Defiance in Five and a Half Year Old Son

[GoodWillHunter]

My five and a half year old son is just hideously defiant. He's aggressive (not physically). When he doesn't get what he wants, he follows me around repeating "I want _____" in the whiniest voice available. I've taken to ignoring him and he escalates by knocking things off tables, desks, dumping out toys, even breaking things.

I am to the point where I dislike this child intensely. I can't pinpoint when he started this, so I'm not sure what set this phase off. But I am so sad that I don't like this beautiful, intelligent little boy. I feel like he wants complete control over me and what we do. I try to give him attention when he is acting in a way that pleases me (positive reinforcement). I hug him, love on him. But I miss my sweet fella.

[chfriend]

Would you be willing to change your focus from his behavior and trying to control it by providing or denying attention to a different way of interacting? Something along the Playful Parenting (Lawrence Cohen) or Unconditional Parenting (Kohn) way of thinking?

It's worked really well for us, and helps me stay on the "same side" as my kids. It's a lot more fun too.

[lovemyfamily6]

Originally Posted by chfriend

Would you be willing to change your focus from his behavior and trying to control it by providing or denying attention to a different way of interacting? Something along the Playful Parenting (Lawrence Cohen) or Unconditional Parenting (Kohn) way of thinking?

It's worked really well for us, and helps me stay on the "same side" as my kids. It's a lot more fun too.

Can you elaborate with some examples of how to respond in the playful parenting way with the OP's situations with knocking things over and being destructive?

This sounds a lot like my 5 1/2 year old when he's angry too. He's a very sweet and intelligent kid. When he's angry though, it's like 0-60 in five seconds! I really like the Playful Parenting book but seem to have an extremely difficult time with it in practice. I'll try something and if it doesn't work, I'm like a deer caught in headlights and end up in a power struggle. Thanks!

[Dar]

I think it's important to give children loving attention even when they're not acting in ways that please us. Or, especially when they're not.

Ignoring him when he behaves in ways you don't like isn't working. I'd go in the other direction - clear your schedule as much as you can and try to spend a few days interacting with him as much as you can, doing the things he wants to do. Reconnect with him...

dar

[GoodWillHunter]

I was thinking about that, Dar. I'm going to try to do that in the next few days because soon it's going to just be chaos when everyone is home. I really really miss my kid.