i don't know if i am cut out for hospital births - Page 2

[channelofpeace]

Originally Posted by sunshine's mama

ohio....i have a few links and have contacted many....a few have gotten back with no's...they only do homebirth....and many haven't just gotten back to me at all....

milky...sent ya a pm

I forgot to add in my PM... of those that have said no, have you asked any of them if they know of anyone? Hopefully networking might work to your advantage

[nurturedbirth]

This thread comes on the heals of a very interesting question I was asked this week at an interview - "What is the hardest thing for you about being a doula?". The honest truth (which I gave her) is that the hardest part is seeing women in an emotionally vulnerable position being coerced into provider-recommended interventions under the threat of an unfavorable outcome for their baby. AKA "playing the dead baby card" (I didn't use that phrase with her, though). And I attend hospital births, only hospital births, as a matter of fact. In our area my impression is that the midwives don't see any benefit to having a doula at a homebirth. On the one hand I would *love* to go to some homebirths and experience a birth environment without all that coercive crap, but then I also fear I would be ruined for hospital birth if I did.

I am definitely not into the medicalized birth environment, you could not pay me to give birth in a hospital after attending births there (I do not have children). I think I am in the second group the OP mentions: firm boundaries. I will do everything I can to help women have better births but I have no illusion that I can save them from their birth environment. Ultimately they chose to birth in the hospital. And in many cases this choice is made out of the cultural rather than fact-based belief that this is the safest place to give birth, which is really just another emotional coersion, an unstated yet powerful version of "the dead baby card". But it is still their choice, and even though it is not the right choice for me, I don't believe I have a right to say that it is not the right choice for them. So I go, do as much as I can, then (mostly successfully) let the rest go. The hard births stay with me but so far I think I can still do the job without being unfair to myself or my clients. So there you have it.

Jeesh, long post.

[channelofpeace]

Originally Posted by nurturedbirth

This thread comes on the heals of a very interesting question I was asked this week at an interview - "What is the hardest thing for you about being a doula?". The honest truth (which I gave her) is that the hardest part is seeing women in an emotionally vulnerable position being coerced into provider-recommended interventions under the threat of an unfavorable outcome for their baby. AKA "playing the dead baby card" (I didn't use that phrase with her, though). And I attend hospital births, only hospital births, as a matter of fact. In our area my impression is that the midwives don't see any benefit to having a doula at a homebirth. On the one hand I would *love* to go to some homebirths and experience a birth environment without all that coercive crap, but then I also fear I would be ruined for hospital birth if I did.

I am definitely not into the medicalized birth environment, you could not pay me to give birth in a hospital after attending births there (I do not have children). I think I am in the second group the OP mentions: firm boundaries. I will do everything I can to help women have better births but I have no illusion that I can save them from their birth environment. Ultimately they chose to birth in the hospital. And in many cases this choice is made out of the cultural rather than fact-based belief that this is the safest place to give birth, which is really just another emotional coersion, an unstated yet powerful version of "the dead baby card". But it is still their choice, and even though it is not the right choice for me, I don't believe I have a right to say that it is not the right choice for them. So I go, do as much as I can, then (mostly successfully) let the rest go. The hard births stay with me but so far I think I can still do the job without being unfair to myself or my clients. So there you have it.

Jeesh, long post.

Thank you for your post. The part i bolded really resonated with me. You bring a very interesting perspective to the whole thing, not having any children yourself. This might be an asset actually. I know that the bulk of the reason i am having a hard time processing this hospital birth (which on the surface seemed to go really well) is due to my own issues and birth baggage. You are a clean slate and while you may have academic issues with the system, it isn't emotional.

Hmmmmm... so much to think about. Thank you all for you input

[happyartmama]

I think a previous poster mentioned that the doulas who do best at hospital births have to have the strength to focus only on the mom and her needs, and try to find the positives. IN the same way, I think it's very possible--have seen it often enough--for a mom to have an unmedicated, peaceful birth at a hospital, but she and her partner must also be VERY strong in knowling what they want (and why) and staying true to that despite all the roadblocks and scare tactics sometimes thrown at them. WHile I'd love to attend homebirths, in this area I can't seem to find anyone who wants to do that....all of my clients have had hospital births.

[MidwifeErika]

It is TOUGH! I think the moms who need doulas the most are the ones having hospital births, but those are the ones that can be the most frustrating for doulas to work in. I get so frustrated dealing with absolute BS that pops up like "you are 36 weeks and the baby hasn't engaged so it is too big to be born and we should schedule a c-section".... but boy, that mom needs me so much more than the mom who doesn't have to fight anyone to have her vaginal birth, you know? If I never got to see homebirths or have moments of seeing normal births... I would be burnt out very quickly.

I honestly thought I would have an easier time than I am. Mostly because I am really for moms choosing how to birth their babies. I don't have trouble with the choices the moms have made, but I have a hard time suddenly being witness to how some of the hospital personnel treat birthing women. To see some of the horrible stuff.... it is worse for me to see than it even was for me to experience firsthand when I had my 2 hospital births. I hope though that I help make each one of those births a bit easier for the mom.

[tlcdoula]

Originally Posted by happyartmama

I think a previous poster mentioned that the doulas who do best at hospital births have to have the strength to focus only on the mom and her needs, and try to find the positives. IN the same way, I think it's very possible--have seen it often enough--for a mom to have an unmedicated, peaceful birth at a hospital, but she and her partner must also be VERY strong in knowling what they want (and why) and staying true to that despite all the roadblocks and scare tactics sometimes thrown at them. WHile I'd love to attend homebirths, in this area I can't seem to find anyone who wants to do that....all of my clients have had hospital births.

Am I the only person who has actually attended good hospital births? I know some might not agree with me, but I believe that if a woman makes a good choice in physician and good choice in birthing facility then she can have a good birthing outcome and birthing situation.

I have attended births that stink, but I have also attended births that are so wonderful in the hospital. I feel that I am strong, and that I am there for the mother and to make whatever situation she is birthing in a better one for her and her family.

[loudmama]

I have attended good hospital births as well. That's what I was trying to say as well in my other post.

L

[eviesingleton]

***

[DoulaLMT]

One thing that made it much easier for me to attend hospital births and not get so worked up over them was when I realized (and internalized) that to a large degree, women choose the type of birth they will have by choosing their provider and choosing their birth facility. At first I felt almost responsibe...like I let a mom down if she didn't get the birth experience that she wanted. But I've learned that if a mom hires me because she heard that doulas lower her chances of having a C-section, but her OB has a 50% C-section rate, it is not my fault when she ends up with a c-section.

Yes, it is HARD to watch that happen to someone you care about (all doulas care about their clients). However, just that reminder to myself that "women are responsible for who they choose to be their provider" has helped me immensely in being able to attend hospital births with less "stuff" to work through after a difficult birth experience.

[sunshine's mama]

Originally Posted by DoulaLMT

One thing that made it much easier for me to attend hospital births and not get so worked up over them was when I realized (and internalized) that to a large degree, women choose the type of birth they will have by choosing their provider and choosing their birth facility.

This is why I am using the same midwife...The first one I had with dd I saw up until I was 34wks but she had a family emergency and I ended up with the one I have now so it just sooooo fantastic.....just wonderful. I could gush for days about how great she is.. And she best better be the one on call when the time comes bc although I have met the other ones....and as nice as they are...I have an almost 4yr relationship with this one and she knows me well and what I want, don't want etc and we've already chatted about dd's dystocia birth and how things went and how we hope them to go this time....

I have an appt with her next weekend and will chat with her about doula's she knows or recommends..would've last week but it wasn't my regular MW so I didn't ask......guess I could've but I rust my MW's judgement better....

I had fantastic hospital care/staff when I went in to have dd...believe it or not at a hospital that is known for good care but not at the one touted for FANTASTIC MOM/BABY CARE attention what have you..I went there and was treated like crap and many other's I know have been treated the same way and won't birth there....I have friends who worked there as RN's in the unit and they won't have their children there.....they do their best to provide the care they would like to receive but there are only a few of them and lots of mom's and babies....Strangly enough, my MW when we were talking about induction (if i went later than i did) suggested the hospital I ended up at bc she trusted the staff there more than at the other one.......

[applejuice]

This is the reason why I never taught childbirth classes for hospital bound parents. The hospital bound couples were not as motivated to avoid interventions and the classes were simply PR for the hospital anyway.

[gemasita]

Seems to me that the doulas who do best in hospital setting (from talking to a 1/2 dozen of them over the years) are those who either pretty much buy the whole hospital thing, or those with so much strength of spirit and such good boundaries that they are able not to take on too much of the inevitable crap. They focus on what they CAN do, and they focus on the mom, her wishes, and every little thing about a birth that can be counted as positive for the mom.

I do hospital births but I certainly don't buy into them. BUT...I have been to some really great ones and those are the ones that keep me going after attending the HORRIBLE ones. I also get so mad at how these poor babies are treated in most hospitals. Parents choose where they have their babies but the babies don't get to choose.

It's hard to find homebirth clients. I LOVE doing homebirths. But like I said, I have attended some good hospital births and some bad. We have a couple of great hospitals and a couple of REALLY terrible ones.

I guess I've learned to set those boundaries. A hospital birth is not what I would choose for myself because to me, the entire hospital setting is so non-conducive to labor, but good births, no matter where they are, keep me going when the bad ones get me down.

I do think it helps that I haven't had children yet. I don't know...maybe just not being able to compare my birth to those of my clients.

I was worried that attending homebirths would "ruin me" and I wouldn't be able to attend hospital births. It didn't. It's just that I have seen a variety of scenarios and I know what birth CAN be. But most of my clients have not seen any other births and just have no idea what's out there (homebirth? gasp!). But I really do try and meet them where they are and I realize I am not "saving" them from a their birth experience nor am I there to try and make their hospital birth LIKE a homebirth.

[Stephanie L.]

I have had *positive* hospital experiences. (READ: pleasantly surprised on occasion...)

Origionally, I thought I'd go into doula work to be with midwives at home or birth centers. Then someone said to me, "oh--you want to be a doula, that's so great! Mamas really NEED more advocacy and support in hospitals." I though, huhn?? ohhhh. yes. that's true, but yuk. Hospitals? No thanks! Then I did my DONA training and started to enter the birth worker world, realizing that the hospital setting is where MOST women are going (on autopilot) and I could be a big help in giving them a better birth experience (where ever they are). Hospital birthers do need more help. Not as pretty, but certainly more needed.

While there, I act naive, "what exactly will this do for her?" "What are the benefits/risks/side-effects?"... I am an undercover activist! By playing "stupid" and asking why to the doctor/midwife, I can sometimes get them to rethink a move. Silly strategy, but I haven't come up with anything else yet.

[courtenay_e]

Hah! Stephanie_L, my husband calls that "Playing Columbo!" It can work WONDERS! I'll often use it to protect a mom's perineum...as in, "Dr. Jones!? Could you tell us what those scissors are for before you use them?!"

[3daughters]

When in the hospital I see interventions done to mom and baby that bother ME immensely. Then I dig deeper and realize that they bother me and NOT the birthing couple. They are happy with their experience and that is what counts.

[1stimestar]

I mostly do hospital births. I am not there to save anyone! Women choose their birth locations on a variety of factors. Information is NOT the only factor in a decision making process. Cultural and emotional factors place higher in the process then facts and figures for most people. I am there to give information, and to boost as much as I can, the emotional aspect of making choices. I am fortunate to live where we have doula friendly hospitals (one civilian, one military), yes, even the military hospital is great. But it has not always been so. I have lived in the south where, if I had to remain, I might have not continued on as a doula. I am there to help women get the information to make the choices that are right for her. Those choices obviously, are not the ones I would necessarily make (being a homebirther myself). I do a LOT of work prenatally and I know it makes a difference in how women view birth and I know it makes a difference in the choices they make. That's all I can do.