An interesting, sad reason many women do not breastfeed - Page 2

[Ophelia]

Yes, people give up WAY too easily. I had <I>extremely</I> painful latch on for over 3 MONTHS! Consulted with LLL, IBCLC? and had his tongue clipped for tongue tie. Had to use both nip shields and shells. Lanisoh did not help but I kept trying it. I had tears streaming down my face nearly every time he latched on, and sometimes as he was sleeping I would think "please sleep just a bit longer" because I dreaded the next feeding.

Finally between 3-4 months it got better and has been fine since.

I know how painful it can be, but it does make me very sad that new moms give up so easily. Yes, there DOES need to be prenatal nursing counseling!

[Momma Aimee]

We live in a society so afraid of pain and in my opinion, I think a huge reason why many choose not to breastfeed is because it's "too painful" to continue.

not to hijack the thread -- but i think this wreid fear also has a lot to do with the UP UP UP numbers in birth pain interventions.......that is wth ones who get interventions EARLY (I admit to intervention at hour 22 and total exhustion, did not want it, CNM convinced us i needed it)......and don't wait to see how they handle it.

FEAR of PAIN is worse than the actual pain............

or in the case of BF --- a little pain now freaks people it will always be that way (or even a lot of pain now). no one sees the end.

aimee

[aamna]

My mother had the same problem.. painful nursing with bleeding nipples with both children. Sh gave up immediately because I guess there was no breastfeeding help around at the time. I was fed organic cow's milk and my father thinks that's why I was sick all the time.. sometimes I wonder if I would have been as smart as my breastfed cousins.

Initially it wasn't easy at all for me too. I thought breastfeeding would be the easiest thing and would come to me naturally.. I didn't even think to read up about it before giving birth. The first 2-3 weeks were very painful, probably due to a shallow latch. Boy, that pain was almost unbearable and long, b/c my DS would nurse for like an hour in the beginning. I already had cracked, scabby nipples by the second day of his life and it didn't help that the IBCLC was not there on weekends (i gave birth on a saturday). It also didn't help that he was wheeled off to the nursery after he was born even though I had a vaginal delivery and I didn't get to see him until 2-3 hours later (and by that time they had given him a bottle even though I told them no supplemental feedings.. ARGH!). I would just scream when he latched on and I began to hate nursing. I began to dread feedings too. I was so upset that nursing wasn't working for me. But I was determined and I didn't want to give up giving him the best milk in the world. I thought about getting help from a LC, but I did some reading and worked on it myself because LC fees seemed so expensive.. I worked on his latch by changing positions (skin-to-skin) , waiting until he opened at least somewhat wide and pulling down his lower lip if it was still tucked in while nursing and that did the trick.. he got the hang of things after a while. Now I have no more pain, bleeding or sore nipples and he latches on without a problem.. I am so so glad I didn't give up.. I love breastfeeding now and the close relationship it's given me to my son.

[granolalight]

Originally Posted by turtlewomyn

Quitting bfing after the first week or two is like going to the movies, standing in a long line for the tickets, then standing in a long line to get your popcorn, and then leaving before the movie comes on. You deal with the crappy part but quit before you get to the good part. If more women knew that.... maybe things would be different.

:

OMG that is such a great analogy! I'm going to remember that, and use it.

[*Karen*]

It is really sad how quickly women give up. DS was born early and without suck/swallow. It was freaking hard, but I did it! I think the really sad thing is how easily accessible formula is. Both DH and I think that it should require a prescription, that way people would have to go and say to a doctor that they give up. There are very valid reasons for formula, but I think most cases it could be avoided.

[Xenopus]

Yes indeed,

Though they never cracked/bled, right nipple hurt for 2 weeks and left nipple for 3. A dear friend and BFing mom of 2 saw me through it. First it was painful... then it was annoying, then ... it was wonderful! We moved all the way from Texas to Wisconsin by car in January, which was simplified so much by the fact that DD's food was always ready, clean, and plentiful. We have such an amazing bond, because she's a booby baby! I am so glad I stuck it out.... my mom bottlefed me and I was so ignorant. Thank goodness for my pal, Nadine.

This is just a "me too, me too!" post, but I wanted to share!

kudos mamas
-Xen

[huggerwocky]

Why the " for "too painful" ? You don't believe people? I don't really understand why anyone would feel it's appropriate to judge someone else's pain tolerance level.

[ulla]

Originally Posted by huggerwocky

Why the " for "too painful" ? You don't believe people? I don't really understand why anyone would feel it's appropriate to judge someone else's pain tolerance level.

:
Some people just have a very low tolerance for pain and that's nothing new. Opiates have been used throughout history for pain management. No one should have to suffer horribly if they really can't bear the pain. I think motherhood should not be about martyrdom.

[MomToKandE]

Originally Posted by steph76

That is what concerns me when people state how easy bf is.
Sure it is for some. But not everyone. What if your only IRL bf support had an easy time and you have complications.

YES!!! My mom bf 4 children so you'd think she'd be a great resource but when I had cracked, bleeding nipples with my first baby all she could say was "gee, I just put you guys on and you knew what to do". Of course my pp brain heard "I didn't have any trouble... what's wrong with you?"

Dh and I had taken a pre-baby bf class together. I thought I was doing everything right. The nurses at the hospital said all looked good even though I was getting blisters. Dh was the one who made me call the LC... thank God! If it weren't for him I wouldn't have made it 2 weeks bf my dd.

[MomToKandE]

Originally Posted by ulla

:
Some people just have a very low tolerance for pain and that's nothing new. Opiates have been used throughout history for pain management. No one should have to suffer horribly if they really can't bear the pain. I think motherhood should not be about martyrdom.

There's also the duration of pain. I had a drug-free childbirth but I could not have managed that pain for a week. The pain I experienced at every single feeding when dd was first born coupled with the idea that it would never improve was more than I could handle.. Fortunately after a visit to an lc at around 2 weeks I was able to make some minor adjustments and all was well. If things had not improved after the lc I am 99.9% sure I would have gone to formula by 3 weeks.

[Lissybug]

I am foggy brained right now, so I hope I get this out right.... I think breastfeeding is something that many people want so badly for other people to do that they sometimes are reluctant to be frank about any difficulties. Or people downplay anything possibly negative, thinking it will discourage a woman from even trying to bf in the first place.

[sonrisaa29]

Originally Posted by Lissybug

I am foggy brained right now, so I hope I get this out right.... I think breastfeeding is something that many people want so badly for other people to do that they sometimes are reluctant to be frank about any difficulties. Or people downplay anything possibly negative, thinking it will discourage a woman from even trying to bf in the first place.

This is proably true, but I know that I would rather know about the pain firsthand....I feel like the same thing is true about childbirth....I would of rather had been prepared for that kind of pain, instead most people kept telling me that I'd be able to work through it...

[nova22]

I was really frustrated because everyone told me, "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong."

I agree that people should KNOW it might hurt. Seriously, NCB mamas - would you ever tell a potential NCBer, "Oh, no, it didn't hurt at all - I didn't feel a thing!" or would you rather be honest and say "Sure, it was intense, and it was hard work, but I don't regret my choice." KWIM?

[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

It is a basic fact that many women feel initial pain and disconfort while bf'ing. But to give it up altogether would seem to be a situation of inappropriate or lack of briefing by professionals, peer group and relations. The baby does miss the essential nutrients as well as immunities. I have come across some women who continue to bf even though they don't get rid of some pain for other reasons as well. The reward is too great to give up.
Uzra

[Jennah_Gole]

I think it is more than just pain - i think it is ignorance. I know that if I had read up on breastfeeding and its benefits and had seen this forum before I had my first child which I gave up breastfeeding after three weeks with because it was just too hard and I had had three infections. It was because of my ignorance that I got those infections and that it was so hard to breastfeed. LOL i was pumping cuz i was engorged between feedings and didnt realize that it would make me even more engorged :

I was so uneducated that it was inevitable I would quit and I did. I feel so rotten about it now but it was lack of knowledge on breastfeeding. now that I think about it, I dont even know why I didnt read up on breastfeeding at the time I got pregnant...young and stupid , I guess...oh well, now I know better.

[heket]

Originally Posted by steph76

That is what concerns me when people state how easy bf is.
Sure it is for some. But not everyone. What if your only IRL bf support had an easy time and you have complications.

That is one reason when I advocate I let people know that the start can be painful, but with help and support most are able to work thru it.
And when you do work thru the problems you will be sooo happy!!

Haven't read the whole thread, but this one stopped me.

My dd and I tried for 8 weeks. It was horrible. My mother had no problems lacking her ds or I. But I, for the life of me, was in pain. Probably sore nips that got worse. I expected difficulties at the start, I didn't expect a bad latch (thank you epidural or sore nips to the point of infection. All the same, I gave up and EP'ed dd until 12-13 months (now 3.5 yo.)

[ericswifey27]

Originally Posted by RootSnort

Dang, it hurt more than my c-section, and went on for 6 weeks! But I was bound and determined. I knew how important it was for my DS, so I kept at it. And it did get to be painless over time. I tell my friends the truth, that it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most worthwhile, and what I am most proud of in my life.

I've said this before, but I 'd really like to see pre-partum counseling sessions with a lactation consultant be a standard part of prenatal care. I think lots of Moms would do much better knowing what is going to happen ahead of time.

Yes, yes, and YES!

[Bkwyrm]

I'm just grateful that a friend of mine warned me that yes, bf hurts at first, but it gets better. I'd kept hearing, as many of you did, that "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong!" and that would have really discouraged me without my friend's support.
She put it to me this way: "If someone suddenly started sucking on your elbows for six hours a day, your elbows would get sore, so I don't know why people aren't told to expect sore nipples!"
It hurt terribly, the first few days. My nipples bled and cracked. Then my milk came in, and all was well for about two weeks. And then we got thrush and WOW is that ever painful. Once the thrush started getting better, I got hit with mastitis.
I can say I'm glad that I nursed through all of it, and am still nursing. But I don't think I'd ever tell anyone else that they had to do it. The thrush/mastitis combo has made me pretty sympathtic to the people who elect to switch to formula because of pain.

[Lissybug]

Originally Posted by sonrisaa29

This is proably true, but I know that I would rather know about the pain firsthand....I feel like the same thing is true about childbirth....I would of rather had been prepared for that kind of pain, instead most people kept telling me that I'd be able to work through it...

Yes, yes that's what I mean- it can be detrimental to NOT tell the whole truth about things. I had ds at home and I'd read a bunch of childbirth books, but so many of them had somehow glossed over the intense pain of it. I was so grateful for my grandmothers stories of birth (she said she thought You've Got to Be Kidding!!! about the pain, but had quick successful births) During my labor I could think back on her words and not get freaked out because it hurt so much, and instead go with it and believe I could do it.

I think the same can be useful for breastfeeding, so a mom who is having a hard time or a ton of pain doesn't think- oh well I guess my body just can't do it, or just feel like she was lied to ahead of time.

I mean bfing ISN'T always hard, but people should hear about the range of experiences a woman can have and still have a successful bfing relationship.

[Knittingfor4]

I've heard too many stories like this. I'm such a baby about pain! I get so scared about it. I don't even like stubbing my toe! Yet, I homebirth and breastfeed. And let me tell you, the afterpains get worse with each baby. They latch on and you go into labor all over again for days! I wanted to pump for my first cause I didn't like the sensation of my breasts, especially my nipples being touched. Well, be careful what you wish for. He wouldn't latch for 4 weeks and I had to pump alot until I got a nipple shield. Now I'm just grateful that they seem to come out and pop on, no problems.

Anyway, we will not solve this problem until we solve the overall selfishness and "microwave" mindset of modern society.