Calling all Feb. Homebirthers - Page 5

[mama_nym]

I have my first midwife appointment a week from today! I'll be seeing one of the midwives who attended C's birth (V). The next appointment I make will be with one of the two new midwives in the practice, although I'm hoping to meet them on Sunday at a party for the opening of their new office/ farewell party for the other midwife that attended C's birth, Saras, who is moving north to take up her new role as Director of the Midwifery Program at the University of British Colombia.

Waterbirth/pain ... I had a mostly-pain free waterbirth with H - the only pain was when she failed to completely turn (she was along my side when I was in labor) and I was having a little difficulty getting her past my pubic bone. C's home waterbirth was completely pain free (just lots of pressure!).

[miss_honeyb]

Well, I'm really hoping for my first homebirth. DH is kind of on the fence because of losing ds#1 shortly after birth, due to complicatins during delivery. I was just reading over all the doctor notes on his birth, and the more I think about it, the more I think it may not have happened if I had been at home...

But we were at a hospital, and they couldn't save him, so doesn't that mean we should give homebirth a shot? I mean, we already know being at a hospital doesn't mean your baby will live...

I'm trying to convince DH that being at a hospital isn't necessarily safer than at home, and he seems open to the idea. But he'd have to be really convinced in order to go ahead with a homebirth. I mean REALLY convinced. And I'm not sure how to do that!

Also, for those of you who have done this before, how do I go about finding a MW? I already have a list of mw who do homebirths in MN, so do I just call them and talk on the phone? Do they usually schedule a consultation appointment? And what are some of the things I should ask them? I'm so ignorant about this! I just know I want to birth at home!

[azyre]

Melissa, I hope your conversations with your DH go well We had nothing so traumatic to process but it has been good for us to have even the briefest chats that we have about the past and what we are choosing for the future. Glad to hear he is open to it, hope you both come to a decision you are excited about

What I did to look for a midwife was write about what I wanted, and from that create a list of questions I needed to ask. I had a friend help me word them in an open and non-leading way, as well as how to communicate some of my personal "stuff" that might be pertinent to my relationship with them - like how I see my SO's role and beliefs about vaccines for example.

Then I made appointments, I made 2 to start with, then another 2 when the first didn't work out. The first two I left feeling like I would be unable to trust anyone to be my care provider, when they were like 80% fits, still saying things that didn't sit right with me. I met the third one and we have clicked and I feel very excited about employing her to be my midwife Gonna cancel the 4th appt where I was meeting 2 midwives - was unimpressed by the one I spoke to on the phone, and she has already said something dodgy about my "options" including hospital and that's not the type of commitment I'm looking for when I am interviewing a midwife to plan a HB with!!

So anyway, I have a midwife now

[purplepaisleymama]

hello, I am not sure if I am in DC, as I am not exactly sure of my dates, but I am homebirthing and will have a UC.... I am meeting the only MW I can find in the area who will be supportive of a UC. I have had 3 different MWs throughout my pregnancies and all are not appropriate for what will work for us now. I just called the prospective midwife last week and introduced myself. She asked me a few questions about how many previous births I had and what I was looking for and made an appointment for this Friday.
I think that we will get along very well, we both homeschool and we agree on everything birth wise so far.
I wish you luck in your finding a perfect fit for your Midwife....
laura

[jljeppson]

All midwives I know of do a free first consultation meeting. Just give them a call and they will be happy to set up a meeting with you (they usually want to meet DH at that 1st as well). There's a thread on here somewhere that has the same subject and lists all the same questions I would have suggested. If you can find it, it would probably be a big help.

[mom3b1?]

Originally Posted by purplepaisleymama

I wish you luck in your finding a perfect fit for your Midwife....
laura

Laura,

I'm glad you found the right MW. I'm looking for one like that. I UC'd last time and it was perfect. However, now I've got some other concerns so I'm looking for a MW who will basically support me UCing, though I won't think of it as an UC because she'll be involved. I want her there at the birth, and to help out if anything comes up during the pregnancy, but that's it.

Kiley

[jljeppson]

I've only done 1 solo birth and that's the role I played. Mom had a doula, dad didn't do much labor support but was perfect for the delivery and he caught. I was just there to take heart tones/blood pressure, etc and a check IF she wanted one (last baby didn't dilate and she has strong pushing urges so she wanted to make sure she wasn't going to tear by pushing too soon) and just watch for troubles. I did clean up, newborn check, etc but overall mom and dad were in charge and they were very happy with it. Only down side was heavy mec with the cause possibly being the placenta pulling away early and I asked them to go in to get checked by their DR. Don't think they were happy with that and wish I hadn't had to, but had to make sure baby didn't aspirate mec (had mec when I suctioned her and trouble breathing) and I can't do at home care for that if she had. Mom wanted to do a UC but dad wasn't comfortable, so hopefully it was a happy medium.

[Wabi Sabi]

My 2.5 yo ds was a home waterbirth and I can't imagine doing it any differently this time around. I had a great birth experience and am actually looking forward to doing it again.

Here's his birth story with photos:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=578398

So far I haven't been able to get ahold of my midwife- I've left her a couple of messages but haven't heard back from her yet, which is making me a bit nervous. I'm sure she's just really busy, but some weird little insecure part of me is thinking, "Oh no...what if she doesn't want to work with us again? Maybe she didn't like us..." Silly, I know. I'm sure I'll hear from her soon.

[mom3b1?]

Originally Posted by jljeppson

I've only done 1 solo birth and that's the role I played. Mom had a doula, dad didn't do much labor support but was perfect for the delivery and he caught. I was just there to take heart tones/blood pressure, etc and a check IF she wanted one (last baby didn't dilate and she has strong pushing urges so she wanted to make sure she wasn't going to tear by pushing too soon) and just watch for troubles. I did clean up, newborn check, etc but overall mom and dad were in charge and they were very happy with it. ... so hopefully it was a happy medium.

Sounds good to me, though I won't do doppler, and probably not BP (as long as it stays good before the birth). The less touching the better. Last time I might have wanted a dilation check toward the end, because I'd had trouble dilating before, but it worked out great without one, once I figured out that hairy hard thing was the babies head (talk about being in la la land!). Now I feel I'm OK with that, OK with waters breaking (scared me last time, it was explosive! la la la) but no doubt this little one will have a surprise or two up her sleeve for mommy. Oh, I also want someone who will help me stand up if I need to change positions. Last time I just HAD to stand at the last minute, and couldn't have without someone pulling me up. My births are so long and intense that I kind of like having someone who can glance over and tell me everything is normal if I need it...but it really messes me up if I get touched and handled.

Fun for the poor MW who takes me on, LOL. Hopefully she'll love to knit.

You don't attend births in Middle GA, do you? Grin

Kiley

[mom3b1?]

Originally Posted by loraxc

My hesitations about homebirth:

1) Afraid I'll need to transfer and be attended by some OB I don't know (I transferred from a birth center with DD, but my MW delivered)

2) Afraid of paying twice because of a transfer (also happened with DD)

3) Afraid of the teeny-tiny risks (this is the least of my worries, actually)

4) Afraid of other people hassling me

I just noticed how pain isn't on the list! Hey! And I had a horrendously painful back labor. Actually, although I did end up with an epi, that was only because the midwife talked me into it (in retrospect, I think she was worried about my exhaustion +posterior babe = the hospital demanding a section)

So, NOW talk me into it.

For me the extra costs of having had my babies in the hospital far outweigh the costs of homebirth. The fact that my bladder control will never be the same. They sew your uterus to your bladder after a c/s. My babies were given formula in the hospital against my wishes. The risk of infection alone in the hospital is scary enough to choose a homebirth without all the rest. The #1 cause of death in hospital isn't some horrible disease, it's medical mitake. The #3 cause of death in the US, in any setting, is medical mistake. Yeah, I want to avoid unnecessary medical proceedures for my baby and myself.

What you do is up to you. It's a lot easier to prepare and plan for a homebirth then change to a hospital birth if you run into complications, than go the other way.

Kiley

[bloominmamas]

I just got the pregnancy confirmation that I needed from my primary care-giver. Yay a positive, yeah I know a bit silly with me at 7 weeks but I was still weirdly nervous Anyway, it just reminded me why I really don't want to have a hospital birth. When the nurse finally called me back with the results (and I want to stress here that she was really nice, but she also sounded like she was reading a script) she went on and on about everything I shouldn't be doing, whether I was going to keep the baby, I needed to sign up for a meeting with their OB person to talk about pregnancy and to choose my OB. It was just so impersonal and medical, and she just assumed that I would do an ultrasound to figure out the due date (she stressed that I would need one because I was having 26 day cycles and they would want to figure out the due date). It just really stressed to me how much I don't want to go that route again. She also expressed concern that I was taking OTC prenatals and that they wanted consistency and that they would prescribe me some, which I won't be picking up. It was just affirmation that it wasn't right for me.

[jljeppson]

My grandmother had two "table top babies" (that's the way poor farming families did it back then. HB with the family women the only ones present and possibly a midwife if there was a baby catcher in the area). When she was pregnant with her 3rd there was a hospital in a neighboring town, so they decided to try this new fangled idea of going to the hopital. Suffice it to say, my aunt didn't survive and it definitely influenced my decision to HB. It was a girl, after 2 larger boys, and they told my grandmother that her head was crushed due to CPD. Pretty much impossible. We know the dr didn't make it on time and from what I've been able to piece together the nurses held the head in (used to be common practice, know people that will hold the womens legs together until the doc gets there) in hopes of keeping her from delivering without him and they crushed her head. As I said, it definitely was something I thought about when I was deciding on HB's.

[mommy2abigail]

Count me in! With dd, we were planning a natural birth at a birth center. Well, she got 'stuck' (posterior) and would. not. come. out. 14 hours after my water broke, it was policy to transfer. Well at the hospital, everything went to h*ll. She was born, taken from us, and ended up having to stay for 5 days under a billi bed. She was pricked every 3 hours. I had severe ppd and ppp for years (still have ppd a little, though it's under control) nursing got off on a horrible note. I didn't sleep for the first 5 days. At all. I sat in the rocking chair in the nursery 24 hours a day, minus the 15 minutes at 7 and 7 for nurse changes. After the first 3 days, they discharged me, and I refused to go home. I told my dh to take the seats out of the van, I could sleep in there in the parking garage. Luckily one of the great nurses offered us an empty room to sleep in the first night, and hooked us up at the Ronald McDonald house for the other two nights. When dd finally did get to come home, it was with a billi bed for 3 more days. So even in my own home, I couldn't hold and sleep with her. It was terrible. So now with this pregnancy, not only do I have fears and hesitations, everyone thinks I am crazy for not wanting to go to a hospital straight away. "What if something happens like with Abby?" It really stinks not having anyone IRL have faith in me, and believe in me. And it really stinks that they dont see that last time, the HOSPITAL was where all the problems started! Anyway, sorry for my rambling.....it feels better to get it all out. I still have so many regrets from dd's birth and her infancy. I was so unsure of everything, and listened to everyone else but her. I was swayed by all those who said she'd never sleep if we didn't CIO, that by wearing her she was becoming too dependant, ect.

[firecat]

Naturalia,
sorry to hear about your son. I am thinking about you and hope you will get the birth you want.

Not really any progress here. I am procrastinating. I'm not really excited about the process of trying to find a midwife, so I am putting it off. I still have some time yet don't I? :

I have been doing alot of thinking about the birth and what I want and where it might happen so that is good.

[bloominmamas]

Originally Posted by firecat

Naturalia,
sorry to hear about your son. I am thinking about you and hope you will get the birth you want.

Not really any progress here. I am procrastinating. I'm not really excited about the process of trying to find a midwife, so I am putting it off. I still have some time yet don't I? :

I have been doing alot of thinking about the birth and what I want and where it might happen so that is good.

The only thing I have heard is that some midwives months fill up pretty quick. I know my midwife will only take on 4 mamas a month, so I made sure to touch base with her quickly. But I would imagine it would depend on how many are in your area.

[miss_honeyb]

Originally Posted by mommy2abigail

So now with this pregnancy, not only do I have fears and hesitations, everyone thinks I am crazy for not wanting to go to a hospital straight away. "What if something happens like with Abby?" It really stinks not having anyone IRL have faith in me, and believe in me. And it really stinks that they dont see that last time, the HOSPITAL was where all the problems started!

I've gotten that kind of response, too, and I feel the same way! Everyone assumes that we should be in the hospital because of our history, but that's exactly why I DON'T want to be at the hospital!

I also have fears and hesitations about this pregnancy, but I finally feel like I really know what I want and what I don't want, and that I'm ready to just do it, despite what everyone else says!

[smokeylo]

ME!!

I just found out I'm pregnant last week and was out of town. I'm a doula and part of a midwifery advocacy group, so I know most of the local midwives but haven't yet met with any or interviewed any. I do plan on a homebirth, probably a waterbirth, with a DEM, and a doula in attendance.

[Greeneyes0506]

Ladies, how much are you going to pay your midwife? Mine accepts our insurance but other Moms that have used her paid between 600-750 in extra fees. My DH will never go for that

[smokeylo]

Originally Posted by Greeneyes0506

Ladies, how much are you going to pay your midwife? Mine accepts our insurance but other Moms that have used her paid between 600-750 in extra fees. My DH will never go for that

I don't think I will have any insurance coverage for my homebirth, and will probably pay between 1000 and 1500 out of pocket for my birth. It's an investment - in my health, in my baby's health, in my family. We're in grad school and by no means rich, but I'm not letting my insurance company dictate my health care choices when it comes to something as important as my birth.

If you want to save some money, you could do some of your prenatal care with a covered care provider and switch to the MW later. Like, see an OB or CNM at a hospital until 20 weeks or so when the awful tests begin, and then switch care to a HB MW.

[jljeppson]

The midwife around here (both the new one and old before she retired) run $3000. I didn't have to pay that much with my 1st with her (the old one) but I did with my 2nd with her. Depending on your insurance, they will pay all but deductible, or nothing at all. No matter what you prepay and get a check back for whatever your insurance company paid.