My SIL is spanking her baby. - Page 3

[Genesis]

Originally Posted by ktbug

They're crawling out of the woodwork! Honestly, what are you guys doing here?

Oh my gosh, thank you! I was thinking the same thing!

While they are here though, I sincerely hope they read the literature.

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by Natural Mommy*J

Oh my gosh, thank you! I was thinking the same thing!

While they are here though, I sincerely hope they read the literature.

I've been feeling the same thing today :

[swimswamswum]

Someone needs to disable MDC's misogyny magnet, stat!

To the OP, if I was in your situation I would probably talk to my sister in law (gently, with lots of mainstream (AAP, WHO, etc.) child development literature to support my position). Even if she doesn't respond and continues to hit her baby : , at least you are planting the idea in her mind that hitting is wrong. If she isn't responsive, I would change the will. This is such a tough situation for you.

Here are some (mainstream, if that's what it takes to convince her) links to studies showing later problems among small children who are spanked:

http://pediatrics.aappublications.or...act/113/5/1321
http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpb...,,njb0,00.html

[my3peanuts]

Thank you for the advice and support.

I've decided that I do need to get a will written up and I think for now what I'm going to do is write something up that suggests some books I'd like them to read that are in line with my philosophy as well as why I'm raising my kids the way I am and that I want them to respect our wishes. I also plan on talking to SIL.

[ian'smommaya]

i would also talk to your s.i.l about the WHO advice and peditriations advice on hitting of children, much like swim swam swum suggested. good luck too you.

Originally Posted by Vypros

Also, spanking isn't an illegal thing, so it's not like you're condoning something illegal. If I recall correctly, it's "legal" to spank a child on their bottom (and only their bottom).

actually some places it is illegal to hit a child. anywhere. for any reason. joyously enough i live in one of thsoe states...i reguarly hear it called a mothers paradise for the amount of (emotional) support we get too.

[pumpkinyum]

If you change your will so they don't get the kids, then who will get them?

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by ian'smommaya

actually some places it is illegal to hit a child. anywhere. for any reason. joyously enough i live in one of thsoe states...i reguarly hear it called a mothers paradise for the amount of (emotional) support we get too.

Where do you live? Would you like houseguests? :

[ian'smommaya]

any time three beans. anytime.
minnesota btw.

[my3peanuts]

Originally Posted by ian'smommaya

any time three beans. anytime.
minnesota btw.

That's funny, because I'm in MN too. But sadly, it's not that way around here.

[EdnaMarie]

I'm just skipping the whole debate part and going straight to the OP.

Would it be stupid of me to write a letter addressed to them expressing my concerns and stating my philosophy about raising my kids and let her know where it's at and that if the time ever came she could read it?

No, it would not. However I would ask that you consider some other measures you could take. I just don't think a letter at that time would have the effect you might be hoping for.

"I just want her to know that is not ok and if she were to ever have my kids she'd have to promise me she'd raise them the way I want them to be raised."

I don't know that ANY of us are capable of implementing someone else's parenting policy. I mean we're talking 24-7 here. Do you think that if your little babies want to crawl into bed with her, that she will accept that (knowing what you know now)? I am not judging her, but suppose she wrote you a letter letting you know she wanted you to be "strict" (read: spanking, punishments, etc.) with them? Would you be able to do it?

Gentle discipline requires gentle feelings. I would talk to your DH about speaking to them now about changing the will. You mention that you don't know anyone who comes even close to your parenting style: would you consider leaving the kids with a single parent or a single person who has kids? Maybe a non-traditional family, like a gay couple? An older person?

If not, at least you could try to find someone who doesn't hit babies. I know that sounds mean but it is just sad. If that's what they do to helpless, soft little angels, how are they going to react to a teenager's coming home with a nose-ring... and a speeding ticket?

I am just so sorry, for the baby and your family. I hope it works out.

ETA- well I read some later posts about talking to your in-laws about parenting and I don't know- I think it's good but how would they take it? I don't envy you but I agree it's an important discussion to have. I personally would still be looking out for someone who had more of my worldview. For what it's worth, we still haven't chosen our baby's godparents- she'd go to her grandparents for the time being.

[mommacanary]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Thank you. I needed a hug. That was hard for me to post.

It just really makes me upset when people think it's ok to hit if it is on the bottom. There is no special place on a child where you can hit them and they won't get hurt. All hitting hurts.

[MtBikeLover]

Originally Posted by earthymama2b

You don't hit an animal to train them (THAT's ILLEGAL)

This is something I have never understood - our children aren't even given as much protection as animals. How in the world can anyone not see this as ridiculous and still thinks it is ok to hit a child will never make any sense to me.

To the OP - I agree with a lot of adivce you have already gotten. Good Luck!