Here's a revision of a leter I sent my friend Lupe, who had asked about Maeve's birth:
Dear Lupe,
It's seven thirty in the morning and here I am, up and ready to go. It's funny, Michael's sister Jane had this big monologue around Christmas time about how you don't just have a baby and become a mother. What she was trying to say was more along the lines of mothers keeping an identity after the birth of a child. It's funny though, because you do birth a baby and become a mother.
For example, I loved to sleep. Note the past tense. Then I had Maeve, I didn't sleep for six weeks and I didn't miss it. My body did, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Now that she's eight weeks, she sleeps from ten p.m (ish) to 8.30 or nine in the morning, waking up a few times to eat and be changed, but never really "waking" up. It's funny to be on the other end of the mother-child relationship. As a kid you wonder, "how can mom be up so early?" but as a mom, once you've gotten eight hours, you're ready to go- even if it is seven thirty.
Lopez won't be home for much longer though, just a few months. Michael is going to St. John's College in Santa Fe , NM. We leave at the beginning of August.I'm excited to be in a larger pool of people (though the school is really small, only 700 students). Santa Fe is the third largest art hub in the country, though it's a relatively small city.I don't know that much about it, and it's pretty much a leap of faith, but I think it'll work out.
You had asked about my birth, I'll try and sketch out some here, it's hard to format all the memories I have into a linear story. It's like trying to write down a dream. I was in Labor for three days of so before Maeve was born. This sounds bad, but in truth, I was up and about and walking around for almost all of it. The only thing was, I didn't realize I was in labor. It sounds funny, but I had gotten so used to new physical sensations and discomforts during pregnancy that not being able to get comfotable anywhere, and having my "practice" contractions pick up didn't send off any bells in my head.
After two days of this increasing energy (I got REALLY spacey) I realized that this was it. Mike and I spent the day in the house playing board games and watching movies. Toword the end f the day my Mother called and and offered to come over with some food.
Now, I had had many birth plans at this point. The basics were always the same, Homebirth, tub there for the option of waterbirth, or just help with the contractions, lots of moving around and taking different positions. The thing that had changed was who was supposed to be there. In essence, it's impossible to understand labor without having done it.
At first only Michael and I and the midwife were going to be there. The the midwife wanted to bring her assistant. Then they suggested that I have someone there to make soup, of run around and do whatever else needed to be done. We couldn't think of anyone, so decided against it. Well, then one of the midwives actually realized what a homebirth on Lopez in december meant. Possible very bad weather. She had a pretty thorough freak out about emergencies and transportation, etc. Unfortunately at this point I was past six months so it was to late to find a new midwife, especially one who would come to Lopez. We contacted a woman we knew and asked her if she would be an emergency person, in case the midwives couldn't make it to the island. She saud yes, but then decided she wanted to be there INSTEAD of the midwives. She did her best to convince me not to call them, and she began to show up and our house unnanounced whenever she felt like it. This whole time my mother kept asking to be there, and I kept telling her no.
When the time came to figure out what to do, I called the midwives (the hesitancy there was not wanting someone to come who was freaked out about our situation, we decided that if she was terrible we would tell her to leave, or go to a hospital). My mother, who was there just to say hi and drop off soup, ended up staying because I didn't want her to leave. My sister April was even there, because at the last minute it sounded good.
The midwife came on the last ferry and arrived at the house (Michael's uncle's cabin) at about midnight. I was just then at the poing of not being able to pay atention to a game of backgammon, abandoning my second game in a row. I was really worried that Ali (the midwife) would show up and I wouldn't be dilated at all. Then everyone would be disapointed and I would feel foolish. I hoped I would be at leat three centimeters. As soon as she got situated Ali checked me and I was seven centimeters.
From then on out things are an increasing blurr. I walked around the house in circles, bounced on a big excercise ball and layed down for a few naps. (I didn't actually sleep). I hit transition at about ten centimeters (which is fully dilated). I was in transition for a really long time, which was interesting. I think that this was the time when I had to get some emotional things out of the way before I could have the baby. In hind sight I realize that what I had to let go fo was being the baby. I had to let myself whine and complain and be bossy until I got it all out.
This was hard on everyone else, because they didn't really understand what I was going through. (except for my Mom) They were really compassionate, but worried that I was "losing" it. I wasn't in the space to explain anything to them, so I just left everyone else to their own devices.
In mulling over this story in my head, I realized that a lot of anger and dissapointment towords Ali kept popping up, but instead of dwelling on it, and letting it infultrate the story, I'll just give a brief explanation, the move on. Ali treated me like a job. The first thing she said when she walked in the door was that she was really tired because she'd done five births that week. One of the last things she said was that she wished she's taken the early morning ferry (Maeve was born at 11.29 Am) ferry instead of the late night one, so she could have stayed home and slept. Funny thing was, she slept upstairs almost the entire night.
On a good note, her assistant was amazing. She did almost everything so I suppose she was the real midwife. She was kind and patient and she monitored the baby and I a lot, which was important to us.
At the end of transition Ali broke my water (don't ever let anyone do this to you out of impatience, yes it speeds up labor but no, labor probably doesn't "need" to be sped up unless for medical reasons) and gave me some homeopathics, again to "speed things up". After that I got in the tub. The water was wonderful, it took all the weight and made me float. I could easily change position, and my backache was no longer crippling. (up until this point, Mike, My mom and April had been taking turns rubbing my lower back HARD. The sensations in my womb weren't painful, just like mentstral cramps, but the back ache was a killer. After a few moments (in my time, not earth time, so it was probably an hour) the contractions mellowed out and started to transition into the urge to push. This is what transition means, and it can last for anywheer from a minute to four hours, like mine did.
Then I got to push. This was the fun part because now I was doing something. I pushed for about four hours. It's interesting work because you have to learn how to push, and also because I could feel the baby come down a little, then slip back a little. It's very two steps forward one step back. When Maeve came down the birth canal enough I could feel her head, very soft. At the last few pushed Michael hopped in the tub with me, and out she came. Her feet were stuck, so Mike had to give a little pull. He liked that part. She layed on my chest with her eyes scrunched tightly closed, breathing well but not crying. I held her away from me for a moment and she gave a nice couple of hollers. When I put her back on me she quieted down at once.
It's funny, for about 10 hours I had my eyes shut tightly because everything was very out of focus, and I could hardly hear a word anyone said. But as soon as Maeve was settled on me, I looked up to see everything sharply in focus and said " Now who's gonna make me a sandwich?"
After that I handed the baby to Mike (who was out of the tub at this point) I got out and layed down in the bed. After everyone left I took a shower and we all went to bed. We slept well, because birth is really hard work for everyone.
Well, that's my birth as well as I can remember it. This is also a very long e-mail, so I think I'll say goodbye now. Maybe I'll go cuddle the baby for a while before she wakes up.
Take care,
Crystal
Dear Lupe,
It's seven thirty in the morning and here I am, up and ready to go. It's funny, Michael's sister Jane had this big monologue around Christmas time about how you don't just have a baby and become a mother. What she was trying to say was more along the lines of mothers keeping an identity after the birth of a child. It's funny though, because you do birth a baby and become a mother.
For example, I loved to sleep. Note the past tense. Then I had Maeve, I didn't sleep for six weeks and I didn't miss it. My body did, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Now that she's eight weeks, she sleeps from ten p.m (ish) to 8.30 or nine in the morning, waking up a few times to eat and be changed, but never really "waking" up. It's funny to be on the other end of the mother-child relationship. As a kid you wonder, "how can mom be up so early?" but as a mom, once you've gotten eight hours, you're ready to go- even if it is seven thirty.
Lopez won't be home for much longer though, just a few months. Michael is going to St. John's College in Santa Fe , NM. We leave at the beginning of August.I'm excited to be in a larger pool of people (though the school is really small, only 700 students). Santa Fe is the third largest art hub in the country, though it's a relatively small city.I don't know that much about it, and it's pretty much a leap of faith, but I think it'll work out.
You had asked about my birth, I'll try and sketch out some here, it's hard to format all the memories I have into a linear story. It's like trying to write down a dream. I was in Labor for three days of so before Maeve was born. This sounds bad, but in truth, I was up and about and walking around for almost all of it. The only thing was, I didn't realize I was in labor. It sounds funny, but I had gotten so used to new physical sensations and discomforts during pregnancy that not being able to get comfotable anywhere, and having my "practice" contractions pick up didn't send off any bells in my head.
After two days of this increasing energy (I got REALLY spacey) I realized that this was it. Mike and I spent the day in the house playing board games and watching movies. Toword the end f the day my Mother called and and offered to come over with some food.
Now, I had had many birth plans at this point. The basics were always the same, Homebirth, tub there for the option of waterbirth, or just help with the contractions, lots of moving around and taking different positions. The thing that had changed was who was supposed to be there. In essence, it's impossible to understand labor without having done it.
At first only Michael and I and the midwife were going to be there. The the midwife wanted to bring her assistant. Then they suggested that I have someone there to make soup, of run around and do whatever else needed to be done. We couldn't think of anyone, so decided against it. Well, then one of the midwives actually realized what a homebirth on Lopez in december meant. Possible very bad weather. She had a pretty thorough freak out about emergencies and transportation, etc. Unfortunately at this point I was past six months so it was to late to find a new midwife, especially one who would come to Lopez. We contacted a woman we knew and asked her if she would be an emergency person, in case the midwives couldn't make it to the island. She saud yes, but then decided she wanted to be there INSTEAD of the midwives. She did her best to convince me not to call them, and she began to show up and our house unnanounced whenever she felt like it. This whole time my mother kept asking to be there, and I kept telling her no.
When the time came to figure out what to do, I called the midwives (the hesitancy there was not wanting someone to come who was freaked out about our situation, we decided that if she was terrible we would tell her to leave, or go to a hospital). My mother, who was there just to say hi and drop off soup, ended up staying because I didn't want her to leave. My sister April was even there, because at the last minute it sounded good.
The midwife came on the last ferry and arrived at the house (Michael's uncle's cabin) at about midnight. I was just then at the poing of not being able to pay atention to a game of backgammon, abandoning my second game in a row. I was really worried that Ali (the midwife) would show up and I wouldn't be dilated at all. Then everyone would be disapointed and I would feel foolish. I hoped I would be at leat three centimeters. As soon as she got situated Ali checked me and I was seven centimeters.
From then on out things are an increasing blurr. I walked around the house in circles, bounced on a big excercise ball and layed down for a few naps. (I didn't actually sleep). I hit transition at about ten centimeters (which is fully dilated). I was in transition for a really long time, which was interesting. I think that this was the time when I had to get some emotional things out of the way before I could have the baby. In hind sight I realize that what I had to let go fo was being the baby. I had to let myself whine and complain and be bossy until I got it all out.
This was hard on everyone else, because they didn't really understand what I was going through. (except for my Mom) They were really compassionate, but worried that I was "losing" it. I wasn't in the space to explain anything to them, so I just left everyone else to their own devices.
In mulling over this story in my head, I realized that a lot of anger and dissapointment towords Ali kept popping up, but instead of dwelling on it, and letting it infultrate the story, I'll just give a brief explanation, the move on. Ali treated me like a job. The first thing she said when she walked in the door was that she was really tired because she'd done five births that week. One of the last things she said was that she wished she's taken the early morning ferry (Maeve was born at 11.29 Am) ferry instead of the late night one, so she could have stayed home and slept. Funny thing was, she slept upstairs almost the entire night.
On a good note, her assistant was amazing. She did almost everything so I suppose she was the real midwife. She was kind and patient and she monitored the baby and I a lot, which was important to us.
At the end of transition Ali broke my water (don't ever let anyone do this to you out of impatience, yes it speeds up labor but no, labor probably doesn't "need" to be sped up unless for medical reasons) and gave me some homeopathics, again to "speed things up". After that I got in the tub. The water was wonderful, it took all the weight and made me float. I could easily change position, and my backache was no longer crippling. (up until this point, Mike, My mom and April had been taking turns rubbing my lower back HARD. The sensations in my womb weren't painful, just like mentstral cramps, but the back ache was a killer. After a few moments (in my time, not earth time, so it was probably an hour) the contractions mellowed out and started to transition into the urge to push. This is what transition means, and it can last for anywheer from a minute to four hours, like mine did.
Then I got to push. This was the fun part because now I was doing something. I pushed for about four hours. It's interesting work because you have to learn how to push, and also because I could feel the baby come down a little, then slip back a little. It's very two steps forward one step back. When Maeve came down the birth canal enough I could feel her head, very soft. At the last few pushed Michael hopped in the tub with me, and out she came. Her feet were stuck, so Mike had to give a little pull. He liked that part. She layed on my chest with her eyes scrunched tightly closed, breathing well but not crying. I held her away from me for a moment and she gave a nice couple of hollers. When I put her back on me she quieted down at once.
It's funny, for about 10 hours I had my eyes shut tightly because everything was very out of focus, and I could hardly hear a word anyone said. But as soon as Maeve was settled on me, I looked up to see everything sharply in focus and said " Now who's gonna make me a sandwich?"
After that I handed the baby to Mike (who was out of the tub at this point) I got out and layed down in the bed. After everyone left I took a shower and we all went to bed. We slept well, because birth is really hard work for everyone.
Well, that's my birth as well as I can remember it. This is also a very long e-mail, so I think I'll say goodbye now. Maybe I'll go cuddle the baby for a while before she wakes up.
Take care,
Crystal
. I really like how aware you were of the "work" you needed to do -- processing and letting go of emotions, for example. Birth is often about so much more than just pushing a baby out. Congratulations!
