Pregnant w/ #1 in our 30s June Thread - Page 11

[PiePie]

according to mdc'ers, the contractions will hurt less if i am not dehydrated. i have been trying hard to drink enough but i definitely haven't accomplished it. and i actually found that it helped when, per the monaghan hypnobirthing book, i stopped calling them contractions and started calling them surges. they stopped as soon as i lay down and had some water. no more since.

[Dee-Groovy]

CJ glad to hear the breastfeeding is going well after some difficulty in the beginning. I expect it to hurt at first too, from the constant sucking if nothing else! Keep us posted on the hotsling - I have 2 in my registry (one for each of us) and would like to know if they work or if I need a ring sling/maya wrap for the first couple months. I think crazy emotions are par for the course after giving birth but it sounds like you're working through them. It must have been hard to have your mom leave. What's it like being the only mom in the house now?

PiePie congrats on graduating your birth class! I've also heard that hydration and lying down will help the surges pass. I bring 1.5 liters of water to work every day - it definitely helps my water intake if there's always some available.

Emily that was so sweet what you wrote about your DH! Sounds like you've been through a lot together and are a great match. BUT feel free to vent whenever you need to - we don't think badly of your DH and know how frustrating DHs can be sometimes during pregnancy. :

Julia good luck finding a swimsuit! I'm still putting it off after the horrific experience I had trying them on a couple weeks ago. I'm sorry to hear about your doggie - it's great that your friend is a vet and fixed her up. I have a 10.5 year old shepherd mix too and I hate to watch her getting older and stiff in her joints. My rottie is 7 now and they have 8-10 year lifespans so I try not to think about the future without them. OMG I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I've actually considered getting a miniature horse b/c they live about 30 years!

[Grace24]

Yay, found a suit for $20 at Macy's. Can't believe it was that easy!

However, I can't find a non-underwire bra anymore because I'm now BIGGER than an E cup and no-one carries them. Motherhood had an underwire and I bought it out of desparation, and it's not black. (I have to wear black for work.) Really, there are no preggers bigger than an E cup? Jeez! Frustrating. I'm gonna have to do an online search.

[veganone]

Emily - sweet post about your husband. I love mine with all my heart and we are a fantastic match, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have traits that drive me nuts!!! I didn't think you were a bad match, just that your husband was, well, a man (just kidding!!!). Mine doesn't see dirt either, and it drives me crazy. He will honestly only do a 'chore' if I ask him to and even then will do it when he gets around to it.

CJ - I've had two friends tell me how much I'll miss being pregnant, I think that's really normal. So are all of your emotional swings. I'm glad she's a good sleeper - at least the cranky periods aren't at 3 AM. I'm sure they're still stressful though.

Braxton Hicks - I've had like 2 of them (hope that's normal at 25 weeks). One was painful in a mild, crampy way. The other wasn't at all. I've probably had more but only two that I really noticed. I think that people have different definitions of "pain", so what one person calls painful isn't for someone else, even if it's the same sensation!

Grace - do you have any really nice maternity stores near you? I'm guessing they'd have a better bra selection than someplace like Motherhood. None of the Motherhood bras fit me at all (they made my boobs point in different directions and I fell out of them in the middle) and they seemed like they'd be uncomfortable... I'm starting to feel like I can't breath in the ones I have so I may need to get some. I was hoping to wait a bit since I know they're just going to keep getting bigger! I'm guessing at the end I'll just invest in some pricey nursing bras. I don't much love underwire for comfort either, so I'm hoping to find some nice, bigger ones, that aren't so big I can't wear a v-neck shirt!!! I don't do crew necks - they look awful on me!

In buying news, we got the Bugaboo Chameleon over the weekend. Last major purchase down!!! It's so cool - I am really excited about it. Now we just need to get all of the stuff that doesn't belong in the baby's room out of there so that her stuff will all fit. Everything of her's will have to live in her room since our house is under 1000 sq. ft. and is very low on storage space.

I've got my feelings hurt right now - two of my best friends at work went to Ikea at lunch today and didn't invite me. One of them is my best friend in the world. It made me feel like sh*t - I walked over to chat and their secretary said that they went. I'd like to think I'm being oversensitive, but I never would have gone with either of them without inviting the other...

[~minnow~]

Originally Posted by veganone

I've got my feelings hurt right now - two of my best friends at work went to Ikea at lunch today and didn't invite me. One of them is my best friend in the world. It made me feel like sh*t - I walked over to chat and their secretary said that they went. I'd like to think I'm being oversensitive, but I never would have gone with either of them without inviting the other...

Maybe they were looking for baby gifts?

Okay, day one of the two-class teaching wasn't my favorite. I really like the new class (it's Adolescent Literature and I'm riilllly excited to teach it; plus the syllabus, assignment sheets, etc were already done for me and there's hardly any grading, plus all the Friday classes are cancelled, plus I'll earn nearly as much in 8 weeks as I'd earned teaching a 15 week course this fall!)... but by comparison my high school students are killing me. I made a major tactical error today: I told them I would kick them out if they talked, but then I DIDN'T KICK ANYONE OUT. So now I look weak. Fab. I feel like I can't recover from it. I know it's partly that I'm tired (I mentioned the roofers, yes? And how they come and pound on our roof at 7 in the morning?) but I'm feeling like I can't handle it. However it's the old class I can't handle, not the new one. Whatever.

Emily, I really liked what you wrote about your DH. Partly because it's nice to see a more balanced view of things, but also because I've sort of been thinking of saying some similar items about my own DH. Yeah, he's crummy sometimes. But to be fair to him, I am ALWAYS criticizing him lately. To me it's all part of a single problem -- he doesn't make an effort to think about my needs -- but to him it must feel like he can't do anything right. If he drinks the last LaCroix I criticize. If he tries to watch a movie at 10 p.m. I criticize. Plus there's the normal "dirt blinders" problem, so I'm always talking about how he doesn't clean the bathroom. I can see how it would suck to be in his position. I'm fairly volatile right now so even if I am in a great mood if he pushes some invisible trigger (like if he turns off the air conditioner when watching a movie) I FREAK OUT. It's usually a surprise to me that I'm going to do it, and then I cry partly because I want him to bring me flowers and be dying to rub my feet and to be able to read my mind, but also because I'm so disappointed in myself when I spoil a nice time by criticizing YET AGAIN. I talked to him about it... he could see where I was coming from and I think it helped. A bummer because a couple weeks ago everything was really great and I felt like we were closer than ever.

But anyway... in our case too, the things that bug me also go along with the things I really like. He doesn't fake emotion or do things by rote, which I appreciate. (So when he says affectionate things, it really counts, you know?) He's independent. He's principled. He's the kind of guy who will build a modernist side table out of an old futon some afternoon just because. He always washes the dishes. He was against getting pregnant right now, but he's come around beautifully.

It's complicated. We're both flawed persons. It does bug me though how rigid the cultural story can be. "You're pregnant so he should do X for you! Or you should leave him!" Like there's a single template for what a "loving partner" does. I used to get this from my girlfriends when we were first dating. "He isn't nice enough to you." Because he didn't give compliments in a particular way or something. But that story never seemed adequate to explain our relationship.

It's true he's difficult and it's true that I wish he'd be a little more thoughtful about certain things during this pregnancy. I wish I could change some things about him. But at the same time, I've had to grow a lot myself and, I think, become more compassionate and also stronger and more diplomatic because of his sometimes difficult personal style. You don't always want to have to grow, but you know. A lot of times it turns out to be a good thing. So if I want the good stuff, I have to deal with the other stuff. I guess it's the same for how it is to live with ME.

I'm working on now trying to give him more opportunity to do stuff for me. Meaning, I'm trying hard not to pre-emptively criticize everything he does or remind him about what he should do... but to give him room to do stuff for me on his own. To trust that he will even if I don't ask him. I so don't want to turn into my mother.

Sorry to go on forever but RE "dirt blinders": must be sort of cultural, right? One of the reasons why I thought I would like to have a little boy was that it would be awesome to raise a boy with a whole different take on gender roles... particularly about housework.

[~minnow~]

BTW

CJ, I'm glad you still check in here, and I love your newest pictures.

Julia, I'm sorry your dog hurt herself but am glad she's feeling better.

PiePie... maybe you've explained this, but where's your username come from?

Hello all.

Sorry for longwindedness, am too tired to edit.

[PiePie]

Grace, you don't want to wear underwire. it can cause clogged milk ducts or something. i read it in the LLL and the Huggins books on BFing. Just a heads up. according to my birthing instructor, we all could nurse by 30 w, even if we see no colostrum!

[Grace24]

Pie, thanks for the heads up about the underwire, that's good to know. Wish the bra-makers knew it. I just know that they dig into my ribs, and no it's not cuz it doesn't fit right, all the sizes do it. I hate them, the last 2 underwires I had I removed. Maybe I'll do surgery on this one. I ordered some bras from Breakoutbras.com, in the $30 range, so we'll see how that works.

Elizabeth...there is a nice maternity boutique nearby and they had a pretty bra that was big enough but the clasp was covered in very thin material and dug into my back, ew, itchy! I'm a little afraid to go back there anyhow cuz I spent so much money there!

Dee...you totally should get a mini horse! Horses are awesome! My mom has a boxer who's 8 and everyone always told her she'd die at 6. So you just never know. Clara's had her issues tho, two knee surgeries, a tumor removal, and thyroid medication, but she's ticking along with as much energy as ever! I had high hopes for my Tessie (no-one ever believes she's 10) but now I just try not to think about it. As long as I have her, it's a gift. I'm just glad now that I have a husband, a baby on the way, and a second dog. Maybe it won't devastate me as much when she goes as it would've if it were just the two of us. I still think we've got a few good years left, and I plan to enjoy them!

Minnow...interesting perspective, as much as I can complain about DH and him not doing laundry or dishes or whatever, I gotta say there aren't a lot of men who would marry into the kind of problems my family has had! He sees the things I've been through as strengths rather than something to be afraid of and run away from, which is so cool, cuz that's how I see it too. But I'm not always easy either...I just try to apologize when I'm cranky and he's pretty tolerant. It's not that often, even, but I do have to try sometimes. I lived alone for a long time, and it's an adjustment to always have someone there. Gets easier though.

I took our younger dog on a 20 minute walk yesterday, and OW! I guess I'm getting wider through my hips, and the ligaments in my, well, butt must be stretching. I've always had problems with tightness and pain and muscle spasms through there anyway due to an old broken tailbone, and now it's awful. So I have to remember to stretch next time. Ugh, the things that happen to our bodies!

I'm feeling movement every day, now, it's so cool! Just very tiny and subtle, almost undetectable, but I love it. I'm trying to think of this baby as a boy for the meantime so that if it is I won't be too shocked or disappointed, if that makes sense. I really have no idea anymore.

Have a great day! Julia

PS I really have to work on my signature, where do you guys get those cool little tickers?

[PiePie]

minnow, dh and i call each other sweetie, which became sweetiepie, which became piepie for me. i didn't know what to do for a username -- i wanted to preserve anonymity so i could write about family vs. career conflict, so i didn't want to use a portion of my real name or a geographic identifier.

[Jujubie]

Hello!! I just noticed this thread, sign me up!

We got our BFP last week so i'm almost 5 weeks now. I'm feeling fine, no major pregnancy symptoms. Just a little heartburn and a little more tired, but that is about it. I'm sure it will hit me more in the coming weeks!

[veganone]

Minnow - No baby gifts, they were buying stuff for the office and just forgot me. I'm over it, though. I like your discussion of your dh and your relationship. My dh is definitely not an easy person (neither am I!) but he is also very genuine. So, if he says something nice he means it, but it's rarer. I also had friends comment that he's not "nice" enough to me, but he really is, just in a way that isn't the way they expect a man to behave in a relationship. It's hard to explain, but we've been married for almost 10 years and I plan to stay married for the rest of our lives. I also think he'll be a fantastic father. He is also the funniest person I know and we have tons of fun together - and frankly, he is the only person I know who really relates to how truthful I am too. (We're definitely both honest to a fault.) And we see the big stuff (religion, world view, politics, animal stuff, environmentalism, etc.) the same way, which for me was essential and I never thought I'd find that until I met dh. Oh, and if we go out to eat and he even suspects that I really want what he ordered, he'll trade with me every time. And he buys random little gifts when he goes anywhere without me, like for work. Last week he had a meeting out of town and came home with a bunch of my favorite childhood candies from a store next to where he had lunch...

Congrats Jujubie!!

I'm not a fan of underwire bras, but in all honesty, I've never found a non-underwire that is comfortable and supportive for all-day wearing. I sleep in a sleep bra, and wear those around the house, but I can't imagine not using them at all when bfing. They have to be so tight around to hold me up that I feel like I can't breathe after a while. I seriously also cannot wear one of those ones that comes up really high in the front or that has 2" shoulder straps... For at least a YEAR??? Maybe in winter, but what kinds of summer clothes can you wear with those? Trust me, I'll feel unsexy enough, I don't need granny bras to make that worse! The back fat I'm developing is more than adequate!

[PiePie]

what does it mean if my maternity pants are too tight?

[phillybama]

PiePie, not sure what to tell you about the maternity pants, but I loved your story about your nickname.

Welcome Judy! I am happy to home someone I know from the TTC#1 in my 30s club.

I am starting to have slight m/s. My breasts are still sore (seem to be the same size, for now) and I have just started noticing the beautiful blue lines on them. Does anyone thing that I am strange for not dreading much of the symptoms? I just want to feel different--that it will somehow make the pregnancy seem more real to me.

[Dee-Groovy]

Welcome Judy!

PiePie it means you need bigger maternity pants! I grew out of my first pair after two weeks! You said you had lots of dresses, right? :

Julia I know about the hip widening pain - it happened to me all at once when I was visiting DC. Ouch! Tylenol helped a lot. I'm feeling movement for sure now too & it's so cool! She seems to get really active after I eat sugar - dunno if that's good or not!

Minnow glad to hear the two classes are going ok and you're digging the subject matter for the new class. The way you described it with good pay and little grading, I probably would've taken the job too (or at least considered it more seriously, haha).

On the bra subject - am I the only one who feels like the boobs need less support now that they're bigger and fuller? I was medium sized before, usually a C cup, and they've grown to a D or DD. I used to be like Elizabeth, needing them firmly strapped down all the time, but now I'm perfectly comfy walking my dogs in a shelf-bra tank. Maybe they're held in better b/c they're bigger & the fabric is more taut?

Is it normal to feel yucky again around 20 weeks? This week I've been truly exhausted, eating weird, and feeling big and uncomfortable. I hope it's just an awkward stage.

I'm finally excited about having a little girl! Everyone in my DDC is finding out gender now and I still have small pangs of jealousy when boys are announced - especially twin boys! BUT I'm starting to picture how beautiful my baby is and imagining girly activities like ballet and girl scouts with her in the future. I'm having fun putting registries together too. These socks pushed me right over the edge!

[PiePie]

i am starting to get excited over my birth blessing ritual this Saturday. sort of an unconventional baby shower, but more focused on me, my body, my hopes and dreams for myself in this transformation, and with only women in attendance. (dh is fleeing the scene -- maybe it's the belly casting that creeps him out?) i have been dreading it because there is so much to do -- we are hosting, by default. which means cleaning -- yet undone -- the cleaning lady didn't show. but now i am feeling like it will feel good to be celebrated -- to counter those negative feelings about my body -- the fear that i won't be able to do natural childbirth (intensified by the pain of the Braxton-Hicks surges), the fact that my feet look distended to the point where they are downright gross -- not only do they not look like mine, but they don't even look like feet!!

[cicely_m]

Hi. Can I join? I just got the following test result.
I'll be 30 in about a month and a half...

[dctexan]

Originally Posted by veganone

Emily - I also hear you on the dog situation. I do most of the caretaking for them too. Dh helps with them, though, if I remind him often enough... We have an 11 year old who needs medication with every meal. Dh never remembers her pills even though the deal is that whoever feeds her gives her her medicine.

Originally Posted by MajorGroover

Emily sorry to hear your DH doesn't take care of your old lady doggie the way she needs it. My DH forgets to give the dogs their pills every time even though they're doled out weekly in color coded pill boxes. :

How interesting...
DH has a tough time with the pups meds too (although he doesn't even remember to take his own meds for allergies and acid reflux so how can I possibly expect him to remember the dog's right?). Isn't it kinda scary that we don't 100% trust our DHs to take care of the pets and yet we are willing to have BABIES with them?

Originally Posted by MajorGroover

DH and I have been together 14 years now, living together for 11. After a few years of living together I couldn't stand doing everything myself any more. I got depressed from not saying anything, then finally broke down, cried, and asked for help. The cycle repeated several times until we worked out a cleaning schedule. We wrote down all the chores, big and small, that are necessary to keep a house clean - from scrubbing the floors to straightening up. Then we figured out how often each thing needed to be done and we each picked the chores we hated least (no one actually likes housework, right?). This required negotiation and compromise, of course. The I made a calendar showing who was supposed to do what and when. It was hard to stick to but it made a huge difference in our relationship.

I love the idea that two adults who care about each other should be able to sense what needs to be done and do it, but it's not realistic. We've also had to change our standards - he doesn't load the dishwasher the way I like it, but the dishes still get clean so I don't say a word. I let mail build up on the end table but DH doesn't say anything either (his mom is a neat freak, which I am most certainly NOT). I really hope no one takes this the wrong way, it all seems like common sense, but I swear the difference is like night and day. Hopefully the men will be more willing to agree to a plan like this since we're pregnant, tired, and carrying their babies!

Well said Dee. I LOVE the arrangement you and DH came up with. I proposed something similar to DH but he didn't go for it. He doesn't think we need to write down everything little thing and keep track of who does what. Nor does he think we need a schedule of when things get done.

Originally Posted by PiePie

bumping us up. dh and i graduated birth class yesterday and last night i got what i am pretty sure were my first braxton-hicks contractions. i prefer surges but dh says i sound like bush on iraq. anway, they are not so fun. the women in my birth class said they didn't hurt at all, i can't agree there.

Pie - First congrats on graduating!!! Yay!
DH and I started our birthing class last Sat. It was fairly interesting. One exercise we had to do was to draw our strongest birth image. I had this really complex (well, it was all stick figure because I can't draw worth %$#@, but whatever) with a birthing tub, birth ball, dim lights, ropes to hang on, etc. At first DH didn't want to draw anything, but I forced him. Gues what he drew...a big question mark. I was a little bit annoyed, but then I saw what this other dude drew (it was a picture of him standing next to his wife who was lying on her back, pointing at her!!!!) and I realized that knowing nothing isn't the worst thing that could happen (at least now DH is all ready to be brainwashed with a birthing philosophy I am agree with).
Second, I have been having BH since about week 21/22. To me they are not painful, but they are certainly uncomfortable. They feel like I am carrying a stone in my lower uterus. I find that peeing, drinking water, and resting all ease the frequency and intensity of my BH. One thing that helps me deal with them (since they happen almost every day) is to think about them as exercise for my uterus - each practice contraction is making my uterus stronger and more prepared for labor.

Originally Posted by rock_dr

We are breastfeeding, and it's going pretty well. The first 3-4 days were rough - blisters and some bleeding on my nipples. Freaked out about it - everyone will tell you it's not supposed to hurt. That's true once you get going but I think it's normal to be tender and sore as you get started. Once my milk came in it got MUCH easier. I have stopped writing down every pee/poo/and feeding so must be more confident now. She eats about every 3 hours. Fortunately at night she usually goes right back to sleep... Unfortunately we have had some SUPER cranky periods during the day.

I am still struggling with some emotions. A part of me misses being pregnant (really!). I miss the inner focus I had obtained - just very intune to me and my body. I cried when I put away my snoodle pillow and birth ball. Also when my mom left yesterday, but we're doing ok. I'm riding a stationary bike in the mornings and walking the dog at night, and the exercise had made a big difference for me. Still some bleeding but am feeling more healed 'down there.' Lot's of appointments this week - ped, midwife, and doula.

CJ - Thanks for posting. I am so curious and slightly anxious about being postpartum and it is super helpful to have you stop by to give updates, reality checks, and advice. Hope all is well in mommyland!!!

[Grace24]

Jujubie and Cicely, and congratulations!

Emily...OMG does this mean I can expect BH contractions to start in 4 weeks? Ack! I have that feeling too in my uterus where it feels like a stone, maybe that's normal though.

Pie, on the pants. I just outgrew my men's Large Target pajama pants. I was depressed. They're DRAWSTRING, and they're not even required to go over my belly. So F-it, I went out and got XXL. I can't possibly grow out of those! I bought some maternity jeans when I was about 7 weeks which aren't feeling like they're going to last very long. (I finally got them hemmed!)

Elizabeth...OMG me too, with the back fat! WTF?! I was so upset when I bought sports bras a while back, the white one showed bulges over my shoulder blades. Isn't that supposed to just be bone there? God! It's funny, I totally don't mind my belly getting bigger, but because I have a history of weight fluctuation I panic when I see everything else change. Dimples on my arms, etc. Bleah.

Dee...so how long did the hip pain last? I've had a resurgence of food aversions this week, out of the blue, which is my least favorite pg symptom. Hope it clears up for you!

So I'm on yet another computer today...an old iMac that DH hasn't used in a few years. Clearly not, as I found headshots of his ex-gf on here. He was sure I'd find porn, oddly enough I think I would've preferred that. Though I thought he was above that sort of thing... Boys will be boys I guess.

[PiePie]

I finally finished my infant books list. (I have been adding and subtracting neurotically...but now I know it's done. This must be how cooks feel about food.) http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/syl...657519-4256062

[jpiper0430]

Boy have I missed a lot! Guess I need to check in more often if I'm going to keep up!

Dee - I had some morning sickness/food aversions appear about two weeks ago, they lasted for about a week or so and promptly disappeared. I'm really glad to hear you are falling for your little girl! Those socks were sooo cute! Besides, girls can do anything boys can do right? Being a girl never stopped me from playing ice hockey:-).

CJ - thanks for the updates! I hope you are still doing well. Glad to hear you've been able to get out and walk.

Emily - I like the info you shared about your DH. Very sweet.

Piepie - congrats on finishing your birthing class! One less thing to do! Thanks for sharing the story of your username.

Minnow - Sounds like you're going to be busy this summer with two classes. Glad the new one you took on is fairly easy to organize! I'm working on becoming a high school science teacher (physics) and currently can't imagine dealing with teenagers all summer!

Julia - I also had some nasty hip pain. It's no fun, and now some of my favorite pants don't fit. Lucky for me, my Pregnany in Motion instructor is a physical therapist and she showed me lots of stretches to help out. It's no fun, and the best thing when the pain gets real bad is rest. I had lots of trouble finding bras too until I went to Lady Grace. They have a decent website, but I live local to one of their stores and they were so nice! I basically sat in the dressing room and tried on bras. I was even able to get a comfortable, supportive, lightweight sports bra! I'm a 44E/F and they had plenty of no-underwire bras in my size. They can be a bit expensive, but I was there during a 25% off sale.

Elizabeth - congrats on the stroller purchase! I'm due around the same time as you (Oct. 5-9, depending on the method you use). I've been having BH surges for a few weeks. Usually it's because I'm dehydrated.

SarahJen - glad you got to hear the heartbeat! I found that cheese or peanut butter and crackers were very good. Also, a few handfuls of almonds worked well for me. I seemed to need at least a little protein every few hours to keep the m/s at bay!

Hi to everyone else! Welcome to all the newbies! I noticed there were a ton of BFP's on the TTC board, so I'm looking forward to seeing even more people soon!

Things have been pretty crazy for me. My mother is going in for surgery in two weeks and is scared out of her mind. She's looking forward to the surgery, but it's pretty major and the recover won't be easy. She has either breast cancer or a soft tissue sarcoma (they'll find out after surgery - original hospital screwed up the diagnosis). The cancer got into her pectoral muscle, so they need to remove the muscle and create a new one with a piece from her lower back, which means lots of recovery time. My sister and I have been doing our best to keep her occupied so she doesn't have time to think about her cancer.

I had my 24 week appt last night. My midwife showed me how to feel the baby's head and feet, which was very cool! I also discovered that the weird twitching I have been feeling is the baby getting hiccups!

On one of my trips with my mom over the weekend we went to a cloth diaper store. I got a pack of 24 prefolds, 2 newborn covers and a couple of snappi's (they look like 'toys' that my DH will play with and break). I also got an Ergo baby carrier, which I'm very excited about. We brought my 11 month old cousin with us and DH tried it on with my cousin in both the front and back carry positions and it was pretty comfortable for him. I tried the front carry with a stuffed animal.