"Waiting for the bus.." - Page 2

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by gaialice

I have EXACTLY the same problem. I understand what Heartmama said about inserting a time limit in the expectation, and repeating repeating day after day until it sinks in. However, it does not have much power, after it has been 3 days and the request has never been complied with. It takes artificial calm (which I do not possess) to ask ask ask and just not get compliance, day after day. I am not sure what the alternative is, anyway...

Yes, this is the problem that I am having with Wolf, too.

I have to say, it works GREAT when I have the time to wait it out. But what do you do when the baby's crying and the toddler's poopy? There are just so few times in my day when I can stand still and wait for something to happen, so I end up coercing, threatening, or letting things go WAY more than I want to.

Maya44, aren't your kids pretty close in age? Any ideas?

[Ambrose]

Thank you- I really like this waiting for the bus thing and I think I will take some time to look into it while DD gets of age for it to really work. In the mean time I will try the methods you all have given me. So- do you guys mind if I lurk and read about this method?

[maya44]

Originally Posted by natensarah

Yes, this is the problem that I am having with Wolf, too.

I have to say, it works GREAT when I have the time to wait it out. But what do you do when the baby's crying and the toddler's poopy? There are just so few times in my day when I can stand still and wait for something to happen, so I end up coercing, threatening, or letting things go WAY more than I want to.

Maya44, aren't your kids pretty close in age? Any ideas?

Well it depends what you need to happen. Can you give an example?

[LynnS6]

It worked!

It worked today!!

We were at the park (not our local park, but one that we took a city bus to because ds is obsessed with buses, and I needed something interesting for dd to do OTHER than ride the bus. Ds would be fine just riding the bus to the end of the line and back...) Anway.. ds needed to go to the bathroom about 5 minutes after we got to the park (the child has a bladder the size of a peanut). Dd did NOT want to leave to go to the bathroom (she has a bladder the size of Texas), despite the promise that we WOULD come back.

So, I 'waited for the bus' and she sat down. I kept looking at her. And slowly, she got up, and SHE CAME WITH!! Contentedly. Hallelujah! I did not bribe or threaten. I did not yell. Actually, I didn't yell all day. (OK it helped that it was a holiday and I slept until 9:45 .)

So, I waited for the bus in more than one way today. And it went well. (Remind me NOT to promise ds that we can ride the bus on holidays again... they come every 90 minutes!)

[PikkuMyy]

Hooray!

[gaialice]

Originally Posted by maya44

Well it depends what you need to happen. Can you give an example?

Let me give you an example. I say "DD", it is time for school, please, get dressed". DD2 laughs and starts running around like a banshee. In the meantime, DD1 says "Mommy, please come check my teeth" (because she washes her teeth and then I check them). So what do you do, does the whole family get to go to school late while I wait for dd2 to get dressed?

It also does not help that when I am waiting for the bus, dd2 very often runs away and slams her bedroom door on my face and start playing Barbie. She can be there for an hour! So, you know, waiting for the bus in the corridor while she plays in her bedroom does not seem very productive...

[loraxc]

I think I would say that it won't work if you are not right there, visible to the child, obviously waiting. I see how this would be harder with two!!

[maya44]

Originally Posted by gaialice

Let me give you an example. I say "DD", it is time for school, please, get dressed". DD2 laughs and starts running around like a banshee. In the meantime, DD1 says "Mommy, please come check my teeth" (because she washes her teeth and then I check them). So what do you do, does the whole family get to go to school late while I wait for dd2 to get dressed?

It also does not help that when I am waiting for the bus, dd2 very often runs away and slams her bedroom door on my face and start playing Barbie. She can be there for an hour! So, you know, waiting for the bus in the corridor while she plays in her bedroom does not seem very productive...

1. Have dd 1 come to you "at the corner" and check her teeth. Keep attention focused on DD1.

2. So she slams her door. GO IN THERE and tell her once again (in a calm voice) that she needs to get dressed. Keep looking at her.

3. IF she still is not ready, I would just take her to school as is (try clothes like p.j's so she is not embarrased).

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by gaialice

Let me give you an example. I say "DD", it is time for school, please, get dressed". DD2 laughs and starts running around like a banshee. In the meantime, DD1 says "Mommy, please come check my teeth" (because she washes her teeth and then I check them). So what do you do, does the whole family get to go to school late while I wait for dd2 to get dressed?

It also does not help that when I am waiting for the bus, dd2 very often runs away and slams her bedroom door on my face and start playing Barbie. She can be there for an hour! So, you know, waiting for the bus in the corridor while she plays in her bedroom does not seem very productive...

Here's what we do in those situations.

"Dd in 3 minutes, we need to get dressed to go to school." Dd runs around and screams like a banshee. In 3 minutes, "It's time to get dressed. Please go to your room and take your clothes off." I then FOLLOW her to her room. If ds needs me, he has to come to me or wait. If I sense that it's going to be a hard transition day, I set the timer for each step -- one for when it's time to start, one for when we need to leave, etc.

When in the room, dd will inevitably begin to jump on the bed. I can either ask her to jump on over to me, or I will say "I'm going to count to ten, and then I want you here so we can get dressed." If she doesn't, I will carry her. If she refuses to get dressed, I will say "we need to put underwear on at least so you don't get a rash" (she still sleeps in a pull-up). On more than one occasion she's gone to school in pjs. She LIKES to do that. She went to gymanstics class today in her pj shirt and shorts.

Neither one of my kids are great at staying on task when I'm not in the room. Ds is better, but he's older. Dd, no way. I also tend to do the kids consecutively. It gives them a little extra attention, and is less stress for me. We only do them simultaneously when dh is there to help.

Personally, I can't see 'waiting for the bus' for long when there's a firm time limit. That would be too stressful for me, and I can't keep my cool (which is essential for this to work).

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by Ambrose

Thank you- I really like this waiting for the bus thing and I think I will take some time to look into it while DD gets of age for it to really work. In the mean time I will try the methods you all have given me. So- do you guys mind if I lurk and read about this method?

Definitely, lurk! I'm so happy that I found SOP. It's saved so ds and me from so much yelling and shaming so far. And it's given me a lot more insight to the why's and how's of kids. lol

(OT- eta- I should add, that you were one of my inspirations to shave my hair pics are in my siggy)

[gaialice]

Thanks Maya44 and Lynn. I think the crucial thing is to get EVERYTHING ELSE ready, and then put my full concentration on dd2, and from the moment I start this to the moment we're out the door should be really, really short. If it goes on too long, inevitably, it won't work.
It makes me feel better, too, that my dd2 is not the only one that - when it is time to get dressed - starts running away and laughing and jumping and screaming like a banshee... I'll think of you Lynn, when she does that, and it will help me. I will think, Lynn's daughter does this too and Lynn stays calm.

[loraxc]

It makes me feel better, too, that my dd2 is not the only one that - when it is time to get dressed - starts running away and laughing and jumping and screaming like a banshee...

You're definitely not the only one!! My DD does exactly this, too. I don't know why dressing and undressing are so hard. Handwashing is also the same kind of disaster. Bedtime too.

(Okay, I do know that she has a tough time with transitions--but it's these specific ones way more than any others.)

I don't exactly use 1-2-3 Magic, but I have found that counting is a huge help. #1, DD seems to understand it better in a concrete way; #2, it keeps ME from saying not-gentle things...numbers are pretty neutral.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by gaialice

I'll think of you Lynn, when she does that, and it will help me. I will think, Lynn's daughter does this too and Lynn stays calm.

And Lynn TRIES to stay calm. I don't always achieve it, let me assure you.

One of the reasons I'm so interested in this technique is because I yell far too often. And both my kids seem to be pretty sensitive to that.

And yes, getting everything ready and then focusing your attention on dd2 is an excellent idea!

[Fuamami]

Yes, hand washing, getting dressed, etc. These are the issues that we deal with too. Sorry I'm so slow to get back with my example, after asking such a specific question!

Anyway, it's the same thing. We come in from playing outside, or get home from an outing and everyone's starving. I wash ds's hands and then he's asking (usually very loudly) for food and I'm trying to keep the baby happy until they get something in front of them so I can sneak off and put the baby to sleep. I ask dd to wash her hands and she climbs under the table and sings to herself. Since I can only really push the baby about five minutes, and I don't want to screw up the whole schedule, I just can't wait that long. Soooo, I either put the baby in the bouncy chair and pull her out and wash her hands for her, or threaten her. It sucks, and I'd love to stop doing this!

[Slabobbin]

Could you try to do a snack or do supper earlier so that everyone isn't starving when you come in?

Or coudl you wet a wash cloth and hand it to her and say "here, wash your hands please". She could do that while sitting under the table.

I'm reading this thread with interest as we have some of the same issues with my older son (5). My dd (2) seems pretty easy going on the transitions so far.

[loraxc]

I ask dd to wash her hands and she climbs under the table and sings to herself.

Are your DD and mine swapping strategies in secret? Ah, the skill of the 3-year-old ignorer.