Calling all Feb. Homebirthers - Page 2

[JJJJBlue3333]

We'll be having our 2nd homebirth with the same midwife who helped with ds2. I can't wait!

[Jlcampbellkidz]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Laurie, we don't normally do first trimester scans over here- just one at 12 weeks and one at 20. The first I knew of the twins was when I started labouring again 24 hours after Brighid was born...
The good news is that I have a referral to a community midwife, my blood pressure is down on my last pregnancy, and as long as I'm still pregnant in two weeks time, my GP will refer me to the Early Pregnancy Unit for a scan. The bad news is that I forgot to lie about my dates, gave her my actual LMP (the NHS doesn't believe in newfangled ideas like fertility awareness) and so I now have a January due date Let's hope that the sonographer manages to be inaccurate in the right direction. Right now I feel very nurtured though.
Oh, and all of this is covered by the NHS, btw. We don't get nice details like beta tests and scans at every appointment, but my midwives have always been fantastic and the support post-birth is pretty great as well.

My midwives wont be doing the scans or betas either. I am in the care of a doctor at a fertility clinic that i was referred to by my midwife after 3 consecutive early miscarriages in the last year. She knew i needed some answers and that she didn't have the resources to give me any answers. DH and I have no problems concieving on our own, it's just keeping the baby. I am a pretty hands off, low to no medical person. So this has been a trip for me. But so glad i did it. Cause now i know it was just my body not producing enough progesterone. I will be on the supplement until 9 or 12 weeks. After that, I will transfer my care to my midwives. The sono at 6 weeks is standard at the fert. office.

As far as homebirth for this one, it's a hands down easy choice. DH was not so supportive the first two pregnancies but I just prayed hard and God revealed his will to my hubby. So #3 was an amazing birth with only 4 short hours of labour. Dh and I both caught the baby. Even more amazing to him. He is so excited about having #4 at home. He just can't see going back to the hospital ever again. I am so relieved.

[DDNemo]

Hi noordinaryspider!

Thank you for your post. I'm hoping that "going to the hospital" does not even enter my mind as an option; and like you that I'd rather just get through it, than get in the car and go for a ride to see some dr. I don't know, and do the same thing I would have done at home anyhow...

Even though I have not experienced it, I think I know what you mean about the "if you could just buy them at the store" comment. This morning my husband was saying that he wishes that I did not have to feel the pain... And the Idea of a totally pain-free birth seemed so weird, and not as ful-filling... and I told him if that's what I wanted, I could just get the epi. And I explained to him how empowering birth can be for so many woman.

I have two experiences in life to sort of compare it to... One was hiking on the AT going up a mountian, I felt like I would be walking up a steep hill in the cold and rain for ever... We still had such a long way to go and I started crying, but I kept going and I did reach our goal, and I felt good, but also sad that I had not totally believed in myself that I could make it.

The other experience was getting a tattoo... lame, I know. But you get that rush of endorphins and you're in pain, but I like the "Be HERE, NOW" kind of feeling it brings on, that I have heard people talking about having during labor. That with the pain, you are living totally in the present.

Loraxc: I'm also worried about people hasseling me! I'm going to have to tell them all to keep it to themselves.

Flapjack: 60% hospital transfers due to pain is not very inspiring. I hope I can avoid a transfer due to pain. And thanks for the reminder that there is the pain of giving birth, and then theres the "you need help now" kind of pain, where you know something is wrong. I think women get scared and think thats the kind of pain they are feeling - and maybe thats why they asked to get a transfer. I have been reading so much to combat any fear and doubt.

Well, Sorry for the long post!

[flapjack]

No- of the first-time mums who choose to transfer (and bearing in mind the fact that in the UK, we have a higher transfer rate than you do) 60% of those people chose to do so because they wanted access to more pain relief than they could have at home. That's including things like prolonged labour and back labour and awkward foetal positioning where no other indicator has presented yet. (UK midwives rarely use the "failure to progress" tag, though doctors sometimes do.)
It's not an inspiring statistic, but fear of pain is something you can prepare for and deal with. You can practice relaxation breathing, explore hypnotherapy (why has nobody talked about hypnobabies yet?) and use sheer bloodymindedness- it really IS like your analogy of climbing the mountain. Like mountainclimbing, it's one step, one contraction at a time. The view from the top is absolutely overwhelming- and yes, there's the option of taking the cablecar (epidural) But you don't have to if you don't want to.

[LaurenB]

I really want to have my baby at home. I think it would be wonderful! My DH is against it because he's so scared something will go wrong. I have awhile to work on him though. I'm not giving up on it yet!!

[jaxinsmom]

Originally Posted by loraxc

And I had a horrendously painful back labor. Actually, although I did end up with an epi, that was only because the midwife talked me into it (in retrospect, I think she was worried about my exhaustion +posterior babe = the hospital demanding a section)

So, NOW talk me into it.

Um ~ I had the same situation! I was at the hospital, in labour and he was posterior and I had intense back labour/pain and my midwife suggested an epi ~ I didn't have it b/c I dialated before the doctor could get to the hospital to give it to me, and I can tell you that although it was the worst pain I'd ever experienced, the second I pulled ds onto my chest I bawled, looked at dp and said "I wanna do it all again". Pure Bliss

I'm not a religious person, but the 'mantra' I repeated to myself during the labour was that God wouldn't give me more pain than I could handle. Simply wouldn't happen.

The other midwife who was attending the birth told Kay (our MW) that she didn't think the baby would be born vaginally (I found this out the next week).

He ended up comming out with his fist balled up and placed on his cheek. I tore ....ahem, *both ways*

I figure, if I can handle that kind of pain and come out if it glowing, I can do it all again in the comfort of my own home.

~ side note, but when I got the the hospital we arrived before our MW and the nurse 'checked me' and I swear she thought I was a cow. It was aweful. violating. The main reason I'm not going back to the hospital.

Also, you might want to look into hypnobirthing, great way to focus during labour.

[mom3b1?]

It'll have to be a pretty catastrophic situation to get me into a hospital again for a birth. My first two boys were born in hospital, and I can tell stories that will make your hair curl. In both cases I was forced into unwanted and unnecessary procedures, and ended up with c/s.

My third was born UC in my bathtub. It was an unusually long and difficult birth, but compared to the hospital births it was pure heaven. The recovery was amazing, so much easier. I was able to focus on my children right away.

This time I think I'll hire a MW if I can get one who will let me stay pregnant as long as necessary, and let me birth alone if I need too. I think I have one who will work this way. The UC was great, but this time we are military, and he's going to be in Iraq. Something tells me I'm going to want someone around, if she's hands off enough.

Kiley

[mom3b1?]

Sheer bloodymindedness worked for me. My home labor was very long, 36 intense hours, all backlabor, first vag birth after two c/s, just hard all around. I kept telling myself that women all over the world have been doing this without c/s for millenia, and if they can do it so can I. I didn't want to be shown up, I think. It worked. He came out!

Kiley

[mama_nym]

I'll definitely be having a homebirth - possibly a UC, depending on how I feel at the time. For prenatal care I will be under the care of wonderful midwives and actually can't wait for my first appointment "outing" - they're about an hour away, and just about 5 minutes from the beach, so I usually make a day of it!

I've had a horrible, medicated hospital birth; a wonderful natural hospital birth; and amazing midwife-attended birth center waterbirth and the most natural, normal, pain-free, estatic, serene homebirth ...of my biggest babe at 10 lbs 14oz. Now I can't imagine birthing anywhere other than in the comfort of my own home!

[mom3b1?]

Originally Posted by mama_nym

I've had a horrible, medicated hospital birth; a wonderful natural hospital birth; and amazing midwife-attended birth center waterbirth and the most natural, normal, pain-free, estatic, serene homebirth ...of my biggest babe at 10 lbs 14oz. Now I can't imagine birthing anywhere other than in the comfort of my own home!

That's like a sampler platter of birth!

Grin,

Kiley

[mama_nym]

Yeah...it's definitely been a journey! I was ready for a homebirth after my first hospital birth but it took dh a while to come around to realizing how safe homebirth is and that all the horribleness we had with our oldest's birth was BECAUSE I was in a hospital!

My dh and my mom were with me at all the births - and by far they think homebirth was the best. The only birth my Dad has seen besides mine and my sisters' hospital births was my youngest's homebirth, and he tells EVERYONE about his daughter's beautiful homebirth of the amazingly large baby!

[Greeneyes0506]

I want to have a home birth but DH isn't on board at all.

[flapjack]

That's OK if he's the one having the baby If not, he has some serious reading to do...

[Greeneyes0506]

Originally Posted by flapjack

That's OK if he's the one having the baby If not, he has some serious reading to do...

He usually comes around after I make him read. I think for him he doesn't see why I would want to change it. I've had good hospital birthing experiences and since he works where I deliver I get special treatment. I think if our insurance covers home birth he'll go for it, if not I'll make him!

[loraxc]

I have an appointment to interview a practice of HB midwives next week.

[mom3b1?]

My three boys father, my ex husband, was very anti homebirth. I figured I'd have a natural birth in the hospital. He'd see that it can be done without drugs and stuff then he'd be OK birthing at home. Insurance only covered hospital birth for us at the time, so I didn't fight as hard as I might have.

We ended up with a lot of unnecessary stuff and a c/s. To be fair there were some legitimate complications, but they could have been treated in a better way, and if the correct treatment had gone well I probably could have had a normal home birth or at least an unmedicated hospital birth. Baby number two, there were no real complications, just those caused by the drugs and proceedures of the hospital. Baby three was UC. I put my foot down. No circ, no hospital, no drugs. He hated it, and we fought hard about it, but I won in the end. In the end I told him if he wanted to have the babies penis cut, he was going to have to go with him and hold him through the proceedure. He never said another word about it.

I told this one right from the start that if we were to ever have a baby it'd be born at home, not circ'd, breastfed no bottles (cup of bm in a pinch), no disposable diapers and either ec'd or cloth diapered if I couldn't sort out the ecing very well. I think he was saying to himself "I haven't even tried to get you to sleep with me yet!" I think he'll take to wearing the baby very well. He loves children, and is really sweet with babies.

If he gets cold feet about this birth, he's out of luck. He's going to be in Iraq.

Kiley

[aslmere]

Originally Posted by flapjack

That's OK if he's the one having the baby If not, he has some serious reading to do...

I wish that were true.. but when your husband or partner is so frightened of birth then it could potentially be very damaging for your relationship to keep on insisting on a homebirth.
I would LOVE a homebirth and although dh think in theory they are great.. he believes that I am too high risk to try it.

I KNOW I could do it... but he is so scared of birth that for me to push it would tear us apart.
And THAT is something that I am unwilling to do.

[LoveChild421]

Another repeat homebirther here! Just found out today I'm pregnant and although it is a BIG surprise and it's going to be a big expense for us its worth it.

[azyre]

I meeting a midwife today and another on Tuesday

I hadn't discussed HB with my partner - getting him to ttc was my main focus, no reason to set yourself up additional obstacles He knew my intentions tho, he isn't stupid.

Last night I told him I'd set up some meetings, and we got to talk about it and it's sorted now. He already knows why the medical model is troubled and that they are more rigid for vbac again, I allayed his concerns regarding mess, and where the money will come from.

I think we'll both be a lot happier with a hb, he didn't like what went down at the hospital and his role will be much more flexible at home. He isn't too comfortable with the reality of birth, and I am spoilt for choice with hands on support so we'll have a lot more freedom about how things pan out with us at home. He can care for our DD, run the house, or directly support me. Play some WoW, you know LOL

It's really key to me that he enjoy this experience as well, since I didn't realise until recently how he still carried the first birth experience, it was part of what was holding him back from another. Now I don't necessarily want a third child, but if we can cross birth and post partum off the list of reasons not to, it won't hurt LOL

So it's important to me that I find care providers that aren't rigid about the partner's role, I don't want him disrespected or them feeling sorry for me because we are happy like we are. We have a high degree of autonomy in our relationship and sometimes that is misunderstood as disconnection. He doesn't have to be "into" it and researched and believe the same things I do, he just needs to comfortable enough to facilitate what I want and support us. He's pretty easy going, just if others are expecting enthusiasm, they will be disappointed

Anyway, I think it is going to be GREAT for our family to do it this way All of us will get more of what we need.

[guestmama9972]

I am considering HB for baby #3. I had 2 birth center births and, while I love the birth center, it was such a pain (literally) to get in the car in the throes of labor to drive to the birth center. Soon after the girls were born I was ready to go home anyway. I have had quick labors (6 hrs and under 3 hours) and barely even made it in the door of the birth center with my 2nd baby. I still need to find a midwife, and we are moving between now and the birth, plus preparing to homeschool, plus selling the house, so I am going to be a busy mamma.