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Do non-frugal behaviors of others sometimes make you cringe? - Page 3

post #41 of 125
Thread Starter 
How do I spend only $75? There's only two of us. I only buy what I need for meals, I use coupons and I don't buy prepackaged stuff. And we do eat partially organic.
post #42 of 125
Originally Posted by Eben'sMama View Post

In a similar vein, I know a family that thinks of us as materialistic because we buy new instead of used clothing and we like to buy quality items, yet the husband in that family spends (what I would think is) a considerable amount of money on pot! : Now *that's* money well-spent!? :

Um, I spend money on "pot" for my ADD...definitely better spent than the hundreds I would spend on some of the "medicines" out there!

My SIL "J" is abnoxious about her things, though. She doesn't let her dd's touch the plastic toys at gma's house, brings her own food...she oozes judgement when she can. The non-frugal part is that MIL is stressed for her son who has been asking for financial help...:
post #43 of 125
Poeple spending a lot of money on something they deem important doesn't bother me really as long as they can afford it. Quality things do tend to last longer and be wiser purchases in the long run.

I do have a big problem with people spending a lot of money on something they deem important when they do it instead of paying bills, buying food for their kids, etc though. There is no justification that I can think of for buying computers and cars and things like that when you have shutoff notices piling up and don't have money for diapers.

I think part of the problem is the whole 'keeping up with the Joneses' trap that so many fall into. They don't seem to realize that the Joneses are up to their eyeballs in debt and do not own anything outright really b/c it was all bought on credit and payment plans, etc. It took us a while to realize that the people around us weren't making more money than us, they were just going into debt.
post #44 of 125
Originally Posted by nadia105 View Post
I think part of the problem is the whole 'keeping up with the Joneses' trap that so many fall into. They don't seem to realize that the Joneses are up to their eyeballs in debt and do not own anything outright really b/c it was all bought on credit and payment plans, etc. It took us a while to realize that the people around us weren't making more money than us, they were just going into debt.
I had a similar revelation with my neighbors. I kept wondering how they could all afford what they do. And for most of them, the wife stays home or only works part-time. We are a 2-income family. First I thought it was because we only got a 20 year mortgage because we're "old." But then I realized that those kitchen remodels were financed with their equity. OH! That never ocurred to us to do. I'm living with the 1970s kitchen and 15 year old appliances.
post #45 of 125
Originally Posted by avengingophelia View Post
Yeah...a lot of this stuff is really subjective. <snip>I don't see much good coming from building up a case against someone else's spending priorities.
word. I'm sure some would cringe here if they knew how much I spent on my dogs (between $$$ doggie daycare, natural/raw food I special order--and they're big boys so it's not cheap, tons of tough toys). When it comes to what's best for them, I'm not frugal at all and I don't ever plan to be. Monetarily, but not in discipline, I spoil them a lot. I've even had a bitter co-worker comment that my dogs eat better than he does. Oh well.

The only time I think I even think about what somebody spends is when it affects me/the environment--like neighbors I have with deep 3-digit water bills. We're experiencing a water shortage. Our lawn? Looks like serious crap because I just can't justify a perfect lawn at the expense of more important things that impact my community. I'm sure they think we're nuts for not having more pride in our lawn. We simply spend our money on other things.

Originally Posted by Boobs

It's our MEMEMEME culture that really gets to me. If you have so much money, why not give more?
Some of us do have a lot of money and we also give a lot, too. It's possible to do both. I spend a lot (current vices are wine, expensive bras, and drapes), but not before I save a lot and give a lot.
post #46 of 125
Originally Posted by eldadeedlit View Post
I thought you were supposed to replace shoes every year or so? They won't support your feet right if you don't?
I usually do go through a pair of sneakers/tennis shoes a year.
I just had those old ones for so long for working out (which was sporadic at best for a while) and wore different shoes around town and to work. If I remember right I only used them for gym class (no street shoes, so no saving money there for my parents), so it's not like it was just a sole and three sad pieces of leather with laces.
post #47 of 125
I cringe when over-consumption gets pushed onto me --

mil: you need a playpen! V needs these cute onesies! V needs these pajamas!

fil: *walks out of grocery store with 6 individual liters of water*

But, by the same token, I am happy to accept the hand-me-downs for things we do actually need.
post #48 of 125
Originally Posted by krisnic View Post
How do I spend only $75? There's only two of us. I only buy what I need for meals, I use coupons and I don't buy prepackaged stuff. And we do eat partially organic.
I'm still dumbstruck.
post #49 of 125
Not non-frugal...but when I see others being wasteful. That's hard to bear. I don't begrudge the $30 mascara, but I struggle with the waste associated with so many other things...
post #50 of 125
One thing I really don't get: My sister complains a lot about not having enough money, yet she smokes a pack a day and goes out "with the girls" to the bar and spends $50 on alcohol once a week. She also buys her kids name brand clothes, practically an entire wardrobe, every 6 weeks! I can see these big money suckers she could totally do without but when I try to point it out she rolls her eyes at me.
post #51 of 125
Well, do you like it when someone points out the ways in which you could live your life "better"? I mean, that's not comfortable for anyone, no matter what it's about.
post #52 of 125
Originally Posted by Ellp View Post
When I see my sister (single, no kids, working) spend $100+ on highlights in her hair.
When I see her spend $90 on getting her finger and toe nails done.
When I see her spend $150 on just *HERSELF*for a fancy dinner with her boyfriend.
When my parents and sister think nothing of dropping $100 on an outfit.
When my Dh buys fancy sparkling imported water ($1.25 for 2 cups worth), instead of bulk tonic water ($1.25/2L), and $5 a box cereal that lasts all of a week.

I cringe...
I think nothing of dropping $100 or more on an outfit - I'd rather pay extra for quality and fit than buy 5 Walmart outfits for the same amount of money.

I don't cringe at what other people choose to spend their spare cash on - it only bothers me when they spend the money that should be going on necessities.
post #53 of 125
Just some people, and just some unfrugal things. They've all already been mentioned.

My sister says she can't afford to buy a house, and while I agree it wouldn't be a piece of cake, she could do it with a little planning and a little sacrificing (not even a lot, just a little). She's had the same good paying) job for 13 years and hasn't managed to save a dime. She complains that she never has any money but she is "guilty" of the $150 salon appts, new clothes ALL the time, expensive beauty products, etc. Usually I just shrug it off. It does get to me when she asks to borrow money (only happened one or two times) AND the money is for something non-essential (vacation travel).

Now, my other "complaint" is a friend. Same situation as us, two kids, same salary (ish), live in teh same area. And the thing they spend their money on is entertainment. And, they like to have things (piano, video camera, lots of toys). She doesn't really complain that she's broke, and they always have enough to feed their children. Always. They just have different priorities. I want to retire someday and they want to have a dinner party tomorrow.

The fault is mine. I need to realize that my priorities aren't theirs and I can't impose mine on them. If it was really important to my sister, she'd save her money and buy a house....my friend and her family probably think we're spendthrifts in many areas. I talk openly with most anyone about money, and especially these two. I hope that the things I do right will rub off on them one day.

The wastefulness and the "stuff" does bother me, but we're not always the most earth-friendly family on the block either.... we're on our way, though!

post #54 of 125
It bothers me when I know the person is spending money that would be better spent on paying off their many bills. I know one such person. One of my dear friends at work has four cars (her two children are adults with jobs of their own), two of which were bought on the spur of the moment. Until recently she and her DH were paying $500/month for car payments. They go on trips that they can't afford. They gamble with money that they don't have. They live check to check. Literally. They have very little in savings. Their retirement plan is to rely on their son to take care of them. They pay late fees because they don't have the money in their checking account for the water bill, car registration, electricity/sewer bills, cell phone, landline phone, cable, etc. Their mortgage is over $2000 a month and the only way they can afford the mortgage is because their son gives some money every month to help them. Yes, they could refinance but this is the rate they got after refinancing! The most cringe worthy moment came when her husband who works at a warehouse left his job of 16 years (he was asked to leave for anger management problems) and drained his retirement account at work to pay for a 3-week trip abroad! They ended up paying for it at tax time. I don't say much to her. Mostly, I just listen to her talk about how they don't have any money. I don't think anything I say will make a difference though I have offered to help her set up an IRA (they have no retirement savings outside the 401K she has at work). I've offered to give her some of my books about managing finances. She seems interested but it could be that she's just being polite. It's hard for me to bite my tongue when she talks about not having enough money. I would love for her to realize that it's not always how much you make that matters. It is how much you save of what you make that's important.
post #55 of 125
I feel the need to clarify something. I posted about my coworker who is obsessed with buying jewelry and gemstones. I don't judge her for her financial decisions. She works hard for her money and who am to say how she spends it? I just get annoyed because I can't understand why someone would want to spend so much money on this kind of thing instead of paying off debt or saving for retirement. I fully recognize that this is my issue; I have different priorities. Of course I think debt free, anti-consumeristic (is that a word?) living makes more sense but that's just me. I try not to judge, I just get really tired of hearing about the latest aquisitions for the home jewelry shopping network. I agree with a PP who said that I not to concern myself with non-frugal living as long is it isn't to the detriment of the family's wellbeing. Blatent consumerism and waste are harder to turn a blind eye to but I think most families are doing the best they can with the knowledge and resouces that they have.
post #56 of 125
Ohhh, yes. It kills me when people can't fathom how we can have a house and pay bills and stuff, and I always want to point out that we don't go out to dinner EVER, while others go out to lunch every day and to dinner 3-4 times a week. We literally buy nothing on a whim. We are currently buying food and gas and plugging away at our bills.

My mother has always been very frugal and I am so grateful. I used to think nothing of spending $100 on shoes and getting a new pair every week, going out shopping constantly... now I am mortified. I have nothing to show for all I spent...
post #57 of 125
you know before kids I would not buy bananas if they were over 33 cents a pound, now you know I will pay 50-75 cents a pound for them, probaby would get them if they were a dollar a Lb, why because the kids love them, that's not being frugal at all, there are many times I'm at the banana rack and I see the little ole lady or gent stopping by picking through them, maybe getting 1 or 2 sometimes hesitating and put them back becasue yes they are too expensive if you really think about it, I feel bad that here I have 12-15 bananas in my buggy and debating wheter I should get a few more... sometimes things are worth it, the bananas are worth it to me, I will save a little someplace else to pay for them if I need to. Do I personally eat them? no not unless I pd 33cents for them

I have no idea if this even relates to this thread but that's what I thought of when I read the original post.
post #58 of 125
Flame me - but I think it's judgemental and a waste of energy to worry about how other people spend their money unless you're very close friends or family, and are concerned about their wellbeing. Otherwise it's just another way to bring yourself up by putting others down. I personally think a better focus for this frustration would be to find areas in my own life that need some attention.

If someone I knew were complaining about their lack of money while blowing cash/credit on frivolous purchases, I'd definitely be annoyed, no doubt about it. But I'd be more like than - it just isn't healthy for me.
post #59 of 125
Honestly, if you can afford it without going into debt, why not?

The man and I work hard and have very well paying jobs in an area of low cost of living. I have two nursing jobs (we make a lot around here), not because I have to but because I promised my previous employer that I would stick around "on call" until she could find a replacement. "On call" turns out to be "as much as humanly possible" so my income in pretty nice right now.

We pay off his big school loans and my little school loan every month. I'm paying down "The Beast" (my dream truck) and his car for two reasons: gas prices going up and when we have kids I'll have nowhere to put them. So I get a Jetta GLI or Passat wagon (haven't made up my mind) and he gets a Tacoma. Money goes into IRA's and 401K's from both of our jobs, pretax, so we won't be broke when were octogenarians.

He bought a $6,000 custom fitted, titanium road bike (feet powered not motorcycle) at the beginning of the year, with cash, to replace his 10 year old bike.

We have a four bedroom three bathroom house we bought while the market was dead and managed to get $100,000 off the original asking price.
When the market starts up again we'll sell and get a house in the country and add solar panels, an old school "T" style clothes line to replace our retractable clothesline and make our garden even larger. Did I mention that my Momma is living near us so she can watch our kids while we go to work? It's her dream in life to be a stay at home grandma, my grandma watched me and I love my job. So it works.

The man wears t-shirts until they have holes or I wrestle them away from him. I still have shoes and clothes since high school. We charge everything on one credit card and pay it off every month. That way we still collect "points" or "miles" without paying extra. The points we accumulated so far will pay for our entire trip to St. Thomas later this year.

It's all about knowing how much you have, saving for the future and making smart choices. Then you can also spend as you please without feeling guilty.
post #60 of 125
I don't care what people spend their money on, as long as they're not asking me for $$. My MIL is a classic case of what drives me nuts. She lives in a singlewide trailer and has entire rooms (all except the couch and part of the bathroom) so full that she can't even enter them. It's all stuff from walmart. Some of it's never been opened or used. And she has a dog that she doesn't take outside very often, so it's all filthy.

Drives me nuts that she spends her money on crap from walmart that she'll never use, but who cares?

The part that bothers me is that she then asks us for money. Um. . . no. We're supporting us and our two kids and trying to save for the future. Just because you don't save anything doesn't make it our responsibility to bail you out. She has told my husband that I'm evil and a bad influence on him because we won't give her money. Oh, well. If she were working and trying to better her situation, you'd better believe I'd help her. But not while she spends all her $$ on junk and then comes begging to us.
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