Midwife almost killed me... - Page 2

[mykidsmom776]

I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I know it must have been horrible. However, I want to thank you for your courage in sharing your experience. I am planning my first homebirth, and while I am certain of my midwife's qualifications, I also know now to ask her more thoroughly about how she will handle the delivery of the placenta.

s Thank you again for your courage.

[bryonyvaughn]

Originally Posted by o4smommy

...postpartum hemmorage is the #1 cause of maternal death..I almost became a stastistic..make sure you dont..

i would love to hear all your feedback..and any other similar experiences

BTDT. The midwife ruptured my membranes w/o my permission during the first dilation check. Now ten years later I think she was impatient dealing with a first time mom and wanted to get it over with. Later she spiked my tea with blue & black cohosh w/o telling me. Ended up in pushing in lithotomy position and midwife, while attempting cord traction, actually pulled the cord off the placenta , of course without telling anyone first. She followed up with attempted manual removal of the placenta, once again without telling anyone, when her secondary stepped in, and demanded transport to put an end to the insanity.

I second your recommendation to thoroughly investigate any proposed birth attendant. Unfortunately at the time I didn't have resources to learn what questions to ask (and whether anyone answers honestly is another matter entirely.)

...consider having a hep-lock during your labor..this will allow for emergency access to important fluids or medicines if you should require it incase of an emergency..

I support you on everything else but I'm with Angela on the hep-lock issue. I think part of the reason hospitals push interventions' side effects off so nonchalantly is because they have all these big expensive gizmos to mop up their screw ups. HB attendants (since they can't carry a surgical suite in their trunk) are forced to support labor's unfolding rather than forcing it.

My concern about a hep-lock is that if it's there birth attendants feel more comfortable putting women in positions that risk its necessity. I've seen this too many times with MWs carrying oxygen, pitocin, and even one with a vacuum extractor. (Shocking but true. That MW can no longer practice after sucking the brain out of a baby with a birth defect.)

BV, whose attended births transformed her into a UCer

[courtenay_e]

I feel for you, OP, I really do. I, too, was traumatized in my own way by a HB midwife. I am partly responsible, because I didn't ask the right questions...but because of a PRIOR unhappy labor, I thought I was asking the right questions...and thought I was getting the right answers. In the end, I transferred care to a CNM while in active labor. I guess we're all affected by our past labors--good or bad. I DO encourage you to remember the great parts...they're good things to hold on to. I always feel better when I talk to my children about the beautiful aspects of their births. In the future I will talk seriously to my daughter about the things that didn't go quite so right, but for now, I really want her to hear what the good was in her birth. And my heart needs to hear it, too. And, frankly, I think that the women in our general communities need to hear what went right in your births, too. I have taken to suggesting several midwives, non of whom are the one I had a bad experience with, rather than repeating the bad experience. This allows the woman asking for referrals choice, without adding bad Karma to their idea of birth. Maybe this doesn't work for everybody...but it seems right for me right now. Take care, Mama. I second the Birthing from Within suggestion.

[oregonbound]

Originally Posted by o4smommy

alegna,obviously a hep-lock is intrusive, but if you have no problem with it, why not rely on the safe side? its not like it hurts or has side effects...it was just an idea..and every birth is "normal" until something happens...and nothing seems "necessary" until we need it. hindsight is 20/20 i guess.

I know it's nothing compared to labor pains, but I had to have a hep lock for both of my vaginal births, and for what it's worth, it does hurt! and it makes it uncomfortable to rest on your hands in the hands and knees The second time I thought I'd be smart and ask them to put it on my arm instead of my hand. So the nurse had to stick me three times to get it in, and I ended up with 3 bruises on my wrist! And after all that, they didn't need it...

[paquerette]

I'm sorry for what happened to you. I was a transfer and had an OB who did cord traction and manual placenta removal so that he could cause a hemmhorage and say "see, look, you needed to be in the hospital or you could have died!" There are always going to be incompetent and foolhardy people in any profession, I guess.

fwiw, I would be very surprised to hear of a midwife who carried IV's or a heplock or anything like that to a homebirth in my area. Different situations in different places, I guess.

[roadfamily6now]

i am sorry that this has happened to you but when you took that caster oil you started a cascade of events that nearly spiraled out of control.

I agree that we all should research our midwives carefully and we should never allow anyone to pull a placenta out but we also need to know more about the things we put in our bodies to induce labor.

[georgia]

o4smommy-- I had a tremendously horrible first birth that was very difficult to talk about/think about/heal from, and I carried the pain around for a long time (I think I always will hold some sadness in my heart about what ds and I both lost, but I've since had other births that were very healing). Time and introspection do help, but really, it's so sad because we don't get do-overs Midwives and physicians attend so many births; it's easy to forget that individual mothers don't and that birth can be such a transformative event....it's tragic when the experience is marred by an attendant who was supposed to be there to prevent such occurances

I can understand your need to share your story as a precautionary tale to other mothers who you'd like to help prevent what happened to you from happening to them. I personally do not believe that hep locks are necessary because I feel as if it's medicalizing what isn't medical (except under certain circumstances). It's totally understandable why you made the suggestion and it's totally valid based upon your personal experience. I'd like to know each mother makes informed decisions w/as much information as possible, but not made out of fear or coersion (which happens so often in medical settings)..decisions that meet her needs for safety and control and respect her personal belief system.

IME, it was esp. difficult when the bad care comes from someone we trusted to help keep us "safe." I'm so sorry you went through what you did. It sounds like your breastfeeding relationship is very empowering, and that's so great to hear IME, I went through a grieving process in order to process my first child's birth....it wasn't pretty, but it was necessary for me to come to terms w/what happened, and I learned exactly what I did NOT want in the future.....

Sorry, I went today.....just wanted send a !

[skueppers]

I'm so sorry you had that happen to you. It just goes to show that no matter where you give birth, the choice of birth attendants is critical -- and that it's often very difficult to know ahead of time how a particular person will work out for you, whether they're a direct-entry midwife, CNM, or OB.

I was just talking with a friend of mine yesterday who had the same OB I had for our recent births, and she told me she felt pressured into a scheduled C-section by the same OB who I found to be completely supportive of unmedicated childbirth. Go figure!

Regarding the hep-lock, I think that may depend on the individual woman and the situation.

I know that I'm personally totally comfortable with a hep-lock in any situation where I might conceivably need an IV, even though I find them uncomfortable and I wind up with a bruise for a week afterwards. The last time I had one, it took several skilled nurses, including two from the anesthesiology department, 30 minutes to get it in, so, I'd rather it were done "just in case" before I've lost any blood, which would make it even more difficult and time-critical. Knowing it's there provides me with peace of mind.

But I'm also the sort of person who is fairly comfortable with hospital birth (done it twice, and would do it again if I were going to have another child), so I have a somewhat different orientation than a lot of people here.

[ericswifey27]

Originally Posted by Quirky

I am still disappointed that the OP is getting criticism and not validation and sympathy for her horrible birth experience. I wonder if she'd been in a hospital and an OB or nurse had done the same thing whether she'd be getting more support than she is here. :

I hope it doesn't sound that way. Obviously the OP did not deserve what happened, it's horrible! I should have mentioned that, because I certainly thought it. I believe the problem was with the midwife mismanaging the birth and not having the proper equipment, not the fact that it was a homebirth or that a heplock wasn't available. That was the only point I was trying to make.

If a midwife in Florida or elsewhere cannot carry the proper equipment to safely handle complications because of licensing laws, that is indeed very very troubling : That needs to change.

[rajahkat]

I am still disappointed that the OP is getting criticism and not validation and sympathy for her horrible birth experience.

I don't think the OP is getting criticism for her birth experience, but instead for the suggestion that a differrent kind of intervention (heplock) than the one she received (manual extraction of placenta) would somehow make homebirth safer.

Kat

[applejuice]

No birth is perfect; like the humans we are, each birth is beautiful in its own flawed way.

[Quirky]

Originally Posted by rajahkat

I am still disappointed that the OP is getting criticism and not validation and sympathy for her horrible birth experience.

I don't think the OP is getting criticism for her birth experience, but instead for the suggestion that a differrent kind of intervention (heplock) than the one she received (manual extraction of placenta) would somehow make homebirth safer.

Kat

Perhaps my sentence was not worded as clearly as it might have been. I meant that she was receiving criticism for her recommendation INSTEAD OF or IN ADDITION TO sympathy for her experience.

Although I certainly understand the disagreement with her recommendation, and I will not personally consent to a heplock at my next homebirth, I think that a) the Birth Stories board is a totally inappropriate place to debate these issues, and b) at the time when I initially posted, the criticism of the heplock issue was equal to or outweighing the validation of her birth experience, and the OP was not-so-subtly being blamed for her traumatic experience.

I think that certain posts on this thread, by implying that the OP could have prevented what happened to her with more thorough interviews, are blaming of the victim for somehow failing to determine that her midwife would contribute to a bad birth experience, rather than recognizing and validating her experience and placing blame where it belongs on the poor decisions or inappropriate actions of the midwife.

IMO, it is totally fine to start a thread to discuss whether all homebirthers should have heplocks or whatever else in the Birth forum, but jumping all over the OP's recommendation fails to see that the main purpose of her post was to relate and process her traumatic birth story. Those posts failed to demonstrate the compassion and understanding that I would like to think characterizes -- or should characterize -- those who support gentle births and gentle parenting.

I think people on this board are often quick to criticize the medical establishment -- with excellent reason -- but are slow to recognize that not all midwives do a good job, and that midwives (and doulas for that matter) often contribute to very negative birth experiences that can be as bad as any bad hospital birth. Although I will not get into the details here, I was extremely educated in choosing a midwifery practice and doula for my first birth -- and both my midwife and doula made extremely poor decisions that resulted in many interventions and a hospital transfer that affected both me and my baby for months. It was not my failure to educate myself, or ask informed questions, that led to these decisions. The bulk of the responsibility for the physical and emotional trauma to both my son and myself lies with them, not with me.

IMO the Birth Stories board should be a safe place for women to process the good, the bad, and the ugly about their birth experiences. If someone disagrees with something in the story -- then go post a general thread somewhere else to have a debate.

[alegna]

Oh, I fully agree that there are dangerous midwives out there. I was dumped by one at 28 weeks with dd. She's the favorite in town and practices based on fear. Add to that she's older and takes on WAY too many births.

She's a trainwreck waiting to happen. And I signed up.

-Angela

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by alegna

Oh, I fully agree that there are dangerous midwives out there. I was dumped by one at 28 weeks with dd. She's the favorite in town and practices based on fear. Add to that she's older and takes on WAY too many births.

She's a trainwreck waiting to happen. And I signed up.

-Angela

Whoa, I did not know about that story! What happened?



OP, i am so sorry that happened to you


I agree, research your birth attendant! I am a little at all the mistakes she made.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

Whoa, I did not know about that story! What happened?

Short story- I'd asked her in interviewing if there was any mandatory testing. She said I could refuse everything.

I refused all GD testing (I had NO risk factors)

She dumped me.

Best thing that could have happened.

-Angela

[applejuice]

I am sorry about that Angela! s...

She was right though, you could refuse any and all testing and you did....she simply did not tell you that you would be dumped if you did. Those little white lies...

[alegna]

Originally Posted by applejuice

I am sorry about that Angela! s...

She was right though, you could refuse any and all testing and you did....she simply did not tell you that you would be dumped if you did. Those little white lies...

Actually- I asked if there was anything that if I refused, she'd dump me. She said no. So yeah, she totally lied....

No big loss. I'm 90% sure she would have tried to force me to transport if she'd attended dd's birth (31 hours of active labor, at least 6 hours of pushing...)

-Angela

[o4smommy]

courtneay....you & i were in the same boat, i too believe i rushed in to choosing the MW after my horrible hospital birth experience. We did not ask the right questions, but that is not our fault. it must be possible to cover every base but how was i supposed to guess she would manually lift my placenta? even after i told her to leave me alone, she insisted "it had to come out", and after my MIL , The labor room RN for 20 years, told her there was no cord lengthening, ( as the MW assumed). I "assumed" because theyre in practice, offering and doing HB's, that they knew what they were doing. i say assumed in quotations because looking back now i realize that was my biggest mistake.

quirky: thanks for coming to my defense. i did feel a little shot back by all ruckus about the hep-lock. and in no way did i ever imply that it should be the new standard for HB's. i did come here to post my story and get the support and kind words i did recieve and that means so much to me. i was very tempted to edit my post and take my opinion of the hep lock out.

My initial instinct was to go UC. BUt my fears of "big brother" ( well founded as we all know) kept me away from it................

I have another confession to make, and it seems really pathetic, but ive kinda becaome obssesed now with pregnancy and birth in general. i think about it alot and read about it and watch it on tv. i find myself wanting to get pg again, mostly to go thru labor again. i did enjoy my labor and delivery so much until it went bad. There is something wrong with my brain..who wants to get pg just to give birth? I think maybe the twice denial of a beautiful birth has really gotten to my psyche...

[DoomaYula]

I'm sorry you had a really awful attendant at your beautiful birth. But it sounds like you did the best you could!

Fwiw, I'm a hospital doula, and I've never seen a doctor NOT tug on a cord. Never. Not once. Not ever have I seen a doc leave the placenta alone to come out on its own. Le sigh.

[hapersmion]

Originally Posted by o4smommy

I have another confession to make, and it seems really pathetic, but ive kinda becaome obssesed now with pregnancy and birth in general. i think about it alot and read about it and watch it on tv. i find myself wanting to get pg again, mostly to go thru labor again. i did enjoy my labor and delivery so much until it went bad. There is something wrong with my brain..who wants to get pg just to give birth? I think maybe the twice denial of a beautiful birth has really gotten to my psyche...

That can happen even with a great birth - birth is addictive! (I can't watch it on TV, though, it seems like all the baby shows are "Let's get a c-section because we just feel like it!") I'm already sad that I will at some point have my last baby and not get to do it any more. (Of course, I felt the exact opposite way during transition - instead of thinking "I can't do this" I was thinking "I can't believe I'm going to have to do this again someday!") There must be something wrong with my brain too.

I'm sorry that things went bad at the end of your birth. : It's great that the rest of it went so well, though! Hopefully once you've had time to heal the good parts will outweigh the bad. *hugs*

hapersmion