Pregnant w/ #1 in our 30s June Thread - Page 7

[hazieluna]

I just read CJ's birth story and I'm a bit blown away. I've been reading a lot of birth stories lately but I think the difference with CJ's is that it seems very real somehow. Maybe because she's a first timer so I can so easily identify. I hope I am as strong as she was when I'm in pain to hold on to what I really want. Of course it's much easier for me since I'm in the mainstream here in NL. Not like in the States where I'd be considered some 'hippy' who has to fight for a natural birth at home. Funny I look around and these Dutchies don't seem to be hippies though?

Well I've been mostly lurking here. I love this thread it's a morning staple for me along with my coffee.

Lately I'm feeling scared about the impending change to my life that a child is going to mean. Also I know a 2 yo boy that irritates the crap out of me and I'm scared that I won't like my child...

So Dee - congrats on your little girl. I can totally understand your feelings about not having a boy. We decided not to find out but in my mind my baby is a girl. So I think I will have a shocker if we have a boy and I guess need some time to readjust and feel disappointed too. My DH is convinced the baby is a girl too so now I feel like I have to keep bringing up the possibility of a boy just so that it isn't such a huge shock. We still don't have any names... this is getting pretty bad....

Aimee - reading your post and SarahJen's reminds me of my first weeks pregnant until I got the evil morning sickness. It's such an adjustment to realize your pregnant! I didn't have many symptoms, just some runs to the toilet a few times and suddenly food tasted amazing - too bad that only lasted until week 7. If you are lucky you will skip the morning sickness otherwise there will be no denying that something's up for weeks!

[Grace24]

Congratulations, she's beautiful! I think it sounds like you did a great job!

[hazieluna]

Now that I've de-lurked I can't stop!

Becky - great that you passed the 3 hour test. It's interesting to read what kinds of test are mandatory for you in the States. Last time I was at my midwife I mentioned that my Dad had diabetes and whether I should be tested for it just in case and she said that my weight gain wasn't outrageous (10 kilos or 22lbs) but that if I wanted to have the test she would order it. It's so different here! They are really hands off... I'm not fretting at all about my pregnancy, I'm really enjoying my 2nd trimester. I had swelling in my hands and feet while I was in Prague and so I told her and she said that was pretty normal too and just to put my feet up.

Oh and on the whole belly button thing if anyone comes close to touching it I will amputate their hand! eke! I did have a friend of DH greet me by rubbing my belly and calling me mama....?!!! Freaked me out and I almost smacked his hand away... me having high levels of aggression going on... I should wear a big warning sign "Handle with care".

Oh Lane those are some cute pictures, you look great. Good luck with the waking at the crack of dawn with the jack hammers....

PiePie - we haven't started our birth classes. For some stupid reason (maybe because we are in Europe and summer slows everything down to a halt) they don't do any birth classes all summer. We are signed up for a class starting 20 August... I figure DH really needs the classes because the man hasn't picked up any books regarding pregnancy, birth or children. None. I'm not even upset I just expect that he's going to be playing catch up soon enough... hahaha - this is my evil cackle. So how do you stop yourself from pointing out the issues with c-sections or trying to educate others about ideas that are so clearly misguided? I feel so bored these days with these conversations it's an effort to listen to the same contrived arguments. aggghhh....

So this weekend we built our sleigh co-sleeper. We had it sent from the States. It's so funny because the whole thing is plastered in warnings.... one of them is not to use it as a crib.... um huh?

Julia - I had some yucky fights with DH, I felt so vulnerable and very emotional. Well we worked it out and since then I've been feeling even closer to DH than ever. It's like it brought us closer together especially the last one where I think I shocked him by crying a full weekend. I felt like he finally listened to what I was saying and that is exactly what I needed. And it's true you do have an added incentive to work it out but for me it made it all that more important too that he hear me.

[jpiper0430]

Congrats CJ!

Thanks for sharing the birth story! You did a great job. Enjoy beautiful little Gabriella!

[CowsRock]

Hi everybody! Sorry for my extreme lurk status...actually I don't think my status can even count as lurk because that would require reading, so sorry for my extreme hermit status. I think about everyone here and on the TTC list quite a bit but the call of the couch is still louder than the call of the computer. Things are going well on my end. I very seldom feel the sea sick feeling anymore so that has been great. There is still no food that is really appealing but I'm always hungry. There are some standards that once I get started eating work out ok. Pizza is still not one of them. I'm still pretty tired but no where near the exhaustion I was feeling. I'm working on scheduling my first midwife appointment, I hope to hear back from her today. I've got a pretty decent selection of maternity clothes so clothing is much more comfortable now. I still don't have a camera so no pics, sorry! Definitely by next weekend because we'll be going to my parents on saturday to go swimming and celebrate Father's Day with my dad and they have a digital. I was able to read the last two pages of the thread and can't wait to find time to read CJ's birth story. It seems everyone is basically doing well and I'm so happy about that. Today is "meeting monday" for me so I can't do better than that for personals, but wanted to at least say hi.

[dctexan]

Originally Posted by hazieluna

I just read CJ's birth story and I'm a bit blown away. I've been reading a lot of birth stories lately but I think the difference with CJ's is that it seems very real somehow. Maybe because she's a first timer so I can so easily identify. I hope I am as strong as she was when I'm in pain to hold on to what I really want.

I agree with this 100%. I am so glad she posted her story.

Originally Posted by hazieluna

Lately I'm feeling scared about the impending change to my life that a child is going to mean. Also I know a 2 yo boy that irritates the crap out of me and I'm scared that I won't like my child...

Ah Natalia - fearing the changes to your life - that I can relate to. I mean I love my sleep - seriously LOVE it. I get annoyed by the dogs when they wake be up before my alarm (or before I am ready to get up). Sometimes I yell at them (yes, I am a bad doggie mama sometimes because I am so frustrated. God help them if one of them has an accident or pukes during the night ('cause then I am SUPER annoyed). What the heck am I going to do when it is my kid? Kids pee the bed and puke all the damn time. Now I can deal with it during the day, but I am super worried about being a good night time parent. I also freak out about the little things like grocery shopping, going to the mall, going to the vet, doctors appointments. All of those things that I have always taken for granted are going to be that much more inconvenient once the babe is here. Also, DH and I eat dinner at a ridiculously late hour (well late for the U.S. anyway - we love European dinner time) some time between 8-9PM. We don't PLAN it to be that way, it's just that once we get home, deal with the dogs, relax a tiny bit, prep, and cook, it's 8 or 9 PM (sometimes later! Heck, when I go to my 7:30PM yoga class on Thursdays I'm not even home until 9:00PM!). Kids need to be asleep by 8 or 9 and they cannot wait that long for dinner! Shifting/planning/dealing with meal time is going to be a very stressful adjustment in our house.
Now whether I will like my own kid doesn't worry me as much. Biology has programmed us to love and protect our little ones without us even thinking about it (otherwise we would not be a successful species). Yes, I have met kids who annoyed the crap out of me. Yes I fully expect that my kid will annoyt the crap out of me sometimes, but I don't think it means I won't love him. One thing I learn while being a teacher is that sometimes it is OKAY to not like a kid. Sometimes they are just being so ugly or so annoying that there is no possible way to like them at that moment. However, not liking a child does not in anyway alter the fact that you will do whatever it takes to protect that same kid should you need to. You will be fine Natalia. Your child will not be as annoying or gross as other children. I promise!

Originally Posted by hazieluna

We still don't have any names... this is getting pretty bad....

No names here either. Ugh. We have names we sorta like (i.e. don't hate - which is such the theme with this pregnancy, I don't know why I expect our name choices to be any different), but nothing that screams "this is the name!" Blah. We aren't even talking about it anymore. I am just going to bring our name list to the hospital and deal with it once the babe is born and I have all of those feel-good mommy hormones flowing through me. Hopefully once I look at the kid and I will "know" his name.

Originally Posted by PiePie

My DH seems to be comin' round the mtn., at long last. He dreamt about the birth and the baby last night! he dreamt it was a girl (is that what he wants? he claims to be equally open to either gender) and that we named it a name he had never thought of before but suddenly really likes. he was way more solicitous and affectionate in birthing class today too -- last week i just got waves of resentment from him. For those of you who've started already (Emily? others?) how are your birth classes going? Mine was very disappointing the first week, and at least not a waste of time the second week. But my fantasies of instant sisterhood were sorely misplaced. The woman sitting next to me said like 5x, "I want a c-section" -- which is fine with me, but then why is she derailing MY class from natural childbirth methods/ pain-coping techniques, which is what it was clearly advertised as? : DH has also suddenly gotten interested in buying a home, NOW -- given how real estate works in Manhattan, this would still mean moving after baby. Personally I am a bit freaked out by the amount of $ involved, plus my ignorance in such matters, but I am also struck by his nesting instinct -- I feel like I've stepped into "Make Way for Ducklings." : :

PiePie - Hooray for DH getting more onboard. We don't start classes until Saturday. I REALLY hope they help DH get with the program and start acting like the husband and life partner of the person who is carrying a child who shares half of his genes and needs his affection and support (because right now I seriously feel like we are two individuals - one of whom is carrying a child, getting hormonal, and getting fat, yet still expected to be exactly the same as she was before - who are fairly disengaged and basically functioning in parallel). I also hope the women in my class will be more progressively minded than the ones in your class. Our birthing class is based on Birthing from Within (which should be a big screener right there, right?) and NOT afflicated with any hospitals.
As for buying a home. Well my dear, that is scary and expensive anyway you look at it. However, kinda like being a parent - there is not "right" time. I think people take the real estate plunge once they feel brave enough. I wish you the very best of luck!

Originally Posted by ~minnow~

Emily, when's your due date?

Well, my EDD is officially Aug 30 but I am trying super-duper hard not to focus on that particular date. Basically the babe will come sometime in Aug. or early Sept - whenever he feels ready. My goal is to have all work projects and baby things wrapped up by Aug 03 and then just take it day to day from that point on. DH is really fixated on Aug 30 (it is inconceivable that the baby might come "early") - which was NOT helped by our midwife telling him to tell people the due date was mid-Sept. (to avoid those stupid, "Have you had the baby yet" inquiries).

BTW - you look so cute in your pictures!!!

Originally Posted by CowsRock

Hi everybody! Sorry for my extreme lurk status...actually I don't think my status can even count as lurk because that would require reading, so sorry for my extreme hermit status. I think about everyone here and on the TTC list quite a bit but the call of the couch is still louder than the call of the computer. Things are going well on my end. I very seldom feel the sea sick feeling anymore so that has been great. There is still no food that is really appealing but I'm always hungry. There are some standards that once I get started eating work out ok. Pizza is still not one of them. I'm still pretty tired but no where near the exhaustion I was feeling. I'm working on scheduling my first midwife appointment, I hope to hear back from her today. I've got a pretty decent selection of maternity clothes so clothing is much more comfortable now. I still don't have a camera so no pics, sorry!

Kripa!!! Yay! Glad you are feeling a bit better. That first trimester is tough. Just remember that everyday puts you a little bit closer to being in the second trimester!!! You can do it!
BTW - Pizza is totally on the bad list still for me (except Stouffers french bread pizza? Who knows why). Fruit works out well for me when I have that "I'm hungry but everything is gross" feeling. Sadly, KitKats also work.

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by dctexan

Kids need to be asleep by 8 or 9 and they cannot wait that long for dinner! Shifting/planning/dealing with meal time is going to be a very stressful adjustment in our house.

I used to think that but I have reconsidered. Sears and Brazelton both say kids should stay up later if parent(s) work outside the home.

Also, you won't be feeding your babe anything but BM for the first 6 months, so there won't be prep involved! You can keep your same dinnertime.

I am having a very bad day at work. : :

[beckyphry]

Oh CJ, Gabriella is so beautiful! Look at all that hair! Thanks so much for the pictures and birth story.

Natalia, I, too, feel a bit anxious about the huge change to come in my life after the baby arrives. I know it's all normal... and that we'll adjust, but it's a lot to process.

Kripa, glad you're hanging in there. If the couch is calling you, then go ahead and relax, woman! Growing a baby is HARD WORK!

Emily wrote:

(because right now I seriously feel like we are two individuals - one of whom is carrying a child, getting hormonal, and getting fat, yet still expected to be exactly the same as she was before - who are fairly disengaged and basically functioning in parallel).

omg, this is how I feel too!!! I don't think my husband quite understands how vulnerable pregnancy makes me feel, especially because I don't communicate that to him, so his jokes about cankles and things like that aren't so funny to me. Guys are dense sometimes...

Pie, sorry for your bad day.

[CowsRock]

Originally Posted by dctexan

Fruit works out well for me when I have that "I'm hungry but everything is gross" feeling. Sadly, KitKats also work.

I just told my mom the other day, "too bad I can't grow this kid on an all fruit diet." It is the only thing that still tastes normal and that always works. Last night I had vanilla yogurt with cut up fresh strawberries and a cut up banana...just the cutting was huge compared to what I've been doing, but man it was worth it. Just finished my last meeting and I'm off to answer the call of the couch for a bit. I really missed the group, I hope I can find the motivation to stay more in touch.

[veganone]

Whining alert...

Minnow - thanks for asking about my pulled muscle. It's still painful, but less so. It's just hard to not do anything... I need it to get better - work is getting busy again for the next six weeks or so and I can't afford to miss! For some reason it's really grating on me that this happened and is still hurting. Partly because it's scaring me (terrified of a tear or a hernia) and partly because it's such a stupid injury!!!

I'm also having another round of light-headedness to where I almost think I'll pass out unless I get my feet above my head immediately. It happens randomly, so it's just hard to predict. That started again on Friday - I had similar issues at the very beginning of this trimester for about a week or so.

CJ- thanks for the honesty in your birth story. I'm sorry it didn't go the way you'd hoped, but you and the baby are healthy and that's the most important thing! She's beautiful too - even her name...

[mamajennvt]

hi lovely mamas to be! : my name is jenn and i just registered here recently although i've been reading for a while. i'm 11 weeks today with an EDD of new years eve. this will be my first and my boyfriend's third. we had our first MW appointment last week and she found a nice strong heartbeat in the 170s and that made it all that much more real.

anyway, i just wanted to introduce myself and say how great it is to be here. and also, send a special shout out to my friend becky

[jpiper0430]

Bump...

Kripa - I remember the first trimester. I was going to bed at 7:30 at night and getting up at 6am. I wasn't the best company at the time, and didn't spend much extra time on the computer. It does get better though, so hang in there, and we'll look forward to "seeing" you more when you are feeling better!

Welcome Jenn! Hey - you spell it the same as me!

Elizabeth - I've had some lightheadedness lately as welll, and I'm due around Oct. 5 (pretty close to you). I got so dizzy at work one day, they gave me the choice to go to the hospital in an ambulance or to call my "ob." I called my midwife and after a lot of questions, we decided that my blood pressure was probably a bit low (it's usually around 90/55, and it reaches its lowest around 24 weeks). Basically, she said to make sure I drink enough water, eat enough protein and don't stay in one position too long. It seems to be helping. I hope your pulled muscle is feeling better!

About fearing the upcoming life changes: This has only hit me recently. Last week I had a total breakdown before DH got home wondering how I would take care of the house and a child while he was away. I worry about being a good mom. Also, up until last week, I was totally planning to resign at my current job and take about 9-10 months off from working to stay home with the baby. Then I was going to start teaching high school physics (or math) somewhere fairly close to home (I currently work 26 miles from home). Of course, I got a new manager recently, and I really like working for him. So now I'm wondering if I should try and stay on part time or something. I've had several friends who love their children, but hate being a stay at home mom and others who have to work but would love to stay home, so right now, I'm planning to wait and see. I don't know when my company is going to force me to make a decision though. I can understand them needing to find a replacement if I do plan to leave, but how am I supposed to make a decision based on something I've never experienced?!?

[PiePie]

I have resolved to put yesterday's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day behind me. I decided in the shower this morning that we need my income for June and July and I am just going to have to suck it up and deal with my boss's power and control games. The truth is, I feel like I'm pregnant, and I am doing the best I can in terms of hours, and as long as the issue is hours and not client service, why try to micromanage me? But people can be control freaks, and I do want this recommendation (as DH reminded me), so I will adjust my schedule accordingly. My boss actually asked me point blank if I can "handle" a full time job. Truthfully, some days I totally wish it were part-time -- I am so tired! -- but when I said that in a joking tone she said that was what she was afraid of, that I am a walking time bomb who is going to leave the office with more cases to cover (hello, I am helping more poor people, isn't that the point?), so I reassured her. Frankly it's more reassurance than I feel. I would love another "sick day" but that would not be prudent. Sigh.

[PiePie]

[QUOTE=veganone;8357357]I'm also having another round of light-headedness to where I almost think I'll pass out unless I get my feet above my head immediately. It happens randomly, so it's just hard to predict. That started again on Friday - I had similar issues at the very beginning of this trimester for about a week or so.
QUOTE]

Before or after you eat?

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by jpiper0430

Elizabeth - I've had some lightheadedness lately as welll, and I'm due around Oct. 5 (pretty close to you). I got so dizzy at work one day, they gave me the choice to go to the hospital in an ambulance or to call my "ob." I called my midwife and after a lot of questions, we decided that my blood pressure was probably a bit low (it's usually around 90/55, and it reaches its lowest around 24 weeks). Basically, she said to make sure I drink enough water, eat enough protein and don't stay in one position too long. It seems to be helping. I hope your pulled muscle is feeling better!

Yes, this is a vasovagal reaction (can also turn into a morning sickness reprise if you don't get food into you immediately) -- if you haven't eaten recently. It is more likely to happen to those of us with blood pressure on the low end of normal. I had this in court and they similarly freaked out -- EMTs, hospital unless I had "doctor's" permission not to. Myt MW's solution to this is that I have to eat protein every two hours.

[PiePie]

Emily, In answer to your earlier questions, my favorite dresses are from Motherhood and Burlington Coat Factory. And my little brother bowed out of Emory for grad sch -- he will be in Champaign, IL, instead. I think that it's a cow town compared to Atlanta, and I also worry a bit about a Big 10 sch exploiting their grad students with teaching loads, but he is slow to grow up (compared to me at 30) and so now that he is finally making decisions free of familial influence I do not want to muddy the waters...

[Grace24]

Morning! The horrible long week is over and I have some time to sit and read!

Minnow...that sounds awful about your BIL. It's my brother, he's been in the hospital for a week and he seems better now that they have him back on his anti-psychotic. He's such a sweet guy but so lonely, even when he's functioning, cuz he's a little strange (he can't help it, it's his illness), and that's the part that makes me so sad, is the isolation for him. But I think he's going home soon...home to Mom's so they can drive each other crazy again, but hopefully since it doesn't look like he got fired yet (he was hired AS a disability employee) he might be able to get his own place soon. Hope springs eternal...otherwise, they'll both keep calling me to bitch about each other all the time. Seriously, they BOTH need lives!

Jenn...Welcome and congrats on your pregnancy! This is a great thread with great ladies on it. I love it here.

Elizabeth...glad the muscle strain is easing up...I've been getting some strains in my...well, butt region...so uncomfortable, I hope it's not the beginning of sciatica...I feel my body is changing and my hips feel weird and tight and painful. Oy.

Pie, I'm so glad your DH is coming around. That's really sweet. We're going to have to choose a birthing class soon I guess, I just don't really know where to start cuz I'm not planning an unmedicated birth : but I don't want to do the pre-formulated one at the hospital either.

Kripa...I'm so glad you're starting to feel a little better...I had so much exhaustion during my first tri...the second tri this gets better. Now I can actually make it HOME for a nap instead of falling asleep at a stoplight on my WAY home to take a nap. Hope to see you more as you feel better...been wondering about you. Glad the pregnancy is going well, even if the food aversions are not. Those can be tricky.

Natalia...you said it, changes. I had the same freakout two days ago. Mostly I worry cuz I don't really know how to cook...how am I going to feed a child? I have such mixed feelings about what I WANT to feed a child...I'm an ex-vegetarian, but still hold on to the principles in spirit to a certain extent, but I'm married to a hard-core Atkins dieter. So we don't eat together...we do our own thing. Half the time, dinner for him is lunch meat rolled up in cheese. I'm trying to educate him on the dangers of nitrites but it's not working. Anyhow, I guess the changes just happen and ya roll with the punches as it happens.

The biggest change we're faced with at the moment is the prospect of hiring an au pair. It's really quite affordable for us to do the foreign au pair program...averages to $280 a week and you get 45 hours of child care...it's a year commitment and we have the exact amount of money coming in that we need to put aside soon. My schedule is so random and changes all the time, and soon DH is taking a job that will involve occasional shift work so we'll BOTH be working nights. I've watched my coworkers try to string babysitters together for all these random hours and it gets expensive, and crazy-making. I have one friend in the orchestra whose husband is also in the cello section with her...last week during our crazy week they spent A THOUSAND DOLLARS on babysitting. For the WEEK. Nanny shares don't work for us cuz I have day time and night time hours, and I'd be spending about $300 for a part-time live-out (if I can find one who doesn't mind the changing hours, but it wouldn't work for a student) so it looks like the au pair is the most viable option for us. But that 's where the "oh my god my life is changing so fast" thing started for me...now we have not only a baby in the house but a 20-year-old stranger living with us. We have an extra bedroom and bath, but it's not like a seperate suite, so it's like taking on another roommate. But when I think about the convenience of being able to go to the gym AND work in the same day without going bankrupt, I think it's our best option. It's a year committment, and we've got the cash set aside, so we can re-evaluate after the year and see how it worked.

What are you all doing for child care?

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by Grace24

What are you all doing for child care?

darned if i know.

[hazieluna]

PiePie, that's how I feel about child care....

And Jenn, I completely understand your uncertainty about what to do. For us the 'plan' is for me to stay home... it is unclear for how long... my problem is that I go crazy at home. Everyone is trying to calm me down saying that once I've got a baby to look after I won't feel the same about being home. I like to feel productive. Also I realize that I depend on external structure (my job or back in the day school) to shape my day. Without it I just fall into chaos and turn into a lump. Before I realize it the day has slipped by and I haven't done much of anything.

Emily we don't eat dinner until 8ish too, how do people do it otherwise? And we are totally slack about cooking, if we feel lazy it's take away or out for dinner. We'll have to see how it works out.

Julia your au pair idea is great! Actually a friend of DH has a teenage daughter that she's offered to us as an au pair next summer (I wonder if the daughter knows). It's true that having a stranger in your house will be weird. Do you get to interview a few to see if there is a nice fit?

Oh and thanks Emily for the reassurance that I won't dislike my own child.... funny how my feelings and fears swing all over the place from day to day. Today when I read your reply I was shocked that I had even thought that possible. Today's fear is "OMG how big is this baby going to be???!". I woke up with a huge belly.... I guess the baby's gone through a growth spurt? Either that or the ice scream every night is really sticking.

Are you all still having weird dreams? I dreamed that I gave birth to a juice box with a straw.... and then my belly deflated and I was all like 'hey is this it, what happen to the baby?'. So now we are referring to the baby as juicebox. In another dream I had I couldn't hold the baby because she had such long legs. So I was really struggling to hold her but her legs were dangling almost to the floor. I can go on but really my dreams are just plain out there.

[hazieluna]

Oh and Jenn!!! Nice due date.