Widely spaced or only children?

[Juliacat]

Financially speaking, for our family the only options are having an only child or having two children spaced six to ten years apart.

I feel good about this decision until I look on the Internet and find TONS of gloom and doom about the latter option. It's like if you don't have exactly two children exactly two years apart, well then, you suck.

Given the options of having two widely spaced children OR having only one child, which do you think is better?

[*Aimee*]

My sister is 11 years younger than me. I love her SO much. I am and always was jealous of people with a lot of brothers and sisters, and I wish we were closer so we could share things better. I am more like a mother or aunt than a sister for sure. But that doesnt change the fact that I love her so incredibly much.

[Peony]

My Dh and his bro are 7 years apart they are much closer then me and my sister who are barely 2 years apart. I do not buy into the whole closer in age then they will be better friends thing, it depends on personality.

[lactivist]

I have widely spaced kids (almost 6 years and 7 1/2 years) and they are all really close. I will be having one this fall and that will be 2 1/2 years and I am worried about a lot of things I didn't have to contend with having them more spaced. I think having two widely spaced is great but having only one is great too. It is such a personal choice. Please don't let internet doom and gloom get you down. Follow your heart.
Wendi

[woobysma]

My boys are 7 years apart (6 years and 361 days, actually ) and I think it's awesome!

They get a long well, normal sibling stuff sometimes, but normally really loving and wonderful together. I can't imagine having a newborn and a 2 year-old, EVER. My sisters and I are all 2 years apart - I swear the thought of having a 4yo, 2yo and a newborn makes my head spin. :

I agree with the pp, it's a personal decision, but I have widely spaced kids and I don't SUCK

[nonconformnmom]

My first two children are 15 years apart. They adore one another. My oldest dd chose to attend our local university specifically because she didn't want to be far from her 4 yo sister.

I also have perspective from the child's point of view. My youngest sister is 12 years younger than I. I was thrilled to have a baby to play with and loveon when I was that age and we are very close to this day.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with widely spaced kids.

[shayinme]

My son is 15 and dd is 22 mos, he absolutely adores his sister and frankly the age gap is the only way I can handle 2 kids. I am 8 years older than my brother and we get along great. I see nothing wrong with a wide spacing, frankly I am in awe of women who hace kids like a year or 2 part, I'd be nuts.

Shay

[BelgianSheepDog]

I'm 6.5 years older than my bro and we are very close. My mom's fav siblings were 11 months older and 17 years older than her. Personalities matter most!

[Tofu the Geek]

My oldest is 10 and the baby is 9 months. People always assume I must have other in between and when they find out I don't, they make all sort of silly comments. That being said, they LOVE each other. Older DD wants to spend so much time with baby, was NEVER jealous, and is the absolute best helper ever. The hardest part was the pregnancy because I think my body forgot that it had done this before. Ultimately I would have liked them 5-6 years apart, but this is working great for us. Older DD is at an age where she can look after her baby sister while I take a shower or go to the bathroom, and I likely wouldn't be letting her do that if she was any younger!

[A&A]

Widely spaced. I'm very close to my sisters--one is 9 years older than me, and the other is 7 years younger than me.

My kids are 5 and 10 yo. (so five years apart) and the spacing has worked well for us.

[anjelika]

Yay! My children will be widely spaced by necessity (~10 yrs) so I am glad to see all of these positive replies.

[laralou]

My girls are 9 years younger than their brother and he dotes on them. They cry for him when they get hurt and he loves to do stuff with them. I don't think it is bad at all.

[devster4fun]

It's like asking about apples and oranges. Just depends on what you like.

I'm an only and our DD will be an only.

I loved my childhood. I never missed siblings then or now! We're choosing an only for many reasons, which I have detailed in previous threads. There's a Tribe for only children, which has some great opinions and ideas.

Wide spacing would be cool too.

[Flor]

My older brother is 12 years older than me. I like him waaaay more than I love my brother who is 18 months younger than me. My kids are 9 years apart. I really can't imagine having more than one toddler at the same time. Also, I don't find it that unusual. Dss is 12 and his friends all have baby brothers and sisters. There is no way I am having another one until ds is at least 5, maybe 6 or 7.

[libranbutterfly]

I think either way , depending on your family. I would just see how things go. My brother and I are 13 years apart, and I love him to pieces. It does seem like I've always had more of a "motherly" relationship with him that a "sisterly" one, but we get along great. I have 2, and will not be having another for at least 5 years.

[MSings]

My siblings are 5.5, 9, and 10 years older than me and I am close to them all. My two sisters, 15 months apart, did not get along at all until recently- they are in their 50s. I wished for younger siblings as a child ( I loved babies) but never for older siblings closer in age to me. The only bad part about this arrangement for me is I was left alone with my parents from age 13 on but my adolesence may have been just as hard for my parents and myself- even with closer siblings.

[trmpetplaya]

Dh turned out well as an only child (he cooks better than I do and his mother taught him how to do his laundry and be a gentleman) and I am the oldest of four children who are widely spaced.

I was five years old when my brother was born. I think it would have been better had I been at least a year or two older when he was born. I was old enough at 5 to know that I wanted a sister, not a brother; and to be disappointed that he couldn't do anything while not being really old enough to understand WHY he couldn't do anything with me...

When my sister was born I was 9.5 and I adored her! She and I were always very close and I enjoyed helping out with her a lot. I think that spacing was a lot better for me personally, though it may have been different had I been an only child for all those years.

When my other brother was born I was 11.5 and I really enjoyed helping out with him as well.

So... I do think that large spacings can work. Please prepare your older child for the fact that the new baby really won't be much of a playmate for at least a year because I believe that was the main thing I had trouble with as the much older sibling.

With an only child, my dh says that it's most important to make sure that your dc gets to have a lot of playdates and friends over. He had a best friend (2 years younger) who lived next door from the time he was 6 years old and I know that having a neighbor boy to play with all the time helped keep him from being lonely or wishing that he had younger siblings very often.

I would play it by ear depending on your specific situation. I'm sure whatever you decide will be just fine

love and peace.

[Aliviasmom]

My next child won't be until at LEAST late 2010, most likely later than that. So Alivia would be at least 6 years older than her younger sibling. It's just the way it's going to have to go at this point. It would not be fair to ANYONE to have a baby any sooner than that, as I'm still in school.

[Juliacat]

Originally Posted by TechnoGranola

People always assume I must have other in between and when they find out I don't, they make all sort of silly comments.

What kinds of silly comments?

About the playdate/friends thing--dh and I are pretty introverted and we have a hard time making friends for ourselves, much less for our child--but I have the luxury of having some flexibility in when to start dd in daycare and how many hours per week. Do you think I should lean towards leaving her in more care longer to make up for the lack of siblings?

[Hazelnut]

My siblings are 7, 9, and 10 years older than me, and as much as I looked up to them, I kind of hated it. I was lonely, they weren't interested in a grade schooler when in high school and college, and my sister and middle brother completely treated me like crap (older one took me under his wing more) which I think greatly affected me. As you can see, I'm still bitter. I think the problem is that my mom never acknowledged the age differences or encouraged them to be nicer. I was not capable of standing up to my sister at only age 9. I think if you encourage sibling respect, no matter the ages, any potential disadvantages can be reduced.