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Pregnant w/ #1 in our 30s June Thread - Page 10

post #181 of 312
Originally Posted by ~minnow~ View Post
OMG I forgot that you said you had a full time job, SarahJen. I'm sorry! No wonder you are pooped. Put your husband on here and we'll tell him just what's what.

Soooooooooo tempting. Thanks for the reassurances, at least I know I'm not making a big deal of nothing even if he doesn't understand. He does ZERO housework (wasn't raised to, don't get me started) ZERO laundry (same reason) and ZERO cooking. Since I haven't been cooking and honestly have rarely been awake by the time he gets home from work he's been living on instant soups and bread. Wednesday I had a complete code red meltdown because he had eaten all but three slices of bread and how was I going to live on that until grocery day on Sunday when bread is basically all I can eat right now. It got ugly. I normally don't mind doing the laundry and housework because I like it done my way but lately it's just completely overwhelming (overwhelming has taken on a whole new meaning to me in the last couple of weeks, I don't think anything in my life has actually been overwhelming until now.)

I'm also normally a very independent person which is partly why our relationship has worked so far - he owns his own business and works long days and 6 days a week - and the fact that I keep trying to explain to him that I need his help right now has been very stressful for both of us.

And Emily thank you for thinking of me. It wasn't as bad a day as I thought it would be, probably from knowing I have a new heart beating in there, but I did have a big long cry in the evening over it. I feel a bit better having passed the milestone, but you know the first won't ever be forgotten.
post #182 of 312
SarahJen, Cheese and crackers is another easy snack my MW recommends.
post #183 of 312
Emily--thanks for adding me! And I don't mind posting my age--I'm 35, but will be 36 when the baby comes.
post #184 of 312
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by dcgrl View Post
Emily--thanks for adding me! And I don't mind posting my age--I'm 35, but will be 36 when the baby comes.
But you are 35 now - so that is what you get to be on the front page
You can mind us of the change once your b-day rolls around!

BTW - thanks for sharing your age. It really isn't THAT big a deal (obviously we are all in our 30s) but I do love having people's ages on the front as evidence that we did NOT wait too long to have kids and that you CAN get pregnant in your 30s.
post #185 of 312
Originally Posted by dctexan View Post
Poor DH doesn't even try to touch the babe anymore because every single time he has tried, the babe has instantly stopped moving and stayed still until DH lets go. I swear DH can even cure the babe of hiccups! DH acts like it's a rejection or something, but I am hoping DHs ability to calm the babe will carry over after the birth :
I think my dh feels rejected as well, especially since she's moved for my mom and a work friend now more than him... I am going to give him the calming idea!!! That would be fabulous! Although, he's also not exactly patient, which may be part of it. He did feel her move a tiny bit last night. Oh, and last night was her first official night ON my bladder - I had to pee every 10 minutes for the first two hours I was in bed...
post #186 of 312
Sorry for the following 500 posts, but I am not good at replying in bulk... Bear with me.

I am planning on working (if I feel up to it) until 2 weeks before my due date. I'd like to take a month, but now with the benefits situation and knowing how flexible my work can be, I'll try to make it until the Legislature adjourns on September 14th. I have my own office, though, which makes it easier. This morning I got lightheaded (first time in a couple of days) so I just sat with my feet up and my door closed for a while... The hardest part will be walking from my parking spot- which is almost 4 blocks away- in August!

Originally Posted by MajorGroover View Post
How late into pregnancy is everyone else planning on working? Right now I'm not sure that I'm getting data fast enough to graduate in December, so I might have to wait til May. BUT I don't know how far into pregnancy I can safely work. I don't mind working with the chemicals b/c I use them safely in the fume hood, but what happens when my belly is too big for me to reach into it?
post #187 of 312
Okay, bulk replies!

Grace - The h/b thing was nonsense for us, and my doctor warned us early not to rely on it at all. Our girl's h/b has been in the 120's consistently... Glad the headache went away! I had migraines as a child and they were truly the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I still thank God they went away during puberty!

Welcome SarahJen - I so know where you're coming from on the dh stuff... Mine was raised to NOT to housework too. He actually tries, but his "trying" is about 8% of my "doing". Ugh. At least he tries. He has gotten better as I'm showing more and more. I swear the bigger I get the more he realizes I need help. Of course, that means the barest minimum, because he's perfectly happy to have the kitchen full of dirty dishes because he won't unload the dishwasher and a twice a month vacuuming is okay for him even though we have dogs and the floors are dirty within a few days.

Emily - I also hear you on the dog situation. I do most of the caretaking for them too. Dh helps with them, though, if I remind him often enough... We have an 11 year old who needs medication with every meal. Dh never remembers her pills even though the deal is that whoever feeds her gives her her medicine.

I'm glad I'm not alone in the dirty house issue!!! I just can't keep up with it at this point, especially with my stomach muscle still hurting. It's a mess and I give up. I hate it, though, it's just so gross and I won't let anyone come over because it's dirty!

Minnow - Wow - pregnancy card, huh? That's one to remember. Dh could compete; if I complain "too" much he'll say "well you are the one that wanted to get pregnant" because I was the one who initiated the idea of having a kid. Gee, thanks sweetie! He actually is a wonderful person, but boys are just so difficult sometimes!

I'm starting to freak out about birthing classes/methods. I need to decide and yet I can't make up my mind. What have you guys decided to do? I'm also weird about thinking about delivery now because I was with my cousin when she gave birth to her son at 22 weeks (he was born alive but never took a breath)... It's very real to me that she NEEDS to stay in there for another few months and I feel like preparing my body for her to come out somehow counters the need for it to keep her in and safe...

I hope you all have lovely weekends!
post #188 of 312
Originally Posted by MajorGroover View Post
The first question is the big unknown. My stipend comes from a grant, not from my department, so she can decide whether I get paid or not. I don't think she's ever had a pregnant student before.
Dee, I'd bring this up directly - totally makes sense that you would need to know this to plan ahead. If your advisor seems ok with 'the plan' then you just need to know what the money situation is.

here's hoping that certain DHs around here step up to the plate and help their pregnant partners out a bit!!
ETA: check out the shirt Gabriella just got (dh is a big apple/ipod fan)
post #189 of 312
CJ- that shirt is too funny. I want one!!! I looked through Ella's slideshow and she's beautiful and looks like she's very calm. You also look great and I hope your recovery is going well. How are you feeling? Are you breastfeeding? Did you have any difficulties starting up? Btw is that a hotsling?

SarahJenn - DH difficulties are really yucky but seem to be some rite of pregnancy just seeing how most of us have had to deal with relationship issues especially at the beginning. Hang in there and if I have learned anything during this process is to ask directly for what you need, you have to make sure you feel taken care of. That's made a world of difference with my DH since most of our problems were because he just kept going as if everything was normal and I felt dead tired and sick for weeks so NOT normal. I really expected him to realize this and do more to take care of everything that needed to be done, like dinner and shopping or cleaning. But he's spoiled by an overachieving "I can do everything" wife that can't ask for help so he just kept doing the usual ... that is until I had a major breakdown and cried for an entire weekend and then he sort of woke up that things were not honkydory. Since then I have been much better at admitting I need help and actually asking for him to do things and he has been much more solicitous of me. Overall I think we're closer and communicating better.... so it was all for the best although it sucked while we figured things out.

And sort of related to this is that I've had to give up my high standards for the house... I can't do it all by myself anymore and DH is perfectly happy having dust everywhere and not vacuuming for a month. I still do all laundry and I keep the bathroom and kitchen spick and span because otherwise I'm totally grossed out and I still live here so... I guess some men just don't notice dirt. Unfortunately it is all I see when I look around my house, I hate my upbringing sometimes. Oh and recently I was trying to convince DH that spending 30 EUR a week we could have someone come and clean for 3 hours a week. He was like we hardly do anything as it is so why should we pay someone to do that for us.... we aren't that lazy are we? I had to laugh at the 'we' since really that just means me and he obviously has no clue of what I'm doing around the house to keep it halfway livable.

Julia - I don't know if we are having a boy or a girl but the heartbeat is around 140 each time. Monday is my next appointment so I will ask my midwife what she thinks... can I just say what a wonderful sound it is? I love going to see my midwife for this reason. I hate the weighing though....

Oh and SarahJenn I lived on cereal for a while.
post #190 of 312
Rebecca! I'm also 35 but will be 36 when our baby is born.

Elizabeth, we finally found a birth class but it doesn't start until Aug 20 and I'm due Sept 11 so when I spoke to the lady to arrange it she said we could do the 1st 4 classes and then she would give us a private lesson to cover the last 2 classes. Unfortunately there are no classes given during the summer.

It seems unreal that pregnancy turns out to be such a big work problem. I don't know the statistics but I would think that the majority of women have children so why are the laws so skewed? Why is it so difficult to combine work with having children? Especially when most of us are doing it. It really feels like a sacrifice.

Oh and I also wanted to add that although I am having fears about how my life is going to change especially since the plan is for me to give up work for the first year (we will see how it goes) I was also ready to have children. I had reached a point in my career where I was feeling a bit lost like maybe I have made a mistake in path, feeling really unfulfilled. Not that having children was an escape, I just realized that it was a good moment to consider starting our family because I wasn't feeling like a complete workaholic anymore. Work has been such an important ambition in my life for the last 15 years I just have to work out in my head that my value is not just about what I accomplish in my job. It's all good, pushing me to grow...

Okay I can go on and on... but I'll stop for now.

Btw congrats Lane on taking the job.

And good luck to everyone working right until their due dates, I don't think I could do that.
post #191 of 312
SarahJen, congrats on seeing that heartbeat! Isn't it wonderful??? Tips for getting through exhaustion? Sleep as often as you can. Just give in and sleep. Maybe your husband can go with you to your next prenatal appointment and you can ask your doc/midwife about the exhaustion -- maybe that will make it more real to him? My energy came back around 10 and a half weeks. I was so excited! I hope yours comes back soon!

Emily, arrrrrgh. I'm getting frustrated with your husband! Sorry you're feeling stuck carrying all the household work. My husband and I are generally slobs, but we have a decent system in place -- we just invite people over at least once a month so that we're forced to give our place a good cleanup!

Pie, congrats on the new job!

Lane, I think I'd lose it if my husband asked me how much longer I was going to play the pregnancy card. Like, seriously lose it.

Elizabeth, regarding birthing methods... I'm still not 100% sure. I think having a doula will help me out a lot, plus my hospital has jacuzzi tubs in every room, so that will help too. I read a hypnobirthing book and liked it, but I'm not very disciplined so I don't know if I'll really practice the breathing and relaxation techniques as often as I should. I'm maybe halfway through a Bradley method book (opted not to take classes, too pricey!), and honestly, I'm really turned off by the tone (i.e. "those poor, untrained mommies and daddies! Our way is the best/safest/only way!" etc). So, I think I'll talk with my doula and see what she thinks.

CJ, that picture of Gabriella in her new shirt is precious! She's so gorgeous and that shirt is too funny! How are you guys doing?

Re: working until your due date... I think I'd be bored and anxious if I had to stay at home waiting for the baby to be ready to show up. Unless I'm having a real physical issue, I'd rather at least go to work, be around the co-workers I like, feel productive and keep my mind off of the wondering about when she's going to show up. A friend of mine was taken out of work for a month before she gave birth due to preterm labor, and she told me "whatever you do, do NOT let them take you out of work!" She was so bored.

Happy weekend, everyone! Hope you're all doing great.
post #192 of 312
Originally Posted by hazieluna View Post
Oh and I also wanted to add that although I am having fears about how my life is going to change especially since the plan is for me to give up work for the first year (we will see how it goes) I was also ready to have children. I had reached a point in my career where I was feeling a bit lost like maybe I have made a mistake in path, feeling really unfulfilled. Not that having children was an escape, I just realized that it was a good moment to consider starting our family because I wasn't feeling like a complete workaholic anymore. Work has been such an important ambition in my life for the last 15 years I just have to work out in my head that my value is not just about what I accomplish in my job. It's all good, pushing me to grow...
Well put, Natalia. I've been working since I was 17 years old, and I just need a break! I am not what I do, and it is okay. Why is this so hard for us.

CJ, Gabriella is so perfect. Love the new shirt, too.

I can second (third? fourth? fifteenth?) the whole issue of husbands who don't 'see' dirt. It doesn't bother him in the way that it bothers me (or, for that matter, the way it bothers his mother, who has stood far worse for far longer than I ever could.)

BUT: DH & I are cleaning house this weekend (whoo!). Mind you, this is not out of the goodness of his heart or him seeing the error of his ways.
My mom is coming on Monday for a short visit, and is bringing my niece (8) and nephew (6), who are moving in with us permanently. As we live in a tiny ranch house, I think I've managed to convince him that with four (soon to be five) people, we've got to keep it clean if any of us to maintain our sanity!

14 1/2 weeks - whee!
Married to the most wonderful washer of smelly dogs any girl could ask for...
post #193 of 312
Emily sorry to hear your DH doesn't take care of your old lady doggie the way she needs it. My DH forgets to give the dogs their pills every time even though they're doled out weekly in color coded pill boxes. :

DH and I have been together 14 years now, living together for 11. After a few years of living together I couldn't stand doing everything myself any more. I got depressed from not saying anything, then finally broke down, cried, and asked for help. The cycle repeated several times until we worked out a cleaning schedule. We wrote down all the chores, big and small, that are necessary to keep a house clean - from scrubbing the floors to straightening up. Then we figured out how often each thing needed to be done and we each picked the chores we hated least (no one actually likes housework, right?). This required negotiation and compromise, of course. The I made a calendar showing who was supposed to do what and when. It was hard to stick to but it made a huge difference in our relationship.

I love the idea that two adults who care about each other should be able to sense what needs to be done and do it, but it's not realistic. We've also had to change our standards - he doesn't load the dishwasher the way I like it, but the dishes still get clean so I don't say a word. I let mail build up on the end table but DH doesn't say anything either (his mom is a neat freak, which I am most certainly NOT). I really hope no one takes this the wrong way, it all seems like common sense, but I swear the difference is like night and day. Hopefully the men will be more willing to agree to a plan like this since we're pregnant, tired, and carrying their babies!
post #194 of 312
Sarah for making it past your milestone. You're passing a more positive milestone Monday, right?

I found that eating before I got out of bed in the morning kept the nausea away all day. Oh and eating every 2 hours during the day! Other snack suggestions have been great - I also liked almonds, yogurt, fruit, boiled eggs and cheese. Try to get protein in every meal or snack. My baby doesn't like peanuts (or peanut butter dangit) but other nuts are okay. I also have to stay away from onions and garlic even though I love both. My energy came back around 11 weeks I think, so you should be feeling better soon. Like others said, sleep as much as you can and borrow your hubby's "dirt blinders" until you feel better.
post #195 of 312
bumping us up. dh and i graduated birth class yesterday and last night i got what i am pretty sure were my first braxton-hicks contractions. i prefer surges but dh says i sound like bush on iraq. anway, they are not so fun. the women in my birth class said they didn't hurt at all, i can't agree there.

natalia, go for the hired help on cleaning. that is what is supposedly happening at my house as i type -- i am in an internet cafe. our internet is down and i have a BLEEP of work to do, but also i can't stand to be looked at by the cleaning lady and feel judged for how i "as a woman" let the house get messy. (this is partly internalized sexism, but i have also had cleaners voice it to me, gee thanks, won't be hiring you again.) dh has thicker skin on that score.
post #196 of 312
Originally Posted by ~minnow~ View Post
Which reminds me (yes! Have to prep for class! But I'm good at seat of the pants) about something very annoying my DH is doing now. When I bring up a concern or ask for more help or harp on him for eating every vegetable in the house, he says, "How long are you going to play the pregnancy card?" UM? UNTIL I'M NO LONGER PREGNANT, MAYBE?
all partners to preggos should get a psa with the double lines that these words are never to be uttered!!
post #197 of 312
""How long are you going to play the pregnancy card?" UM? UNTIL I'M NO LONGER PREGNANT, MAYBE?"

: but don't forget the fourth trimester! on that note my dh is a lifesaver - he has been so awesome the last 2 weeks.

so just updating... yep it's a hotsling in that picture. We haven't really mastered it but practice every day. I think she's still too small. She hates the stroller and baby bjorn too (so far).

we are breastfeeding, and it's going pretty well. The first 3-4 days were rough - blisters and some bleeding on my nipples. Freaked out about it - everyone will tell you it's not supposed to hurt. That's true once you get going but I think it's normal to be tender and sore as you get started. Once my milk came in it got MUCH easier. I have stopped writing down every pee/poo/and feeding so must be more confident now. She eats about every 3 hours. Fortunately at night she usually goes right back to sleep... Unfortunately we have had some SUPER cranky periods during the day.

I am still struggling with some emotions. A part of me misses being pregnant (really!). I miss the inner focus I had obtained - just very intune to me and my body. I cried when I put away my snoodle pillow and birth ball. Also when my mom left yesterday, but we're doing ok. I'm riding a stationary bike in the mornings and walking the dog at night, and the exercise had made a big difference for me. Still some bleeding but am feeling more healed 'down there.' Lot's of appointments this week - ped, midwife, and doula.

C.M. - wow what a big change having an 8 and 6 year old move in!
post #198 of 312
Thread Starter 
So I realize I have been complaining about DH ALOT (and much of this complaining is well deserved - he does drive me absolutely insane much of the time and I do believe I would be a billion times happier living in a duplex with him rather than a house) so I wanted to explain why I LOVE DH and why I put up with the other crap.

First, I respect the heck out of him. He forms opinions, stick to his convictions, and isn't really swayed (once he forms an opinion) by others. This means he will not EVER be "manipulated" by me or others, and I believe I am a master manipulater. Obviously this same trait is also a HUGE source of frustration, because once he "decides" that the house isn't dirty (or that my concept of "dirty" is wrong) - I will never ever be able to change his mind.

Second, he was willing to travel and be staffed out of town basically the entire time I was in grad school so that he had the flexibility (and $) to fly out an see me every other weekend (and I only rarely went to see him at his weekend homebase, because I always had lab obligations and the dog...he only complained about the inequity of this situation once the entire 6 years that he did it - and this was during a discussion about me looking for a job and basically telling him that we HAD to move to whatever city I got a job in). Our relationship would NOT have made it if he hadn't done all of that traveling.

Third, he moved to Atlanta not because he really wanted to live here or because it provided the best opportunities for him and his career (he would have been MUCH better off if he had been able to stay in Dallas OR if we have moved to LA-area, or Portland). Yes, he was a bit disgruntled about all of this, but he did it.

There are also many other things that I won't bother typing out - but please know that we are actually a decent match. We do have some significant problems functioning as a team, however we also seems to be able to care for each other in ways no one can (I have lots of friends who can nurture me, butonly DH was able or willing to spend HOURS upon HOURS of time dealing with idiotic student loan people who have been jerking me around for more than a year and straigthen out a ridiculously complex and messed up situation so that it worked out in my favor). Anyway beings as today is Fathers Day I just wanted to let you ladies know that DH is maddening is many many ways, he is also incredibly awesome and I DO love him deeply. We've been together for almost 12 years (our dating anniversary is July 5) and I have never found another man I have loved more.
post #199 of 312
Aw, Emily, what a sweet tribute to your husband.
post #200 of 312
Emily I love what you wrote! It's important to express good AND bad, isn't it. I'm sure all our DH's can be maddening but there's a reason we're with them! You reminded me of Paul and me a little, too...he's so easy-going most of the time but can be a little bit of a pain about certain things but I love that! I can't stand a pushover. One day when we were just first dating I suddenly looked at him and said, "You're a little bit of a pain in the a$$, aren't you?" He said, "Just a little bit." I said, "That's hot." He is sooooo easy most of the time but also hates to be manipulated and can see through any manipulation...sometimes it still works if he agrees in what I'm trying to do but will always make fun of me for it! Not that I tend to be manipulative but we all have our moments. Here's to men who won't be walked on!

Natalia...I just want to add my voice to the hiring of cleaning help. We pay $100 every two weeks to have someone clean our 3-br, 2,000 sq. foot townhouse. I could never do it, and it keeps DH and I from fighting about who will. It's absolutely worth it. It doesn't have to be every week...every other week works for us, yes by the time they come we're sooo ready for them, but we can vacuum in-between and do touch-ups.

Pie, congrats on finishing birthing class! Hope your cx don't hurt too bad! Are they supposed to ease up? And I can NOT believe cleaning people have judged you for hiring them! That's just dumb! I always feel a little silly hanging out when they're cleaning (like right now) but the fact is, I'm a violinist and I cannot scrub the tub without having to go to the dr. for a cortisone shot. Any kind of repetitive motion can strain my arm or really put me out of the loop. I wish I'd done this at my old apt. When I saw it empty in December, after I'd moved all my stuff out, it made me so sad I lived like that. I should've just paid the money. I couldn't do it myself, it's not cuz I'm filthy, it's cuz it hurts.

CJ...glad you're getting the hang of breast-feeding... actually, noone ever told me it wouldn't hurt! I think I'll miss being pg too...I'm just starting to feel the baby move a little, and it's THE COOLEST! I love the iPood shirt, so did DH. (We're a big iPod family.)

I had to laugh about the similarities between Paul and everyone's hubby's...he hates doing laundry too and often I end up doing it all because I get sick of the smell in the bedroom! If he runs out of clothes I'll find them molded in the washing machine and have to wash them anyhow! So I just do it. We're still in the process of working out who does what...I end up doing a lot more during the week cuz I'm home more, and he chips in on the weekend cuz he's home more. He has a higher tolerance for clutter but I just have to ask him and set aside a time and he'll help. I've started bringing him piles of stuff I find on the counter while he's watching tv and he'll go through it for me, problem solved. We spent this weekend organizing the main floor and it looks so much better. With a desk down here I can at least put the clutter in drawers. I think I'll have to be satisfied with that for now. With him it's a matter of routine...if something becomes part of his morning or evening routine it's a lot more likely to get done.

My old doggie hurt herself! We had the vet come over Saturday (she's a friend) cuz I didn't want to put her in the car, she was having trouble moving since Friday. She says it's a disc in her back that's inflamed and we have to restrict her movement so it doesn't slip. Whatever meds she's on has cured her right back up though! I'm so happy. We still have to make sure she stays rested for a while so it doesn't happen again. She's 10 years old which is good for a german shepherd, but unfortunately this is the kind of thing that usually gets them in the end so I'm sad. I'm afraid her dog park days are over, it's just going to be walking from now on. (sigh) It's so sad that dogs live 1/10th as long as we do, she's my first dog and I don't know what I'll do without her. I can't even think about it! And it looks like I don't have to yet so I'll stop. :

Well DH has said that although he's balking at the money the gym is going to cost, if I can go three times this week and prove I'm going to use it and I like the swimming (I have yet to try it) he'll do it. So today I have to buy a suit, ugh. I hate doing that NOT pregnant. Wish me luck!
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