Originally Posted by rajahkat
I am still disappointed that the OP is getting criticism and not validation and sympathy for her horrible birth experience.
I don't think the OP is getting criticism for her birth experience, but instead for the suggestion that a differrent kind of intervention (heplock) than the one she received (manual extraction of placenta) would somehow make homebirth safer.
Perhaps my sentence was not worded as clearly as it might have been. I meant that she was receiving criticism for her recommendation INSTEAD OF or IN ADDITION TO sympathy for her experience.
Although I certainly understand the disagreement with her recommendation, and I will not personally consent to a heplock at my next homebirth, I think that a) the Birth Stories board is a totally inappropriate place to debate these issues, and b) at the time when I initially posted, the criticism of the heplock issue was equal to or outweighing the validation of her birth experience, and the OP was not-so-subtly being blamed for her traumatic experience.
I think that certain posts on this thread, by implying that the OP could have prevented what happened to her with more thorough interviews, are blaming of the victim
for somehow failing to determine that her midwife would contribute to a bad birth experience, rather than recognizing and validating her experience and placing blame where it belongs on the poor decisions or inappropriate actions of the midwife.
IMO, it is totally fine to start a thread to discuss whether all homebirthers should have heplocks or whatever else in the Birth forum, but jumping all over the OP's recommendation fails to see that the main purpose of her post was to relate and process her traumatic birth story. Those posts failed to demonstrate the compassion and understanding that I would like to think characterizes -- or should characterize -- those who support gentle births and gentle parenting.
I think people on this board are often quick to criticize the medical establishment -- with excellent reason -- but are slow to recognize that not all midwives do a good job, and that midwives (and doulas for that matter) often contribute to very negative birth experiences that can be as bad as any bad hospital birth. Although I will not get into the details here, I was extremely educated in choosing a midwifery practice and doula for my first birth -- and both my midwife and doula made extremely poor decisions that resulted in many interventions and a hospital transfer that affected both me and my baby for months. It was not my failure to educate myself, or ask informed questions, that led to these decisions. The bulk of the responsibility for the physical and emotional trauma to both my son and myself lies with them, not with me.
IMO the Birth Stories board should be a safe place for women to process the good, the bad, and the ugly about their birth experiences. If someone disagrees with something in the story -- then go post a general thread somewhere else to have a debate.