Do non-frugal behaviors of others sometimes make you cringe? - Page 2

[krisnic]

OP - I am curious, what kind of shoes is your mom getting that she needs new ones every month? Last year I finally threw out some old sneakers from eighth grade (so, uh, 14-15 years ago), and I wore the same pair of sporting-goods-store sneakers for 2 years since I didn't want to stretch out my new pair (when I was pregnant). Maybe I'm just in my own warped little world..

Well the doctor told her that she needed to replace her shoes that often because she was having trouble with her knees and apparently it was because of her shoes wearing down too fast due to her running all the time. Which I can understand, but the ones she felt she needed she spent $120 on! I got the same brand name (Brooks) for $50.00. She is very gullible, and the place she goes apparently custom creates them or something, but I don't buy it. That and the fact that her knees still bug her and she has now been told not to run at all and to start physical therapy...

[milosmomma]

I don't think I necessarily cringe....I just don't get it. It's not a judgement thing at all, it's just that I can't imagine walking into a store and dropping a couple hundred dollars on an outfit (at full price!). My mom was very frugal and, although we teased her constantly, it's absolutely rubbed off on me. I got a knot in my stomach today when I had to pay full price for milk today (I can usually plan around it being on sale). There are certain things that I wish I COULD just let go and buy at ful price....like the perfect pair of every day shoes or the perfect black shirt. I'm constantly looking, and I know that I'll get my money's worth because I'll use them a lot and forever, but I have so much trouble handing over the money if it's not on a great sale!

I will say that I DO cringe watching the spending habits of dh's family...particularly his brother's family. They live in a dilapidate mobile home, she doesn't work, he's out waiting on a workman's comp settlement, they're thousands of dollars in debt, bank account overdrawn, and when they received their tax refund, they went out and bought a TV, a PS3 & a trip to Disney World : And really, I wouldn't even care...it's their money....but BIL called DH this morning and asked if they could borrow some money. : We have worked HARD for our money and we have worked HARD to save our money! GRRRRRRRR

[Tradd]

Hmmm...to each their own. I'm trying to get past judging so much, but what DOES irk me is when folks are irresponsible with their money to the point that they're having to hit up relatives for money to feed their kids! Guilt tripping relatives that "I need money for food for the kids" is a sure way to get some cash.

Saw it with my own brother. His first wife was SAHM mom. Didn't try BF *or* CD - too much work.: But then my parents would get calls when my brother was at work that they were out of formula or diapers and he had left her with no money and anyway, there wasn't money for this stuff (so she said). This happened at least twice monthly. At least my parents bought formula or diapers and didn't just give them the cash.

[Oonah]

cringe...no but I couldn't help but chuckle when we sold our home recently....single folks would visit our open houses and tell us, a family of 4, that our house was too small for them.

[kennedy444]

Originally Posted by krisnic

....and new custom made running shoes every 4 weeks.

Hey, does she wear a 7 1/2? Does she want to hand them down to me?
I buy a new pair of walking/running shoes about once every 12-18 months and by then really need them.


I have gotten away from buying any disposable (paper) plates or plastic cups. Even with the tons of company (hey, summer on Cape Cod!) I get in the summer, we use regular, glass, kitchen plates and cloth napkins.

[kijip]

I worry about anyone close to me that I see spiraling out of control with debt or becomes entangled in a huge financial mistake...but it is not me cringing, it is actual concern for them. However, I don't cringe about other people's choices if I can help it. It is not my place to determine what is important to them or not. Being frugal and saving is important to me and that is what I focus on.

Waste and destruction of the environment does irk me. So yeah, single occupancy commuters in gas guzzlers peeve me, as does excessive packaging and the like. But how much someone spends on a haircut or pants is none of my business.

[***Heather***]

What bothers me is when people do this and then complain that they have no money.

We would go visit some people... (ok, family members) who would complain about how they have no money. Constantly. Yet they were always buying stupid non essential things. If they were bored, they'd go shopping a spend a couple hundred each time. DH and I are sitting there wondering how we're going to pay for basic necessities, but hey if *you* feel poor, let's have a pity party.

[MerelyGod]

The only thing that really gets me is cigarettes. My mother and my sister both smoke and so do their husbands. I can't even imagine how much money they spend on cigarettes in a year, or how my sister and her husband can afford it on their income.

On the other hand, I think the organic food we (and SIL) buy makes my MIL cringe. We are always laughing about it though, because she eats out almost every meal. So who do you think is spending more on food?

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by ***Heather***

What bothers me is when people do this and then complain that they have no money.

My sister used to do this. Back before I met DH, we both had "good" jobs, and she made almost twice what I did. Yet she would constantly be complaining about how broke she was. At the time I wasn't the slightest bit "frugal", but I also didn't go getting myself into debt.

Now she makes more than my DH does (almost what the two of us combined used to make), and rents a one-bedroom apartment. We're living on one income, and have a mortgage. Yet she complains that she's broke... yeah, if you'd stop spending your entire paycheck on clothes and shoes, you might not be!

[Eben'sMama]

Originally Posted by MerelyGod

The only thing that really gets me is cigarettes.

:

In a similar vein, I know a family that thinks of us as materialistic because we buy new instead of used clothing and we like to buy quality items, yet the husband in that family spends (what I would think is) a considerable amount of money on pot! : Now *that's* money well-spent!? :

[talk de jour]

It really doesn't bother me, no. To each his or her own, IMO.

And as far as cigarettes... I smoke. Probably about $40-50 worth of cigarettes per month. The way I see it... that's a few new shirts, a dinner out, a concert ticket. I choose to prioritize smoking over those few shirts or whatever.

I mean, if it's getting you in the hole, it's bad... but I've never known anyone who went in debt from smoking. YMMV

[Ruthiegirl]

Originally Posted by Oonah

cringe...no but I couldn't help but chuckle when we sold our home recently....single folks would visit our open houses and tell us, a family of 4, that our house was too small for them.

This happened to us over and over again. We tried to sell our house (didn't happen) to downsize to something smaller. Retired couples and single people would come in and check out our 1800 sq foot house plus a full basement and attic and claim it was much too small.

[Ruthiegirl]

To answer the OP. I don't really cringe, I just don't get it.

My neighbor is constantly telling me how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with the kids. But I look at her matching set of new SUVs and new media room addition with plasma screen TV and speed boat and remodelled kitchen and new landscaping and I just shrug. She doesn't get it and I don't have the time or patience to really give her much of an answer. I just nod and say yes, I am very lucky.

[BetsyS]

Like a pp, it only bothers me if they are spending crazily, then asking for money to feed their kids.

Luckily, my family and my inlaws are very, very frugal. All of us. In fact, when we get together with dh's family, it's like a pissing contest to see who can be the most frugal. We're having a big get-together in the mountains next month to celebrate my inlaws 50th anniversary (see....vacation weekend over $$$ party), and everyone is responsible for 2 meals per family. There will be no take out, no paper plates, no disposable cups, no individual containers of anything. We'll all cook our meals, pretty much from scratch, and the pre-prepared food we bring will be in some sort of odd recycled container (my MIL and I are fans of the mason jar; one SIL loves her country crock containers )

[eldadeedlit]

Originally Posted by Jennisee

I try not to judge individual families on this issue, because everyone is on a journey and I'm not perfect. However, I have a big beef with the corporations and marketing schemes that work to convince people they need all that stuff.

:

[eldadeedlit]

Originally Posted by lmonter

OP - I am curious, what kind of shoes is your mom getting that she needs new ones every month? Last year I finally threw out some old sneakers from eighth grade (so, uh, 14-15 years ago), and I wore the same pair of sporting-goods-store sneakers for 2 years since I didn't want to stretch out my new pair (when I was pregnant). Maybe I'm just in my own warped little world...

I thought you were supposed to replace shoes every year or so? They won't support your feet right if you don't?

[Boobs]

Okay, I'll be the first to admit it. I'm totally judgemental about this stuff!! haha I can't help it!
We have a friend of the family who is a single retired woman who lives in a huge house and drives a brand spankin' new Yukon. She's all of 5 foot tall and doesn't have family nearby that she's driving around. She hauls that thing to Florida every year behind her $150K RV!!
YES! I JUDGE HER! A lot. That kind of waste just makes me feel sick.

It's our MEMEMEME culture that really gets to me. If you have so much money, why not give more?
I believe very much in Gaining all you can, Saving all you can, and Giving all you can. (john wesley)

[Scribe]

Yeah...a lot of this stuff is really subjective. I mean, serious runners DO replace their shoes really often (I don't know about every four weeks, but every 2-3 months). It is for the health of their bodies and makes sense to me. For some people, organic food is a crazy waste, for others, it's the only way to eat responsibly. I don't see much good coming from building up a case against someone else's spending priorities.

[daekini]

Originally Posted by krisnic

...She spends $500 a month in groceries

....I spend $75 a month on groceries...

Someone please tell me how on earth one can spend only $75/month on groceries!!!!!!!!!

If I spent just $500 I'd be delighted!


And here I go : but...

If someone has the money, meaning they are saving significant amounts in addition to paying their bills without going into debt, does it matter if they buy top-of-the-line stuff? I believe in quality over quantity. If (for example) I can spend $500 on a quality wooden toy kitchen that will last a century, being passed on amongst my numerous relatives, why would I spend $50 on a plastic one that falls apart in a year? Or somesuch like that. In the end, you're saving money. So I guess ultimately that falls into the category of frugality, right?

I think a distinction could be made between being wasteful and going into debt vs. spending money you have on quality. If your Mom can afford new shoes every 4 weeks and still save, pay bills and avoid debt, I don't have a problem with that, or her expensive mascara. Your sisters' situation sounds like a whole other story, though! I don't believe people should be judged for spending money they have to spend any way they want - except that I have a real problem with wastefulness! I personally wouldn't buy new shoes every 4 weeks. If I did, I'd be sure to find someone who needed shoes, and they'd get my old pair every 4 weeks.

[daekini]

Originally Posted by Boobs

If you have so much money, why not give more?
I believe very much in Gaining all you can, Saving all you can, and Giving all you can. (john wesley)

I like that sentiment.