Can i disclipine my MIL?!

[Brojakee]

I am more furious than i have ever been in my life. My poor DD(3) is a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to potty training. If she has an accident she cries and cries and cries, which i have always reassured her that it was no problem, and i am very proud of how well she is doing, accidents happen.

We went to IL's to pick up somethign for DH, my DD said "mommy i really really need to go potty" In laws house is about 45 minutes away from ours so i knew she probably really had to go. Here is the conversation that happened"

MIL: Brooklin you need to ask me if you can use the potty, this is my house not your mothers.
(brooklin looks confused)
Me: Please just let her go, she has had a long car trip.
MIL: No she will learn to respect me in my home, or she won't be welcome to use any of the facilities.(SERIOUSLY!) (YELLING) ASK ME PLEASE NOW!
DD: (starts crying) I have to go peepee, please gramma.
MIL: Say "Gramma can i please use yoru potty?"
DD: starts crying hysterically and i feel a warm wet spot--

No we will never step foot in her home again. No i couldn't have just taken her, the bathroom is where she shuts her VICIOUS dog in. This dog has bitten me and cause stitches, the dog goes after the kids if he see them. What should I do? I want to let them all have it, including DH for not saying anything(hasn't cut the apron strings yet). I am so angry and sad for DD who was humilited and bullied, and had a accident DD kept saying I"m sorry mommy, i'm sorry to peepee on you. I was near tears myselfa nd kept telling her i didnt mind, she peepeed on me when she was a little baby, which she tho ught was hysterical. After i got her changed gramma had a towel ready for DD to go clean up her puddle, i todl gramma she could go f*** herself. NOt my brightest moment, but anyway. Do i email, do i say anything else what do i do?

[RiverSky]

Honestly, I think you should never have gone there ever again after having been bitten by the dog. I think it's really wrong to bring a child into a home with a vicious dog. I am sure your DH insisted that you give the house another try, though, so I can understand, but please just stay away from now on. How scary!

Next, your MIL's behavior was HORRID. What a selfish, thoughtless, poor excuse for a biological-grandmother. No, I don't think you should apologize AT ALL. If anything, send her a curt e-mail telling her that from now on, you and your children will never be visiting her house. If she would like to visit, she can do so at your home or at some other neutral location that you find suitable. Also, when she visits, she had better do so with respect and without hurting DD's feelings, or else those visits will also be curtailed.

Blech. I can't imagine how horrible it would feel to have a grandmother who made me feel like crap. Powertrip anyone? :

[RiverSky]

Originally Posted by Brojakee

NOt my brightest moment, but anyway. Do i email, do i say anything else what do i do?

I don't even know you, but that moment actually made me proud of you. I think you did great. Hopefully, MIL will actually learn something from that. I wouldn't hold my breath, though.

[G-Mama]

Un-frikkin-believable.

No advice- can't even imagine what I'd do if anyone spoke that way to me or my kids.

Hugs to you and your dd. Grrrrrr to your MIL.

[thismama]

Ugh. Can you imagine what kind of mother she must have been?

[mama2mygirl]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

I don't even know you, but that moment actually made me proud of you. I think you did great. Hopefully, MIL will actually learn something from that. I wouldn't hold my breath, though.

Me too! I don't know you either, but I am proud!

Your poor sweet dd. I hope she's feeling better.

[dubfam]

I cannot believe your MIL did that!!!!
And you really told her to go f herself??!!

I am soooo sorry that you and your dd had that terrible experience.

My MIL has done some really B*&chy things, but nothing that terrible. I have many issues with my MIL and DH has not cut the apron strings either. He does not like to stick up to her. When our DS was 2 months old my MIL tried to convince my husband to leave me, because I stuck up to her after she yelled at us for 20 minutes. I hadn't even said anything bad to her, just basically told her to stop yelling at us. She told him that she couldn't believe he would stay with a woman who disrespected her!!

She and DH did go to a little bit of counseling together a couple years ago, and it really helped a lot. DH finally got a chance to tell his mom how her actions make him feel, because he felt safe in the therapists office. I don't know if that is something that your DH and MIL would even consider, but I bet it would do wonders for the situation. It is really frustrating when your dh wont take care of his own crazy family!

I would not ever go over there again, especially because of the big dog. If it were me I would also limit access to my kids until she was ready to agree to some ground rules, like to respect when your DC need to use the bathroom. What she did is pretty creepy and sadistic. Just plain weird! I felt so bad for your DD when I was reading your post.

If she did this then what else is she going to do?

[ThreeBeans]

I think "Go EFF yourself" was the only possible and reasonable response to that situation, frankly.

Oh, and neither you nor DD should ever set foot in their house again. Nor would such a vicious and abusive person be welcome in my home.

[MommaLyon]

First, what the hell!!! I would have punched her for the way she treated your dd. So give yourself a pat on the back for only saying go f yourself! I am stunned that people actually behave this way...holy crap.

Second, your husband needs to defend you and HIS daughter. Good grief!

Finally, lots of hugs to you lady...you are a good woman for having so much control of yourself.

[~Megan~]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

I think "Go EFF yourself" was the only possible and reasonable response to that situation, frankly.

Oh, and neither you nor DD should ever set foot in their house again. Nor would such a vicious and abusive person be welcome in my home.

:

I'm stunned. Protect your baby and yourself.

[PikkuMyy]

OMFG - Seriously, I think what you said to her was nice, considering what a complete and utter *%&#($ she was. I would never go to her home again, nor have her over to mine.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a real heart to heart talk about her behavior.

[Kailey's mom]

Seriously: How dare her treat your daughter that way!!!!! Not cool at all, and she really felt no remorse, nothing??!? I just don't get how people can be so mean. HUGE HUGS to you and your sweet little girl, my god, she's still a baby, If I keep typing it will be a big ramble!! TG she has a good mommy who sticks up for her! Unfreeking believable:

[LynnS6]

What do you do?

"Dh, I will not go to your mother's house again, nor will dd. Not after being bitten by her dog and not after the way that she treated dd and me today. Apparently, hearing the 'right' words is more important to her than our daughter's well being.

Your mom is welcome here, as long as it's a short visit."

Do you talk to MIL about it? Only if she asks why you don't visit any more. In a week, write out what you want to say. It'll take you that long to be mildly calm. Take out the note when she calls.

Dh can go visit himself if he needs to. No way, no how would my kids go visit that woman.

[angelcat]

That was beyond awful. I never had to ASK to sue the bathroom at my grandparents house ( still don't) and none of the grandchildren do at my parents house either.

[BowenTherapist]

ok, so i don't really have anything intelligent to say, but couldn't read this and not give a hug to you and your dd
really, i am so glad you told her to f' herself! i can't believe a gramma would do that, especially after a long car ride and a potty training 3 yr old

karma will be back at her when she is in a nursing home one day...

[flapjack]

:

I live with an incontinent grandparent- sometimes things come around quicker than you think.

Personally, I think that she'll interpret any further contact on your part either as an apology or as you fishing for an apology. I would just keep the phone unplugged until you calm down, and speak eloquently but non-profanely at that point. The only other thing you could have done would have been to take your daughter back outside and let her use the gutter/ a potty next to the care and shame your MIL in front of the whole neighbourhood.
I don't know about other people, but my 3 year olds have generally needed help in the toilet with handwashing, getting up and down, etc. The way your MIL reacted was bizarre in the extreme.

[RiverSky]

Originally Posted by flapjack

I live with an incontinent grandparent- sometimes things come around quicker than you think.

:l ol

[pixiesmommy]

I just wanted to send you hugs. That was beyond awful- that was abuse. Kudos to you for sticking up for your poor baby!!!
This thread literally has me in tears- and it's not just the pregnancy hormones.

You're doing the right thing by not going back. Believe me- someone who was verbally abused as a child- children don't forget. If you go back, you are condoning this abuse. I still have a hard time with my relationship with my mom for the things she let other people say to me when I was very little. It sticks. It hurts, and it doesn't ever leave your memory :

You did the right thing.
Manda

[FireFrog]

Originally Posted by Brojakee

After i got her changed gramma had a towel ready for DD to go clean up her puddle, i todl gramma she could go f*** herself.

You go, mama! Like others have said, I am proud of you for standing up to her!

I had a friend do something similar to my DD when she was that age and I never allowed them to be alone with DD ever again. Just because they share some DNA does not mean your MIL should be treated any differently then my ex-friend.

I say, cut her off. And if DH won't get behind you, do it for him. Your DD needs to know that SOMEONE will be protecting her from abusive people.

[thebee321]

I am so, so sad for your little one after reading that. That is just awful.

I have no advice (I'm sure great advice has already been given). I have never heard of anybody demanding a child request permission from the owner of the potty. How weird.

Give your little sweetie some extra snuggles to try to take the sting out of that bad experience.