HELP- Falls asleep nursing and will only sleep on top of people

[jldumm]

It seems, my little one is into extremes. She will fall asleep after 3-5 minutes of nursing and will stay asleep as long as she is being held. But then she is up in 30 minutes or less of she is put down... Even if she does have some longer nursing sessions. Any ideas.... Also my mom wants to know how long other people let their newborn baby cry. (she is helping me right now) I am not quite willing to go there yet as she is only 8 days old but we are all getting pretty tired and dirty- and terrified for when it is only me. TIA

[Willzmama]

Okay, this sounds like my DS who is now 4. He did not follow the rule book about newborns sleeping all the time! Unless, like you said, he was being held. And actually, he needed movement to go along with being held, which led to our exercise ball addiction to get him to sleep, but I won't bore you with those details.

DH and I believed the theory that you can't spoil an infant, and certainly not a newborn. An infant's wants are it's needs. So we did whatever DS seemed to require. It was so hard at times. But as he got older, we got to know him better, and he got easier. And he's an awesome 4 year old - we don't regret doing what he needed, even though we got a lot of unwelcome advice from people over the years.

8 days old - I mean, she's probably not used to being out of your womb yet! She's in the 4th trimester, as they say.

Hang in there. You are in the hardest, earliest days, mama. It will get better!

[kittn]

do you have a sling or wrap? that will make life worlds easier so that you can hold her when she sleeps.

if she falls asleep when nursing you can try undressing her, changing her diaper. or jiggling her cheek gently.

ive never been one to let babies cry alone. its different if cant console them. so im no help there. I would say to not let her cry unless you cant help it

[BrooklynDoula]

My baby is 8 days also and I don't let him cry at all (I mean, he might fuss for a diaper change but I never leave him to cry). I also believe that baby's wants are baby's needs and this can be hard, but like the PP I have a now 5 year old who needed constant touch and constant nursing and it was a challenge but he is an AMAZING kid and I would not trade the investment we made in him for anything. Try getting a sling you can wear in the shower if bathing is an issue. Slings and wraps might save your sanity - we wore ds until he was 2 everywhere we went.

Good luck!

[sparklemama]

nak

I agree w/ the above posters. my babe falls asleep often after starting to nurse and I just gently wake her - diaper changes work best right now.

my son had to sleep on one of us all the time too for a while. if a sling doesn't work for you, then you can try putting your babe to sleep in a more cozy place/position like the carseat or something like the amby sleeper. my ds had reflux and had to be kept more upright when he slept and his carseat worked great (we tried cosleeping with him and he would have nothign to do with it). we actually just had an extra carseat that we used only for that - i had a blanket in there to make it more comfy (it couldn't go over his face or anything). Anyway, that position and how it cradles the baby more may help her stay asleep when you put her down. also, try swaddling (if you don't already) so when you do put her down, she keeps the same position and warmth/cozyness.

[momto l&a]

Thats just the way babies are for the most part.

In a few months it seems like mine where able to transition to sleep in a bassinet right next to my bed.

But right now our babe sleeps in my arm or between dh and I.

Dh said yesterday she looks the most peaceful when sleeping on somebody.

Who can blame a baby, I mean the spent the last 40-/+ weeks hearing a heart beat and being super close to mommy. Why wouldn't they continue to desire that. That the baby's comfort.

[momofelise]

Getting a sling or other type of carrier will help tremendously. I say it's probably worth it to carry your dd all the time (just find ways to make the carrying easier), because you'll end up feeling more rested. There's nothing like a baby crying to work up your stress levels! I've been holding dd2 all the time (if not me, then dh or mil), but I've been trying to get her used to the adjustable mei tai (a cloth carrier) I have. That way, I can still do things around the house while carrying her (and she's so light right now, that it's not bad at all). The only time I've even tried to have her sleep by herself is during family meals at the table. Also, if you carry from the beginning, your body adapts as the baby gets heavier, and the baby will continue to feel okay in the carrier. Good luck and hang in there! Dd1 had colic-like symptoms for the first 6 wks (10 of hours of inconsolable crying at night!), and it was soooo difficult! Dd2 feels like such a breeze in comparison! She only cries when she's hungry and for a little while when has gas. Don't worry; it'll get better.

[InPhoenix]

I second the poster who suggested a car seat for sleeping. My boss gave us the Fisher Price Soothing Motions Glider and it's been a life saver. We hardly ever turn it on, but the seat is so cradling that my DS loves it. For his first few weeks, he wouldn't sleep unless he was being held or in the Glider. I think a car seat would have the same effect- making the baby feel cradled and secure. Have you tried swaddling as well?

My DS wouldn't sleep in his crib initially, but my sister was in town last week and suggested placing rolled up receiving blankets around him, and that's worked wonders. Now he has no problems sleeping in the crib.

I also second the diaper changing suggestions. When DS falls asleep while nursing, diaper changes and lightly blowing on his cheek usually wake him up.

Hang in there- the first weeks are the hardest...

[happyhippimama]

I am another advocate for the sling. I had thgouht for WEEKS that I really wanted a Moby Wrap for this baby. They just seem perfect for a newborn. Well, I got one a couple of weeks ago, and my babe LOVES it. She'll sleep for a good 3 hours in it sometimes, and I can get things done around the house. I think it's well worth the $30 or so.

[mum4boys]

I agree with everyone else. Try undressing her for feedings to see if that helps. I so agree about not letting the baby cry. Maggie is 3 weeks old and we never let her cry unless its diaper change or inthe car and then we talk to her trying to get her to calm down. We have been rewarded with a pretty mellow child except when the acid reflux is bad. As far as the carseats go, I am not a big fan of using a car seat as a baby holder but of course all of my kids have acid reflux so the car seat just adds to their misery.

[jldumm]

thanks guys

[BirthInStyle]

That sounds just like my DD when she was a newborn. And then oddly enough, we found out that she would fall asleep on her own when we laid her down in our bed. So she slept with us for the first 18 months of her life.

[FuzzyOne]

have you tried swaddling your baby when you put her down to sleep? we discovered that ds needed that in order to stay asleep. now, dd doesn't care for it. each baby is different. but, it is only natural that your baby wants to feel held or enclosed while sleeping - she has been that way for the last nine months!

[PapayaMom]

swaddling is key for us right now too. DD2 is more "needy" than dd1 was at this age. DD1 didn't care where she was or if anyone had her, this one wants to be held all the time. DD1 slept in her bassinet for the first few months then tranistioned into our bed, dd2 has been sleeping in arms from her first night.

The sling is my lifesaver. Also if you need to shower try bringing a bouncy seat or something in the bathroom with you, the noise of the shower is calming to my little one and its really the only time she tolerates being put down in the bouncy seat.

I agree with everyone else, we do not let our babies cry unless it is a situation like a diaper change or car ride. I think too often people are set on getting their babies independant at too young of an age. It is very overwhelming to have someone needing you day and night but I have found that the quicker her needs are responded to the quicker she settles and goes back to sleep.

Hang in there, the two of you are just learning eachother now. It takes time to adjust and get into a groove.

[koru]

i was going to suggest swaddling, too. dd1 didn't like it so much but dd2 needed to be swaddled (with one arm free so she could suck her thumb) for almost 6 months! she was gigantic but still wanted to be nuzzled up in her blanket (that she carries with her like linus to this day).

i also remember reading - i think it was dr. sears - that it takes babies 20 minutes to complete a sleep cycle so if you can hold them through the first cycle you might be able to get them into a deep sleep & lay them down for a while.

good luck! my firstborn was exactly like this & it was exhausting. she didn't want anything but in-arms. she despised the sling, screamed in the carseat & how dare i ever put her down. it got better, though, once i resigned myself to the fact that this was her temperment & i was going to love my strong willed child.

just out of curiosity, how was your little one in utero? dd1 was extremely active & came out screaming. she didn't quiet down for about 20 minutes. all our photos of her are red faced with a wide open mouth. that was 4 years ago, though.....

[jldumm]

in utero, she was pretty wiggly pretty often. She does seem to like swaddling, and the slinging is only so so right now. thanks for all the advice. lots of good options.

[crysmomofthree]

my little guy is 4 weeks today (too quick) he sleeps on my chest most of the night, if I need him to sleep alone so I can help the older kids I lay him on his stomach on my mattress that will often keep him asleep for an hour or so, if not in my pouch he goes , your baby won't always want to sleep on your chest and one day you'll miss it and newborns change so quickly in a couple days she might be more settled, or it might take a few weeks we don't let Callum cry alone either I would rather stop what I am doing and comfort him than listen to him cry till i'm done

[aran]

nak

You've had great replies so far.

Just wanted to add that my DS1 was an in-arms sleeper for over a year... born that way... no-one could get him to stay asleep on his own more than 15 minutes, even in a swing, sling, carseat, in swaddling, on his belly, you name it. I am adding my story because I think this is more common than most people think, but people don't realize because this need is often neglected by people who let their child cry. For us, the in-arms sleeping was fine once I realized this was what he needed to feel safe, and I ignored the advice of people who thought otherwise. We set up our house to accomodate in-arms sleeping, and DH would give me an hour of alone-sleep every AM before he went to work (more on weekends). I now cherish all the cuddly time I had with DS1... and he is so well attached and gentle with his new little brother. I like to think it was because we listened and responded to his needs.

[amyleigh33]

just wanted to add my 5-day old won't sleep if put down either--from reading your responses, starting to think it's not that uncommon...

[mommajam]

My firstborn did exactly the same thing. I think you've gotten a lot of good advice as far as sleeping. I just wanted to add, that my son would only nurse for about five minutes on one side every couple of hours or so. Any attempt at getting him to wake and eat more either failed or ended up in him spitting up the "extra" anyway. Thankfully I had a good doctor who pointed out that as long as he was gaining weight and thriving (which he was) he was fine.
M.