"Stop Crying"

[ani'smommy]

I am constantly hearing parents tell their toddlers to stop crying. I don't really get it? I mean, if I was really upset about something, someone telling me to "stop crying" is not really going to help, yk? Are they afraid that they are disturbing other people? Weird.

[cutekid]

Its an instant reaction to not want to hear complaining from their kids. What gets me are ppl who spank for crying.

:

[ThreeBeans]

I'll admit to having said that

It's more a reaction of frustration due to a tantrum than really expecting him to stop, though

[Cherry Alive]

I've heard folks saying, "Stop crying or I'll hit you!" :

[ani'smommy]

Yeah, I don't mean saying "oh please stop crying" in frusteration, but I hear people say "If you don't stop crying, you won't get ____" Of course this makes the kid cry even more. I just don't get how you can just stop crying because someone tells you do. :

[transylvania_mom]

My mom used to ask us not to cry, I know she was doing it because she didn't want us to suffer. Well, we still suffered (like, when we fell down and hurt ourselves or when I broke up with my boyfriend), but we had to put on a brave face for mom. It was more painful than if I had been allowed to cry. Even now when I speak with my mom on the phone or on line and ds has a tantrum she wants him to stop crying. My dad tells him: "You're ugly when you cry".
I don't blame them though, their intentions are good.

[hippymomma69]

I think it's because there is a perception by others that if your child is "making a scene" you are not "controlling your child". I've heard those exact words from people and I've talked with other moms who are acutely embarrassed by their child crying. I think it's just socially unacceptable to cry in public and therefore some parents get sucked into trying to "correct" that behavior.

Of course it's not right...but I do think that is what is behind the motivation to say "stop crying".

JMO
peace,
robyn

[lovemyfamily6]

I remember my mom saying "Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about." Really helpful.

[richella]

My mom used to tell me to stop crying, and she would slap me and tell me I was selfish. It didn't matter if anyone else was there or not. Actually, she never spanked in public. That would have been the most humiliating thing for her. Anyway, I don't understand it, but must confess I have caught myself telling dd to stop crying when I am already trying to help her or give her what she wants, but it just takes some time or cooperation or whatever. Though I am very different from my mom in that generally I encourage her to name and express her feelings. What I am working on these days is to encourage her to tell me what she is crying about so we can work together to solve the problem. I hope I never say "Stop crying!" again.

I feel pretty damaged in this area, and it's been a long haul reclaiming my feelings and learning to express them honestly. As you can see, I'm still working on it.

[Marcimama]

What gets me is when people bribe their child to stop crying. I do think that when I have tried to get my daughter to calm down it is usually because I am trying to get her to listen to what I have to say that could make her feel better. Don't judge everyone, you don't know what their motive is.

[damyen's mommy]

Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about.

huh I thought I was the only one I heard this too. I know it was out of frustration. But boy did that not help. I would usualy cry worse from fear. She is trying with my babes to not do that sort of thing

[ani'smommy]

richella :

[ani'smommy]

Originally Posted by Marcimama

What gets me is when people bribe their child to stop crying. I do think that when I have tried to get my daughter to calm down it is usually because I am trying to get her to listen to what I have to say that could make her feel better. Don't judge everyone, you don't know what their motive is.

Yeah, it's either bribing or threatening. I can understand not wanting your kid to feel sad anymore, but what the heck does telling them not to cry do? Have you ever actually seen a kid stop crying because someone told them to?

I suppose I've asked DD to calm down so that she can hear what I'm telling her, but not to stop crying. . . And I knew I was going to get told not to judge! And yeah, I'm sure I've said it myself without realizing it, but I'm sure I haven't bribed her or threatened her!

[MtBikeLover]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

I'll admit to having said that

It's more a reaction of frustration due to a tantrum than really expecting him to stop, though

Yep - I've said it too. Sometimes I get so frustrated with the crying. I know it isn't going to make them stop crying so it is said in pure frustration.

But (after reading all the replies) I have never threatened anything.

[Brojakee]

I know i have said that, and i know i have bribed. : But it has a whole lot to do with i ahve 3 kids under 3 and my youngest is ill and extremely high needs so i figure a hershey's kiss is a small price to pay to be able to finish grocery shopping/errands. ALso my kids do instantly calm down once i mention chocolate since they get it maybe once a month.

[aywilkes]

Originally Posted by ani'smommy

Have you ever actually seen a kid stop crying because someone told them to?

Sure have...my son learned at a very young age (4 or 5) that he couldn't cry around his dad and wouldn't do it. So when he would come back to me, he'd just let it out. I was amazed.

[nova22]

Originally Posted by aywilkes

Sure have...my son learned at a very young age (4 or 5) that he couldn't cry around his dad and wouldn't do it. So when he would come back to me, he'd just let it out. I was amazed.

Poor little guy! At least he had you around when he needed to vent out those emotions.

I don't understand "stop crying" or "I'll give you something to cry about." I do admit to saying the first one (not the second!!! ) but then I stop and think, "wait, that's dumb...why should she stop crying when she's upset?"

My 3yo DD is SUPER sensitive and will cry over any little thing; I never know what will set her off. When she's truly upset I sometimes say, "It's alright to cry; just let it out, and whenever you're calm enough, we'll talk." Sometimes just hearing that calms her down right away. Other times she really does need several minutes to "cry it out" on my shoulder.

[thebee321]

Am I the only one who has told my kid to stop crying because it is obvious (to me anyway, being familiar with his real cry) that he is drawing out the crying and kind of faking it? People may have heard me telling my son to stop crying in that situation. I find it irritating when he's faking the cry and I just have no patience for it.:

[ccohenou]

Originally Posted by thebee321

Am I the only one who has told my kid to stop crying because it is obvious (to me anyway, being familiar with his real cry) that he is drawing out the crying and kind of faking it? People may have heard me telling my son to stop crying in that situation. I find it irritating when he's faking the cry and I just have no patience for it.:

No, I've done that too.
I don't know, I go back and forth on this. Yes, it's good to feel your feelings and feel safe to express them. On the other hand, at some point it seems to me that one needs to absorb the cultural expectation that in most situations it isn't appropriate to express our feelings by screaming and loud crying. "That's enough now, time to calm down" (not 'quit it or I'll hit you,' certainly) seems like a fairly gentle way to impart this expectation.

[Lisa85]

Originally Posted by thebee321

Am I the only one who has told my kid to stop crying because it is obvious (to me anyway, being familiar with his real cry) that he is drawing out the crying and kind of faking it? People may have heard me telling my son to stop crying in that situation. I find it irritating when he's faking the cry and I just have no patience for it.:

Yeah that. I should clarify that she rarely fake cries, but whines a lot in hopes of getting what she wants. It's said out of frustration when I've repeatedly told her to use her words (and obviously I only say that when I know she's capable of communicating to me what she wants). She knows now that she will not get a snack if she just comes right up yanking on pant leg and yelling or whining at me. But if she comes up and signs or says eat or some other thing in relation to food, she'll get it right away.