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Do non-frugal behaviors of others sometimes make you cringe? - Page 5

post #81 of 125
Thread Starter 
I apologize for the grocery comment then, I didn't know that it was admiration. I apologize for reading that wrong.

And no, I definitely do not expect the whole world to agree with me, I definitely don't agree with everyone I come in contact with. I just honestly viewed your comment in the wrong way, and when you started talking about school and my parents, it bothered me for the reasons stated and also because I have spent so much time in therapy because of my parents (not just because of school) and worked so hard to get to where I am in school. It just triggered my defense mechanism. But you had no way of knowing that, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I'm sorry for doing that to you.
post #82 of 125

I have a habit of bringing up questions that aren't necessarily directed at the person who wrote the comment - per se. I just think that it's something to consider, kwim? I'm sorry it was directed at you, but you were the OP, so that's sort of what happens... sometimes it helps to see things from a different perspective.

I think maybe your frustration with their spending actually has roots in another issue - and I think that whenever we're critical of the way someone else spends their time, money, love... any of their resources... we really need to look at why it bothers us so much.
post #83 of 125
My goodness. She really needs some babies!

Take care.
post #84 of 125
I sort of skimmed some of the responses. Honestly, I don't seem to get upset over how others spend their money because it is their money.

I do have family members who do not make wise purchases, they are wrapped in our "throw away" culture of things and obsessed with keeping up with the Jones'. But, what can you do...maybe just lead by example.

I do *wish* that here in the US we didn't have so much of a throw away culture. We buy things for dollars, that people spend a whole day working on in other countries. There are so many things that people *don't need* here to live. It is really saddening. We can control what we do...and make the decisions that we thing are right. I don't think people in this country will change until they have to though.

It won't be until the value of a dollar crumbles, that our national debt catches up to us as a nation and people here are forced to live conservatively by necessity.

I think often, how our 1800 square foot (no basement) home would be a mansion for most people in most countries.

(anyhow, let me jump off my soap box...I think it would be nice if people were more balanced...but I too think that we each were put here for a reason, and that we need to fulfill the tasks that we were meant to)...
post #85 of 125
As everyone has said, I only get irritated when they complain about being broke or ask for $.

A certain inlaw has recently asked us for money to pay her cell phone bill after teasing us for disabling internet and texting on our phones. She also asked for money to take her puppy to the vet when he got sick. We "confiscated" the dog, spent $300+ at the vet, and are holding him hostage until she prioritizes his health. She brags about her high salary btw.

A coworker makes comments that she can't pay her electric bill or buy food until payday, but without fail on payday she goes on about the concert she's going to, baseball game she has tickets for. I don't comment, but still.

Of course, we once spent over $1K on our dog at the emergency vet. She was passed out in the yard one day when we came home from work. I still have pain in my heart to think about that moment. Some might think that was a waste of money. We also blew over $500 on a special pet hair vacuum when we could have donated to charity. But, we have the money and I LOVE that vacuum.

OK- judgmental mode off!
post #86 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by aggie11381 View Post
We also blew over $500 on a special pet hair vacuum when we could have donated to charity. But, we have the money and I LOVE that vacuum.
It wouldn't be the Dyson Animal would it? : That's a frugal investment as it can be expected to last years and years - I've spent $120 on 2 vacuums in the last 2 years and they're both in pieces in the garage right now.

Off to buy my new vacuum!!! (I'm getting the Absolute.)
post #87 of 125
You know, it's not the shopping or the spending on things I don't think are important that bother me, because I know that when we've had money I've spent it in ways that other people would consider to be 'silly'. (Hell, I took a $200 spa day for a graduation present... not frugal but so, so, so worth it!) What bothers me is STUPID spending.

For instance, my mother-in-law signed up for a grocery/meal delivery program. I don't understand why anyone would sign up to have microwavable pre-prepared menus delivered to their door every week, but she hates to cook so I can sort of see the idea behind it. But then she paid them over $100/month to rent a seperate freezer/refrigerator for the delivered food rather than using the one they already had or, if necessary, buying one outright at the store (or even, perish the thought, USED!), and then signed a commitment for a second year of the program knowing they were moving outstate in 3 months and that she was under contract for the entire year, without looking into whether the services existed in their new state, or was transferable or could be canceled with an additional fee. I'm not judgemental over the decision to get a meal delivery service (although I totally and completely don't get it...). But I kind of am over the stupid decisions she made afterward - she lost $8000 over two years because she couldn't be arsed to plan ahead or think about what she was doing. My inlaws don't make a lot of money and my father-in-law works hard. They are not in a financial position to be hemmoraging money like this, and I'm worried they're expecting us to support them in their retirement because MIL is constantly making financial decisions like this.
post #88 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by daekini View Post
Flame me - but I think it's judgemental and a waste of energy to worry about how other people spend their money unless you're very close friends or family, and are concerned about their wellbeing. Otherwise it's just another way to bring yourself up by putting others down. I personally think a better focus for this frustration would be to find areas in my own life that need some attention.
I have to agree with this.
post #89 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennisee View Post
When I told my MIL that I wanted to make my own butter, she said, "I don't trust butter that doesn't come out of a machine." That is some hard-core marketing brainwashing there.
i hear stuff like this all the time.... HUH?!?!? :
post #90 of 125
The way people treat their pets as though they were human children, while there is wholesale human suffering in the world, disturbs me more profoundly than I can express.
post #91 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by talk de jour View Post
And as far as cigarettes... I smoke. Probably about $40-50 worth of cigarettes per month. The way I see it... that's a few new shirts, a dinner out, a concert ticket. I choose to prioritize smoking over those few shirts or whatever.

I mean, if it's getting you in the hole, it's bad... but I've never known anyone who went in debt from smoking. YMMV
This is going to be way off topic by the end of this thread, but...

My mother (who lives with us now due to her finances) lost her home, her husband, and her health because of cigarettes. She chose to buy cigarettes over paying her mortgage. She chose to smoke over my father's health. She chose to smoke over her own health. She now has emphysema and still smokes. Cigarettes, cocaine, alcohol, heroin, crack, meth... they are all addictions and they ruin lives. I think it's a very non-frugal behavior but beyond that, it is a behavior that cries out for help. JMHO.

Just wanted to mention that there *are* people who will go homeless for their addictions... even if the addiction is "just" cigarettes.
post #92 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
My mother (who lives with us now due to her finances) lost her home, her husband, and her health because of cigarettes. She chose to buy cigarettes over paying her mortgage. She chose to smoke over my father's health. She chose to smoke over her own health. She now has emphysema and still smokes. Cigarettes, cocaine, alcohol, heroin, crack, meth... they are all addictions and they ruin lives. I think it's a very non-frugal behavior but beyond that, it is a behavior that cries out for help. JMHO.
Perfectly stated. The $40 - $50 per month is just the beginning. The only thing I would add is that if a smoker ever hopes for life insurance, the rate will be sky-high, making the smoking-related expenses go up as well... not that it's going to be easy to get life insurance as a smoker... Often the premiums for medical insurance increase if one smokes.

I'm sorry to offend, as I know it will - but believing that the money spent on cigarettes is the only financial expense one can expect is simply ignorant, or denial. The peripheral expenses associated with being ill, like transporation to doctors, dietary food, et cetera, is not insignificant - even if one did not have to pay for the medical care associated with smoking.

I'd rather blow my money on t-shirts and movies.
post #93 of 125
When I think about it, other people's spending habits are quite relative and its hard to get worked up about how other people spend their money. I rarely spend less than $150 for a pair of shoes, but DH and I live in an urban center and haven't had a car in over 15 years. We walk everywhere...so our shoes are our transportation. I have no qualms about buying a $300 - $500 suit, because it is my daily "uniform" and I know its going to last me for a few years. Have we had food delivered? Yes, because the groceries cost the same (organic), delivery is free and I tip the delivery guy $5...probably much less than people spend on gasoline per week. Why do we buy food online and have it delivered? Because time is money. DH and I both work and the time that we can spend with DD is far more valuable (to us) than scrambling around for groceries in the city.

All this probably seems pretty unfrugal to a great majority of people. In the end, however, our spending habits are tailored specifically to our needs. Like many previous posters said, "waste" is probably a far greater issue in our society than lack of frugality. I'll pay more, any day, to support small farmers, artisans and local businesses than bend over for corporations in order to save a few bucks. That's my beef...the corporations - they want you to believe that you are saving and being frugal...but let's face it, they don't give a hoot about you. :

Sorry, got off on a rant. Have a wonderful Memorial Day!
post #94 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaghansMama View Post
i hear stuff like this all the time.... HUH?!?!? :
Kind of like my SIL who snubbed her nose at our organic milk. Its not as clean I guess.
post #95 of 125
I don't cringe. I figure if it's so important that a person will fork out money they may not really have for it, then that's their thing. No biggie. We all have our guilty pleasures: (yarn, the internet...)
post #96 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by meowee View Post
The way people treat their pets as though they were human children, while there is wholesale human suffering in the world, disturbs me more profoundly than I can express.
This statement disturbs me more profoundly than I can express. Because there is human suffering, other suffering doesn't matter? Because there is human suffering, I don't have the responsibility to take good care of the animals I have adopted? That's ridiculous.
post #97 of 125
As Amy D. writes in The Complete Tightwad Gazette, if someone wants to live in a shack and have a fleet of snowmobiles, it's their business AS LONG AS the children are fed/clothed, and there is adequate insurance and savings.

The big difference is if someone is close to you (family) AND asks you for cash. In my brother's family's case, we suspect the problem was fancy cable TV, lots of movies, etc. As I've said for years, it's one thing if someone asks you for help with a car breakdown or emergency dental work, something like that, but if they're constantly asking for help with rent, food, utilities, and are wasting their money on non-essentials, then you have the right to be cranky about it.
post #98 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by avengingophelia View Post
This statement disturbs me more profoundly than I can express. Because there is human suffering, other suffering doesn't matter? Because there is human suffering, I don't have the responsibility to take good care of the animals I have adopted? That's ridiculous.
"Good" care and "exhorbitant" care are two totally different things.

Good care: annual check-ups, any needed/required shots, heartworm meds, good food, visit to a regular groomer 4-6 times a year.

Exhorbitant: in addition to regularly veterinary care and good food, 2+ groomer visits a month that run into the $100s, expensive new toys constantly, doggie birthday parties, expensive doggie "clothes," etc.

I, too, have known over-the-top animal people who never will donate a cent to charities to benefit humans: holiday gifts/food baskets for poor families, canned good drives, single mothers, AIDS research, school supply drives for needy children, etc. These folks brag, quite proudly, of how animals are far more important than humans, and about their donations of hundreds to thousands of dollars a year to animal charities, but they wouldn't be caught dead donating to something to feed a huungry child. I have had it straight from the horse's mouth repeatedly. These are people I worked with for five years (left that job last fall), so I heard this frequently.

Edited to add: the only reason I got pi$$ed about it, was that the coworkers were so danged loud and vocal about not donating to human charities in the office. That, and the constant solicitations to donate to animal charities. The only time I donated was for a memorial donation in remembrance of the boss' dad (dog guy) when he died. I regularly used the line of "I'll keep this charity in mind when I look at my contributions at the end of the year."
post #99 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by avengingophelia View Post
This statement disturbs me more profoundly than I can express. Because there is human suffering, other suffering doesn't matter? Because there is human suffering, I don't have the responsibility to take good care of the animals I have adopted? That's ridiculous.
The way I see it, animals need less to have a comfortable, happy life than people do. When people treat their pets like people, it's for the people's sake, not for the pets' sake. That's what I find objectionable. I have no problem with taking good care of your pets. We feed our animals good food, take them to the vet, make sure they are well-trained and have plenty of access to exercise. But when people start doing things like my aforementioned $100 doggie haircut and designer clothes for doggies, it becomes about the people and not the pets. Dogs don't care what their hair looks like.

dm
post #100 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsCradle View Post
Like many previous posters said, "waste" is probably a far greater issue in our society than lack of frugality. I'll pay more, any day, to support small farmers, artisans and local businesses than bend over for corporations in order to save a few bucks. That's my beef...the corporations - they want you to believe that you are saving and being frugal...but let's face it, they don't give a hoot about you. :
: I agree completely with you. I care more about the environment and the health of my fellow human beings than I care about how much money was spent on a suit or shoes.

I care about the mindless consumption of cheap, toxic crap much more than whether someone spent $300 on a pair of shoes. I actually spend more on a regular basis to support manufacturers and farmers that offer workers a living wage and healthy work environment.
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