We finally disagree on a parenting issue...sigh. - Page 2

[Jillson66]

I think that if you take him out for ice cream or a dinner, you're giving him an "external reward," so you and your DH seem to be arguing about the size/type of reward rather than whether to give one at all.

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving him the Heely's. In the real world, when you do what you are supposed to, nice things often happen to you. Sure, focus on the good feelings it gives your son to be nice, but there's nothing wrong with rewarding it yourself, as well. He obviously wasn't being nice just to get the Heely's -- he's apparently already gotten the message that he should do it just because. In other words, I don't think we should teach our kids to be nice only because of what it will bring them, but once they realize the intrinsic value of it I don't see why it can't be rewarded or celebrated occasionally.

[mamalisa]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone brought up good points from both sides. I agree with everyone, how's that for fence sitting? Thankfully my dh is a "see both sides" kind of guy and is willing to discuss it more.

[karina5]

Originally Posted by mamalisa

. His reward IS THE AWARD!! His gift from us should be coming to the ceremony and beaming with pride. Telling him we're proud of the person that he is, encourgaging him to be proud of himself and to continue on the path of being kind, supportive and helpful. Maybe stopping for ice cream, not some huge overpriced piece of sports equipment.

I chuckled when I read this b/c that is *EXACTLY* what my father said about good grades, and why we did not get $ for good grades. "The reward *IS* the good grade" he would say.

Of course when I was a kid I hated it, and was jealous to see my buddies get $$ for their grades, but now I agree with him.

So....I agree (mostly) with you. (Also, side note, we also had five gazillion toys and things growing up and my DH - like yours - had very little. I wonder how this will work for us as our DS grows).

I'm wondering if you could just get DS the Heelys (which I love if used nicely and properly) as a gift for something else, rather than a "reward" for this. Does he have a birthday coming up? Or, does he need new shoes?

That way, he can have the Heelys, but they are not associated w/ the reward of his doing a great job.

[PikkuMyy]

I agree with you.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by Sage72380

I think doing something special for your DS to celebrate the award, like dinner out or a picnic, would be nice. Perhaps your DS could get the shoes for his birthday? or Christmas? or something?

That was my first thought too - have dh give him the shoes for his bday or Xmas, whichever comes first. I think taking him out to dinner at his favorite restaurant is a nice celebration, as opposed to a material reward (I realize we are on a fine line here though).

Originally Posted by Juvysen

I think the award aside, your child's reward is the good feeling that he gets from helping others, and to tie that to a material thing is a little sad to me.

I agree.

Originally Posted by oliversmum2000

i think the heelys diminish the award he is receiving and take the focus away from him and his good work.

And with this also.

Originally Posted by LynnS6

I'd be OK with dh buying him the heelys, but I'd ask him to not tie it to the award. Sometimes our kids get special things just 'because'. School is almost out. Summer is a good time to learn how to use heelys. Get it as an 'end fo the school year' present or something.

Yes, that! End of the school year thing! Perfect! Just space it a week before or after the award at school, so they don't seem linked.

Originally Posted by heket

I'm biased, I hate heelys. I think they are a frivolous item I wouldn't buy for our dc.

Why? How are they different than roller skates in our day? My dd1 (10) has them, as do a number of her friends. They have a blast in them. I found them on sale in Oregon (no tax) and picked them up for a Xmas gift. She was thrilled.