Being pregnant the second time around has definitely been different. For one thing, I didn’t barf fifty times a day for four months straight. I’ve gained 10 pounds so far, as opposed to 35. And this time, I have a rambunctious two-year-old to chase around the house. (Which has probably contributed to my lack of weight gain.)
The most interesting difference, though, has been our choice in birthplace. When we discovered we were expecting our son, Michael and I discussed our vision for the birth of our firstborn. My mom had two successful drug-free hospital deliveries, so I had always assumed I would choose a natural childbirth. In college, my roommates and I would watch A Baby Story on TLC and it was then I became interested in free-standing birthing centers. Michael, on the other hand, was not comfortable with me giving birth outside of a hospital and insisted that a doctor be present. At the time, the closest birth center was in Austin so we set out to find a doctor in San Antonio who supported the natural process of childbirth. After much research and prayer, we interviewed Dr. Thomas. She was a young, Christian doctor with a hands-off approach – the perfect fit!
Our next mission was to find a childbirth preparation class. My mom had used Lamaze and my friend, Melanie, recommended The Bradley Method. After reading Husband Coached Childbirth, we signed up for a Bradley class. After 12 Saturdays of education, Michael decided if I wanted to birth in an alternative facility he would support me. But at eight and a half months pregnant, I wasn’t interested in driving an hour and a half during labor!
On the morning my water broke, I faxed my detailed birth plan over to the hospital. I labored at home as long as possible, mostly walking around our neighborhood to get my contractions going. After arriving at the hospital, being processed, and given a room, I continued my walking through the halls of the LDR Unit. The hospital staff looked at me like I was crazy for not signing the consent to epidural form “just in case”. I can only imagine the looks on their faces when they pulled my fax off the machine! No drugs? No internal fetal monitoring? No episiotomy?
With soft music in the background and Michael by my side, I labored in the hospital bed through transition due to monitoring my doctor ordered. To be honest, the Lamaze techniques my Mom and Dr. Thomas suggested helped me cope with the pain more than the “go inside of yourself” practice Bradley prescribes. (What does he know? Has he ever given birth?)
At around seven centimeters I begged Michael for the epidural. He said, “Babe! You asking for this means you are almost done.” And the head nurse, a God-send, whispered encouraging words into my ear. “I’ve read your birth plan, I’ve been doing this for 25 years, and I know if you get this epidural you will regret it for the rest of your life,” she was right. I settled, unfortunately, for the lowest dose of Demerol possible. Then I re-centered my thoughts and gathered enough determination to make it through the rest of labor.
By the time I was completely dilated and effaced, I felt no urge to push. (I’m pretty sure it was because I had eaten before I came to the hospital, looking back I think an enema would have shortened my third stage of labor.) I pushed for an hour and forty-five minutes, and the top of his head kept appearing and then receding. Pushing was not a relief to me - it was very painful because my bowels were full. I could feel the back of his head getting stuck on my pelvic bone with every push. My doctor suggested the use of the vacuum extractor. Michael suggested I switch to the squatting position. But due to the Demerol, I was too week to hold myself up. (See how one intervention leads to another!)
So after Dr. Thomas used the vacuum, I pushed two more times and out he came! He was beautiful and so alert. I got to hold him for only a few minutes. I was in complete shock. When I watch the video, I’ve never seen myself look that way before – so tired and confounded. In a moment the nurses rushed him away, saying “he can’t retain a high enough body temperature”. (Duh! He was naked. I should’ve insisted they lay him on me skin to skin with warm blankets.) I made Michael stay by his side in the nursery, while I delivered the placenta and got my two stitches. Luckily, my doctor was familiar with perineal massage, so I only had two little tears.
So, there I was – legs spread getting sewn up with no baby at my breast. Not exactly the experience I had envisioned! An hour later they brought him back to the room so Michael could bathe him. Shortly after, we had our first attempt at breastfeeding. He looked straight into my eyes and I was relieved.
In hindsight, I am fully convinced that had I not had the Demerol I wouldn’t have “needed” the vacuum, my baby would not have been taken away from me, and I would’ve had a more positive experience overall.
Don’t get me wrong, I did feel empowered by giving birth without an epidural. I was proud of myself and my body for accomplishing a vaginal delivery. And I was very thankful to God that I didn’t end up with an unnecessary C-section, like 25 percent of the women in hospital births last year.
But nothing in life is perfect. (Well, my husband and son come pretty close.) All you can do is learn from your mistakes and choose to prevent yourself from repeating them.
This time around will be different – on purpose. When people see that I am visibly pregnant and they ask, “Where are you having the baby?” I say, “AT HOME!” The classic responses include, “Girl, are you crazy?” and “You are SO brave!” What’s my response?
No, lady – YOU are the brave one! I have experienced the pain and joy of childbirth. I felt every contraction, knowing that each one was bringing me one step closer to my son being in my arms. I chose natural childbirth because after reading a million books, including many perspectives, I decided the effects of the drugs on my baby were not worth my pain relief. I am NOT saying it is wrong to get an epidural. (Although, I will go head to head with you on elective C-section, but that’s another blog.) What I am saying, is that being pregnant is not a medical condition, birth is a natural process that shouldn’t be screwed with. The pain has a purpose! And this time no one and nothing is going to interrupt MY natural process.
We chose a christian midwife, Alisa, with many years of experience. She will bring another midwife and her assistant to our home, along with the proper equipment should an emergency occur. I look forward to using a birthing pool for pain relief and providing a more gentle birth for our second baby. I feel so much less anxiety about the birth this time around.
Homebirth is not for everyone. But if I could give one piece of advice to expectant parents it would be this: Educate yourself! Get as much information, from every point of view possible. THEN make your decisions. Don’t just go along with “what everyone else does”. Don’t buy into the myth that doctors know everything – they’re only humans with a little extra schooling. You have access to as much information as they do. Not all doctors are the same, chose your doctor wisely. Do not be afraid to make your wishes known. Be an active participant in the healthcare of you and your baby. Trust yourself and your body. You can do it, in fact, you were MADE to do it!
The most interesting difference, though, has been our choice in birthplace. When we discovered we were expecting our son, Michael and I discussed our vision for the birth of our firstborn. My mom had two successful drug-free hospital deliveries, so I had always assumed I would choose a natural childbirth. In college, my roommates and I would watch A Baby Story on TLC and it was then I became interested in free-standing birthing centers. Michael, on the other hand, was not comfortable with me giving birth outside of a hospital and insisted that a doctor be present. At the time, the closest birth center was in Austin so we set out to find a doctor in San Antonio who supported the natural process of childbirth. After much research and prayer, we interviewed Dr. Thomas. She was a young, Christian doctor with a hands-off approach – the perfect fit!
Our next mission was to find a childbirth preparation class. My mom had used Lamaze and my friend, Melanie, recommended The Bradley Method. After reading Husband Coached Childbirth, we signed up for a Bradley class. After 12 Saturdays of education, Michael decided if I wanted to birth in an alternative facility he would support me. But at eight and a half months pregnant, I wasn’t interested in driving an hour and a half during labor!
On the morning my water broke, I faxed my detailed birth plan over to the hospital. I labored at home as long as possible, mostly walking around our neighborhood to get my contractions going. After arriving at the hospital, being processed, and given a room, I continued my walking through the halls of the LDR Unit. The hospital staff looked at me like I was crazy for not signing the consent to epidural form “just in case”. I can only imagine the looks on their faces when they pulled my fax off the machine! No drugs? No internal fetal monitoring? No episiotomy?
With soft music in the background and Michael by my side, I labored in the hospital bed through transition due to monitoring my doctor ordered. To be honest, the Lamaze techniques my Mom and Dr. Thomas suggested helped me cope with the pain more than the “go inside of yourself” practice Bradley prescribes. (What does he know? Has he ever given birth?)
At around seven centimeters I begged Michael for the epidural. He said, “Babe! You asking for this means you are almost done.” And the head nurse, a God-send, whispered encouraging words into my ear. “I’ve read your birth plan, I’ve been doing this for 25 years, and I know if you get this epidural you will regret it for the rest of your life,” she was right. I settled, unfortunately, for the lowest dose of Demerol possible. Then I re-centered my thoughts and gathered enough determination to make it through the rest of labor.
By the time I was completely dilated and effaced, I felt no urge to push. (I’m pretty sure it was because I had eaten before I came to the hospital, looking back I think an enema would have shortened my third stage of labor.) I pushed for an hour and forty-five minutes, and the top of his head kept appearing and then receding. Pushing was not a relief to me - it was very painful because my bowels were full. I could feel the back of his head getting stuck on my pelvic bone with every push. My doctor suggested the use of the vacuum extractor. Michael suggested I switch to the squatting position. But due to the Demerol, I was too week to hold myself up. (See how one intervention leads to another!)
So after Dr. Thomas used the vacuum, I pushed two more times and out he came! He was beautiful and so alert. I got to hold him for only a few minutes. I was in complete shock. When I watch the video, I’ve never seen myself look that way before – so tired and confounded. In a moment the nurses rushed him away, saying “he can’t retain a high enough body temperature”. (Duh! He was naked. I should’ve insisted they lay him on me skin to skin with warm blankets.) I made Michael stay by his side in the nursery, while I delivered the placenta and got my two stitches. Luckily, my doctor was familiar with perineal massage, so I only had two little tears.
So, there I was – legs spread getting sewn up with no baby at my breast. Not exactly the experience I had envisioned! An hour later they brought him back to the room so Michael could bathe him. Shortly after, we had our first attempt at breastfeeding. He looked straight into my eyes and I was relieved.
In hindsight, I am fully convinced that had I not had the Demerol I wouldn’t have “needed” the vacuum, my baby would not have been taken away from me, and I would’ve had a more positive experience overall.
Don’t get me wrong, I did feel empowered by giving birth without an epidural. I was proud of myself and my body for accomplishing a vaginal delivery. And I was very thankful to God that I didn’t end up with an unnecessary C-section, like 25 percent of the women in hospital births last year.
But nothing in life is perfect. (Well, my husband and son come pretty close.) All you can do is learn from your mistakes and choose to prevent yourself from repeating them.
This time around will be different – on purpose. When people see that I am visibly pregnant and they ask, “Where are you having the baby?” I say, “AT HOME!” The classic responses include, “Girl, are you crazy?” and “You are SO brave!” What’s my response?
No, lady – YOU are the brave one! I have experienced the pain and joy of childbirth. I felt every contraction, knowing that each one was bringing me one step closer to my son being in my arms. I chose natural childbirth because after reading a million books, including many perspectives, I decided the effects of the drugs on my baby were not worth my pain relief. I am NOT saying it is wrong to get an epidural. (Although, I will go head to head with you on elective C-section, but that’s another blog.) What I am saying, is that being pregnant is not a medical condition, birth is a natural process that shouldn’t be screwed with. The pain has a purpose! And this time no one and nothing is going to interrupt MY natural process.
We chose a christian midwife, Alisa, with many years of experience. She will bring another midwife and her assistant to our home, along with the proper equipment should an emergency occur. I look forward to using a birthing pool for pain relief and providing a more gentle birth for our second baby. I feel so much less anxiety about the birth this time around.
Homebirth is not for everyone. But if I could give one piece of advice to expectant parents it would be this: Educate yourself! Get as much information, from every point of view possible. THEN make your decisions. Don’t just go along with “what everyone else does”. Don’t buy into the myth that doctors know everything – they’re only humans with a little extra schooling. You have access to as much information as they do. Not all doctors are the same, chose your doctor wisely. Do not be afraid to make your wishes known. Be an active participant in the healthcare of you and your baby. Trust yourself and your body. You can do it, in fact, you were MADE to do it!
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