I hate shopping

[mz_libbie22]

What's the best way to handle this? My DS (almost 6) isn't able to go to the store with me without begging for something. Today it was chocolate donuts and a toy castle. The kid was running away from me carrying a huge box of donuts and whining "I want to get it, I want to get it"! : Yeah, that's not at all embarrasing. Usually the only way to get him to calm down is by saying "maybe another day, but not today." I'm not okay saying this anymore since it's basically a lie. Plus, it isn't really teaching him to be ok with not getting everything he wants. So, what do you say to your kids when they're grabbing stuff off shelves and begging to get stuff that you don't want to buy. And what are some good ways to get kids to understand that they aren't entitled to get something every time you go to a store?? My DS will NOT take "no" for an answer!

[Gracefulmom]

First let me say: I feel your pain! I have a 6yo, too... so I know all about whining!
And I can NOT handle whining while I'm trying to shop... it completely distracts me. So I try to handle shopping this way -- before we go into a store I remind my kids that we have a shopping list and they may not ask for anything that isn't on our list. They may not put anything into the cart without me knowing about it. And they may not take things off the shelves unless they ask first and I say yes.

Then I tell them that there's nothing on our list that's so important we can't live without it today. If there's whining, we will leave the store. Period.

**** I know that sounds like I'm a huge control freak!!!*****

**** I know it sounds like I don't have a gentle bone in my body!!!*****

But... most of the time, they don't whine (or fight with each other, my other pet peeve in stores). They show me things they like... without taking them off the shelf or asking for them. They talk about what they would use things for if they had them. They remember the last time we bought/ate/played with something similar. They ask me to put things on their wish lists.

They actually talk to me. And they help me shop... and it makes shopping bearable.

Now if the whining at home could end... I was just coming here to post about that!

[MelKnee]

I tell my ds, also 6yo, that I don't have the money for whatever. It has lead to conversations about where our money comes from and how we have to budget it. He is allowed to bring his birthday/christmas money with him and buy something and he is really learning about budgeting when it is his own money. He will often put one thing back if he finds something else he wants that costs more than he has so he can save for the more expensive thing.

[UUMom]

I think the best you can do is fill their tummies first, and then have them help you shop from your list. I might encourage the child to bring his own money in case he sees something 'really special'. Or I would decide beforehand with the child how much we could spend on a treat. Consistency does help, but some kids are challenging.

I am also one of those terrible mothers who lets her kids get all the free samples (sometimes crap, sometimes not); a cookie at the bakery, cheese slices or whatever at the deli, a little plastic cup of crap juice etc. I think it's ok, because the other day when I said "Why don't you see what kind of free cookies they have at the bakery?" my youngest dd replied, 'No. I don't feel like having anything sweet today."

However, if I had a child who couldn't deal no matter what, I would try to have my partner shop, or watch the child while I shopped. If no partner, I would try to trade an hour or two with a friend while I shopped alone.

[GoodWillHunter]

I've just started telling my 5.5 year old that if it's not on the list, we can't have it. Period. Then I make sure I have a list, lol. And, if he persists, I explain I don't have dollars for that item at this time, but perhaps we can make a list of things he'd like to have and as we can, we'll get them.

And, then, if that doesn't work, a firm NO works... he pitches a fit, but in the end, I am the adult and that's that.

[LynnS6]

We do several things.

First, we rarely, if ever buy anything that's not on our list. So, for our kids, that's just not part of the routine. I'm very matter of fact, very calm. Unlike a lot of other stuff, this doesn't push my buttons and so I am able to calmly say "no" and move on. If you're very boring and very consistent, they do quit whining!

Second, I acknowledge how cool/nice something would be. "Yeah, those donuts look really good, don't they?" "Gee, look, it's a Diego doll!" If it's a toy, I'll let them handle it and look at it (gently, of course), with the understanding that it will go back. Sometimes that's all they need. The line "oh, that would be good to put on your birthday/Christmas list" works well too for this.

Third, our ds (6) gets an allowance ($2 a week when we remember). We divide it up 3 ways: 1/4 for spending (he can spend it on whatever he wants, whenever he wants), 1/4 for giving, 1/2 for savings (for something big or long term like a bike). If he asks for something and he has enough money in his spending, I'll say "do you want to spend your spending money on it?" If yes, then we'll go back and buy it with his money. If he doesn't have enough money, we don't buy it. Usually, however, if it's HIS money, he doesn't want to buy it! However, if after we get home (and usually the next day) he still wants to buy it, we'll go back. Out of all his spending money he has purchased: one candy bar and one bath toy submarine.

Fourth, my answer is "no." If he keeps asking "I've answered that question already." If he persisted on whining, I would leave the store. Neither of my kids are that persistent about buying stuff. I suspect because they KNOW I'm not going to buy it (see #1). We have left stores for other reasons.

Fifth, I give them something to do in the store. Ds helps me look for stuff. Dd puts stuff in the cart. They help me put stuff on the checkout counter. They help me pay if I want.

Finally, going to the store with me is a privilege, not a right. I do my shopping when dh is around (usually). So, I can always leave them home next time. I realize that for some people, this isn't an option. But there might be creative ways around this. One of my friends does all her shopping online, including groceries. For her, it's worth the delivery fee.