Originally Posted by cmd
I'm sorry, I don't get this whole "saving my virginity as a gift for my husband/wife on our wedding night."
It makes it sound like the human body is a commodity. That kinds of creeps me out.
Yes! That is exactly what I was thinking. This whole business about asking the father "for his daughter" and that someone's virginity is a "gift they give their spouse" etc, makes it sound like the human body is a piece of property to be given away or asked for permission.
I think it is a ridiculous notion to put your
expectations and beliefs on sex on the shoulders of your child (collective you). Of course, we all model and teach and hopefully empart our wisdom or kindness or respect for others... but dictating when and who your *adult* (or close) children share their bodies with consensually?
I don't want to teach my child that sex is shameful, or wrong, or ugly outside the confines of marriage. I hope to teach her throughout her young life (and not just in terms of sex) that her body is beautiful, and strong, and able and a work of God's perfect design. I plan to provide honest information in terms of how her body works, what it does, what to expect physiologically, hormonally (in general), and emotionally (according my my experiences). This information won't be exclusive to speaking of sex, but will be all inclusive (meaning we will have open discussions about anything she expresses a desire to have an open discussion about).
I plan to teach her that feeling sexual desire is nothing to be ashamed of and that it is completely normal and okay, and healthy. I plan to share my own experiences -- I have always felt better emotionally when I reserved my sexual intimacy for people I was in long-term, committed relationships with -- as I felt both emotionally and physically safer and closer -- but I won't make her sign a contract or anything that she will follow that path.
I will be very honest and frank about birth control, STDs, AIDS, and pregnancy. I don't believe whatsoever that providing that information leads to sex, but that a LACK of information and honest, non-judgemental discussion is a surefire way to have your children become sexually active.
Furthermore, I will be open with her about sexuality. She will know from an early age anyway that while many couples are opposite sexed, that love comes in many forms -- and that if love, respect and commitment are cornerstones of a relationship... it doesn't matter if it is a man/man/woman/woman/man/woman whatever... I will let her know that no matter what her preference in who she desires genderwise, her father and I love her, cherish her, and will never make her feel a lesser part of our family.
I will let her know that the God we worship doesn't send loving, respectful people to hell -- regardless of who they may be sleeping with (adult and consenting of course).
It is my aim to teach our daughter about respect for herself and others long before she even knows what sex is (we started at birth lol). Hopefully in teaching her respect for her self, her emotions, her body, and her mind --- simply by we, her parents, respecting her in all those ways and modeling that respect in our interactions with other people... she will expect a certain level of treatment and that expectation will carry into her mature, sexual relationships.
I want a loving, fulfilling sexual experience to be a gift that my daughter gives herself
. Not a piece of herself she gives to a man (or woman).