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June is Blooming, Nov '05 Mamas! - Page 7

post #121 of 307

Have you felt the grass today?

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Amy* View Post
So, Mamas, I'm just wondering: how do y'all feel that you do in this regard? Do you try to live in the moment, practice Zen parenting, and not allow yourself to react to everything? If so, what helps you?

That is your deep thought for the day.

I have to say this is something I am staying on top of. There are times that I want to pull my hair out...but honestly. I live in every moment, every bubble, every button, every giggle, every tear... because I so deeply treasure the times I have with my son.

I think part of this is just who I am. I have always been a nurturer and my lifelong dream was to be a mother. I think working mothers are insane, and though I am a feminist in many regards I think the feminist movement was the worst things for mothers.

I am a Christian, but I often refuse to claim that because Christianity in America is often a joke. I would rather my life show my beliefs than my words...I live this in the way I parent my son, the way I love my husband, the way I do my job *although I seriously hate my job*

I believe in the curses that were given in the garden in Genesis. The man was cursed that he would have to work for a living. The woman cursed to have pain in childbirth and the snake cursed to crawl on his belly. I believe that the feminist movement is taking on the curse of both the man and the woman and though women are strong and can endure that...it is the child who suffers the most in that regard. With that said. I am a working mother.

I think that being a working mother and feeling the way I do about working mothers is one of the things that helps me see past the little things and enjoy every moment I have with my son. I still cry when I drop him off at daycare and he's been going since he was 6 weeks old. I rush over to get him when I'm off work. I follow him around and follow his cues around the house and often fall asleep nursing him leaving the laundry and the dishes to be done another time. Many times he helps me do these chores and instead of taking 10 minutes to put clothes away...it takes us a half hour...but we giggle and crawl in and out of the dryer and listen to the door of the dryer.

Honestly...when Jacob was 14 months old we *DH and I* had the most amazing revelation that we seriously live by. In fact writing down now makes me think I should really make a magnet of it and put it up on my fridge. We were walking in to a mall to look for a wedding dress (I'M MARRIED TO THE MOST AMAZING MAN!!!) Jacob was stopping *A LOT* He bent down and started feeling the grass. We didn't stop him or pick him up but bent down and started looking at and feeling the grass with him. This was so new and exciting to him. We continued inside feeling the side of the trashcan, the bench, the stone walls of the mall, the glass of the doors and the extra 10 minutes that took was the world to him. He was glowing. Now we remember everyday to feel the grass.

One of the things DH loves to tell people about is the choice he makes to spend time or stress. It takes a few minutes to say *goodbye* to whatever Jacob was doing before we leave, or mass amounts of stress in his frustration and anger at being pulled away from something he wants to be doing. We prefer to spend a little time to save a LOT of stress.

It is important for mama to be taken care of and I have to say that in that case I am the most amazingly blessed woman in the world. DH has been a SAHD when we had to fire our DC at the end of last school year for negligence, so he knows what it is like to have that responsibility and he knows how much I want it. He takes care of me. He brings me breakfast in bed while I am nursing Jacob. He packs our lunches and takes care of the kitchen. He cooks dinner many nights and we switch off cleaning up the kitchen and giving Jacob his bath. He respects me and the mother I am.

That respect and love is really the answer to HOW do I do it. that, and the strength and love I have in my faith and my God.
post #122 of 307

Beads

Any suggestions on when I should call the count final and have everyone start sending them in?

Is 2 weeks enough time for everyone to get them in after we have the final count?

Here is our list so far...
kaspirant
spughy
MamaFern
SoulJourney
flapjack
HoneyTree
*Amy*
Susannah M
Kavita
spiritmomma
barcelona
MelW
DreamsInDigital <---we got you mama...trust me!!
post #123 of 307
If you're on the east coast or beyond, it's my birthday now and this is the worst f'in birthday I've ever had. And Mercury is entering retrograde so it's only getting worse. Worse? WTF else could go wrong?
post #124 of 307
Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital View Post
If you're on the east coast or beyond, it's my birthday now and this is the worst f'in birthday I've ever had. And Mercury is entering retrograde so it's only getting worse. Worse? WTF else could go wrong?
*hugs* Oh mama. there are no words

...be cherished...

post #125 of 307
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Amy* View Post
You know, I am ashamed to say I still have our pregnancy beads, and I never strung them. :
Ha ha, I'm even worse--I never strung them, but I really really wanted to have them in labor--so the day I woke up with contractions and knew I was starting early labor, I waddled downtown to a bead store in the afternoon in the attempt to get them strung amidst contractions, but they were closed!!! So they are still not strung!!

Maybe we can combine the beads for the first swap and the beads from this one and make longer necklaces!

Amy--Happy Birthday!!!!!

kaspirant--count me in on the swap too!
post #126 of 307
DiD--I hope your birthday gets better!! Hugs to you, it will get better.

MamaFern--you'll get through the moving! Also--take some probiotics for the tummy thing, it should help restore your bacterial balance, that gets affected when your pooper is out of whack!

barcelona--glad to hear that you are all moved! I totally know what you mean about taking longer than you want to get settled in and organized. We're going through the same thing here. We planned to be able to move in on Saturday but it was still so stinky because of the floors just being done that morning, that we decided to wait until Sunday night. So DH started his job on Monday and so he's not here to help anymore, which is making things go slower. I'm also maybe about half unpacked--the kitchen is mostly unpacked and somewhat organized. The books are all unpacked and on shelves in the basement. (Yay for lots of built-in shelving!) The clothes are maybe half unpacked, and several boxes of other random stuff are unpacked. But lots of stuff is still in the garage, and our desk is not set up yet (because we're missing parts of the actual *desk*) and it now appears that our washer is broken. But I'm finding that it's seeming easier to declutter on the other side of moving--there are certain things that I was on the fence about and kept that I just take out of a box and go, "UGH--you again!" and know that I am not going to keep. Similarly, there are things that I take out of a box and I'm so excited to see them and have found them! I'm enjoying the fresh start too, actually. And I bought a few things for the new house, nothing major but some new dishtowels and a couple of pillows to replace the ones that were looking really stained and ratty. So that was fun.

Amy--I hear you on the Zen thing. For me it is a constant struggle to be patient (with DD, DH, things in general, etc.) and I fail more than I care to admit. I just keep trying. I try to remind myself that the current problems or frustrations are really pretty temporary--in even six months Ella will have grown and changed and I'll be on to a new and different set of problems and frustrations! I also find that getting enough time to myself and doing things to take care of myself is a really important thing for me to keep my patience the rest of the time--I don't want to be the martyr mom, and I remember, "if mom ain't happy, nobody's happy!" So I try to keep myself happy. This mostly involves adequate rest, adequate time by myself without DH or DD, and the occasional pedicure!

Helen--glad to hear that you're feeling good, in a bad sort of way, or bad, in a good sort of way . . . whichever it is!

spughy--hope you start enjoying your job more! I can relate to what you said about putting into it--I had a similar issue with my former job. Also, don't beat yourself up over chocolate past! Funny about the happy boobie!

kaspirant--hope things settle down with your friend. Just to offer the other perspective--I have had similar feelings with being uncomfortable with other kids being really aggressive or grabby or pushy or boisterous with Ella. I was at a library storyhour once and there were about a million babies/toddlers there swarming all over in this little room, and at some point Ella wandered into a corner to explore something and this other little boy who was a few months younger but really big and burly went over there with her, and the next thing I knew I went over to see what they were doing (they were sort of out of view behind someones's huge honking stroller : ) and he had her down on her hands and knees, standing over her, pushing down on her mid-back with one hand and pulling the crap out of her hair with the other hand, so that her back was totally arched and her head was totally yanked back and it was really hurting her. She normally doesn't cry much if she falls or gets pushed or knocked over by another kid, but it was really hurting her and she was crying and screaming like I haven't heard before or since. I swear that I actually had to employ defensive tactics training technique to the situation, to get him to release his death grip on her hair without her ending up getting scalped--he really was pulling it that hard. (I actually had to shove his hand INTO her head more to keep him from pulling and get him to release his grip, and pry his fingers off one by one.) Anyway, I found the situation really upsetting--I was kind of shaky for a while. I hope you don't find this totally weird, but I almost felt like the thing was a little suggestive of sexual aggression, with the pose he had her in, etc. I was really upset about her being hurt and scared, I was really upset about letting her get into that situation and not protecting her, I was really upset that she was in this position where this other kid was overpowering her and she couldn't get out of it, etc., and worried and scared for her that she is sometimes really sort of passive with other little kids and doesn't seem to even realize when they are trying to hurt her (not in that occasion, but often if other kids hit or push she just sort of gives them this bewildered look, like, hey, dude, what are you doing?) Anyway, I had to really think about it, because I felt like my reaction was disproportionate to the situation. (I think I responded well in terms of actions, but emotionally it was really disturbing to me. Even writing it now is a bit disturbing to me.) I have realized that my own experience of male violence affects how I see other people interacting with my daughter. It shouldn't matter that she is a girl and the other kid was a boy--but it did--I don't think I would have seen it the same way at all if the other kid was a little girl, or if DD were a boy. I have to really watch myself and my own reactions in that way, and remind myself that this is normal toddler behavior and that my job in play situations is to intervene and protect when it is appropriate, and help model and teach her how to interact approriately with other kids and to be sensitive to other's feelings and motivations in other circumstances, and to allow her to discover things on her own in yet other circumstances. (This is a tough one--supervise too loosely and you're neglectful and permissive, supervise too closely and you're a neurotic smothering helicopter parent!) But in any case, I have to really watch my own reactions and projections, as they really don't have as much to do with the situation as they do with me. I just offer this to say that your friend may have an interpretation of the situation (which is mostly unconscious as most of our interpretations usually are to us) that is upsetting her more than it appears to you that the situation warrants.
post #127 of 307
No time to post. Just sending quick to DiD- here's to the next year being the time that you leave the troubles behind and move forwards with Jim and your beautiful family.
post #128 of 307
Thread Starter 
DiD, my heart is with you. I hope that something, just one good thing, happens to you today so that you don't have a memory of purely sadness on such a special day.
post #129 of 307
DiD. I truly hope you find peace in your day. You are such a caring, giving mama to your four kiddos. Just having the children and Jim is such a gift in itself. Happy Birthday, mama.
post #130 of 307
I think of myself as parenting in the moment for the most part. There are probably a few minutes each day, maybe totallilng ten, where I just think, Gah, this is IT, I need to get away from this BABY! But you know, I was trying to finish graduating when Woody was a wee little guy, and it was SO hard, as so much was in those first months. And one day it came to me, what, for me, would be the secret of calm parenting: You can't care whether or not you get anything done. When it becomes a challenge, you have to let go of the laundry, and the grocery shopping, and the whining, and everything, and just be there with this baby. I don't think I'm at a place where I relish these moments yet, but I can kind of "give up" to them and just try and be there, in whatever state I'm in, and trust that what needs to get done will get done, and that "need" is a very subjective word anyway.
post #131 of 307
Happy birthday, DiD!
post #132 of 307
DiD: Make it a joyful birthday! Teach your kids a new song... It's a mantra for drawing abundance. It goes like this: Om Shrim Shriyei Namaha. Think it to yourself whenever you can. Teach it to your kids and get used to the sound of this mantra echoing throughout your home. Abundance is waiting to find you! You can hear the sound of the chant here. Just scroll down to the track listing and it's track number 6. Many blessings to you and yours. (btw: I added your family's name to our prayer box at church. Lots of wonderful people are sending you energy!)

*Amy* Sorry I missed your birthday! Hope it was happy! :

So, okay, I THINK I want to do the bead swap thing, but can someone fill me in on how it works? We all send x number of beads to one person, and they sort them, and mail them to us? If so, I'm in. I'll keep posted for more details.
post #133 of 307
Thread Starter 
Y'all are such an inspiration to me!!! Thanks to Alicia, Kavita, and Teresa for posting about Zen parenting. I try to practice a lot of what each of you said, so I guess I am doing OK. I think part of the reason I am thinking about this so much lately is the Daily Groove email that I signed up for a few months ago (which, thank you to whomever suggested it - SoulJourney maybe?). It really gives such great ideas and examples, and I try to be mindful of the general principles throughout my day. And I definitely think that letting go of the little stuff is such a huge part of maintaining sanity!!

Oh, I finally posted a few pictures of Ella and Brynn on my blog. It's the second entry from the top, and the pictures are toward the bottom of the entry.
post #134 of 307
Happy Birthday Lydia
i can relate to having a bad day..my last birthday i think i cried all day. things will get better.
post #135 of 307
Quote:
Originally Posted by spiritmomma View Post
So, okay, I THINK I want to do the bead swap thing, but can someone fill me in on how it works? We all send x number of beads to one person, and they sort them, and mail them to us? If so, I'm in. I'll keep posted for more details.
Yeppers. You will go find the most wonderful bead and buy (x) number of them. Send all yours to me and I will take one from each and mail them back out to all who participate! We currently have 11 mama's participating I think...or close to that so you would buy 11 beads and get back 11 different ones
post #136 of 307
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kavita View Post
kaspirant--hope things settle down with your friend. Just to offer the other perspective--I have had similar feelings with being uncomfortable with other kids being really aggressive or grabby or pushy or boisterous with Ella. I was at a library storyhour once and there were about a million babies/toddlers there swarming all over in this little room, and at some point Ella wandered into a corner to explore something and this other little boy who was a few months younger but really big and burly went over there with her, and the next thing I knew I went over to see what they were doing (they were sort of out of view behind someones's huge honking stroller : ) and he had her down on her hands and knees, standing over her, pushing down on her mid-back with one hand and pulling the crap out of her hair with the other hand, so that her back was totally arched and her head was totally yanked back and it was really hurting her. She normally doesn't cry much if she falls or gets pushed or knocked over by another kid, but it was really hurting her and she was crying and screaming like I haven't heard before or since. I swear that I actually had to employ defensive tactics training technique to the situation, to get him to release his death grip on her hair without her ending up getting scalped--he really was pulling it that hard. (I actually had to shove his hand INTO her head more to keep him from pulling and get him to release his grip, and pry his fingers off one by one.) Anyway, I found the situation really upsetting--I was kind of shaky for a while. I hope you don't find this totally weird, but I almost felt like the thing was a little suggestive of sexual aggression, with the pose he had her in, etc. I was really upset about her being hurt and scared, I was really upset about letting her get into that situation and not protecting her, I was really upset that she was in this position where this other kid was overpowering her and she couldn't get out of it, etc., and worried and scared for her that she is sometimes really sort of passive with other little kids and doesn't seem to even realize when they are trying to hurt her (not in that occasion, but often if other kids hit or push she just sort of gives them this bewildered look, like, hey, dude, what are you doing?) Anyway, I had to really think about it, because I felt like my reaction was disproportionate to the situation. (I think I responded well in terms of actions, but emotionally it was really disturbing to me. Even writing it now is a bit disturbing to me.) I have realized that my own experience of male violence affects how I see other people interacting with my daughter. It shouldn't matter that she is a girl and the other kid was a boy--but it did--I don't think I would have seen it the same way at all if the other kid was a little girl, or if DD were a boy. I have to really watch myself and my own reactions in that way, and remind myself that this is normal toddler behavior and that my job in play situations is to intervene and protect when it is appropriate, and help model and teach her how to interact approriately with other kids and to be sensitive to other's feelings and motivations in other circumstances, and to allow her to discover things on her own in yet other circumstances. (This is a tough one--supervise too loosely and you're neglectful and permissive, supervise too closely and you're a neurotic smothering helicopter parent!) But in any case, I have to really watch my own reactions and projections, as they really don't have as much to do with the situation as they do with me. I just offer this to say that your friend may have an interpretation of the situation (which is mostly unconscious as most of our interpretations usually are to us) that is upsetting her more than it appears to you that the situation warrants.

I truly appreciate this and honestly I think I would have reacted in much the same way in the situation you described. The thing is DS does NOTHING like that at all. He spins and swings his arms. Sometimes he hits into things or people. He gives hugs and kisses that are sometimes a little tight. He throws toys *everything is a ball right now* He was watching some big kids play baseball and has been trying out his *swing* And now he has bitten her daughter once. I saw immediately where I should have stepped in and didn't. The situation wouldn't have gotten to that point if *I* had stepped in sooner. I take full blame for that. Her daughter has taken toys away from DS on many occasions. Both of the kids are toddlers and act as such. I just thought the pros outweighed the cons. She apparently doesn't see that.

I am feeling much the same way as I did when my dad said the incredibly hurtful things about my wedding. I don't want that spirit in my home. If that is truly the way she feels than going our separate ways *as much as it pains me* is in DS and my best interest because her attitude toward him will just continue to fuel the fire. He is so incredibly sensitive to emotions and feelings and now that I *know* how she feels about him more clearly it makes sense that he acts out more when she is around. Knowing doesn't make it easy. At this point it will take an act of God for me to let her back to the level of friendship she had in my life. I am not slamming the door as much as I'd like to write exactly what I think and feel and push send in an email to her, I am just waiting and praying and I will see where God leads the friendship....but in the place I am right now I can't see it ever reaching BF status again and I will never be as open and available.
post #137 of 307
Thank you all so much for your wonderful loving birthday wishes. My kids came in at 6am to say happy birthday mommy! Which was sweet except that I'd been up until 2:30am crying and stressed and worrying and unable to sleep. Gabriel and my mom made me some amethyst earrings which Gabriel has been holding on to for over a week and he couldn't wait to give them to me. They're really pretty and amethyst is my favorite.
My dad came over and brought me a gift card to Red Robin and one to the cinema so we're going out for dinner (yay!) and then my mom's next weekend off she's going to watch most of the kids (we'll take Suriya) while Jim and I go see a movie. They also got me a $50 gas card but um...I just sort of smiled and said I'd put it aside for when we get another car.
I can't believe I'm really 26. Wow.
post #138 of 307
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaspirant View Post
Both of the kids are toddlers and act as such. I just thought the pros outweighed the cons. She apparently doesn't see that.
You are so right! I think we have all had moments when we've thought, "Oh s**t!!" because our children have done something inappropriate or have inadvertantly hurt someone else. I would be very surprised if she doesn't have a moment sometime during the next year or two when she realizes that we can't control everything our children do, and they aren't always predictible! It's like having a domesticated tiger in your house; you think you've got them trained and socialized, but then WHAM! They rip the neighbor's jugular open.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kaspirant View Post
but in the place I am right now I can't see it ever reaching BF status again and I will never be as open and available.
I know that must make you sad. Losing that closeness with someone is really hard. But like you said, you just have to trust that this is the right path for both of you, wherever it leads.

Awww, DiD, I am so glad there is a bit of a silver lining for you today. Hooray for your loving family!!

Brynn's sprouting a new molar on top today, so she's had a pretty crappy morning, poor darlin.
post #139 of 307

Re: bead swap

Kaspirant, I seem to recall that last time we did a bead swap we all included in our packages that we sent to the organizer (you) stamps to cover postage back to us, and maybe self-addressed little padded envelopes? Some mamas also included little notes about their beads, why they chose them and such, but most of us just posted our thoughts after everyone had received their packages.
post #140 of 307
I wish I could participate in the bead swap, but...you know.
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