How to explain formula to my 3 1/2 yo?

[Ravin]

DD still BF's. We are heading out to visit my mom next week, who has a new foster baby. Foster bro is formula fed because he is an abandoned infant (addict mom walked out of the hospital without him, and that's all we know about her).

After having ingrained that babies drink momma milk into DD's head to the point that she does this with her dolls, stuffed toys, etc., I now have to explain bottle feeding baby foster bro.

What sort of language would you use to do this? DD has seen babies fed bottles, in public places as well as when she was in an in-home daycare setting. I don't want to marginalize bf'ing for my still nursing DD and want her to understand that breastfeeding is the norm, baby foster bro is in a special situation.

[Ruthla]

Most babies drink mommy milk. Usually they drink it right from their mommies, but sometimes they drink it in bottles. If mommy milk isn't available, then babies have to drink formula instead. Foster baby has to drink formula because his own mommy is can't take care of him right now.

I wouldn't go into the BFing and supplementing situation unless it comes up naturally (ie, she meets a baby in that situation and finds out how it's being fed) and then I would just say that the baby gets mommy milk when the milk is available and drinks formula when it's not available (whether it's not available due to true milk supply issues or the mom's choice is irrelevent for a preschooler.)

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Most babies drink mommy milk. Usually they drink it right from their mommies, but sometimes they drink it in bottles. If mommy milk isn't available, then babies have to drink formula instead. Foster baby has to drink formula because his own mommy is can't take care of him right now.

I wouldn't go into the BFing and supplementing situation unless it comes up naturally (ie, she meets a baby in that situation and finds out how it's being fed) and then I would just say that the baby gets mommy milk when the milk is available and drinks formula when it's not available (whether it's not available due to true milk supply issues or the mom's choice is irrelevent for a preschooler.)

That is perfect.

[Clarinet]

Ruthla's words is pretty much exactly what I told my daughter. We can get into the other "whys" when she's older.

[JamesMama]

Sorry to hijack, but how does one explain bottle feeding by choice to a 3 y/o?

We recently found out my youner SIL is pregnant and has already stated that she will NOT be breastfeeding...I'm due in November. When we talke about the baby coming to James we talk about how babies drink from boobie (he came up with it, I just roll with it) and he breastfeeds his stuffed animals and dolls. He's never seen a very small child being bottlefed...my friend has a 1 y/o son and she breastfeeds so we've taught him that when Baby cries he needs his boobie...so now when a baby cries in the store he'll say "Baby needs boobie, Mama."

I don't want to confuse him. I've already decided that under no circumstances will we have photos of him posing to feed DN...I won't allow it...but I don't want to confuse him why his baby (lol) has boobie and cousin drinks out of a 'baby cup' (what we call bottles).

Do I just say that some babies drink from boobie and some babies drink from baby cups and leave it at that? Or do I go more about how Aunt didn't/won't boobie-feed so Cousin drinks from a cup. Mama boobie-feeds His Baby so His Baby doesn't get a baby cup?

:

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by JamesMama

Sorry to hijack, but how does one explain bottle feeding by choice to a 3 y/o?

Most babies drink mommy milk. Usually they drink it from their mommy, but sometimes they drink it out of bottles(or baby cups). If mommy milk isn't available, then babies have to drink formula. Baby cousin drinks formula because Auntie doesn't give him mommy milk.

I'd try to keep it as simple as possible, so nothing rude comes out of the 3yos mouth in front of the bottle-feeding aunt. If the child doesn't ask WHY the baby isn't getting breastmilk, then don't volunteer a reason, just simply state that this is the way Auntie feeds the baby.

If the child asks WHY the baby doesn't get booby milk, then either repeat that she doesn't, or say that the aunt doesn't know how to BF (it's very likely she's misinformed about BF and thinks it's hard/gross/painful/etc) or say that she doesn't want to BF and/or she doesn't have enough milk. Remember, after a few weeks of bottle feeding she really won't have enough breastmilk anymore so that wouldn't be lying.

[Sandstress]

Yeah, 3 year olds are very concrete, so I would stick to facts, and leave the judgement out of it. Talk about the specific situation at hand, and not abstractly/generally about other sitautions.

For foster mom: I really like what Ruthla said about his own mommy not being able to take care of him right now- so this mommy is feeding him another kind of milk.

For the FFing SIL: I would still just go with the facts. Sometimes babies get another kind of milk. Keep repeating.

I don't think anything abstract about FFing by choice, milk banks, donor milk, pumping, SNS's etc. belong in the conversation, I guess unless the 3 child asks. Save that kind of converstaion until later when they're able to abstract a little more.

[rmzbm]

I tell my kids & see nothing wrong with telling them: "Some moms don't want to nurse." Simple, to the point & truthful.

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

I tell my kids & see nothing wrong with telling them: "Some moms don't want to nurse." Simple, to the point & truthful.

Yes, I agree. It's hard to go into the semantics of it with a 3 yr old. My ds doesn't even know what formula is really. Although he *has* been known to say, quite loudly, "Look Mommy. It's the crap in a can"! :

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by L&IsMama

Yes, I agree. It's hard to go into the semantics of it with a 3 yr old. My ds doesn't even know what formula is really. Although he *has* been known to say, quite loudly, "Look Mommy. It's the crap in a can"! :

Wow, your DS is smarter than alot of adults. The ones who look at the can & think "Just like BM!" :

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Wow, your DS is smarter than alot of adults. The ones who look at the can & think "Just like BM!" :

He's my little lactavist.

[Sandstress]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

I tell my kids & see nothing wrong with telling them: "Some moms don't want to nurse." Simple, to the point & truthful.

Yes, that is truthful... What would be your response to the inevitable next question then?

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by Sandstress

Yes, that is truthful... What would be your response to the inevitable next question then?

It would be "I don't know why, honey."

[beautyful]

My 3yo hasn't seemed to care. She's seen other babies with bottles (including my niece) and no questions have come of it. Glad I have an answer now if it does come up, though.

[smeep]

Quite simple. Formula and bottles are for babies whose mommies can't nurse, and babies whose mommies can nurse get breastmilk.

[mntnmom]

Originally Posted by smeep

Quite simple. Formula and bottles are for babies whose mommies can't nurse, and babies whose mommies can nurse get breastmilk.

Exactly. Formula isn't evil(just the companies that market it!!). It was developed for the best of reasons. Sometimes momma's milk isn't as option.
She's so lucky to have a momma that can, but isn't it so great that this little guy has someone to love him.
FF by choice is a value judgement that I would wait on.

[Sandstress]

Originally Posted by smeep

Quite simple. Formula and bottles are for babies whose mommies can't nurse, and babies whose mommies can nurse get breastmilk.

Some babies whose mommies can't nurse get breastmilk. You never know what's in that bottle.

[JamesMama]

I'll probably be talking to my kiddos about FF'ing by choice eventually, lol. I don't have anyone around us right now that actually cannot breastfeed, everyone I know (minus my 2 bestfriends) formula feeds by choice...

I'd hope that James will be more exposed to my friends breastfed children, but I'm sure DH and his family will expect us to get together with SIL quite a bit since her baby and Wee One will be so close in age...maybe I can invite her to a 'play group' with my friends and their kids (both are due within the next few months as well...6 weeks and 8 weeks)

I'm hoping he doesn't say much about it, thankfully I guess 3 y/os are pretty self centered so I'm hoping he won't care. If he says anything about the baby's cup then I'll deal with it.

[eviesingleton]

A friend of mine is having a hard time with this right now because she tandem nurses her son and her adopted neice. She has a three year old girl who thinks bottles are for rescued tiger cubs and doesn't understand why people who can't nurse don't just have another mommy nurse for them.

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by eviesingleton

A friend of mine is having a hard time with this right now because she tandem nurses her son and her adopted neice. She has a three year old girl who thinks bottles are for rescued tiger cubs and doesn't understand why people who can't nurse don't just have another mommy nurse for them.

oh wow that is so precious!