.

[mattemma04]

I am ok if my dd says," I tried this or that,but did not like it."

If she is *rubbing * it in as in teasing(like with her brother who must go) then I will tell her to stop,and we talk about why.

I explain how she is fortunate to have a choice,and that many children do not have that option.Those children must make the best of whatever school the parents choose for them,and making them want something they can never have (by constantly brining it up) is teasing them.

It is no different than when we come across a ps child who says that REAL learning can only happen in a public school.I try to explain that learning can take place anywhere,but that in their case their parents chose ps.It is not the *best* option,but just one of many a parent/child can pick from these days.I stress how lucky we are to have all these great options to choose from.

[Ravin]

I try to take an 'it's all good but this is how OUR family does it' stance. The little girl I watch during the week will be starting K in fall 2008. Her mom is a teacher. School gets talked about quite a bit. Her mom plans on her going to K, 1st, 2nd then homeschooling because in 2010 she can retire and stay home with her. So, we talk about how she'll go to school and how much fun that will be. When DD said she would go to school, too, I gently corrected her and said, "No, we'll be homeschooling. Mommy will be your teacher." She seemed to be quite content with that.

[Lovenest]

My son (5 in August) has only asked once if he could ride the bus that the little girl I watch gets off of. I told him it went to school and that we school at home.
He said "can you come with me?" and I said "no I cant, if you do school outside of the home mom cant go." and he said "I DO NOT want to ride the bus!".
We watch 2 public schooled kids, a 8 year old girl and 6 year old boy.
All his friends and family are in PS we are the only ones in our family but he has never been jealous, but he also is a home body. It has only come up once with the older girl I watch and I told her he homeschools and she said "what?!" and I said "we homeschool Dorian so he wont be going to public scool." The end!

This post is completely useless, huh?

I think mine is as well, no been there done that here!

[UUMom]

My kids play with the nieghborhood kids, children of our friends, friends of friends, cousins, friends from town baseball and soccer, from little summer swim or art programs, other family members etc.

School talk sometimes happens, and it's mostly about "Can your mother homeschool me, too?"

My teen especially feels blessed not have to deal with all the middle school crap that goes on. Their pain is has helped to seal the deal of no school for her right now.

My youngest knows lots of schooled kids and she's never once been tempted. lol

My youngest son attends a small private school (by his choice after hsing for a couple of years) and we are at his school lots. My dds like it well enough-- people are nice, but they know they have a good thing going. I think my youngest would love this school very much. I know she would be happy if she had to attend. But whether she would be happy there is no reason to attend. Kids don't need to see school as some horrible dungeon (although some are) for homeschooling to be right. I think it's fine to say that some children enjoy school, and some teachers are wonderful and some schools do repect children yada yada--and still say "We are homeschoolers'.

We aren't hsing because we think all schools are bad for all kids. We choose hsing because it's right for us and gives us the freedom we want.

So, instead of going with horror stories about schools, I go with how wonderful homeschooling is for us.

[chaoticzenmom]

We have a wonderful neighborhood full of children that go to school. My kids are happy when 3 rolls around so they can pull out their bikes and be with them. I'm pretty sure that school never comes up.

For me though, there is a little boy who I really like. He is smart and considerate and an all around good kid. I've heard that he's having a terrible time in school and it makes me so sad for him. I wish that homeschooling was a feasible option for everyone, especially this kid.
Lisa

[warriorprincess]

It hasn't been a problem for us really. ONCE DS said he wanted to be schooled because he'd seen the work his PS friends had to do and it was so much easier that what he did at home, "I'd barely have to think". I just gave him The Look and asked him if he thought that was a way to get me to send him to school. Some of his friends have told him he's lucky, b ut none have ever resisted going to school because they have a HS'd friend.

[MomInCalifornia]

My daughter will be doing her last year of preschool next year (a class for kids who are age eligible for kindy, but whose parents want to give them "the gift of a year"). It is a play based co-op and I am good friends will all the parents so i kind of get to have some control over how the "off to K" conversations will go.

Anyway, all the kids from that class will be going on to public school except for Abby, as we are homeschooling.

My plan is to talk about how they are ALL going on to kindergarten. Some will be in a school classroom, but that she gets to do K with our family.

We talk about how that means gymnastics class, and going to the lake, and up to Mt Diablo to climbs the rocks and caves, and long visits to grammy and papa in tahoe, etc etc etc.

During the year the teacher typically has K student come and talk with the kids about what school is like, and she and I have talked about having a homeschooled child come in as well.


ETA: We have not really clicked with any other homeschooling families, and almost all of our friends are from our co-op preschool and will be going on to public school, or already have older kids in PS. So far we have not had any HS vs PS issues, hopefully that will always be the case!