I am running out of patience....

[<<>>]

My 22 months old son is a hitter.
He has been for the past year. (since he could about a year old)
We're talking a dozen times a day he slaps someone, or hits them with a toy.
He's outgrown the pulling hair phase, and the biting phase. My oldest 2 used to hit each other, but that phase was so short, DS has been violent for so long....
He shares well, he plays well, he's sweet loving, He doesn't throw crazy meltdown fits. But he will walk up to his sister, unprovoked and smack her/ hit her with a toy....
I'vetold him 'no hitting', and ' sister is crying now, hitting her really hurt her'... I have removed him from the room to talk to him, and even put him in 'time out' a handful of times when it's gotten real bad. (I don't even "believe" in time out, I was just at my wits end!!!)

I thought it was because he's the baby, and I have a 4yo and a 3yo, and I'm baby sitting a 3yo and a 2yo during the day, and he does it for attention. He is still nursing a dozen times a day, but I don't think HE THINKs thats enough momma time....

So I'm here looking for some suggestions.
Hitting is wrong, we don't do that in this house, and I want him to understand that...
Thanks for any help..!!!!

[monkey's mom]

Hang in there! It will get better!!

Here is an old post of mine re. the hitting:

My son did this a LOT!! Betw. 19-22 mos.

He hit anyone in sight--it was VERY tough!

We did not punish him, we taught him.

We simply repeated (about a kajillion times a day) that hitting was not OK and we showed him "Gentle Touch" as we used his hand to stroke our faces. (All of this info I got here on the Gentle Discipline Forum--you can search around there are lots of other ppl in the same boat!)

Finally, he had a language EXPLOSION!! He had been signing since 9-10 mos., but he was still very frustrated to not be able to speak or communicate as much as he wanted.

NOW, he's 25 mos. and he is speaking in 5-7 word sentences!

It will pass, you just need patience and perseverance to guide him through this tough developmental milestone.

Hang in there!!

[LankyLizards]

Ugh, that's rough. I definitely feel for oyu. My dd has been biting and hitting for the past couple of months. She has actually slapped me across the face a couple of times. What seems to work best is not to react in anger or even shock, but just to silently shake my head and immediately demonstrate a gentle touch for her (as the pp mentioned). It's really been helping. She has been having trouble talking, at least not as much as she wants to be, and I definitely think it stems from that frustration. Hopefully, a linguistic breakthrough is on its way! Hang in there!

[Yaliina]

Although my son is younger, and doesn't really hit a lot, I agree with what the last couple people said: replace hitting with gentle touching. I taught my son to "love" or "be gentle" or "be sweet" (depending on who/what was going on) rather than hitting when he used to sortof smack my chest while nursing. I'd grab his hand before it touched me & show him how to "love Mamma" etc. by petting gently. Now we use it when he starts hitting the dog or other kids. We just try to give him a verbal reminder before he touches or if we see that hand go back like he's going to hit. We use "motherease" and reinforce positive feelings and interactions with words like sweet, love, gentle, nice, etc. So far, it's really worked. He usually looks at us and immediately goes to petting the object of his attentions.

We've also been trying to model gentle touching- cutting out the playful slapping dh & I do with each other. I realized that was contributing when dh whacked the dog (a big bulldog) to get him to stop licking (we don't hit the dog exactly, but with a bully you have to be physical to get his attention). Immediately afterward, Nathan went over to the dog & said his name while hitting him. Oops. Man, the things you don't think about before you have kids!
Good luck. I feel for you, mamma.

[fridgeart]

I could have writtenthis post about my 22 month old DD. She does the same thing-hitting or pushing not to geth anything, other than a reaction/attention. We do a lot of the above suggestions (gentle touch, redirection, reinforcing why it's not cool, etc.). I was reticent to do "timeouts", but they did work (this is done at gym daycare). I think I will try downplaying my reaction to that of just disappointment. She definitely is looking for a reaction.
It's so hard bc in every other respect, she's a great kid-very easygoing, happy, and funny..not a tantrum or blowup in sight! It's so frustrating to see her be aggressive with other kids. I just hope that us constantly reinforcing "gentle, gentle" will eventually sink in, and this phase will be over (and my friends' kids will stop giving her wide berth, sort of lol). I'm glad to know we're not alone, though it's unfortunate that others are dealing with it too.
Keep me posted on anything else that is working!
mommatothree, my DD is an Evelyn too!

[Kirsten]

I'd stop babysitting the 3 and 2 year olds. I think giving enough attention to a 4 year old, two 3 year olds, and two 2 year olds is an almost impossible job for one person. I think he is trying to get attention the only way that consistently works.