Anyone else have a non-conformist/eccentric/artistic girl?

[MamaOutThere]

I don't see many around where I live (lots and lots of pink and long, done-up hair).

I have a 7 year-old girl who the other day wore long, orange surf shorts with a black souvenir shirt (a map on it), purple socks, boy's sandals and a red/orange Hawaiian bucket hat. Oh, and she topped it off with a girl-cut flack jacket. I love her style! She had me search the web for a new haircut and ended up choosing a spiky mullet (though the gel ended up freaking her out and she doesn't use it).

Socially, she's stays with a pretty safe crowd (won't turn on her). Her best friend is a boy (well, she has a girl best friend -- also a non-conformist --, but she lives thousands of miles away). She has a crush on a boy she's seen twice in her life -- and the last time was in 2005. She's clueless about cliques and backstabbing and general meanness.

She's advanced in language, slow in math. She draws during the majority of her free time. I think she's good at it. Her drawings are probably my most precious treasures. She plays the guitar.

For toys she loves toy soldiers, characters, stuffed animals, unicorns, dragons, dinosaurs -- anything to make a story happen. Anything but Barbie, fairies, princesses, etc.

She's not particularly athletic -- not like I was.

Shopping with her can be difficult. She often likes something in the store, but will later notice a frill or a tie or a color she doesn't like. And I might as well just save it for her sister or donate it if she's doesn't like it. The other day we got a t-shirt with a big parrot on it made out of sequins. She jumped for joy when she saw it; she loves parrots. But for days afterward she would decline to put it on. Finally, she admitted it was the dark pink color of the shirt. Sigh. It's so cute.

Anyway, she's headstrong and opinionated -- definitely already searching for her identity.

Anyone else wanna swap stories about living with strong girls?

PS Just read the "too different" thread.

[GoldBerry]

My almost seven year old dd would fall into this group I think. From a very early age is has said she was a boy. She has her own wonderful style of layering shirts. She loves to cut the arms off and I can imagine her sewing her own clothes some day. She has her hair cut very short and she would like a mohawk or a buzz cut, but her dad and I are just not ready for that.

She seems to get along pretty well with both boys and girls. She has an orange belt in karate and is playing softball this spring. I thought she might be upset that she was put into an all girl softball team, but she was fine with it.

She loves to draw, too. Everyday she dresses up and she comes up with the greatest costumes- mostly knights or pirates or the like.

She's very macho (for lack of a better word) and often doesn't want to be hugged or "coo'ed" over when she has been hurt. I tell her that crying is not a sign of weakness in a casual way. Of course there are times when she loves to cuddle and I enjoy those times when they come. She can be quite loving to our cats and her little sister.

We love how unique she is. Her strength and creativity are wonderful- I just hope they do not get squashed by peer pressure as she gets older.

[MamaOutThere]

Aww, c'mon! A mohawk would look great, I'm sure! I know what you mean, though. My dd is drawn to boy's plaid shirts (really loud ones) and I've been guilty of telling her to find a compromise in the girl's section (hence, the flack jacket). She's just so different here -- and sometimes she'll end up not wearing something because a kid'll tell her she looks like a boy. But I've made a commitment to letting her do her thing 100% from now on.

Softball is so much more mainstream/competitive than it was when I was a kid. I played baseball right on up to Babe Ruth; if you had told me to go play softball with the girls I would have had lots to say about it!

Well, my daughter just had me in a half-hour conversation about the meaning of life. Why are we here? What are we supposed to be doing? I feel like we just do nothing. There's no meaning to any of it. Yada yada. She kissed me good night and told me she can't wait till she's 30.

Oh, and my daughter's a big ol' crybaby when it comes to hurts.

[Earthy Mama]

Here is an outfit that dd8 wore the other day... Beatles tshirt, short skirt with different colored hearts on it, and blue jeans....she loves horses, any kind of art, bugs, reptiles, and plays softball. She is the biggest tomboy, but loves being girlie too....I'm in big trouble, because the boys already love her...

[trinity6232000]

YAY I feel so at home reading all these posts. My dd will be 7yo in June. Her favorite
t-shirt says "I'm not a Tomboy, I'm a Athlete". She would much rather run with the
boys, but still has many girl friends as well. She draws constantly (her Dad is a artist
professionally, maybe it's in her genes), loves playing soccer, wants to play t-ball next
year, and asked if she can take karate this past week. I would allow her to do any and
all activities she wishes, I just have to figure out how to pay for it first.

Her fashion sense depends on it's comfort and practically. She does enjoy play dresses,
but always has to remind me to find shorts cause "I don't want anybody seeing my
underwear on the playground".

Something I find different about dd then I do with other kids her age is once she has an
explanation to something it's never a fight. Example, she's concerned about her food
choices ever since we had conversations about nutrition. She yelled at me during soccer
season cause I made pancakes for breakfast on a game day. She told me that she didn't
think that was the best choice and instead she ate a banana. She LOVES information and
learning more about nature. When we choose books or tv shows to watch the topic is bugs.
She is a big fan of the Magic School Bus.

I admire dd, her spunk, her fearlessness. I was a timid child, and it just brings me such
joy to watch her run into the world with her spirit.

Don't get me started on hair. She often tells me that my almost waist length hair is "too
long, you need a hair cut" She likes it short, and worn in her face. I've asked her to
grow it out a bit so she can pull it into a ponytail. It's always in her face (which yes she
likes) but I'd like to be able to pull it back for sports and play.

She definitely likes what she likes, and isn't afraid to express it.

[bunny's mama]

oh mamas, too bad we can't get these awesome girls together for a playdate. funny thing is, they all have such strong personalities, i wonder if they'd get along?

i'm the one who started the "too different" thread, and this thread just makes me feel so much better. there ARE girls out there like my wonderful dd! my girl is 6.5 and sounds a lot like these others. loves art, dresses in her own personal style, asks LOTS of questions about The Big Stuff (when she was 5, she asked me "where is God?" and she wanted a real answer, too)

speaking of which, its almost time for kuk sool won (korean martial arts) class fo rher, so i'm off...

[lactivist]

I have a more grown up version. She is fifteen now. I love her style. She has a great sense of herself and just loves life. She is currently working on her duct tape dress for the prom. I just have to order more duct tape. It is nice because we do ALL her school (amazing charter school) shopping at St. Vincent DePaul's Boutique and it is so much cheaper than any mainstream stores. She frequently wears men's ties with her outfits. She can be very girly but definitely non-comformist. She has her sights set on becoming a tattoo artist and I think she will achieve anything she sets her mind to. I love my girl!
Wendi

[trinity6232000]

Originally Posted by lactivist

She has her sights set on becoming a tattoo artist and I think she will achieve anything she sets her mind to. I love my girl!
Wendi

You know I have a couple of friends who became tattoo artists right out of high school. Both
have never had to worry about money. Have gotten to travel all over the place at the drop of
a hat because somebody asked them to. Met people from all over the world, and were the first
of my group of friends to buy homes.

In my experience if you can get to apprenticeship with a talented artist, you listen and learn
your skill well, and the world is in your hands.

[MamaOutThere]

Cool! I'm glad I started this thread. I love reading about these girls.

shopping at St. Vincent DePaul's Boutique

Yes, when we visit Portland (we live abroad) we go to thrift shops only. Last year she bought every dinosaur shirt and pajama in every shop we visited. She wore her dinosaur long john bottoms as pants. She also bought every old summer reading program t-shirt we found. By the way, is St. V's in Portland? Or in Eugene? If you're in Portland maybe Kaija would like to play role-model to my daughter this summer. Being a tattoo artist sounds cool. I should show my daughter what that's all about. I've been thinking of getting one myself.

It's kinda funny how athletic all these girls are. My daughter swims three times a week. And she wants to do a martial art. But since we've never lived in the States she's never had the chance to do sports, really. She tried soccer once when we were in Portland, but she got bored and said she just wanted to play a real game of soccer. She hates to be instructed. She just wants to play and have fun. In fact, we have to look for a new guitar teacher because of that.

Also, all the girls wear dresses at one time or another. My daughter said no to dresses at 4 1/2 and hasn't looked back. She has worn one once since then, and that was about 2 years ago. For the Christmas show last year she was supposed to wear black & white, so she wore big black cargo pants and a big white tuxedo shirt. She has a very feminine body, though.

What are your girls doing for the summer? I have to leave mine for 2 1/2 weeks -- the longest I've ever left her. Then she's going with her best buddy to an arts day camp. I'm also going to enroll her in a cartooning class (though I'm afraid most of the classes are too long). The rest of the time just swimming, biking, playing around. Then she'll be travelling around for 4 weeks in Italy and France.

[MamaOutThere]

Oh, and EarthyMama -- cute girl! I was the most popular with the boys (though I had no idea at the time) 'cause I "could do stuff."

[lactivist]

trinity~thanks for saying that about your tattoo artist friends. My dh worries so much about her career choice (he is a worrier) and I try to reassure him but its so nice to hear someone else's experience. I do think she will be quite a success. She is a very determined girl.
Mamaoutthere~ we are in Eugene. If you ever come visit I am sure she would love to show someone else the thrift store ropes.

I just love that Kaija and I have stayed so connected. Last night we had a really big discussion about how most of her friends do drugs and she feels on the outside of the circle but doesn't want to join that way. I am so grateful that she trusts me enough to come to me and share. She went through a really rough phase where she was really pushing me away. I had to concentrate on maintaining our connection and not worry so much about enforcing rules. I also told her that she can push me away but I won't go away. She can either have a relationship with me that is me constantly trying to push my way in or she can just invite me in. I told her I wouldn't give up. She pushed for quite a while but finally realized it was easier to just trust me and confide in me. Don't let them stray away when they get to those difficult years. Always hold your babies close!
Wendi

[pinecone]

What a cool thread. I've enjoyed reading about all your daughters. My 5yo DD is not at all like yours. She is very girly in that she loves dresses, almost refuses to wear pants, thinks anything princess is very cool, and if it is the color pink (no matter what it is) then it is OK. She tries to persuade me to believe there are boy colors and girl colors. It is so odd, because we do not endorse any of these beliefs and try especially hard not to define gender in such ways. I just wonder where it all comes from.

Denise
Mom to Indigo Dawn

[Thalia the Muse]

My five-year-old will only wear pants (so people don't see your underwear on the monkey bars) and says her favorite color is black (I notice that in practice she still picks out a lot of pink, though!). She, too, is constantly drawing - right now it's Pokemon, but also mermaids and silkworms and lots of people doing different things.

Someone at school told her she couldn't like dragons because they were for boys, and she scoffed. She loves princesses and fairies and baby animals AND Pokemon and dragons and pirates, and she's proud of her strong muscles. I really don't worry about her fitting in or being teased, because she's pretty confident and has a somewhat dominant personality -- I worry more about her ruling the world and making it hard for other kids!

I don't know where this kid came from, half the time. I was sure never that self-confident.

[Earthy Mama]

Originally Posted by MamaOutThere

Oh, and EarthyMama -- cute girl! I was the most popular with the boys (though I had no idea at the time) 'cause I "could do stuff."

Thankyou! Yes, the boys like her because she likes to get dirty and look for lizards, toads, worms, slugs :Puke , etc. You should have seen her in her pretty dress scooping up slugs to bait a toad she found!! Adorable...

[zerby]

I was one of those girls that y'all were posting about. Imagine my surprise the first time my DD told me that the outfit I picked wasn't "pitty" enough to wear to school. However, same child just had surgery and needed to bring her monster applique blanket and rubber lifelike monitor lizard to the hospital with her (while wearing pink pajamas). So, she is defining her own sense of style. As long as I understand that it is hers, not my idea of herself, we get along great!

[Earthy Mama]

Originally Posted by zerby

As long as I understand that it is hers, not my idea of herself, we get along great!

DD and I butted heads alot when she came to the point where she wanted to pick out her own style of clothing and it was VERY different from me. It finally dawned on me that I cannot dress her the way I want her to dress. So, for the past year I let her pick out all her own clothes when we shop and she makes up her own outfits in the morning for school. As long as it is weather-appropriate, she wears what she wants. And it turns out, she is pretty cool and mostly wears what I would pick out, anyways!!!

[MamaOutThere]

I'm so proud of my girl today! Yesterday she wanted to try the gel thing again (super strong gel to make her mullet stick up all over). She said everyone, but everyone, said she looked like Nicolas (a boy in a higher grade) or simply like a boy. She said the last time someone said it she got angry and pretended to be a dragon. But today she wanted to put the gel again! Yay! She doesn't care!

lactivist -- Thanks for those words about dealing with those rough times. I feel like we're going through that already sometimes -- in the sense that she wants very much to be independent. I'm okay with it, totally, but she still needs to pull away, just to see what'll happen.

Earthymama -- I find myself getting a bit disappointed when dd wears something normal. LOL

It's funny that lots of the girls in this thread wear pants because of the undies thing. My dd always been clumsy and scared on the monkey bars, so that's not her reason. She got a lot of flack when she was 4 about not wearing dresses, and that made her even more determined.

[JayGee]

My daughter is only 3, but well on her way to being a wonderfully different little girl. She can scale the rock wall better than most 6 or 7 year olds. Has NO fear at all at the playground. Loves to race anyone who will compete. Will not let me near her with the hairbrush, nevermind a barette or ponytail holder. She has no interest in Barbie or Princesses, but does like ponies, her brother's matchbox cars, and books. She is extremely verbal (speaking 2-3 word sentences from about one year). I just love how different she is.

My favorite DD story: In our playgroup is another little girl who is way into the princess thing (mostly because her mom pushes it, I think ). DD and this other girl were crawling through an outdoor tunnel full of woodchips when the other girl's Mom said "Come out of there! You're a princess and princesses don't play in the dirt!" (GAG!) DD came over to me and said, "Mama, I'm not a princess. I'm THE QUEEN!" That's my girl!

[beanma]

well, my girl is definitely non-conformist/eccentric/artistic, but she's very girly, too. she does like pink pretty much to the exclusion of other colors, but she definitely wants to do her own thing. have you read the "Olivia" books? there's one where Olivia draws a picture of a red soccer jersey and asks her mom to make her one like that. her mom says, "but honey you won't match all the other kids then." Olivia says, "that's the idea!" that's my kid. no matter that the whole ballet class is wearing black. she wants to wear pink. no matter that they're all going one way, she wants to go the other. she loves to draw and paint and tell stories. she tells stories all day long and then has to draw her stories. i was the girl in cut-offs climbing the trees, so i've had to adjust my expectations, but my girl is the one in a tutu twirling around everywhere we go...

[GoldBerry]

Originally Posted by lactivist

I have a more grown up version. She is fifteen now. I love her style. She has a great sense of herself and just loves life. She is currently working on her duct tape dress for the prom.

That is so cool!!!

Originally Posted by MamaOutThere

What are your girls doing for the summer?

Swim lessons and lots of beach time. She is going to camp for the first time- a camp by the beach with horses! Yes, I'm jealous. We'll do a couple camping trips. And lots of play/down time at home.

Originally Posted by JayGee

My favorite DD story: In our playgroup is another little girl who is way into the princess thing (mostly because her mom pushes it, I think ). DD and this other girl were crawling through an outdoor tunnel full of woodchips when the other girl's Mom said "Come out of there! You're a princess and princesses don't play in the dirt!" (GAG!) DD came over to me and said, "Mama, I'm not a princess. I'm THE QUEEN!" That's my girl!

Good for your daughter! How said that some girls are limited and labeled so very young.