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June is Blooming, Nov '05 Mamas! - Page 3

post #41 of 307
Ug, Amy. That sucks so much for your friend. One thing to remind yourself is that it's probably much *better* for the kids that the man be out of the house. Alcoholism is very ugly & not conducive to healthy parenting. How sad for her. Alcoholism destroyed my 1st marriage. It caused me to lose respect for my ex-dh, which then led me to not care if what I did pleased him or not. Our relationship was so so so unhealthy. And it was terrifying to leave, but we are all SOO much healthier since I did! And my exdh is sober & doing fabulously.

Anyway, I feel for your friend.
post #42 of 307
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
DiD, I've been thinking further about this. Based on how messed up and clueless I was, and how desperately I was struggling with PND, do you think this girl actually knows how heartbreaking CIO is, and how wrong it can be for everyone? Because I didn't. I was 21, clueless, hadn't slept for more than 45 minutes straight in 8 months (plus pregnancy) and when my mum and my health visitor encouraged me to do it, I really felt I was out of options. Speak your mind, yeah, but could you try and lead her from the dark side to the good, instead of burning your bridges with her?
(This post is not an endorsement of CIO. I just think that maybe there's something else going on and education is the answer.)
I let her know if she wanted to talk about alternatives to CIO to let me know. But I did let her know I thought CIO was child abuse. So I sort of went both ways.
post #43 of 307
I kind of agree with Helen, DiD, but I tried to do that with someone and she flat-out refused to consider other options. It's a horrible story, actually. This woman's child slept perfectly well in bed with her and the woman herself slept ok with the child nursing ok, but her husband objected and she was unwilling to go against HIS wishes, so back in the crib the baby went, waking every half hour, and when "nothing worked" eventually she did CIO and became so desensitized to the baby's crying that she didn't recognize pain cries when the child was teething and the poor baby ended up crying so hard she vomited. 4 MONTHS after she started CIO. This woman originally didn't want to CIO, oddly, but given the choice between cosleeping peacefully against her husband's wishes or letting her baby CIO, she chose the latter.

Yes, she probably had PPD and was certainly sleep-deprived and not making the right decisions. But I just don't know what else I could have done. She read NCSS, she knew CIO was bad, and she did it anyway because it was more important to her to NOT cosleep. Sure, she's a victim of our culture, but she kind of knew that too. In the end it came down to the fact that there were things more important to her than her baby's welfare and that was that.

Sometimes there's only so much you can do. People are always free to make their own decisions. But when they make decisions like that - which really do affect a lot of subsequent parenting decisions - it makes a base of friendship (assuming the friendship is based on mutual parenthood) a lot harder to maintain. Especially since no matter how hard you try to avoid it, there will be judgement on one side and guilt on the other.

DiD. I'm sorry you're running into this. It sucks.

Helen, Maggie Gyllenhall is Jake Gyllenhall's sister. She is one of the rare celebs who bf's in public and doesn't make a fuss about it or give a crap who sees her.
post #44 of 307
We've been friends since elementary school but I don't feel it's a great loss since she's been one among a hundred that makes empty promises about us getting together "sometime". We haven't spoken other than MySpace in about 6 months and haven't seen each other in person in almost a year.
post #45 of 307
Originally Posted by *Amy* View Post
Are you? Good. Speaking of Myspace, I'm going to see if Maggie Gyllenhaal will be my friend. She's awesome.
Ew, Amy I just looked at the site you linked to and it's from some perv who thinks bf'ing in public is disgusting and then put up a picture of MG doing it!!! It's a lovely picture, but the context is trying to make it out to be sexual. Yuck. Does she have a myspace page?

And I'm sorry about your friend. That must be really hard for her. But I think zjande is right - the kids are better off with her Dh out of the house.
post #46 of 307
Thread Starter 
I know, Spughy - I was short of time and that was the first pic I came up with. I know there are a lot of other articles out there supporting her though.

As far as my friend, we all know it is for the best...that's why she made him move out. I just hate that she's going through this because her first marriage ended because of alcoholism too. So now she's got two kids from two different baby daddies, both alcoholic, and it just SUCKS! I don't want my best friend to be a single mom again, although she will be wonderful in any case. Ugh. Ya know? I just want things to be easy for her. That's all.

Well I have to go get ready for my big date with the hottest guy ever. I wrote an ode to him today, if you have a minute for a gushy love story. :
post #47 of 307
Awwww! Sniff sniff! You have such a lovely family Amy.

And what an absolutely gorgeous wedding dress. Truly spectacular.
post #48 of 307
Oh, that's sweet Intriguing that your ex was called Jason, too- I have a string of other Steves amongst my friends, exes and could-have-beens, including one who could be a body double for 'my' Steve. It makes me wonder if maybe there is something in a name...
I'm having the day from hell with FIL and inept hospital bureaucracy (he's out. We have to put eye drops in every half an hour and they want to see him again tomorrow morning an hour before the carer comes to get him out of bed. so WHY discharge him, losers?) and am using MDC as an escape, except that MDC got me down this mornig too I miss chocolate....
post #49 of 307
Yep. I dated no less than three Erics in my life, and I gotta tell ya, I haven't been around all that much!

And I really liked Maggie Gyllenhaal after seeing "Stranger than Fiction." That chick acts with guts! It was one of the best movies I'd seen in a long time.

So, mamas, I am having a miscarriage. It started yesterday morning, when I was 4 weeks. And I'm OK. I might have thought it would be harder than what it is, but honestly I still feel so much a part of the life cycle and so glad for the time that I was pregnant. (I really like being pregnant!) But Woody! Oh my god did he do the funniest thing today when I was laying in bed, kind of crampy and not feeling so hot. He kept trying to make a fishy face in the mirror in our bedroom, and when he finally got it, he came running over to show me, only he kept busting up laughing, so he couldn't get his cheeks to stay sucked in. We put on Donna the Buffalo after that and had a mini-dance party on the bed (me dancing with my arms and he jumping all around).
post #50 of 307
Oh, Teresa, I'm sorry. . I hope you can conceive again soon.
post #51 of 307
Lydia- one of my closest friends in the entire world told me this week that she is thinking she needs to start letting her babe CIO. Mom told her to, Gma told her to, it is the only way she'll get sleep or the baby will become independent, etc. I was floored when she started talking about it! I tried talking to her about it but it was like talking to a brick wall. I need to address it again but I am not sure how. I agree with whoever it was that said we are a product of our culture and that this is something our culture says is okay. However, it just is SOOOOO heartbreaking to see and hear. I don't know what to do

Teresa - I am so sorry! s
post #52 of 307
: I'm so sorry Teresa.
post #53 of 307
OMG my CIO'ing friend LISTENED TO ME and is asking for my help with her baby! YAY!!!!!
post #54 of 307
Teresa, I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are handling it amazingly well...Thinking of you.

I am another who has been incredibly MIA, but I have been reading along since mid-May when I went MIA. I have so often meant to post, but then Finley needed me, or I physically couldn't (Finley latched on and sleeping), etc, etc. It has been an incredibly busy month of transition and moving, like so many others (Q of C, you put me to shame! How do you do it all?)

Helen, I am so excited about your wee one on the way! I'm glad you're feeling sick, too. As spughy said, always a good sign.

And Aubrey, I'm glad you feel sick, sometimes, too!

Sarah, your recipe looks delicious, and I'm glad you and Rowan are feeling better this week. I'm jealous of your trip to England...I am dying to go! We thought we might go this summer, but I don't think it's going to work out.

Fern, hope your move is going smoothly and happily.

Amy, Happy Anniversary! Thanks for sharing your love story. It's amazing. I love hearing other peoples' love stories and hearing about fate working in our lives. What a beautiful family you have. And what a genius of a daughter you have! Glad everyone is sleeping better.

DiD, How lovely that your friend is listening to you!!! I hope it goes well. Keep us posted! Is poor little Suriya well yet? The pictures of Winter sleeping are adorable.

I'm sure I'm forgetting so many big things to comment on, but know I am reading along and am here in spirit, though haven't been here in words. I should be better now that we are getting settled in to our new home in Pasadena. Our stuff just got here yesterday, so it really is all new.

I'll post again as soon as possible with an update.

Off to sleep for now.

Oh, and should you have the time and interest, here's a link to Finley's site, with recent pictures added in the April and May sections.

post #55 of 307
meant also to say that I have so enjoyed everyone's pictures! Q of C, what a beautiful family you have. You look at home in VA.

and aubrey and fern and spughy and michelle, love the pics of noah in your blog. what a handsome guy, and seems like you have a great new home too!

kavita, hope your move went smoothly! sounds like you had a lot of things to work out...hope they've all fallen into place peacefully, and i hope your dad is recovering, too.

can't believe how many of us have moved recently.

kaspirant, any more official wedding pictures available?

and amy, you were a Stunning bride. what a beautiful profile you have, and what a gorgeous dress!
on a random note, my parents went to UGA and my dad played football, so i grew up with an intense bulldawg fans.
what are you getting your PhD in?? did i read something about speech and hearing? do tell...am interested...

ahh, so much to catch up on!
so much to say and share.
post #56 of 307
Where is kaspirant, anyhow? Still on honeymoon?

Teresa, I've said this before, but If you want to talk to someone who's btdt, you know where I am.

Susannah, I am always prepared to talk to someone who's considering CIO and talk them out of it.

Spughy, are you still coming to England? (not, you know, that I'm at all excited...)
post #57 of 307
Thread Starter 
Teresa. My thoughts are with you and your spirit babe. I know it is hard, even if you are taking it in stride. It's a loss, no matter what.

Barcelona, there you are! We've been missing you! Glad to hear that your move went smoothly, and I hope unpacking isn't too stressful!

DiD, that is *WONDERFUL*!!! I think it is such a blessing when we can help others learn about different options. Thank goodness you are in her life! How is Suriya doing?

HoneyTree, I loved that movie too and that MG was *so* good.

We went on our date last night and it was SO WONDERFUL!!! DH took me to one of the best restaurants in the city and we had champagne and an absolutely delicious meal, and delightful conversation. I swear, I was giddy! I told DH I felt like we were getting away with something! We talked about our relationship, our past, hopes for the future, how lucky we are, etc. It was just perfect!! One thing I love about DH is that he always takes the initiative to find special things for us to do for our occasions, like Mother's Day, my birthday, our anniversary. He's been scouting out restaurants for about a week now, arranged for a babysitter, and just made the whole thing happen. He is awesome. Also, Brynn did wonderfully with the sitter (DH's co-worker, who has twin 2-year old boys, so they kept very busy) and slept FABULOUSLY last night, only waking at 2:00 and 5:45 (and she's still asleep now!)! So I think I'm going to have to have her and her boys over just about every night.

Totally unrelatedly, I took the most hilarious picture of Brynn last night.

Thank you all for the compliments on my dress! I will tell you, I LOOOOOOOVED my dress and veil, and felt absolutely stunning on my wedding day. I posted a few more on my slings site so you can see the front aspect, and how swishy it was.

Where's SoulJourney these days?
post #58 of 307
Thanks for the support and love, mamas. And you're right, Amy, it is still a loss and it is still hanging around in the back of my mind. Dh and I got in quite a fight last night about money, careers--the stuff you shouldn't talk about when you're already stressed, and I know that this had something to do with it. And dh, being the almost infintely patient man that he is, kept trying to gently remind me that perhaps we should take a few days before having the necessary-life-changes discussion.

So Amy it looks like Brynn is wearing underwear in that picture! Are you totally diaper-free? Wow. We are getting closer every day. Woody will tell me now when he's wet or when he's pooped, and if he's running around without a diaper he'll pee on a diaper on the floor, but we haven't transfered successfully to a potty yet.
post #59 of 307
Amy, your blog post made me teary! : What an awesome story. I love love love, love stories.

Y'know, I can relate so much. I just wrote a little thing in my blog about it being the 3 yr anniversary since timothy & I met just the other day. My post isn't nearly as in depth & fabulously picture laden as yours though. Timothy & I had similar feelings as you guys. The moment we met is forever burned into my mind. It was the moment the universe shifted. And we felt it! And it's entirely because of my experience with Timothy that I believe in soul mates, and believed that I found my *fate*. I believe with all my heart that we were meant to find each other that night. It was so overwhelmingly powerful, I couldn't deny that something HUGE was happening. And we said "When you know, you know!" & made plans to move in together 2 mos later (& we both had had significant others when we met as well. In fact we were both with them at the party we met at!), decided to TTC a few mos after that, & then finally got married this past Jan. And we know that we are going to be together all our lives. It's just known.

So yeah. I'm done going off on that mushy tangent. I hope I didn't make anyone barf.

Again Teresa, I'm really sorry to hear that you lost your baby.

Barcelona, Finley's site is gorgeous! And his pictures all look so professional, & ohso cute!
post #60 of 307
Hi Barcelona!! Good to see you again! Finley is sooooo cute. I love his chubby chin. He looks innately mischeivous, too

Helen, I am still in the planning stages of a trip to England. It really does depend on when and what work DH gets. I'm thinking if it happens though it will probably be in September, or late August. But I think I do kind of have to go because my granny might not last much longer Honestly I don't think she WANTS to last much longer, most of her friends are dead now and she's getting too frail for all the volunteer work she used to do.

Amy, your date sounds AWESOME. I am so jealous. We have to do something like that. Soon.

I love hearing all your stories about how you met your SO's. DH and I met at work - I was his project manager. We started hanging out together outside of work after we discovered a mutual love of fishing and outdoorsy things, and we were "fishing buddies" before we started dating. In fact, after we really hooked up he still introduced me to his grandma as his "fishing partner". His grandma is not dumb and didn't buy it for a second. Anyway, we got off to a rough start because working with someone you're dating is a shockingly bad idea, and we broke up once, but I never believed that he didn't love me and we got back together and it's all good now.

SoulJourney has been posting a bit in TAO - maybe she just doesn't love us anymore. Sniff.
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