pg sil planning to ff. stay out of it? or how not to offend?

[mom2mich]

My SIL has sisters who ff their children by choice after bfing a few weeks. My SIL is pg for the first time and has decided to ff because she believes it's not worth the trouble/inconvenience to breast feed.

Before I had child she frequently made snide comments to me about public breast feeders and about LLL (being lame and radical).

Since then she sees me nurse my toddler and is not one to make waves in our relationship. She does not act offended or uncomfortable the least bit by my nursing in front of her.

She now makes the point that formula fed babies "turn out just fine." She also made the point that "society looks down on those who choose to formula feed" making them feel unfairly victimized.

She has not asked me any questions about breast feeding. Ever. She is not shy.

I am inclined to remain quiet. Any reason I should not stay quiet? If I say something educational about breast feeding, I would think that would offend/disrespect her as she has already made her decision, no? I don't want to be an offensive lactivist by saying something.

[Caden's Mom]

I would probably dialogue with her. Ask if she is open to thinking about it and perhaps giving her a more mainstream bf friendly book.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I would tell her about the fact that bfing helps prevent breast cancer along with cervical and ovarian. I still cant figure out why the breast cancer commercials and literature never mention this fact??

I think it does woman everywere a great diservice keeping this information from getting out there.

Oh and bfed babies have a lower risk of many kinds of cancer as well.

[cutekid]

I wouldn't keep quiet. I am sorry but I am not one to let someone remain ignorant about breastfeeding if they CHOOSING to formula feed before they even have their first child. Hell I have even enligtend a few women who have several childern and choose to formula feed.

Things like, illness, and what not are not "just fine". Is that really what she wants a child that is "just fine", Because if you ask most parents they want the best for their kids, and choosing formula will do just what your SIL said give you a kid that is "just fine". Does she even know that formula feeding is linked to Lower IQ scores. I only wonder what kind of genius I would have been if I my mother have BF'ed me.

there is a difference between making a that choice before you infant is born and after they are here and finding yourself overwelmed by it all that you quit. it happens.

Denise

[eviesingleton]

Is there a way to tactfully remind her that breastfeeding uses about 500 calories/day?

I'm not opposed to playing into people's vanity, but that can be taken the wrong way.

[momuveight2B]

Feelings can change a lot through pregnancy and when baby is born. So many thngs we say we will never do before kids really do happen. Before I ever nursed a toddler it seemed icky to me, not the act of nursing but the fact that toddlers have snotty noses, sticky hands, and dirty faces. I am kind of a germ phobe. When the time came I never cared.

So be gentle and I am sure you have already set a wonderful example by being so open about nursing your own child. Is it possible to attend some hospital classes with her?

[pookel]

I think you should at least try the "try it before you decide against it" line of argument. It's free, it's healthy, and for at least some women, it's easy - so what does she have to lose? You can quit breastfeeding and switch to formula anytime, but it's nearly impossible to quit formula and start breastfeeding later on after letting your supply dry up.

I'd also recommend giving her a copy of "So THAT'S What They're For!" which is a pretty funny read even if you're not breastfeeding, and is (IMHO) very effective with the "at least try it first" message.

[ElliesMomma]

when i found out i was pregnant unexpectedly with my first child, and my friend mentioned that i will "have to breastfeed for a year," i was overwhelmed at the thought and said "there is no way." another friend put it into perspective for me when she said, "you will be surprised at the things you will *want* to do for your child, once he or she is here." that was the truth. i wound up fighting hard to breastfeed, worked through some tremendous obstacles in the beginning, and am now happily still going strong at 13 months, with no end in sight. so people's views can change.

but with that said, personally *i* would not get into a debate with an inlaw over the merits of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. especially if her own family is telling her to formula feed. i don't think telling people what to do with their own lives is ever successful. people are best able to be helped when they want help, and ask for it. you are showing her an example of breastfeeding; this is more than her own family has done for her-- so that's a "plus for the cause."

i think that it would be more successful for you to talk up the benefits that breastfeeding has brought to *you* and *your child*, and let her draw her own conclusions about whether she wants to enjoy those same benefits for herself and her child. you could also remind her that if she happens to change her mind and want to try breastfeeding after the child is born, you'd be more than happy to help any way you can...

[phreedom]

I'll second (third?) the statement that once you have a baby your feelings do change. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was going to "at least try to BF." Then I had her and I was going "to at least do the recommended 6 months", then at 6 months I "am going to do at least a year". Now that she's 8 months old I'm just now introducing her to food and find myself getting irritated when people egg me on to wean her because she's going to be a year in 4 more months. I'll wean her when we're both ready. I would not have ever guessed I would feel like this about BFing one year ago.

And I'll put it out there and make myself sound like a selfish jerk...but what appealed to me most when I was pregnant about BFing were the benefits to me. I already KNEW it was good for baby and the benefits to the baby, but I was really suprised to learn all the benefits for mom too.

It seems like all you ever hear is how good it is for the baby despite being kind of inconvenient for mom. But if you're a good mom you will make the "sacrifice" for your child. I always try to play up the benefits for mom. (increased calorie burning, lowers cancer risks, convenient, and so on...) I also stress that the hardest part of BFing is often temporary and also happens with FF babies as well (you'll be getting up during the night with a FF baby too, and they can get gas and upset tummies as well...)

[Emmeline II]

*

[pixiepunk]

if she is a reader, i would buy her or offer to loan her some parenting books - not breastfeeding books per se, but ones that include information on the benefits. like Dr. Sears Baby Book. then personally, i would leave it at that. let her know that you're there for her if she has any parenting-type questions. at least then the information will be available to her, and she'll know that you're available too.

[jandc_hammond]

Maybe you could pass this along to her http://systems.cs.colorado.edu/~koli...0one%20day.htm. It conveys a lot of info without being pushy. You could approach her by saying something along the lines of "I wasn't sure if/how long I would breastfeed at first, but found this info helpful in making a decision."

[mom2mich]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. It gives me a lot to think about. I won't be seeing SIL for a month and she is not due until the fall so I have time to figure it out.

[SPOpa]

Good luck!