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~~Sept 04 Mamas--Summer is Here!~~

post #1 of 120
Thread Starter 
Ribbit Rabbit... or however it goes!

Well a lot has been going on here. I guess the highlight of our week is that we're getting our landscaping done this next week! I'm excited, but Lukas is sad because he wants to keep the dirt. I don't blame him somewhat... it has kept him occupied for HOURS in the last year.

Hope you're all well!

Heidi
post #2 of 120
yeah rabbit rabbit back!

We went to a pox party this morning - a family of 3 kids, all of them in one stage of sick or the other. While I'm very hopeful that this will take, since this would be a great time to have the pox (not cooped up in the house - can go outside, play in the kiddie pool, etc), I am hoping that my friend's baby will arrive a bit later than her EDD since we volunteered to take her older son if her MIL isn't already in town. MIL is arriving 3 days before EDD and then staying 3 weeks.

I snooped around today and found that fellow Sept 04 mama Chrissy had a baby boy named Rowan

happy june, xo jen
post #3 of 120
Oh - I knew she was due in May and have been meaning to stalk her! Congrats to Chrissy!!!

Samantha - ditto on the hard USA puzzle! I got it out after your post (Robin asked for it, as she has regularly for months). that was last night and it still sits on the table, in pieces!

Heidi - enjoy your landscaping. dirt is fun, but grass is too !

Jen - we're hoping to get in on a pox party this summer too - there's a thread in the Atlanta group. But if Eli gets them, apparently it won't really provide him immunity b/c my immunity is so present in his system - so it'll be a challenge to try to keep them apart for 3 weeks. Impossible, actually.

So, WWYD: My dear SIL, who I love, hated her job pre-baby #3 (he just turned one). Her job changed after her maternity leave with him, and now she really enjoys it. She works a minimum of 3 days a week (12 hour shifts), but usually it's 3 1/2-4 and she's on call so it's often 5 days a week, incuding some weekend days. When she's at work, MIL watches her kids for free. meaning MIL arrives there about 6:30, and BIL picks the kids up at about 6:30 from MIL's house. MIL only has room for 3 kids in the car, so as I've had end-of-pregnancy and post-partum appointments, she's wanted to help me with child care, but really can't unless she stays home, which she has done when she can. MIL is also responsible for her own household and GFIL's, so the 1-2 weekdays she has "off" she is frantically running errands and working on projects, then spends all weekend at GFIL's working the family garden, cleaning his house, ets (as am I at least 1 weekend day). When SIL works ont he weekends, BIL usually brings the kids to GFIL's, where we all watch them. In short, MIL's pretty overwhelmed and tapped out, having offered to watch the kids part-time, but in reality watching them full-time in addition to her MANY other responsibilities. I help her out as much as I can, bringing Robin over so they all entertain each other, running her errands when I can, sharing the responsibilities on the weekends, etc.

SIL has had PPD basically since my first nephew was born (aug. '04), and i know part of it for her is being overwhelmed by her kids. Basically, every time I talk to her on a day she's not working, she's complaining about the kids being so demanding and hard, and how she can't get her house and yard cleaned, she can't run errands, etc. She has her mom come stay with her about one weekend a month so that she can help with the kids and housework. She is always wanting to send the kids away or have someone come help her with them so she can work on her house and yard (they are a mess, it's an ongoing battle - as is my house and yard) This weekend is her birthday, and her birthday present from her mom is that she is taking all 3 kids for the weekend so SIL can do yard/housework. MIL and I offered, as our birthday present to her, to come over with our hubbies and FIL's handyman and do whatever work she tells us to. We were also planning to buy her some of the things she wants for her yard (pea gravel and plants). We would spend the day doing the projects she's been wanting to do. However, SIL doesn't want us to do that - she thinks everyone will have their own opinion and won't want to do it the way she wants it done (a very realistic fear - FIL will not "go with the flow" easily). So she has declined that offer.

What she wants instead is for us to watch her kids more. She wants us to keep them another weekend so she can continue to get the house/yard work done. In the past 2 weeks, we've had 7 days of hard, screaming and crying swimming lessons, with just MIL and I there for all but 2 of those days (2 adults to 5 kids, 3 who are wet and crying, 2 who must be held - no pleasure there. The 2nd day SIL did come, she was obviously frustrated with how hard it was - but we had had the same thing for 7 days). Then last weekend MIL took the oldest 2 and Robin to the lake on Thurs. - CLint and I came that night, and BIl was there by late fri. night, but SIL spent the weekend at home just with the 1 year old and her mom getting things done. Parenting her kids is hard - and to be quite frank, MIL and I treasure every day we have to ourselves. MIL especially needs everyday she isn't watching them to do other things (basically none of which is for herself, or cleaning her house or yard). So we aren't inclined to volunteer to split her kids and watch them for a weekend. Plus, I feel like SIL is volunteering for more and more responsibilities at work and looking for ways to pass on her kids when she isn't working rather than accepting that this is what mothering 3 kids is like and finding a way to be with them and get things done at the same time. I want to support her and if she's asking for support with child care, I don't want to not be there for her. I want to help her with her PPD, and I think getting control over her environment will help with that. But I also think she's running away from her kids, and I don't want to enable that - and I think she would feel very confronted if I said that to her. And part of me is petty and resentful because *I* need child care help sometimes and I don't have it b/c she is monopolizing a resource we used to share. If I wanted to go back to work, I couldn't at this point unless I hired a paid sitter, whereas previously I could count on MIL for a few hours a week. And my house is a disaster, and no one has been able or willing to help me, and that is largely b/c taking care of her family occupies everyone's energy and time. So maybe I'm just being bratty. Would you volunteer to keep the kids, splitting it with MIL, or just get her something else for her birthday? Sorry this is so long - I've just really been trying to mull this out.
post #4 of 120
Becca - wow, I am suddenly thanking my lucky stars that my sister never had children and that my mother made it clear she wouldn't do daycare and my MIL lives in Texas! :

It sounds like your SIL is in way over her head. I would say that it appears that some good family counseling or life coaching is in order, but I'm guessing that probably won't happen?! I agree that it sounds like she's running away from her kids. They aren't your kids, or your MIL's kids... they're her kids. And your MIL needs to draw up a plan that works for her and your SIL and stick to it. If your SIL wants to work so much, she needs to find a sitter and pay her/him. And needs to figure out why she doesn't want to spend time with her kids.

Her yard is never going to be perfect and her house never perfectly clean if she has 3 kids in the house. Either she's got to let this ideal of perfection go or she's got to get Merry Maids or someone in her house to clean and a company to do her yard.

Sorry dear sounds yucky to deal with...
post #5 of 120
Becca: I'd get her a Maid-for-a-Day! The maid can get the house to presentable and maybe she won't have such a hard time maintaining it after that.

I don't think it's fair to expect others to raise one's own children. Yes, every parent needs a break, BUT you have two children and your MIL is stretched far too thin it sounds like. It's not really right for SIL to take advantage of either of you.

If PPD is an issue, maybe getting her a bottle of B Vitamins, some 5-HTP, or some 200 mg of Zen might help (if she'd take them). Even some Vitex should regulate her hormones and maybe help things to starighten out.

Regardless, to you. I hope the situation resolves itself easily!

Jen: I'm so jealous you got to go to a pox party! The pox are spreading like wildfire right now in Chicago, but I haven't been able to make it to any of the parties. I only read email at night, so the parties are all booked before I get a chance to read about them. Maybe E will catch them wild...
post #6 of 120
Oh Congrats to Chrissy! I admit that I went snooping a week or so ago to see if there was any news.

Becca, sorry for the strain that your SIL is putting on your family. I really liked Samantha's idea of hiring a maid for the day for her.

Samantha, I didn't realize that we lived in the same state, granted we're still a couple hours away. There have been a couple of pox cases around here, but I've had my hands full and couldn't imagine adding chicken pox to the mix. Maybe we'll be able to try the next round?

Things started to get better with Jackson last week, but we screwed it up by going to visit the IL in Kentucky last weekend. So we had another week of very little sleep and a grumpy 2 yo. Last night went well though, so maybe there's a chance thing will again improve this coming week, I hope.

Gotta go help the boys frost a cake for daddy's birthday.

Pam
post #7 of 120
found the thread!

becca- if she actually WANTS to get better then she needs to address the PPD but maybe its not really PPD and she just FEELS depressed because she doesn't know what the heck to do. i would say that she is going to have to either face up and get help for the PPD or needs to take on the responsibility that she brought into the world.
i also agree that if she is working then she can pay for a weekly maid service to help with chores. as for MIL babysitting she should start getting paid for the hours she didn't want to do or find a mothers helper to help MIL.

i also just want to say that i feel jelous that either of you has any help at all so treat the poor woman to some nice stuff or massages or her own maid!
post #8 of 120
Haven't been around in awhile, and I'll have to post later, but I just wanted to sub and say hi and here's a recent photo of Alex..


Alex
post #9 of 120
Becca ~ Isn't it the weirdest thing to witness one family member being given extra help when you feel like ... "um, hey I could use some help too, but you don't see me whining about it.." I can totally feel for you on this one! It's not like you are unwilling, unloving or unable to help... it's just getting out of hand. It's hard when you can see it, but can't really do anything about it without coming off like a hard ass. No one wants to be the one to say she's being unfair and needs to "deal with it". I remember when my younger sister was going through the worst of her divorce/seperation last summer... I got so freaking tired of hearing about her drama and her needs and all the codling and enabling that my mom was indulging herself in... granted, she needed help, but man did it get old watching that going on, while I was in my last trimester dealing with a very demanding 2 year old! Anyway, good luck becca, stay strong!

Speaking of sisters, mine is visiting from Georgia with all 3 kids and hubby. It's been fun, but very crazy busy and loud. 6 children under age 6!!!! Whowsa!

Jerome just arrived with lunch, so I'm gonna scoot
Love to all
post #10 of 120
Thanks for the advice and feedback. I kinda needed a reality to check to see if I'm just projecting, or if it really is too much to ask. My MIL is a saint, with not a trace of martyrism. As a result, everyone depends on/takes adavantage of her. She'll never complain or say a peep and all she asks is that she get one saturday a month to go to the antique market - literally every other minute of her life is spent taking care of someone else. I agree that she needs to set some firmer limits, but she just won't. I think she really appreciates that I set limits for her (like me telling my youngest BIL to make the bed when he comes home to visit - she would never tell him to, but hates having to do it for him. I can't imagine not just telling him to do it himself - my mother stopped making our beds in elementary school). SO I think my hesitation on this request from SIL made it easier for her to say no too - so we are declining. Instead, I bought SIL alfalfa tablets for energy and fish oil capsules to help with the PPD (she's on anti-depressants also, but not seeing the effectiveness yet - a whole other issue) and a book by the FlyLady. It's about managing your clutter and whipping your house into shape in a way that is manageable with kids and work. And I'm going to write her a long letter about some of these issues and concerns. Basically, that if she's waiting to work on herself until after her house is clean, she'll be waiting forever. She's got to figure out how to prioritize her time, and get things done without sending the kids away.

Low motivation really is one of the most debilitating factors of depression - even if you know you would feel better if you did X, you just can't bring yourself to *do* it, to make the time and summon the energy and do it. I've been there, so I know how hard it is - but now that I'm NOT there, and I see so clearly how it's better to just do what you need to do to take better care of yourself, it's hard to not want to kick her in the butt and get her moving! There's no excuse for wallowing in misery when simple things help you feel better - but when you are in the midst of a depression, you just can't see the way out. Anywho, this is a whole other discussion as well. I feel like I really dodged the PPD bullet this time around after struggling hard after Robin's birth. I've been taking 1000mg of EPO a day an wonder how much that has to do with it. Goodness knows being home alone with the 2 kids all week and no help, dealing with midwife abandonment, my mom making me nuts - I sure thought I'd be a gonner this time.

Stacy - Alex looks so grown up in that picture - I think it's the "big kid" haircut. Very cute!

Speaking of cute, Chrissy posted pix on her birth announcement thread in her DDC, and Noah and Lilah and the new baby are all terribly cute.

Danielle- you are *so* right - MIL deserves to be pampered well, but she won't take any of it. She got a real thrill from me taking her to the farmer's market and thrift shop last week But her birthday is coming up soon...

Anna - sounds like a houseful of fun! tell Mary hi from me. Hope you guys get some downtime too - the overstimulation happens fast.

Pam - hope you guys get back on track quickly. Hugs.

Gotta run - lots to do before we "move" to Atlatna tomorrow!
post #11 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyofPunkiePie View Post
Becca: I'd get her a Maid-for-a-Day! The maid can get the house to presentable and maybe she won't have such a hard time maintaining it after that.

I don't think it's fair to expect others to raise one's own children. Yes, every parent needs a break, BUT you have two children and your MIL is stretched far too thin it sounds like. It's not really right for SIL to take advantage of either of you.

If PPD is an issue, maybe getting her a bottle of B Vitamins, some 5-HTP, or some 200 mg of Zen might help (if she'd take them). Even some Vitex should regulate her hormones and maybe help things to starighten out.

Regardless, to you. I hope the situation resolves itself easily!

Jen: I'm so jealous you got to go to a pox party! The pox are spreading like wildfire right now in Chicago, but I haven't been able to make it to any of the parties. I only read email at night, so the parties are all booked before I get a chance to read about them. Maybe E will catch them wild...
: I think that's great advice, Samantha.

Becca, all I can say is 'whew!' I got tired just reading your post. Your family must have SO much energy. And don't you have a new baby?!! :
post #12 of 120

UTI in ds??

Yesterday morning ds woke up with a wet diaper and then his very next pee he said it was hurting to pee. and his penis was swollen. we went through the whole day without doing to much about it but midafternoon i mentioned to dh that we might have to go to the er. i decided to call our nurse on call first but she said that he needed to be seen in the next 24 hours so we went to urgent care (oh my god its so much better than the er on a saterday!!) at 8 last night and the tiny bit of pee we were able to collect (most of it leaked out of the bag) the dr. said that it was a uti but "boys don't get uti's!" (um....yes they do its just more rare!). anyways he's doing a culture to see if its a true uti but we have a Rx for meds i need to get filled today. we also have to go to our PCP by tues/wed. ds seems to be doing much better though. his last pee of the night last night didn't hurt and the swelling is down. i did read online (quickly) that one type of uti in boys says that there may be no symptoms but could be discharge from the penis....which he did have a few weeks ago. i am not sure what to think. dh nor i have ever had a uti and its completely new to us!
post #13 of 120
Danielle we had something like this happen with T and what he actually had was a strep or staph infection between the foreskin and the glans. One of our family doc's practice partners said that this actually is very common in boys who are intact... well not very common, but it's the male equivalent of a vaginal yeast infection with regards to frequency and urgency. With the first one (he's actually had 2 now and they were both related to sitting too long in the car seat in a wet diaper) I took him to the ER and we waited 3 hours to fight with a doctor about retracting him and took home antibiotics... the 2nd time I tried homeopathic arsenicum album which is the "foreskin remedy" and it was gone the next day. We also did a lot of bare-bottom time.

What the doc told us is that when boys play with their foreskins they can sometimes cause some natural tearing of connective tissues between foreskin and glans. This is totally normal and doesn't even hurt but can leave the area more susceptible to infection. It could be that some of this got into your son's pee... or it could be that he has a UTI. There's little way of knowing unless they catheterize him, really...

Hope all is better soon! jen
post #14 of 120
Oh, wow, Danielle- HUGS! I sure hope ds is feeling better soon!

Thank you Jen, for the sage advice on how to handle that sort of situation.... I am hoping Carl will be one of those intact boys who never has a problem BUT I always keep my ears open for what to do if a issue does arise.
post #15 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by midwestmeg View Post
Oh, wow, Danielle- HUGS! I sure hope ds is feeling better soon!

Thank you Jen, for the sage advice on how to handle that sort of situation.... I am hoping Carl will be one of those intact boys who never has a problem BUT I always keep my ears open for what to do if a issue does arise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenInMpls View Post
Danielle we had something like this happen with T and what he actually had was a strep or staph infection between the foreskin and the glans. One of our family doc's practice partners said that this actually is very common in boys who are intact... well not very common, but it's the male equivalent of a vaginal yeast infection with regards to frequency and urgency. With the first one (he's actually had 2 now and they were both related to sitting too long in the car seat in a wet diaper) I took him to the ER and we waited 3 hours to fight with a doctor about retracting him and took home antibiotics... the 2nd time I tried homeopathic arsenicum album which is the "foreskin remedy" and it was gone the next day. We also did a lot of bare-bottom time.

What the doc told us is that when boys play with their foreskins they can sometimes cause some natural tearing of connective tissues between foreskin and glans. This is totally normal and doesn't even hurt but can leave the area more susceptible to infection. It could be that some of this got into your son's pee... or it could be that he has a UTI. There's little way of knowing unless they catheterize him, really...

Hope all is better soon! jen
ds is feeling a lot better. though its not really the meds thats doing it. he just had the one day where it was painful. i will hopefully be able to find out what it really is when we go to the dr. but not sure when that will happen. i know now that the discharge is not normal and will pay attention to that. thanks for the info.
post #16 of 120
subbing
post #17 of 120
Hello everyone! Happy June 4th to all! One of my dearest friends just had her baby girl today and I am so happy! Baby was 7 lbs 5 oz, waterbirth, and she pushed for 7 minutes! No name yet, though.
post #18 of 120
hi you guys!!! it is so nice to be stalked by you sweet september mamas!

i was so excited to see the thread so short, thinking i'd be able to catch up but i still can't. i will though. i miss you guys.

life with 3 is CRAZY! my mom was here for the past 8 days but she just left this morning. not sure how we'll manage, but we will i am sure.

well, i just wanted to stop in to say hi and get subscribed to the thread.
post #19 of 120
Big congrats to Samantha's friend.... It's always nice to hear about our friends who have great births.

And welcome Rowan! I LOVE that name...

Well, we finally got some rain and my task this afternoon is to mow the yard. Then finish stuffing my plants into the garden. I am so late getting things into the ground!:
post #20 of 120
Congratulations Chrissy!
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