Thanks *so* much for this thread! I've been grappling with this a lot lately.
My sis and I are four years apart and finally started getting along when I went away to college and now we're best friends. I think that has to do with personality but also family dynamics.
My son is 4.5 and I had thought we'd have a 6 month old by now! Like a lot of pp I didn't want two very young children. I'm just not that strong!
However, I thought four years would be a good spacing. Life intervened, though, and my dissertation and, more importantly, problems in my marriage made it seem that it would be better to wait. Thankfully, my marriage is on the mend, but we've decided to wait till the dissertation is finished. All this means that the *very* soonest my DS would have a little brother or sister is when he's around six -- or later . . .
I've also heard a lot of negatives about widely spaced siblings but I really think it's all a trend. I was born in 1971 and all the families I knew had kids that were three to five years apart. I think I only knew one or two families with kids closer in age. I asked my mom about it and she said that's what the "experts" were saying in the late '60s-mid 70s re: spacing. Now these same "experts" (next generation!) are saying 2.5 years is the optimal spacing. I just don't buy it. I think so much depends on the siblings, the parents, the family financial and emotional circumstances and all sorts of other factors.
I think the big issue for me will be getting back in "baby mode" It is fantastic that DS sleeps through the night (unless he's sick), is potty trained (mostly . . . ) and we can do so much more together. I know I've just forgotten all that "baby stuff" and it will be a real shock to my system!
My sis and I are four years apart and finally started getting along when I went away to college and now we're best friends. I think that has to do with personality but also family dynamics.
My son is 4.5 and I had thought we'd have a 6 month old by now! Like a lot of pp I didn't want two very young children. I'm just not that strong!
However, I thought four years would be a good spacing. Life intervened, though, and my dissertation and, more importantly, problems in my marriage made it seem that it would be better to wait. Thankfully, my marriage is on the mend, but we've decided to wait till the dissertation is finished. All this means that the *very* soonest my DS would have a little brother or sister is when he's around six -- or later . . .
I've also heard a lot of negatives about widely spaced siblings but I really think it's all a trend. I was born in 1971 and all the families I knew had kids that were three to five years apart. I think I only knew one or two families with kids closer in age. I asked my mom about it and she said that's what the "experts" were saying in the late '60s-mid 70s re: spacing. Now these same "experts" (next generation!) are saying 2.5 years is the optimal spacing. I just don't buy it. I think so much depends on the siblings, the parents, the family financial and emotional circumstances and all sorts of other factors.
I think the big issue for me will be getting back in "baby mode" It is fantastic that DS sleeps through the night (unless he's sick), is potty trained (mostly . . . ) and we can do so much more together. I know I've just forgotten all that "baby stuff" and it will be a real shock to my system!
I agree that so much depends on the kids and parents. I just think that, with a huge age gap, a parent might have to intervene more or help a relationship along a little more than with two siblings who might be more like peers.
