Originally Posted by alegna
Hmmm, never seen that thought. Because sometimes the natural consequence needs to be pointed out by someone who's taller than 3ft
Um, you dumped a bowl of cereal and milk on the floor- we need to clean it up.
My impression is that those are natural consequences. Though I suppose if one were trying to be difficult one might say the NATURAL consequence of dumping the cereal is wet sticky mushy feet... and cleaning it up is a LOGICAL consequence.
Either way I don't see it as a punishment. Whereas, you dumped your cereal on the floor, now you have a time out, seems pretty much like a punishment to me...
. . . I have to disagree the sentiment that one is being difficult if one describes that situation with NATURAL consequences and LOGICAL consequences.
I think this is a perfect example of how individuals may use different words to describe the same thing.
I do not advocate the use of TOs as punishment. I actually do not advocate punishment, period. To me, punishment is more about the adult getting back at the child for making them angry, then actually teaching the child anything.
However, I want to add that what actions I believe constitute punishment can be entirely different for another parent. And actions I take may be defined as punishment by some, even if I do not define it that way.
That is the problem with discussions such as this -- we are all working from our own personal definitions. Here are mine:*Punishment is about intent.
If my child does something and I impose a natural consequence (such as immediately cleaning up the mess, so that they end up losing 30 minutes of playtime), then this is NOT punishment.
But if I put them in a time out because what they did made me angry, then that IS a punishment.*Time outs are legitimate tools.
Like any tool, TOs can be (and often ARE) abused. But I think they have their place when used in combination with discussion, natural consequences, and respect for the individual (parent and child).
For me, time outs were appropriate with my DD when she went into full on melt down. This happened rarely, as I used all the other tools I had to avoid it (being aware of her needs, having a routine, etc.), but it DID happen. So I would take her to her room, talking to her the whole time. I told her that I loved her, but I did not have to be around her when she acted this way. Then, I would tell her that she was welcome to come out when she calmed down. There was never a time limit (this example took place when she was three) and I always made it clear that I wanted to be with her when she was ready to talk. I was always readily available, usually just in the next room.
Really, I agree with pp who have said that GD can and does run a spectrum. If we are on this board at all, I think it speaks volumes about our desire to raise happy, healthy, attached children who will become happy, healthy and attached adults. There is more then one GD path that leads to this result.
Lastly, I want to say that I am grateful that this forum (and MDC in general) can allow for us to have these discussions. I know I learn and grow every time I read other people's ideas and experiences.