Dh is a raging zealot of a lactivist - Page 4

[carriebft]

I don't mean to paint with a wide brush here. I can't speak for all conventions and all boards, but, in my experience, using harsh language and NOT being an overactive mod when people go after each other on this topic on other boards has changed a lot of minds and done a lot of good.

I believe, and you obviously disagree and that's fine, that if your audience is the type of reacts well and uses this kind of talk themselves, then go for it. If you can't use the right language in front of mothers and you are, as the OP talks about, over zealous, there are boards out there that accept this as their "board culture."

If it works there, I say go for it.


And i dont remember saying that _____ (insert any group) is an example for "good social behavior. I am just stating a fact: there are groups out there that use this language, these tactics, amongst themselves for other issues (one exmaple I gave was a gaming convention i went to). Becuase they do this, they use these same tactics in conversations about NIP and the like.

[carriebft]

I also want to add that I am not specifically talking about any phrase used here. But I did read this thread as being about overzealous activism, which has many definitions to different people. to some, calling formula junk food is overzealous; to others, it works and they use it.

So I would not read my post as reacting to any specfic phrase used in this thread except the examples I gave. I am being more general and speaking more generally about this kind of "shock activism"

[eviesingleton]

Originally Posted by carriebft

I also want to add that I am not specifically talking about any phrase used here. But I did read this thread as being about overzealous activism, which has many definitions to different people. to some, calling formula junk food is overzealous; to others, it works and they use it.

So I would not read my post as reacting to any specfic phrase used in this thread except the examples I gave. I am being more general and speaking more generally about this kind of "shock activism"

That makes a lot of sense.

I belong to message boards in which there is a lot of harsh language and snarky banter. I enjoy it sometimes. However, if I feel passionately about something that I believe is a serious matter, I tend toward the side of logic and reasoned argument.

[carriebft]

Originally Posted by eviesingleton

That makes a lot of sense.

I belong to message boards in which there is a lot of harsh language and snarky banter. I enjoy it sometimes. However, if I feel passionately about something that I believe is a serious matter, I tend toward the side of logic and reasoned argument.

That has been a lot of my experience as well. I belong to one board that is all about logic (well, you are required to argue logically; you may personally attack, you may swear, you may name call but your actual argument must follow the rules of logic). So, within the reasoned arguments about why women should be allowed to be topless in public or nurse in public or the like, there is a lot of language and things that wouldn't be found here.

People might say, "well, why not take that out?" but that;s just not how it is there.

[aja-belly]

Originally Posted by carriebft

That has been a lot of my experience as well. I belong to one board that is all about logic (well, you are required to argue logically; you may personally attack, you may swear, you may name call but your actual argument must follow the rules of logic). So, within the reasoned arguments about why women should be allowed to be topless in public or nurse in public or the like, there is a lot of language and things that wouldn't be found here.

People might say, "well, why not take that out?" but that;s just not how it is there.

i wasn't speaking of the language as much as the blind judgement. ftr. i also wasn't reffering to shock activism, but what was (imo) condescending judgements, and not activism at all.

[MamaWindmill]

Originally Posted by AllieFaye

Dh has said some doozies. Whew. He's convinced that all ff are heartless, selfish morons who demand the shots to make their milk dry up. I've tried convincing him that most hospitals and doctors don't even offer those anymore, but he won't listen. He's giving lactivism a bad name! I feel like Dr. Frankenstein; I've created a monster that I can't control. Oops. Well, if anyone claims they heard something nasty from some man about ff, I'll put him forward for:

Ask your husband if he would have been able to say the same thing to me as I sat sobbing, trying to get my screaming baby to nurse properly and not being able to get him to latch on, while the nurses at the hospital offered me absolutely no support or instruction. I was convinced the baby would starve to death. I brought him home to a house with no bottles or formula, kept trying to figure out how to nurse him on my own, and gave up, exhausted, and gave him on of the sample bottles. I lived in a small town pre-common home internet access, knew nothing about relactating or how or where a local LLL was, and was completely without any kind of support or instruction.

If your husband, who feels comfortable calling people "morons" over something he'll never actually have to attempt himself, can still have such an arrogant stance on the issue, then...huh. Nice. I appreciate your "dear" husband rubbing in my failure and grief over having my nursing relationship with my first child fall apart in such miserable fashion.

[carriebft]

I think on the judgment it can really depend. I think the example in the OP specifically ("heartless") is overly judgmental and I wouldn't use that even outside this forum/everyday lactivism. However, I have used the idea of choosing convenience/self over the child; such as mothers who have said they want to be able to drink or sleep more or whatever as their reasons not to nurse.

But even when talking about that "choice of self over child", when I am outside of places where I need to be "nice"; I will just call a spade a spade: "Selfish reasons."

I fully admit to changing my language for different audiences.

[sharon71]

Originally Posted by Selesai

So, a man doesn't support bfing or even sabatoges it, and he's a part of the uneducated, destructive society (and, perhaps, medical profession) which pushes ff and denounced bfing and NIP.
But if he does support bfing, even if he is gentle to strangers, he is a sexist pig who, solely because of his gender, is not entitled to any sort of respected opinion on the topic.

???
I don't think it's offensive or misogynistic to suggest a woman's breasts are "broken" if they don't produce a full-supply of milk.

:

if those who are freaking out over what her DH may think or say to her in private or very close company say they've never thought something negative about another person or stranger and talked to their SO/friends/family about it I'd say they are most likely liars.:

[DoctorGirlfriend]

Originally Posted by sharon71

if those who are freaking out over what her DH may think or say to her in private or very close company say they've never thought something negative about another person or stranger and talked to their SO/friends/family about it I'd say they are most likely liars.:

I'd have the good sense to be ashamed of myself if I said such things as the OP's husband.

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by daniedb

Wow, these comments and judgment would have absolutely sent me into a tailspin during Henry's first few months, when we had to supplement with formula. I hope the DHs that are able to make such sweeping generalizations never have to watch their wives weep for hours at a time over breastfeeding books because she can't get the baby to latch correctly, to shell out enormo bucks for a hospital grade pump so that their wives can try to nurse the baby, then pump the precious liquid gold out of their bodies in hopes that her "broken boobs" would continue to make milk to nourish her child. I hope they never have to hold their wives while she sobs and feels nauseated and almost vomits every time she sees her husband having to mix up a bottle of formula, you know, to feed the kid so he doesn't die? I hope they don't have to stand next to her at the store picking out the right nipple shield, watching her tearfully examine the differences between one or the other and not able to afford to buy more than one, so her tears are motivated by fear of choosing the wrong one, continuing the cycle of the baby screaming at her breast for minutes and hours.

I hope they don't ever have to experience the silent, but oh-so-obvious judgment of strangers walking by them in the store who give them a lifted eyebrow and a pursed mouth as they struggle to not let the tears roll down their faces as they feed their baby a bottle of formula because they can only pump enough for a half-day's supply of food. I pray that they will learn some compassion for mothers, many of whom would never share their particular heartaches and miseries with a stranger, much less one who positively radiated judgment when he walked by.

Perhaps these husbands could think about how to support women in their breastfeeding efforts instead of deciding that they are lazy, selfish mothers, and consider the possibility that a mom doesn't need to be labeled as a person whose "boobs are broken" because she's already feeling broken, inadequate and unworthy. She doesn't need anyone else's agreement.

I really feel like an a**hole now. I readily admit I was overboard and outright rude in *my* comments, but I honestly never *tried* to see it from the other side. I am sorry if my comments offended. I really am.