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"most homeschooled kids are kinda weird"

post #1 of 70
Thread Starter 
Please don't jump on me!! This is what a friend said to me when I asked her why she wasn't home schooling - I thought she would've been the type. And honestly I thought I was leaning towards hs until I started thinking about what she said. Are hs'd kids more introverted? Does it benefit the child to have to deal with all sorts of personalities & situations - since that's what they'll have to do in the "real world" anyway? I would really like your honest thoughts on this!
post #2 of 70
a lot of homeschool kids are kinda weird. They have not been forced into conformity. Weird is reletive. eventually that creativity and differentness will be a valueble assest.

and there are also a lot of weird kids in PS also. they are just busy hiding fromthe bullies.
post #3 of 70
A lot of schooled kids are kind of weird.

"Are hs'd kids more introverted?" My oldest is quite the opposite. She's like her mama. My youngest is too young for me to tell yet.

"Does it benefit the child to have to deal with all sorts of personalities & situations" Not exactly sure what you mean, but my homeschooling kids DO "have" to deal with all sorts of personalities and situations. I'd say moreso than the average schooled kid.

"since that's what they'll have to do in the "real world" anyway?" We DO live in the 'real world.' Our lives are no less "real" than anyone else's.
It's more "real" than a typical school environment even. A typical school environment is unlike any other that you encounter once outside of school. Especially in regards to socilaization.
post #4 of 70
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post #5 of 70
My kid is much less weird than I was at 14, and she always has been. She's definitely less introverted. Compared to most kids her age, she's more mature, less likely to do stuff just because other kids are, and she relates to adults... differently. She has less "baggage" towards adults, if that makes sense.

I think many of the unschooled kids we know have been less concerned about conforming than most schooled kids, so maybe that's what your friend meant by 'kinda weird'. Rain is the homeschooled kid no one would ever pick out of a crowd, though...

dar
post #6 of 70
What I find funny about that statement is that the person saying it tends to forget about all the weird kids they went to school with. We all had weird kids in our class, and many of us probably WERE the weird kid in the class.

The only "truth" to the statement is what a previous poster pointed out - that there is less pressure to conform. I told dh once that I don't think hs makes a kid weird, I think it lets them be weird.
post #7 of 70
and weird is a problem because.....
post #8 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
and there are also a lot of weird kids in PS also. they are just busy hiding from the bullies.
:

post #9 of 70
What she's referring to is likely how unconcerned home/unschooled kids are with fitting in. So it's not that they aren't weird, it's just that weird isn't a bad thing. I think we are all weird in some way, depending on the definition, and most people I know went to school. (This weirdo included. )

My kids have been called weird. We're cool with it. Both of them are more confident than I was at their ages. Dd is more extroverted, and Ds can be pretty introverted overall.
post #10 of 70
IMO the word "weird" indicates that it's BAD to be oneself, whereas we use the word "unique", since that is more accurate.

In school everyone must conform or be considered "weird", while homeschooling everyone is allowed to be themselves, however that may be, and that is considered "unique". When in reality, in ps's the "weird" ones are the non-conformers and are unique.

I had a ps'd "weird child", shoot I was one, now he is a happy individual, unique in his own right. I'd rather my children be their own person, not a robot forgetting to be true to themselves and in reality not even knowing who that individual really is. But, that's just me, I've never been a conformist, too darn stubborn for that stuff.
post #11 of 70
You know who cares really if someone thinks homeschooling kids are weird. The way the standard is in our country, I gladly welcome the label.
post #12 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
a lot of homeschool kids are kinda weird. They have not been forced into conformity. Weird is reletive. eventually that creativity and differentness will be a valueble assest.

and there are also a lot of weird kids in PS also. they are just busy hiding fromthe bullies.
Yes, and I always wonder if many people who homeschool are the kind of people who are a bit unconventional themselves. I didn't choose to homeschool for bullying fears, although I could have since I was tormented and bullied in ps for being "weird" and introverted ("snobby" they said).

But my own family lovingly calls me "weird". My dh calls me "eccentric". I am open-minded to unconventional things. I have zero desire to fit in with anyone or to conform just for the sake of doing what everyone else does. Subsequently, my kids not only get some of their personality traits from my genes but they are also being raised in an environment where their parents make unconventional choices and don't care about conforming. This describes MANY homeschoolers I know, btw, people of all walks of life.

Sometimes, I think that public school parents must represent more of a Bell Curve, since they have the most numbers. And I think that homeschooling parents must be a somewhat self-selected crowd. So, I'm probably not saying this clearly at this time of the morning, there probably is a higher degree of weirdness in the hs group, but this weirdness would have otherwise been in the public school sector. I don't think homeschooling really causes weirdness but it probably just gives already existing weirdness an equal opportunity to exist, whereas it would be stomped on in public school.

Personally, I like being weird. After 30 something years, I have come to embrace my weirdness. If everyone jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge or started binding their feet for fashion, I would not follow. I think for myself and I don't care what the other Moms are doing or what they think about me. I'm raising my kids the same way: be whoever you want to be and feel good about it. They would have been weird public school kids too except that they would have crappy self-esteem from all the tormenting. The choice isn't between weirdness and coolness. It's between creativity and conformity. And it's between development of self and hating of self. It's between being who one naturally is and hiding who one naturally is. To me, that's no choice at all.
post #13 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeftField View Post
Yes, and I always wonder if many people who homeschool are the kind of people who are a bit unconventional themselves. I didn't choose to homeschool for bullying fears, although I could have since I was tormented and bullied in ps for being "weird" and introverted ("snobby" they said).

But my own family lovingly calls me "weird". My dh calls me "eccentric". I am open-minded to unconventional things. I have zero desire to fit in with anyone or to conform just for the sake of doing what everyone else does. Subsequently, my kids not only get some of their personality traits from my genes but they are also being raised in an environment where their parents make unconventional choices and don't care about conforming. This describes MANY homeschoolers I know, btw, people of all walks of life.

Sometimes, I think that public school parents must represent more of a Bell Curve, since they have the most numbers. And I think that homeschooling parents must be a somewhat self-selected crowd. So, I'm probably not saying this clearly at this time of the morning, there probably is a higher degree of weirdness in the hs group, but this weirdness would have otherwise been in the public school sector. I don't think homeschooling really causes weirdness but it probably just gives already existing weirdness an equal opportunity to exist, whereas it would be stomped on in public school.

Personally, I like being weird. After 30 something years, I have come to embrace my weirdness. If everyone jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge or started binding their feet for fashion, I would not follow. I think for myself and I don't care what the other Moms are doing or what they think about me. I'm raising my kids the same way: be whoever you want to be and feel good about it. They would have been weird public school kids too except that they would have crappy self-esteem from all the tormenting. The choice isn't between weirdness and coolness. It's between creativity and conformity. And it's between development of self and hating of self. It's between being who one naturally is and hiding who one naturally is. To me, that's no choice at all.

Yeah, but you're out in LEFTFIELD anyway so....
post #14 of 70
I don't know. I've watched the pre-teen homeschoolers interact with each other and I feel like I can tell exactly which "group" they would fall into if they were in school.

Homeschooling doesn't guarantee perfect, slender, well-adjusted kids anymore than schooling guarantees broken, miserable ones.

I definitely see leaders, followers, nice, mean, etc. among our homeschool group kids. And, no, they aren't all "weird", which I assume translates to some variation on socially awkward.
post #15 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by eloquence View Post
Yeah, but you're out in LEFTFIELD anyway so....
That's right! My father used that on me too many times to remember, "Geez. Why do you always have to be so out in left field??"
post #16 of 70
Left field is important in baseball so I don't get the bum rap.
post #17 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by umbrella View Post
"since that's what they'll have to do in the "real world" anyway?" We DO live in the 'real world.' Our lives are no less "real" than anyone else's.
It's more "real" than a typical school environment even. A typical school environment is unlike any other that you encounter once outside of school. Especially in regards to socilaization.
Wow, you put this so simply and so well, hope you don't mind if I use it in future conversations.
post #18 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by reeseccup View Post
IMO the word "weird" indicates that it's BAD to be oneself, whereas we use the word "unique", since that is more accurate.

In school everyone must conform or be considered "weird", while homeschooling everyone is allowed to be themselves, however that may be, and that is considered "unique". When in reality, in ps's the "weird" ones are the non-conformers and are unique.

I had a ps'd "weird child", shoot I was one, now he is a happy individual, unique in his own right. I'd rather my children be their own person, not a robot forgetting to be true to themselves and in reality not even knowing who that individual really is. But, that's just me, I've never been a conformist, too darn stubborn for that stuff.
I love this

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWine View Post
I don't want her to be like everyone else. I want her to be who she is.
This sums up how I feel about my kids.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LeftField View Post
Yes, and I always wonder if many people who homeschool are the kind of people who are a bit unconventional themselves. I didn't choose to homeschool for bullying fears, although I could have since I was tormented and bullied in ps for being "weird" and introverted ("snobby" they said).

But my own family lovingly calls me "weird". My dh calls me "eccentric". I am open-minded to unconventional things. I have zero desire to fit in with anyone or to conform just for the sake of doing what everyone else does. Subsequently, my kids not only get some of their personality traits from my genes but they are also being raised in an environment where their parents make unconventional choices and don't care about conforming. This describes MANY homeschoolers I know, btw, people of all walks of life.
This, too. I am constantly amazed that we are considered "weird" just for the fact that we don't place our kids in a very artificial environment with forced socialization....Is there any other time in your life where they MAKE you stay in a group based on age?? My kids have friends of all ages and can hold their own in conversations with adults, too.
post #19 of 70
DH and I have had a lot of conversations about this lately, since his mother told me that I shouldn't homeschool past middle school or my children will be socially awkward. She used DHs homeschooled (for religious reasons, and admittedly to shelter them) cousins as an example.

Cousin #1 is a USAF Medic and highly recognized. He's been married for 6 years to the same woman and he has a great group of friends.

Cousin #2 is enlisted USAF also. He got married this year and has a baby girl who is beautiful and perfect.

Cousin #3 is working her tail off to get through school *and* works 60-70 hours a week as a vet tech at an equine farm.

All of them talk to their parents and siblings regularly. Honestly, they seem pretty normal to me! More normal than DH's family!!

So DH said, yeah, cousins #1 and #2 were really awkward teenagers and DH and his brother didn't like to be around them because they were so awkward. But now DH would rather be around them than his brother, who is a self-proclaimed jerk. I'm certain that he fit in great in high school, but he never grew out of his 17 year old jock attitude and it's just painful to watch.

We've decided we'd much rather our kids go through an awkward stage in high school in the comfort of their own home and family, and then go on to be well adjusted young adults who are functioning members of society. Especially when the alternative is to get stuck in a rut of the "fitting in" behavior learned in high school!
post #20 of 70
I am "weird" and was the product of ps. How did that happen? They were supposed to fix me weren't they? I feel school can be very damaging to kids who are non-conformists.

I feel my dd would be who she is even in school. I feel her self-esteem would suffer a lot though. She is a non-conformist type. My dd being like everyone else is not a concern I have at all. I want her to be confident in being herself.

You can't make someone introverted or extroverted simply by homeschooling them or sending them to school IMO. Our brains are wired differently. http://www.uts.edu.au/new/releases/2003/March/26.html

My dd sees a lot of the real world and real life situations because that is where we spend every hour of every day. School is not the real world.
http://www.cbn.com/CBNnews/144135.aspx
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