sensitive toddler & others invading her space

[beachbaby]

DD is almost 19 months...she's a sensitive yet spirited soul. I'm at a loss as to how to respond to this situation: she cries when other children (older, younger, whatever) look at her, touch her, or touch things she perceives as hers.

It's not an issue of other toddlers grabbing toys from her (although that does happen, it's more straightforward for me to deal with that situation). She cries if another toddler gets on the swings next to her at the park. Or if someone pets the dog while we're out for a walk. Or a friend tries to give her a push while she's on a riding toy at a playgroup outing. Or another toddler climbs up into her stroller while DD is playing nearby.

She doesn't meltdown or tantrum, but makes more of a protesting crying, yelling sound. If I don't redirect in time, it often leads to DD hitting. More often, it's just one incident after another of the same for the rest of the time we're at the park/with friends/etc.

I'm just at a loss when this happens. I don't want to dismiss her feelings. But I just don't know what to say sometimes. Usually I get down on her level and say something like "X is swinging, too! He's having fun." Or "Y likes to pet the dog, too. You can pet her together." Or "I know it's hard to see Z in your stroller. We're going to go for a ride in it after Z looks at it." If she still cries, I usually try to redirect her to some other activity, but it just seems to continue with another incidient a few minutes later, so I'm wondering if I could be doing something different (or is this just the nature of toddler-hood--one big redirection! )

[mom22girls]

I think you're doing all you can do - and you're handling it very sensitively. You may prepare her if you know you're going into a situation where you expect an issue, "there will be lots of kids in the sand box, maybe we'll meet a new friend."

[greeny]

My dd was like that too! She would get SO upset and cry, sometimes even fall on the floor and cover her ears with her hands, if another child so much as LOOKED at her.

I would usually tell her, "H is going to be swinging on that swing next to yours. We can't ask her to leave, so would you like to do something else instead?" and give her a choice.

It was so hard, and at that point I had NEVER seen nor heard of another child as sensitive as my daughter. I had no idea how to handle things. In general, though, we tried to give her as much patience and time as possible. It sometimes helped to arrive places early, so she could get comfortable in the place before other people arrived (if it was a party or playgroup type situation - obviously that wouldn't work so much at a park, though we DID try to go earlier in the morning when less people were there).

She has outgrown most of that part of her sensitivity. So it will most likely get better.

[beachbaby]

Originally Posted by mom22girls

I think you're doing all you can do - and you're handling it very sensitively. You may prepare her if you know you're going into a situation where you expect an issue, "there will be lots of kids in the sand box, maybe we'll meet a new friend."

Thanks! I sometimes forget to let her know what's coming next. I'll try this approach...I think it will help.

Originally Posted by greeny

My dd was like that too! She would get SO upset and cry, sometimes even fall on the floor and cover her ears with her hands, if another child so much as LOOKED at her.

I would usually tell her, "H is going to be swinging on that swing next to yours. We can't ask her to leave, so would you like to do something else instead?" and give her a choice.

It was so hard, and at that point I had NEVER seen nor heard of another child as sensitive as my daughter. I had no idea how to handle things. In general, though, we tried to give her as much patience and time as possible. It sometimes helped to arrive places early, so she could get comfortable in the place before other people arrived (if it was a party or playgroup type situation - obviously that wouldn't work so much at a park, though we DID try to go earlier in the morning when less people were there).

She has outgrown most of that part of her sensitivity. So it will most likely get better.

Glad to know I'm not alone! It's so hard sometimes. Thanks for your suggestions...I'll try them out.

[Tanibani]

Have you read Mary Kurcinka Sheedy's book Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents whose childs is more Intense, Sensitive, Persistent and Energetic? (Look for the Updated version.)

She has a whole chapter on Introverted/Extroverted children. Very eye-opening and helpful. My son is an extrovert. He THRIVES on group play. He needs it daily to recharge (more people). The reverse is opposite for introverts. They need their own space to recharge.

Anyway, I think the book will help you be more aware of her POV and how to help her prepare in advance.

If that doesn't help, e-mail her directly and ask for advice.

[sarabug]

My oldest DS was and still is like this. You are already doing everything that was told to me by a behavioral therapist. It *should* get better as she gets older unless there is an underlying cause as there is in my DS. Hope it gets better soon!

[beachbaby]

Originally Posted by Tanibani

Have you read Mary Kurcinka Sheedy's book Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents whose childs is more Intense, Sensitive, Persistent and Energetic? (Look for the Updated version.)

She has a whole chapter on Introverted/Extroverted children. Very eye-opening and helpful. My son is an extrovert. He THRIVES on group play. He needs it daily to recharge (more people). The reverse is opposite for introverts. They need their own space to recharge.

Anyway, I think the book will help you be more aware of her POV and how to help her prepare in advance.

If that doesn't help, e-mail her directly and ask for advice.

I did read it (and am reading "The Highly Sensitive Child" right now, too), but think I need to go back and look at it again. I like the HSC because it has more info geared toward toddlers.

Originally Posted by sarabug

My oldest DS was and still is like this. You are already doing everything that was told to me by a behavioral therapist. It *should* get better as she gets older unless there is an underlying cause as there is in my DS. Hope it gets better soon!

Thanks sarabug! We had an outing this morning with just 2 other toddlers and DD seemed to be happier playing one-on-one with just a few friends. I think she also needs time to get to know her playmates and surroundings and become comfortable around them.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by beachbaby

the nature of toddler-hood--one big redirection! )

I think I'm going to put that in my signature!

[linguistmama]

My dd is very much like this. IE: for awhile she would get up the courage to go to the top of the slide and then she would get upset when the other kids expected her to go down or move eventually. I basically did what you do and over time she is getting more comfortable. Rasing your spirited child helped me. What was most helpful though was meeting some other parents in real life who would say that their child used to be just like that. Eventually their children became more comfortable. This was the key for me, realizing that I wan't going to have to distract her forever!

[dara00]

my dd is like that too, esp. with certain kids. we have a weekly playdate with a girl who is almost a year older and somehow she just knows that dd can't stand her getting close - so she does it. I try to protect dd but I also want her to be exposed to it and get used to it!