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Do I need to worry more?

post #1 of 57
Thread Starter 
Sorry this is a long story... but I am really upset by what this woman said to me today and I need to tell the whole story so you can get a clear picture.

I am totally the opposite of the mom who worries... I never worry about anything. Sometimes I think that I should react to stuff that happens but for whatever reason I just don't. I don't really understand why and I'm starting to think maybe there's something wrong with me.

We were out at the park today -- not really a park, but a wide open field. DS and DH were fireing off a rocket tonight and we needed a wide open space so it wouldn't drift onto someone's house.

Anyway, as DS and DH were walking off into the distance, 11.5 month old DD and I stayed back on the path. She was walking up and down the paved path (it was paved but a little rough for ware -- no pot holes or anything, not that bad, but a little difficult for walking at times). Anyway, DD was having a blast walking up and down the path picking up the rocks along the way (she's been walking since 9.5 months) She fell once, whimpered a timid cry to which I didn't respond to, and then picked herself back up and went on her way, quickly smiling again.

As we were playing in the path a dog-walking old lady walked by and said to me "aren't you worried that she'll fall?" I didn't say anything but thought about it for a minute. I probably shrugged my shoulders or shook my head. She said "You're not worried she'll fall and scrape her knees?" -- again, I didn't respond verbally and she said "good mother", dripping with sarcasm, and walked on her way.

What should I have done?
post #2 of 57
I get that alot, and always respond with "kids will be kids"
post #3 of 57
Ignore her. You know your kids & their abilities way better than any random woman you come across in the park.

post #4 of 57
Are skinned knees fatal? You sound like a healthy, loving parent. You dont' have to hover constantly to be a good mom. But being judgemental and rude to strangers doesn't make you a good mother either. It just makes you a nasty person. Ignore her.
post #5 of 57
Kids fall down! Some parents are helicopters, some aren't.
post #6 of 57
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Lynski View Post
Are skinned knees fatal? You sound like a healthy, loving parent. You dont' have to hover constantly to be a good mom. But being judgemental and rude to strangers doesn't make you a good mother either. It just makes you a nasty person. Ignore her.
I was just completely taken aback by what she said that I didn't have a clue how to respond. The way she said it was so forceful and abrupt that it really had me question my own judgements...
post #7 of 57
I'm not a big worrier either and it bothers me when people think that makes me negligent. I'm not going to go into a full frenzy if one of my kids gets a scratch or a bruise, ya know? Panicking over teeny injuries will just make the kids anxious, too. I don't think you did anything wrong. I'd either shrug it off or take the advice of a PP and say "kids will be kids."
post #8 of 57
"She's tough" "She'll heal" "Skinned knees never killed anyone" "How will she learn to get back up if I don't let her fall?"

Right now my 21 month old has huge bandages on both her knees and a mighty ugly scabbed up elbow. She got them from climbing rocks and trying to follow her big brother walking on a curb. Oh, I forgot the skid marks on her forehead. Literally skid marks. I won't break her adventerous spirit by stopping her from trying things that she might get hurt doing. Killed yes, I stop those, hurt, not very often. I may tell her to slow down or tell her to watch her feet or something like that. But I don't stop her.
post #9 of 57
You sound a lot like me. How is he supposed to learn about things if he never experiences them? How is he supposed to learn how to better his footing if I only allow him to walk on smooth, even surfaces? I don't stop my ds from being an adventurer and explorer and I love that about me, if I do say so myself. :
post #10 of 57
Is it just me or do old ladies seem to be afraid of everything?
post #11 of 57
What everyone else said. The only reply I'd have given to the woman was "No."
post #12 of 57
You're a great mommy A lot of parents really limit their children and restrict their range of motion for fear of them getting a skinned knee, but they need that room to wander and explore and take the occasional tumble. It's great that you were giving your daughter some space to walk at her leisure and you didn't rush in and overeact when she took a little fall.

That lady makes me so angry. : I can just picture how mean she must have sounded and how you felt afterward. Don't let it get to you.
post #13 of 57
I'm a lot like you, I rarely ever worry, really the only times I have worried have been when things were really wrong with my DD's, and I knew it. DH still tells me that even when DD2 was really sick and in and out of hospitals for months that I still had an aura of calm around me. I don't bat an eye at little things, DH can get annoyed at me because I don;t come running when DD1 gets hurt, it's just not a big deal to me. Anyway, I think you are just fine, that woman needed to have minded her own business.
post #14 of 57
I've noticed that people around me will run to the aid of my child before I will! My 4-year-old was offered a ride on a kid's training-wheel bike the other day, and he climbed right on even though he'd never really done it before. I just stood there watching him negotiate the seat etc. and suddenly the other mom ran over to help him.

Same thing happens with Grandma--I'll be standing there watching my kid climb something and she will run over and try to hold his waist or whatever so he won't fall.

I don't think there's anything wrong with letting kids figure stuff out by themselves--it's good, in fact. A few bumps and bruises are just not a big deal. I think you sound like a great Mommy!
post #15 of 57
You don't need to worry more. I have found that other people (older people generally - not just older ladies...) worry more about my dd because they don't know her abilities. I know that she's been walking since she was 9 months old and climbing since she was 7 months old. I know that she can walk to the edge of a walkway and not fall off. I know that she can put a pebble in her mouth and that she'll spit it out pretty soon afterwards and that she's never once choked on anything. If it's too big and not chewable she doesn't keep it in her mouth long at all.

Other people don't know those things. My dd is not yet 19 months old and she goes down the slide at the park that has a sign on it which reads "designed for children from the ages of 5-12" and she has a blast! I wait at the bottom of the slide and she goes up and down and up and down for hours on end. It's wonderful! I worry a little about what on earth she'll find to do at a playground when she gets older, but I'm sure she'll figure something out. Some of the parents at the park get a bit nervous, but once I tell them that she goes down that slide all the time and is totally fine, they relax

You know your child best and you'll know if you need to worry because you'll feel uncomfortable in that situation - whatever that situation is for your individual child. I think that children do best when parents don't hover, personally. Have you read the Continuum Concept? I don't agree with everything in that book, but a lot of it makes sense to me and dd has certainly done well with the philosophies I got from it.

love and peace.
post #16 of 57
No you are fine. The stranger IMHO was rude and nosey. It depresses me to see overcautious parents whenever we go someplace kid-oriented. Moms literally following their kids around the playground saying "be careful" and "don't run." Argh.
post #17 of 57
Lord, I am such a helicoptor mom and I struggle with it all the time. My anxieties should not dictate how I parent! Anyways, I look to parents like YOU to remind me that skinned knees and whatnot are fine and good and healthy so please, keep doing what you're doing!
post #18 of 57
Oh no!!! Skinned knees! Sheesh, if she'd seen DS she probably would have called CPS, his legs are a mass of bruises and scraps, he runs, he trips, he falls, he gets up and keeps playing, what's the big deal? I feel if you haven't gotten dirty you haven't had fun.
post #19 of 57
i don't worry much either, though i have to say before i had an early walker (my second walked at 9 months too) seeing a baby that young walking around in public would have made me nervous. while your baby has been walking for two months, most 11 month olds haven't had much (if any) practice.
post #20 of 57
Another non-worrier here, big time. And yeah, it drives me nuts when people, especially total strangers, think I'm all sorts of negligent just because I don't wrap my kids in bubble wrap and keep them in my pocket... : My DD1 right now has band-aids on her knees from trying to jump off my front stoop, and band-aids on her foot from trying to ride her new tricycle barefooted (she let her foot drag on the pavement.) And DD2 has a red bump on her head from rolling over on the hardwood floor. Lots of casualties this morning, but lots of learning too. DS hasn't had an injury yet, but then again he's been napping all morning; give him time!

Don't let it get to you. A good mother gives her child lots of chances and opportunities to learn and grow and develop abilities and encourages sturdy independence when the child is ready for it. You're doing that!
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