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My step sons hate me (Update in post #155) - Page 2

post #21 of 171
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post #22 of 171
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post #23 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by i'mmykid'$mom View Post
Yes, I've had mono.



You don't understand. You are totally looking at this from your point of view and not theirs. You are still acting as though these are extended family that you can ask to stay away for awhile and it shouldn't cause hard feelings; they are not. They are your husband's children and he (through you) are telling them that they are diseased and not welcome in their father's home.

No one is sure how long someone with mono stays contagious after symptoms are gone. But it's generally believed that a person can spread the infection for many months after the symptoms are completely gone — some studies show as long as 18 months. They were contagious before they showed symptoms, so your dd was already exposed before you knew they had it.

When I was a child a week was an eternity. 'Till she gets better is very vague.
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I think the root of the problem is the fact that you consider these boys to be your husband's kids, and not a real part of your family.
post #24 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJamie View Post
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I think the root of the problem is the fact that you consider these boys to be your husband's kids, and not a real part of your family.

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I am not a stpe child or have step children, but I must say that my heart is breaking for those kids. It must suck that his dad doesn't want (or thier stpe mom won't let them) spend time with their family because they are sick. It would break my heart if dh did that to my ds.
post #25 of 171
Thread Starter 

OK so here is what I get...

Yes, the step kids hate me. It was totally wrong of me to have them stay away because they had mono.

Heck, it was freaking unreasonable for me to expect their mother would tell me they had scabies before she allowed them to come to the hospital to watch their sister being born. Afterall, I am their step mother and should expect DD to catch whatever they have. It their right to give her it and I should just sit back and let it happen over and over again.

I am a terrible step mother and should just step out of the picture now so DH can have a decent relationship with his kids.
post #26 of 171
I had a feeling responding to this thread would be futile.
post #27 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by becoming View Post
I had a feeling responding to this thread would be futile.
Yup
post #28 of 171
I think it is unequivocally, 100% wrong to ask the children not to be in their own father's home, especially for something like this. If one of them were caught molesting a child, okay, I can see the point. But, for germs? No way. I can't believe your husband is going along with banning his own children from his home, that's really sad.
post #29 of 171
Oh heavens, I see that as well. Never mind.
post #30 of 171
Just out of curiosity, did you REALLY think people were going to say, "Yup, great idea?"
post #31 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by dawn1221 View Post
Yes, the step kids hate me. It was totally wrong of me to have them stay away because they had mono.

Heck, it was freaking unreasonable for me to expect their mother would tell me they had scabies before she allowed them to come to the hospital to watch their sister being born. Afterall, I am their step mother and should expect DD to catch whatever they have. It their right to give her it and I should just sit back and let it happen over and over again.

I am a terrible step mother and should just step out of the picture now so DH can have a decent relationship with his kids.
or you can treat them like your children instead of guests that come over to visit. It makes no matter that these children live with their mother, they are still your DH's kids.

The kids can't help that their mother is irresponisble, they shouldn't be punished for her poor decisions. But that is what you are doing and it is unfair not only to the children, but to your dh who gets to lose out on arelationship with them, basically because they have the cooties.
post #32 of 171
Thread Starter 

But in reality...

I am not a terrible step mom. Some of you may have had one but I am not them.

If the kids decide to never come back well I guess they have the right to do that.
post #33 of 171
I think you need to walk away from this thread for a few minutes and try to put yourself in THEIR shoes, because I have yet to hear any empathy for these CHILDREN. These CHILDREN THAT YOU SHARE WITH YOUR HUSBAND.
post #34 of 171
And your dismissive attitude towards 'if they decide to never come back' tells me that you REALLY do not understand the damage you are doing to these CHILDREN.
post #35 of 171
I have three children and yep I expect that they are going to give each other germs and diseases. I don't think you respect your dd siblings.
post #36 of 171
Quote:
No one is sure how long someone with mono stays contagious after symptoms are gone. But it's generally believed that a person can spread the infection for many months after the symptoms are completely gone — some studies show as long as 18 months. They were contagious before they showed symptoms, so your dd was already exposed before you knew they had it.
My mom got mono almost exactly a year after I had it - the doctor said that it is very common for it to hang around for a year or longer...
post #37 of 171
*sigh* It is really really hard and often horrible being a stepchild. Shuttling between your homes is difficult, you have to pack, remember the different rules, and when you finally adjust its time to leave again. Add in a new stepmom who is banning you from your home just sucks. Please don't punish the kids. Kids have germs, some kids are big walking germs! Your DD loves her brothers from what you've written. That is wonderful, having all the kids get along and love each other makes life so much easier. I am truely saddened your DH is okay with banning HIS children from your home. how would you feel if the same thing were to happen to your daughter? being a stepkid is hard, please try to have some understanding!
post #38 of 171
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post #39 of 171
By the way, helping your DH pay his child support just keeps him from being a dead-beat dad. It doesn't make you a stellar step-mom :
post #40 of 171
Basically, until you start treating these children like YOUR CHILDREN, and not like strange little petri-dishes who aren't welcome in your home, you are going to cause problems. Not just for yourself, but you are hurting innocent children who DON'T DESERVE IT.


FWIW, I am not a step-child and never had a step-parent, so this isn't coming from the perspective of a wounded child. Just the perspective of a logical person.
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