I posted his birth announcement a while back, but here's his story. As I said, it was not the serene, natural waterbirth that I'd planned or hoped for, but I'm fine with it...kinda. Ok, not really.
May 10, 2007 (1 week before my EDD, 1 week after my Grampa's passing):
Throughout the night of the 9th I was up every hour to pee, and I finally woke at 5am with contractions. I knew they weren't my run-of-the-mill Braxton-Hicks contractions, but I tried to get some more sleep, figuring if they were the real deal I'd need the rest and if they weren't they'd just stop eventually anyway. Of course I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get up, as I had an urge to tie up loose ends, just in case. I washed the infant carseat cushion, did some laundry, took a shower, all while contracting. I began to time them around 6:30am or so, and they ended up consistently 5 minutes apart and 45 seconds long. After my shower (probably around 8am), as Tyler was waking up, I told him that I thought we might be having a baby that day
However, I still wasn't quite sure (or was just in denial), so I told him to go to work and if things picked up I'd call him to come home (he only works 10 minutes away). He decided to stick around for a bit to see if things picked up, and if they didn't he'd just go in to the office. I had my 39w appointment scheduled for 10:45am that day, so I figured I'd just go in then and take things from there.
So Tyler and I just stayed around the house, cleaning and finishing packing our hospital bag. I had some bloody show, which excited me because I didn't have any with Sam until I was in labor and at about 5cm; so I was hoping I was dilating away! At 10am, after a decent contraction while standing at the washing machine, my water broke in an amazing waterfall. When my water broke with Sam there was a loud audible pop but just a slow trickle of fluid here & there; with this one there was nothing audible but I didn't think the water would stop! And I was surprised at how hot it was! This thrilled me and I ran to the stairs, yelling up to Tyler. He came down to help me clean up the water on the floor and commented that it wasn't as much as I'd made it out to be...then I turned around and showed him my sweatpants (that were completely drenched) and he was quite surprised I then called the midwife's office and asked them if I should bother showing up to my appointment or if I should just stay home and see what was going to happen, but because I was GBS+ and needed a dose of antibiotics, ideally, before birthing the babe, she said we should head in soon (figuring that since this was my 3rd baby things might start moving fast...heh, right). We headed to the hospital around 12pm, after my father came down from NH to care for Sam (Tommy was at school, of course).
Upon arrival at the hospital I was only 2cm but 100% effaced, but babe was still rather high (this surprised me, as it had been feeling as tho he was going to fall out for a few days). It was at this point that I was starting to need to concentrate on the contractions and didn't want to be spoken to while having one. Much to the seeming annoyance of the midwifew on call, I stated that I'd planned for a waterbirth, and she made me promise that I was "committed" to it, as the portable pool was a "hassle" to set up and they only wanted to set it up if I was truly committed to a natural birth. I stated that I was, and let her know that I'd had 2 drug-free births previously. That seemed to satisfy her, and they put me in the room best suited to set up the pool. I labored for a good few hours on birthing ball, walking around, etc., and eventually they set up the pool. It felt really nice when I finally got into it, and I hung out there for probably a couple hours as well. Of course, as with any labor, the contractions were stronger and stronger, and I was growing weaker and weaker, having once again not gotten much sleep the night before (same thing happened with Sam's labor). Eventually I started to feel a lot of pressure in my bottom, so the nurse checked me and I was only about 6cm. It was shortly after that when the pain in my back got super intense.
Unfortunately I think I began to panic inside. Sam's labor had been SO horrendously awful; I started to flash back to the agony and the hysterics of the end of his labor and his birth, and I desperately wanted to avoid that again. There really isn't a moment of my labor with Sam or his birth that I can look back on and say, hey, that was amazing or enjoyable. It wasn't empowering or primal, it was horrific. Aside from his laying on my chest upon birth, the entire thing was, as I describe it regularly, *violent*. And so the pain I was feeling at this point with Max's labor was feeling all too familiar, and I made the decision internally to ask for an epidural; not only did I want to spare myself the agony but I wanted to be able to look back and have good memories of Max's birth, I wanted to be aware of what was going on and actively participating, not just wishing it was over.
So I told my husband I could no longer handle it, and then begged, pleaded, screamed for an epidural. I remember looking at my husband, pleading with him to advocate for me, as I knew the midwife was going to be pissed that I was caving in. She came in and figured I must be in transition and decided to check me. She had a hard time checking because I the contractions were coming pretty rapidly and I was in so much pain that I couldn't stay still. She determined that I was about 7cm but that she could no longer feel Max's head...suddenly both she and the nurse grabbed me and started pulling me up out of the water, saying "You have to get out NOW." I was protesting because the contractions were on top of eachother and I couldn't stand up (I was also pretty tired/weak at that point), but eventually I got out and they just about threw me on the bed. She checked me again, I think...this part is pretty blurry. She then stated that she had "no problem allowing" me an epidural at that point. Meh. Anyway, convinced that she was bullshitting me, I continued to beg for the epidural between screaming along with back-breaking contractions. The nurse started to get pissy with me because I was being loud, but I didn't really care at that point; I'd completely lost any focus.
When the epidural man walked into the room I literally almost cried with joy. I knew it was almost over. They made Tyler leave the room while they inserted it (I don't know how I managed to stay still long enough for that!), and soon I felt some relief. However, the epi didn't take to my right side; only my left side was numbed to any degree, so I continued to feel a fair amount of pain on my right side (tho half the pain was just fine with me!). Soon, however, it was time to push. Pushing felt super good; it relieved the pain that I was still feeling SO very well, and I felt in control of it, not like when I had Sam, where my body just did what it had to do and I was screeching like a banshee. To be honest, I'm rather glad that the epi only worked on one side, because I was able to still feel some pain and the urge to push but I wasn't out of my mind with agony feeling as tho my back would break open at any minute. Between pushes I was able to talk to Tyler and the midwife (a new one had come on due to the shift change, and we liked her VERY much, she was great), who kept me aware of the progress I was or was not making. I was pretty weepy at this point. I began to feel like a failure for having had to ask for pain relief and for abandoning my dream of a waterbirth. I was also pretty exhausted and was happy that the end was near.
Then the nurse decided to start another IV of antibiotics due to the GBS+ but she didn't dilute it like the nurse earlier had, and suddenly my arm was on fire due to the penicillin. I told her to dilute it more but she said she couldn't, blah blah blah. It burned so bad that I cried. A lot. I just couldn't take it and I was angry and just wanted to get out of there. I don't know what happened, but eventually it stopped. Then, of course, I started to itch like crazy, apparently from the epi. So between contractions I was scratching at my abdomen like a maniac.
Anyway. I pushed for a bit over an hour, and finally, Max's head came out. It was a super cone, lol. Apparently he had his fist up under his chin and the cord was around his neck, but he wasn't affected. Once his shoulders were birthed I leaned over and pulled him from me and up onto my chest. He was so quiet and still. I was pretty horrified for a minute, but he was blinking and breathing, he was just...calm. I kept asking if he was ok and they assured me he was. I asked if he was dopey because of the epidural, but they said it wasn't in my system long enough for it to have affected him. It was surreal. Now that he's 2 weeks old I understand that that was just his demeanor from birth; he's very calm, low maintenance as compared to Sam as a newborn. I remember the midwife saying that he had been in some odd position which was causing my extreme back pain and the slow descent, but again, some of that is pretty blurry. I had a minor tear that didn't require stitches and I continue to have some lower back pain/crackling since the labor, but I've really been doing fine.
He's a pro at nursing and he's really just a lovebug. He sleeps like a champ at night, I swear I must be the most well-rested mama with a newborn in all the land
Sam is giving us a run for our money right now, but he's very sweet with Max, and my older son is very proud of his new little bro. I've been suffering from some labor mourning/anger toward myself and the first midwife we had that day, but I'm trying to work through it. I am upset that I didn't have the waterbirth I researched and planned for 9 months; I feel weak that I asked for an epidural (I don't deal well with feeling weak), etc., but on the other hand I'm glad I remember Max's birth and was able to really be aware of what was happening and not simply a slave to the pain and anxiety. Max is likely our last babe, so knowing that I won't have the chance for another birth, another chance to birth the way I WANT to, bothers me as well. But again, I'm working thru it.
Maxwell Michael K.
May 10, 2007, 9:11pm
7lbs, 8oz - 20in.
13 Days Old (5/23/07):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/47669750@N00/512451387/
May 10, 2007 (1 week before my EDD, 1 week after my Grampa's passing):
Throughout the night of the 9th I was up every hour to pee, and I finally woke at 5am with contractions. I knew they weren't my run-of-the-mill Braxton-Hicks contractions, but I tried to get some more sleep, figuring if they were the real deal I'd need the rest and if they weren't they'd just stop eventually anyway. Of course I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get up, as I had an urge to tie up loose ends, just in case. I washed the infant carseat cushion, did some laundry, took a shower, all while contracting. I began to time them around 6:30am or so, and they ended up consistently 5 minutes apart and 45 seconds long. After my shower (probably around 8am), as Tyler was waking up, I told him that I thought we might be having a baby that day
However, I still wasn't quite sure (or was just in denial), so I told him to go to work and if things picked up I'd call him to come home (he only works 10 minutes away). He decided to stick around for a bit to see if things picked up, and if they didn't he'd just go in to the office. I had my 39w appointment scheduled for 10:45am that day, so I figured I'd just go in then and take things from there.So Tyler and I just stayed around the house, cleaning and finishing packing our hospital bag. I had some bloody show, which excited me because I didn't have any with Sam until I was in labor and at about 5cm; so I was hoping I was dilating away! At 10am, after a decent contraction while standing at the washing machine, my water broke in an amazing waterfall. When my water broke with Sam there was a loud audible pop but just a slow trickle of fluid here & there; with this one there was nothing audible but I didn't think the water would stop! And I was surprised at how hot it was! This thrilled me and I ran to the stairs, yelling up to Tyler. He came down to help me clean up the water on the floor and commented that it wasn't as much as I'd made it out to be...then I turned around and showed him my sweatpants (that were completely drenched) and he was quite surprised
I then called the midwife's office and asked them if I should bother showing up to my appointment or if I should just stay home and see what was going to happen, but because I was GBS+ and needed a dose of antibiotics, ideally, before birthing the babe, she said we should head in soon (figuring that since this was my 3rd baby things might start moving fast...heh, right). We headed to the hospital around 12pm, after my father came down from NH to care for Sam (Tommy was at school, of course).Upon arrival at the hospital I was only 2cm but 100% effaced, but babe was still rather high (this surprised me, as it had been feeling as tho he was going to fall out for a few days). It was at this point that I was starting to need to concentrate on the contractions and didn't want to be spoken to while having one. Much to the seeming annoyance of the midwifew on call, I stated that I'd planned for a waterbirth, and she made me promise that I was "committed" to it, as the portable pool was a "hassle" to set up and they only wanted to set it up if I was truly committed to a natural birth. I stated that I was, and let her know that I'd had 2 drug-free births previously. That seemed to satisfy her, and they put me in the room best suited to set up the pool. I labored for a good few hours on birthing ball, walking around, etc., and eventually they set up the pool. It felt really nice when I finally got into it, and I hung out there for probably a couple hours as well. Of course, as with any labor, the contractions were stronger and stronger, and I was growing weaker and weaker, having once again not gotten much sleep the night before (same thing happened with Sam's labor). Eventually I started to feel a lot of pressure in my bottom, so the nurse checked me and I was only about 6cm. It was shortly after that when the pain in my back got super intense.
Unfortunately I think I began to panic inside. Sam's labor had been SO horrendously awful; I started to flash back to the agony and the hysterics of the end of his labor and his birth, and I desperately wanted to avoid that again. There really isn't a moment of my labor with Sam or his birth that I can look back on and say, hey, that was amazing or enjoyable. It wasn't empowering or primal, it was horrific. Aside from his laying on my chest upon birth, the entire thing was, as I describe it regularly, *violent*. And so the pain I was feeling at this point with Max's labor was feeling all too familiar, and I made the decision internally to ask for an epidural; not only did I want to spare myself the agony but I wanted to be able to look back and have good memories of Max's birth, I wanted to be aware of what was going on and actively participating, not just wishing it was over.
So I told my husband I could no longer handle it, and then begged, pleaded, screamed for an epidural. I remember looking at my husband, pleading with him to advocate for me, as I knew the midwife was going to be pissed that I was caving in. She came in and figured I must be in transition and decided to check me. She had a hard time checking because I the contractions were coming pretty rapidly and I was in so much pain that I couldn't stay still. She determined that I was about 7cm but that she could no longer feel Max's head...suddenly both she and the nurse grabbed me and started pulling me up out of the water, saying "You have to get out NOW." I was protesting because the contractions were on top of eachother and I couldn't stand up (I was also pretty tired/weak at that point), but eventually I got out and they just about threw me on the bed. She checked me again, I think...this part is pretty blurry. She then stated that she had "no problem allowing" me an epidural at that point. Meh. Anyway, convinced that she was bullshitting me, I continued to beg for the epidural between screaming along with back-breaking contractions. The nurse started to get pissy with me because I was being loud, but I didn't really care at that point; I'd completely lost any focus.
When the epidural man walked into the room I literally almost cried with joy. I knew it was almost over. They made Tyler leave the room while they inserted it (I don't know how I managed to stay still long enough for that!), and soon I felt some relief. However, the epi didn't take to my right side; only my left side was numbed to any degree, so I continued to feel a fair amount of pain on my right side (tho half the pain was just fine with me!). Soon, however, it was time to push. Pushing felt super good; it relieved the pain that I was still feeling SO very well, and I felt in control of it, not like when I had Sam, where my body just did what it had to do and I was screeching like a banshee. To be honest, I'm rather glad that the epi only worked on one side, because I was able to still feel some pain and the urge to push but I wasn't out of my mind with agony feeling as tho my back would break open at any minute. Between pushes I was able to talk to Tyler and the midwife (a new one had come on due to the shift change, and we liked her VERY much, she was great), who kept me aware of the progress I was or was not making. I was pretty weepy at this point. I began to feel like a failure for having had to ask for pain relief and for abandoning my dream of a waterbirth. I was also pretty exhausted and was happy that the end was near.
Then the nurse decided to start another IV of antibiotics due to the GBS+ but she didn't dilute it like the nurse earlier had, and suddenly my arm was on fire due to the penicillin. I told her to dilute it more but she said she couldn't, blah blah blah. It burned so bad that I cried. A lot. I just couldn't take it and I was angry and just wanted to get out of there. I don't know what happened, but eventually it stopped. Then, of course, I started to itch like crazy, apparently from the epi. So between contractions I was scratching at my abdomen like a maniac.
Anyway. I pushed for a bit over an hour, and finally, Max's head came out. It was a super cone, lol. Apparently he had his fist up under his chin and the cord was around his neck, but he wasn't affected. Once his shoulders were birthed I leaned over and pulled him from me and up onto my chest. He was so quiet and still. I was pretty horrified for a minute, but he was blinking and breathing, he was just...calm. I kept asking if he was ok and they assured me he was. I asked if he was dopey because of the epidural, but they said it wasn't in my system long enough for it to have affected him. It was surreal. Now that he's 2 weeks old I understand that that was just his demeanor from birth; he's very calm, low maintenance as compared to Sam as a newborn. I remember the midwife saying that he had been in some odd position which was causing my extreme back pain and the slow descent, but again, some of that is pretty blurry. I had a minor tear that didn't require stitches and I continue to have some lower back pain/crackling since the labor, but I've really been doing fine.
He's a pro at nursing and he's really just a lovebug. He sleeps like a champ at night, I swear I must be the most well-rested mama with a newborn in all the land
Sam is giving us a run for our money right now, but he's very sweet with Max, and my older son is very proud of his new little bro. I've been suffering from some labor mourning/anger toward myself and the first midwife we had that day, but I'm trying to work through it. I am upset that I didn't have the waterbirth I researched and planned for 9 months; I feel weak that I asked for an epidural (I don't deal well with feeling weak), etc., but on the other hand I'm glad I remember Max's birth and was able to really be aware of what was happening and not simply a slave to the pain and anxiety. Max is likely our last babe, so knowing that I won't have the chance for another birth, another chance to birth the way I WANT to, bothers me as well. But again, I'm working thru it.Maxwell Michael K.
May 10, 2007, 9:11pm
7lbs, 8oz - 20in.
13 Days Old (5/23/07):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/47669750@N00/512451387/
It's awesome that you've been getting good sleep. 
:
