This made me cry - Page 3

[marlee]

Yikes. I am not even going to attempt to read the article. With PMS and all I think it would be too much. I will focus on CLW though.

[Serrendipity]

Originally Posted by paquerette

Cold turkey. Not even a warning. So harsh. That poor baby. :

And I just love how she lets her husband make the rules about her breastfeeding relationship.

Yeah, that's what upset me about this, too.

When DH started to get squigged out by our oldest DD nursing (she was 2.5 and SICK at the time!), and told me, "You know, you're going to have to stop that soon..." (in a bossy sort of voice) I gave him my very best blank stare and said, "Well, you know it doesn't take her very long to nurse... she'll be done here in an other minute or two." The whole time, I'm thinking to myself, "Oh no you didn't!" So, the hint completely misses him and he says, "No, I mean, you're going to have to wean her soon. She's really getting too much old for that."

That's when I got sarcastic, and a touch surly. I said, "Oh really? Do my breasts belong to you all of a sudden? (mumbled "Well, no...") Then is it that you're going to take over the nursing of our children, you can be the one who decides when to wean? 'Cause I think that when you're the one nursing, then you can be the one who decides when to stop, and until then it's not actually anything you have a say in."

There was some more protest, and he tried to pull the old "I'm being left out of parenting decisions, I thought we were equal partners" card, but I wasn't about to back down. I told him, for one, it's not as if she ever asks to nurse in public anymore because she's so busy with the world, so it's not as if anyone else in the world would even know unless they asked (I could tell he was feeling self-conscious about what other people *coughMILcough* would think). And two, this isn't a parenting decision. This is a special relationship between me and our child, and no one outside of that relationship has any say over it.

Our second baby girl is about to turn 2, and I still nurse our first DD (who is now 3.5) when she asks for it, though it isn't very often any more. I'm pretty sure he's gotten over any squeamishness he once had, and needless to say, there's been no talk of weaning.


Serendipity

[Kira's mom]

That was really sad. It reinforces all the reasons why we did CLW.I am truly grateful.

[hottmama]

Poor baby!!!
I have 2 friends who cold-turkey weaned 2 yr. olds and I felt so sad for their babies. They just didn't want to nurse anymore, which I totally get, but I just couldn't do that to my kid. I can't even wean my 4.5 yr. old and it's not because I like nursing him!

[thismama]

I think there are respectful ways to wean and disrespectful ways to wean. A nursing relationship can be very important to a child. Warning, talking about it, and gradual stopping of nursing is the best way to do it. A sudden halt, with no warning, no negotiation, no discussion, is actively damaging IMO.

[hellyaellen]

this is why i want to clw. (ds is only 19 mos. so we're not thinking about any kind of weaning yet though)

well actually dh is starting to push the idea of weaning but i just ignore him.

[being]

[QUOTE=thismama;8306765[[QUOTE][/ A sudden halt, with no awarning, no negotiation, no discussion, is actively damaging IMO.
[QUOTE]

ITA w/this

[ani'smommy]

Originally Posted by Viriditas

I feel like throwing up.:

me, too. I really didn't think it would effect me so much. I am nursing through pregnancy and having a bit of a hard time with it, but I would rather nurse while pregnant for another year than do that to my girl.

[ani'smommy]

Originally Posted by thismama

I think there are respectful ways to wean and disrespectful ways to wean. A nursing relationship can be very important to a child. Warning, talking about it, and gradual stopping of nursing is the best way to do it. A sudden halt, with no warning, no negotiation, no discussion, is actively damaging IMO.

ITA, it's the sudden-ness that is so sad. And that she never talked it over with her DD.

[mommyabroad]

I cringe at any parenting decision that includes the phrases "that's for babies," "don't be a baby," "be a big girl/you're a big girl now" etc. Our children are small for such a short time and it breaks my heart to hear parents telling children what they are (big/baby, etc.) because they want their own lives to look different --nursing, toileting, sleeping, etc. DS will soon be 4 and although I do not always enjoy nursing, he clearly needs it so much. I went away for 2 nights this past weekend -- first time ever --and my heart melted when he said "Hi Mommy! Bubbas?" as soon as he saw me again. I know there are lots of reasons why people wean, but cold turkey after a separation sounds to me like a double threat to emotional security.

[Genesis]

Originally Posted by mommyabroad

DS will soon be 4 and although I do not always enjoy nursing, he clearly needs it so much. I went away for 2 nights this past weekend -- first time ever --and my heart melted when he said "Hi Mommy! Bubbas?" as soon as he saw me again.

How precious.

[phreedom]

Originally Posted by ani'smommy

ITA, it's the sudden-ness that is so sad. And that she never talked it over with her DD.

It made me sad to read it, because the mama seemed so sad and reluctant about it. I don't know because I'm not there yet (dd is only 8 months old) but I want the time when my daughter weans to be a happy occasion for both of us. (I'm sure it will be bittersweet somewhat) Like another milestone in her life to be celebrated, not something that is forced upon her.

Now that I am actually a mother I can understand this. Before I had my little girl, I could not for the life of me fathom why these mama's would get so upset over weaning, and being separated from their child for a short time, or not being able to breastfeed. But it is an unexplainable bond. That's not to say it's all roses and sunshine all the time. Just saying that each experience is different and there really is not "right" time a child should be done with it. I say I have my upper limits on how long I want to BF, but I don't really know until I get there.

[CarolynnMarilynn]

I mean why nurse when you can give them a turkey and hummus sandwich... :

That was really sad and made me have a big ole letdown. At least the Mom was old enough to rationalize her sadness - I don't think the little one had that benefit and must have been just bereft.

[BethSLP]

I read this also and was deeply affected. SO SAD.

HOWEVER, I did want to defend the dad in this whole thing. It sounds to me like the mother must have had a reason to want to wean. That perhaps she was tired of the nursing relationship, or something. Something that was not mentioned in the article was how/why her and her DH made the decision to wean on that weekend.

Also, I do think its valid that the dad suffered with the little girl the whole weekend and didnt want to backpedal. I disagree because I think GRADUAL CLW is the way to go, but in his mind he maybe did not know this was an option. If he thought weaning had to be this all or nothing thing, it would stand to reason that the compassionate thing to do is not to withhold, traumatize, then give in, only to withhold again, and start the suffering over again.

It just made me soooo sad and weepy to think of that poor babe and mama both longing for eachother, and not fulfilling that for no reason at all.

It has motivated me to read even more about CLW and get some books etc. so I can really make informed (not rash or sudden) choices about my nursing relationship with DD.

XOXO
B

[JennyClaire]

Originally Posted by Serrendipity

Our second baby girl is about to turn 2, and I still nurse our first DD (who is now 3.5) when she asks for it, though it isn't very often any more. I'm pretty sure he's gotten over any squeamishness he once had, and needless to say, there's been no talk of weaning. Serendipity

Serrendipity - you've given me hope that my DH will come around and see extended BF as normal. Thank you.

[mamaofthree]

I think the article was beautifully written, really touching and really honest. It is so sad too.
With two of my children I had to leave on emegency family visits out of town when they were two and still nursing. It was hard, especially when I got stuck in one place do to a snow storm. I thought that it would be a good time to wean... but when I came back we just kept on nursing, because it felt right.
I don't think it would have had to have been another bad weekend for the dad, because she could have CLW at a later time.
I don't think that the dad has a place to say when or how a nursing relationship should be. I am also sick to death of men saying that it keeps them out of the parenting loop... like somehow feeding is the only thing a parent does.

H

[kzzo]

I couldn't get past the 4th paragraph. My ds just turned 1 and people keep asking me "how long do you plan to nurse him for". My answer so far has been "until around 2 probably", or "until at least 2 and then we'll see". I never imagined forcing him to suddenly wean at 2, though. I just figured it would start to taper off around then.

[mountainsun]

I just hate that she made it seem like that was THE WAY you need to wean a 2 year old. I mean in her situation, I guess if she was ready, that was a good time to give it a shot~ but, man, TALK ABOUT IT at least with your daughter. It just sounded so cold. Like there is no other (gentler) way.

I am sure she will feel somewhat sad/ guilty about this for the rest of her life Man, I could not imagine weaning like that. YIKES.

[AmieV]

I agree with the PP who said that weaning shouldn't necessarily be sad and reluctant while it is always bittersweet.

While I was pregnant with DD2 I just couldn't get my mind around tandem nursing. I didn't know anyone who had done it IRL, my family kept bugging me about it and I wasn't sure about nursing an older toddler (at that point I was fine in my head till 2, but wasn't sure beyond that, and didn't want to be faced with weaning one while there was a sibling still at the breast), and honestly I wasn't sure I wanted to do it.

My DD was YOUNG. Like 15 months. But I decided to try to drop a feeding or two and see what happened. If it was traumatic for her, I never would have continued. Lo and behold, the first feeding I dropped, she was a little bit upset the very first day, but less than like 5 minutes and the next day didn't even ask. Then she started dropping sessions on her own until we were down to just before bed. I initiated dropping that one and while she did try to nurse the first couple of nights, she didn't cry or protest at all to the change and didn't even remember how to nurse within days. She definitely took a more accelerated approach than I would have, and I don't know if it's because I was pregnant or what, or if she would have self weaned if I hadn't started the process, but my point is this:

There are times that I definitely have a lot of regret for weaning her at such a young age. We were ttc, but DD2 was a lot quicker than we expected, and I should have done some more thinking about the whole issue. I wasn't prepared to consider all the angles I was faced with, and I do wonder how much of my decision making was influenced by crappy attitudes from people I knew. That said, I don't ever ever have to look back at our weaning time like that. It was a bit sad, but in general at the time I was ok with it, and so was DD. Our relationship did change and evolve into something else that didn't include nursing, but that was ok. It was just different, not negative.

I hope to nurse DD2 longer than I did my first. I know I will be facing some more societal pressure but I am much more prepared this time. I just also hope to have the wisdom and patience to not wean cold turkey like that. Now that my oldest is just past 2, she understands so much. I can't imagine not at least having some conversations about it, dropping sessions one at a time. It definitely made me sad too, mostly because I did MLW and it was nothing like that. It really was the best it could have been, and the one good thing about it was that it ended as positively as it began.

[JennyClaire]

Amie - my DD was 14 months and I weaned because I thought I was "supposed to" at that age.

I did it the same way as you - slowly eliminating one feeding a day. DD was used to bottles of breastmilk, so I just switched them to cowsmilk. She has absolutely no objection to weaning, and when I tried to comfort nurse her at about 16 months, she didn't know how anymore.

Like you, I made the best decision I could with the information I had, and don't feel overly bad about it. If DD had objected to being weaned, I'd like to think that I would have continued... But that wasn't a choice that I had to make.

And 2 or older ---- yes --- of course you should have a conversation with them! I feel really guilty posting on this thread when I can't bring myself to read the article...