Well, I'm losing hope.
I'll be 42 weeks on Tuesday and baby is nowhere near engaged. Head still floating loose at the brim. What the hell?
Thankfully the massive stress (entirely unecessary) that we had over my heart murmur and the insistence of one doctor that i was in hospital on iv antibiotics is now sorted. I am so angry that he put me through all that when it turns out it's not even hospital policy. I have had a week of stress and crying about it, when if I'd just seen a different consultant like the one I saw today, it wouldn't even have been an issue.
But now I just feel like giving up. I have been so screwed over by the inconsistency of our maternity care in this country. I have been made to feel 'overdue' for 3 weeks now, thanks to my original midwife's insistence that i stick with my LMP due date, despite me knowing it was wrong.
Thankfully, this morning I saw possibly the nicest midwife in the whole world, who told me how brave I was being and gave me a hug and was so encouraging. But she did also have to tell me that I have a damn high baby who looks to have no intention of coming out.
I'm to go back to the hospital on Monday, where the lovely hospital head midwife who was also really lovely and understanding has made sure that my appointment is with the least intervention/induction/section happy consultant there. Then I'll be getting a NST, U/S and a check of my cervix (no one has suggested that these be done so far which is good I guess), and we'll discuss 'what next'.
I was so so desperate to give birth at home and avoid all intervention, but I do have to accept that an undescended 42 week baby (by the latest possible dates) is out of the comfort zone for home delivery of the MWs who I have access to, and I can't fight that. I'm just so worried that I'm 'broken' in some way, and it just isn't going to happen on it's own. Of course, I'm not even sure what the induction options are if she doesn't drop-I think the OB mentioned prostaglandin if it seems to be because of an unfavourable cervix. I have been taking so much EPO and getting loads of cervical pains so I'm hoping that my cervix is OK (although I have had no change in mucus whatsoever)-but then surely if it is and that isn't the reason then there may well be something just effed up with my pelvis? I dunno. She seems to be a small baby by all accounts, and I'm tall with big feet...ack I just don't know.
She is still posterior, so I guess that could be a lot to do with it. I've been trying so hard with fetal positioning, but obviously not hard enough. Or perhaps that's just how she wants to be.
Sigh. I guess, one way or another, I will have a baby within a week. So I should just try and relax. I don't know if any of the natural induction methods are any good with her still so high up, and I'm so sick of eating pineapple! I had acupuncture yesterday, not sure if it will have done any good for hurrying things up, but it was good at releasing some of the intense stress I've been under. We had a really lovely meal out last night, went to see Spiderman 3 and had a great time, I had contractions-some actually painful-so I was getting my hopes up. Then on the bus home the driver was really rude to me and made me cry nonstop all the way home, which was followed by a massive freak out and about 3 hours sleep because I was so upset. So it isn't really surprising that all contractions stopped.
Perhaps I just need to completely de-stress. But now I'm thinking it can't just be a stress thing seeing as she's just in the wrong damn place. Maybe there really is something wrong with me. Aaaaagh. And I can't even have a stretch and sweep with her being so high (which is perhaps a good thing, but it takes away one not too invasive line of action so it's a bit annoying). Plus, if my waters break instead of me being all relieved I will just be paranoid about cord prolapse, and will be off to hospital after all.
And to cap it all, yesterday I got my first tummy stretch marks. Now that is unfair. Almost 3 weeks after I was kind of expecting/hoping to have a baby in my arms.