Originally Posted by PreggieUBA2C
(It's possible that I have asked 100 questions so far and recieved very few responses to my questions, though much maligning of my character and motives. Perhaps someone who finds offense would be willing to enter into a dialogue that is respectful and peaceful?)
It could be you've asked 100 questions. But to be blunt with you, they are framed with some very condescending proclamations as well. It makes it very hard for me to dialogue with you when in the same breath you ask for it you are also pitying my 'pain' and telling people who disagree with you that basically they are enslaved to a victim mentality.
Do I think you mean to come across that way? I don't know. I don't take it personally, because that's been your response to everyone you percieve disagrees with you, so I'm pretty sure it's not because you hate me or think that I, personally, am stupid. I wish you could understand or acknowledge that not everyone who wishes you (and everyone else in this thread that's used it) would cut out the hot button language is doing so from a place of personal pain. I've never put my kids in daycare. I've never been a WOHM. However, I posess the ability to empathize with why hearing the phrase "letting others raise your children" hurts MANY of those who have, and as part of my contribution to easing the mommy wars I *try not to use that language*.
And if I do, I do my damndest to apologies, either in private or public, instead of justifying it in the name of some philosophical pursuit of redefining social language and accusing other people of slipping into chosen or ignorant victimhood.
What's wrong with simply choosing different words? Why is it so important for you to rub salt in the wound? You've been arguing with those of us that disagree with your methods about how important language is. Yet you don't seem to want to apply that to yourself. Maybe you still don't get it, becuase you have no frame of reference for it. Maybe you're so passionate about the method you want to employ that you can only interpret discomfort or criticism of it as rejection of the ultimate goal. Maybe it's pride. I don't know, I don't know you.
And you don't know me. I'd appreciate it if you would consider that perhaps I just disagree with your method, and prefer to choose words that have less of a chance of being hurtful. To me, that is courtesy. Please don't condescend to me about how you feel sorry I'm in so much pain or that I'm not getting my needs met (I still don't understand why you think you could or need to meet some need of mine, I assume you're trying to infer something, I have no idea what though), or that people who aren't rushing to reclaim those words are just keying into to the socio-political suppression/domination of women through language.
You still haven't answered my question, in all of this, either. Why not just avoid using that phrase until later in the conversation, so that it's not an automatic throwing down of the gaunlet? You are asking everyone to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you've certainly not extended the same to others in this conversation. Could it be that they've felt just as attacked by your original statement (as well as continual references to their guilt/pain/ect) as you are feeling with their statements?
There are other words and phrases that can be used. If you choose to use a hot-button phrase right off the cuff, then to be honest, you have to have enough thick skin and patience to take the flak that will arise from it. If you're as an asute observer of language and it's power as you represent yourself to believe, then I don't think it's possible that you don't know how predictable that reaction is. Why do you refuse to acknowledge that? Why are you insistant that everyone else automatically assume the opposite of what's most often meant by that, but you're not willing to give people the benefit of the doubt that react to it?
Just because I choose different methods than you doesn't mean we're not working towards the same goal. Just because I behave differently than you in my choice of language doesn't mean I'm ignorant of the problem. The way you've spoken to me and others doesn't seem like you feel that this could be the case. I hope I'm wrong. But I dunno. I have this futile hope that maybe you'll understand a little of why you're getting the reaction you get from ME, anyway. It appears you're an optimist, I'm a cynic, and never the twain shall meet. I believe that to achieve something that's got as much stacked against it as liberating mamas of all stripes from the inane social assertion that if you're not doing it all by yourself on your own two feet you're not worthy to be doing it at all...sorry, mama, it's going to take both our types to do it.