Lecturing Little Ones?

[dubfam]

I have been noticing that some of my friends tend to lecture their toddler and preschool aged kids.

With my 4yo I have always tried to explain things using a few words as possible while still giving him a good understanding. I am a very verbal person, and I don't want to overwhelm him with too much information at once.

I am noticing that so many other people seem to spend around 5 minutes explaining to their child why they can't take a toy, when I would spend maybe a minute. It is starting to make me wonder if I am not explaining enough?

How about everyone else? Brief explanation or mini lecture?

[happyhippiemama]

I'm a talker myself, so I probably tend to do mini-lectures when explaining things to my almost-4yo dd. I try to stay aware of what I actually sound like, and often times switch my angle mid-stream because I realize that I'm prattling on a bit and dd is really just not following.

I definitely don't try to keep things as short as possible, tho - I've found that my DD doesn't listen at all until a minute into the explanation, if I say something short and to the point, I've already said it all by the time she begins to absorb that this is something she's supposed to be listening to. Heh.

[mavery]

I say something short and say it again and then check in with ds, sometimes I ask him if he can repeat it. If I notice I'm lecturing I always try to stop and rephrase the issue in a few words.

[LynnS6]

I try to keep it short and sweet. If my kids want more info, they'll ask for it! And they usually do. I think that way they get the information they NEED to understand something, rather than whatever information I feel like giving!

That's the advice that's in "How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen" and it really does work. First, they can focus on what you're saying. Second, it gives them a turn to talk or ask questions.

[BoysBoysBoys!]

yeah, what Lynn said! Kids will let you know if they need/want more explanation!

[Mihelinka]

short & to the point works for us. Every now & then i catch myself explaining too much & try to stop it. I don't think long explanations help toddlers

[o-mama]

Unfortunately I tend to mini-lecture. And I find that as the day and tempers wear on there's actually a tint of whine to it. *sigh* Trying to KISS it (Keep it Short and Simple).

[BeanyMama]

I try so hard not to do this... I'll be talking to DS and I'll see his eyes start to glaze over and it's like, oh, I need to shut up. lol!

[Dragonfly]

Count me in amongst the "short and simple" crowd. Ds' dad is a lecturer. After about 10 seconds, I can actually see him tune out. It's gotten worse as he's gotten older (he's 6 now). His dad loses his attention almost immediately after he starts talking because ds assumes it's going to be a lecture. Now they're in a cycle where his dad gets frustrated and starts barking at him and ds feels bad. Sucky.

[mom22girls]

I think the more you talk, the less they listen. With discipline issues I try and keep it simple: hitting hurts, chalk isn't for eating, etc.. When we're talking in the car or on a walk though, I try and use lots of new vocabulary and blather on to my heart's content.

I always think of the Gary Larson cartoon about "what cats hear" when the person is talking: No, fluffy, no climbing on the silk drapes, they'll shred and they're very expensive and what the cat hears, "blah, blah, blah, blah" I think toddlers/preschoolers get to the blah, blah, blah stage very quickly!!

[singin'intherain]

I am a talker, for sure, so I too try to tune into how they're reacting (the glazed eyes is a strong hint!). Where I run into trouble is with persistent issues. My ds is 4, and he has a lot of trouble controlling himself in an arguement. I feel worried about it, so my tendency is to keep talking until I feel that "click" that tells me he's really heard me and is going to try not to hit. It doesn't work. He is just learning to tell me what I want to hear! Ugh.

[A Boy's Mama]

I swear, I was born as someone who thinks, "Why say in 10 words what you can say in 100?" Keeping it short and sweet is a constant struggle! Ah well, it's yet another thing I consider one of my son's crosses to bear... an embarrassingly verbose mama.