First I want to say that if any of my birth rings a bell or sounds like your birth story, please share your story with me. My birth was very traumatic and I am suffering from PTSD. I am posting my story because I want to warn some mommies and because I really need to connect with mommies who have been in similar situations.
So, here goes:
As soon as I heard of the Bradley Method I knew it was for me. I wanted a completely natural birth and I was scared about the pain. Reading through the book and practicing the exercises reassured me that I could handle it. So, with confidence I told my NMW that I was having an all natural Bradley birth in water (in a hospital). She agreed that they would do everything possible to make that happen for me.
As the weeks went by I became very excited and anxious to meet my new babe. I studied up and researched all of the important issues like GBS and Ampicillin. I asked all the important questions of my NMW and got all the right answers. I was ready.
So, at 4:20am on January 5th when I felt that little release I knew it was time. I hurried out of bed and to the toilet and yes! My water had broken! I was thrilled that today was the day I would meet my baby.
I called my SIL (two laymidwife assisted home births and one unassisted home birth) and she agreed that it sounded like my water had broken. When I called later to ask her why I wasn't having contractions she assured me that it sometimes takes time for them to start.
I called the hospital when my contractions were 30 minutes apart and they told me to come in. I was admitted and given a gown. I hopped in bed and with DH at my side I began practicing the Bradley Method. Things were going great and all the nurses thought I was sleeping while I was having contractions. I was relaxed and handling the natural birth surprisingly well.
Shortly after my admittance my NMW came in and said I needed to be started on Ampicillin for my GBS. Though I had decided I didn't want it, she pressured me by saying it would cause serious harm to my baby if I didn't and that they would do all manner of terrible things to him when he came out. I was scared and in pain and I trusted that she knew what I wanted and what was best for me and my baby, so I agreed. Shortly after agreeing she returned to say that my water had been broken far too long and that there was a risk of infection. I had no idea that it was a problem but when she suggested Pitocin I balked and said "no way." I wanted my baby to come out when he was ready.
My NMW was quick to assure me that if I didn't take the Pitocin I would develop an infection that would almost definatly severely harm or kill my baby. Again, being a scared new mother in a lot of pain who put her full trust in her NMW, I agreed. This was the worst mistake I have ever made.
Almost immediatly Jackson's heartrate dropped into the 120s (FYI: fetal distress is marked by a FHR of <120). My labor became more difficult and MUCH more painful-side effects I did not know were imminent.
Two and a half hours later my NMW returned to tell me things were not progressing quickly enough and she upped my Pitocin without giving me any options. Again, more pain. Jackson's FHR dropped again to right at 120 and stayed there. So, after another hour they upped it again. Again, more pain. This time I had to be put on oxygen because I was finding it difficult to breathe through the pain. An hour and a half after the last upping of Pitocin Jackson went into Fetal Distress.
Because my contractions were so hard, but my cervix was only dilated to 5cm Jackson's head was being crushed with each contraction and his heartrate was dropping into the 80s.
You can guess what happened next. Yup, an emergency cesarean.
And so began my long and continued recovery from the birth of my first child.
After I finally got to come home I started thinking that something had gone wrong but I wasn't sure what it was. I was so confused because I trusted my body and my baby to lead the way but how could my body be so very wrong? Why did I need so much intervention?
So, I started looking into it and discovered that the WHO recommends that after 18 hours of prolonged rupture of membranes you give Ampicillin to the expectant mother. But, wait, I was on Ampicillin. And after only 10 hours of PROM. So, why did my NMW say there was a risk of infection? How could I become infected when I had an IV of antibiotics coursing through my veins?
And so, I now struggle to recover from my sugery and from the PTSD that has poisoned the birth of my first child because of a simple mistake.
The good news:
on January 5, 2007 I gave birth to a perfect, beautiful baby boy 8lb 13oz and 23" long. He began breathing right away and when they placed him on the warmer he propped his feet up and laid back like the cool guy he is. Today he's a perfectly healthy, sweet, fun, energetic 4 month old. He's happy and still very cool. He still likes to prop up is feet, by the way. He is the second best thing that has ever happened to me (DH is first of course!) and I hope someday I can overcome his birth and give him little brothers and sisters to play with.
Thank you for reading.
So, here goes:
As soon as I heard of the Bradley Method I knew it was for me. I wanted a completely natural birth and I was scared about the pain. Reading through the book and practicing the exercises reassured me that I could handle it. So, with confidence I told my NMW that I was having an all natural Bradley birth in water (in a hospital). She agreed that they would do everything possible to make that happen for me.
As the weeks went by I became very excited and anxious to meet my new babe. I studied up and researched all of the important issues like GBS and Ampicillin. I asked all the important questions of my NMW and got all the right answers. I was ready.
So, at 4:20am on January 5th when I felt that little release I knew it was time. I hurried out of bed and to the toilet and yes! My water had broken! I was thrilled that today was the day I would meet my baby.
I called my SIL (two laymidwife assisted home births and one unassisted home birth) and she agreed that it sounded like my water had broken. When I called later to ask her why I wasn't having contractions she assured me that it sometimes takes time for them to start.
I called the hospital when my contractions were 30 minutes apart and they told me to come in. I was admitted and given a gown. I hopped in bed and with DH at my side I began practicing the Bradley Method. Things were going great and all the nurses thought I was sleeping while I was having contractions. I was relaxed and handling the natural birth surprisingly well.
Shortly after my admittance my NMW came in and said I needed to be started on Ampicillin for my GBS. Though I had decided I didn't want it, she pressured me by saying it would cause serious harm to my baby if I didn't and that they would do all manner of terrible things to him when he came out. I was scared and in pain and I trusted that she knew what I wanted and what was best for me and my baby, so I agreed. Shortly after agreeing she returned to say that my water had been broken far too long and that there was a risk of infection. I had no idea that it was a problem but when she suggested Pitocin I balked and said "no way." I wanted my baby to come out when he was ready.
My NMW was quick to assure me that if I didn't take the Pitocin I would develop an infection that would almost definatly severely harm or kill my baby. Again, being a scared new mother in a lot of pain who put her full trust in her NMW, I agreed. This was the worst mistake I have ever made.
Almost immediatly Jackson's heartrate dropped into the 120s (FYI: fetal distress is marked by a FHR of <120). My labor became more difficult and MUCH more painful-side effects I did not know were imminent.
Two and a half hours later my NMW returned to tell me things were not progressing quickly enough and she upped my Pitocin without giving me any options. Again, more pain. Jackson's FHR dropped again to right at 120 and stayed there. So, after another hour they upped it again. Again, more pain. This time I had to be put on oxygen because I was finding it difficult to breathe through the pain. An hour and a half after the last upping of Pitocin Jackson went into Fetal Distress.
Because my contractions were so hard, but my cervix was only dilated to 5cm Jackson's head was being crushed with each contraction and his heartrate was dropping into the 80s.
You can guess what happened next. Yup, an emergency cesarean.
And so began my long and continued recovery from the birth of my first child.
After I finally got to come home I started thinking that something had gone wrong but I wasn't sure what it was. I was so confused because I trusted my body and my baby to lead the way but how could my body be so very wrong? Why did I need so much intervention?
So, I started looking into it and discovered that the WHO recommends that after 18 hours of prolonged rupture of membranes you give Ampicillin to the expectant mother. But, wait, I was on Ampicillin. And after only 10 hours of PROM. So, why did my NMW say there was a risk of infection? How could I become infected when I had an IV of antibiotics coursing through my veins?
And so, I now struggle to recover from my sugery and from the PTSD that has poisoned the birth of my first child because of a simple mistake.
The good news:
on January 5, 2007 I gave birth to a perfect, beautiful baby boy 8lb 13oz and 23" long. He began breathing right away and when they placed him on the warmer he propped his feet up and laid back like the cool guy he is. Today he's a perfectly healthy, sweet, fun, energetic 4 month old. He's happy and still very cool. He still likes to prop up is feet, by the way. He is the second best thing that has ever happened to me (DH is first of course!) and I hope someday I can overcome his birth and give him little brothers and sisters to play with.
Thank you for reading.
My first birth was also planned as a natural hospital birth, and turned into a c/s (though unnecessary - had we all been patient, especially the docs, all would have been fine). I can really understand your trying to sort it out and figure out what went wrong, as well as wishing you could change that *one* little mistake that sent it all in the wrong direction. 
(bottom middle of page). On the search page, you'll be able to see everyone's training. Try to find someone who has had CSI, CSII, SERI, and SERII at a bare minimum. Ask them if they dialogue during their sessions -- I have found this to be an incredible tool for releasing trauma. Good luck mama 
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