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How do I live without my sister? - Page 2

post #21 of 83
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracy View Post
mightymama,

today is father's day...how is Kundalini's husband?

hugs to you all.

glad myPM made sense..to both of us!!!:
I actually talked to him this am for a few minutes.. But he was saying goodbye to his father and sister.. (his dad has been with him, since before her passing..)

My brother talked to him a few hrs ago, and said he sounded upset.. My dh just got off the phone with him a few minutes ago, and he thinks he sounded okay.. My fear is since 12noon today he's been with just himself and the boys, and I think the realization that she's not here is going to hit now.. I told him it's okay to let the boys see your emotions. I told him, it's okay for them to see you miss their mom. I told him they need to see it, because they need to know it's okay to miss her too..

I'm not sure if it helps, but he's got a lot of plans for the summer. Next week him and the boys are flying out to his brother's wedding in CA... Then he'll be coming down here to NJ for 10+ days. Then they'll be going to Oregon in Aug. So I think in his mind, he's just trying to keep busy.. But I know there will be plenty of downtime for him to think...

I feel so much more stable at the moment, And I think the basis of your "PM" has helped me to a more peaceful state. I've had many many spiritual feelings that she is here with me, and I believe she guiding me thru this. So what my dh and I can do for my BIL, is to listen and keep contact with him and give him our support.
post #22 of 83
I am glad you are feeling more stable. You should...you know why...

I'm sure she is guiding you guys. And she is probably around your BIL and definitely the boys. This is a given in my mind.

hugging you hard...
post #23 of 83
OT and please please forgive me but Tracy, if you would, PM me and tell me why. I always appreciate your take on things and I could really use something positive to focus on right now.
post #24 of 83
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jörð View Post
OT and please please forgive me but Tracy, if you would, PM me and tell me why. I always appreciate your take on things and I could really use something positive to focus on right now.
did she send it to you? If not pm me, I'll send what she wrote, and my response
post #25 of 83
Not yet. Thank you!
post #26 of 83
Mighty- I have to say that I came across a post where you and your sister were having fun posting to each-other and she was calling you names for writing on her post. It made me both laugh and cry. You two sounded close and healing from all of this only happens with a lot of time.

Please know that reading your funny back and forth posts moved me and probably others when/if they come across them. I will call my own sister today and let her know I love her as I now have a reminder of how short and precious life can be.

If it's not too much to ask, I would really love to see a picture of your sis and you if you have one available. I understand and respect if you choose to keep that private as well.

Sending you much love, healing and health through this next year.

Regina
post #27 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by mighty-mama View Post
How do I keep living?


You just do. You just keep breathing, and you just keep putting one foor down after another, and it never stops hurting, but eventually it's not as raw.

post #28 of 83
I'm so sorry
post #29 of 83
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by simple living mama View Post
Mighty- I have to say that I came across a post where you and your sister were having fun posting to each-other and she was calling you names for writing on her post. It made me both laugh and cry. You two sounded close and healing from all of this only happens with a lot of time.

Please know that reading your funny back and forth posts moved me and probably others when/if they come across them. I will call my own sister today and let her know I love her as I now have a reminder of how short and precious life can be.

If it's not too much to ask, I would really love to see a picture of your sis and you if you have one available. I understand and respect if you choose to keep that private as well.

Sending you much love, healing and health through this next year.

Regina
oh, I vaguely remember that.. We liked to have fun.. It was especially fun to mess w/ family, as apparently we have the same "phone" voice. Both our dh's and our mother can't tell us apart..

On a funny note, I once called her husband at work, and said some graphic sexual things, and he thought it was her, and then realized she would never do what I said.. OMG it was so funny, and then I was so disturbed as I knew for a second I turned him on... Oh, it was so gross..... I think both of us peed our pants that day.. Another time, our mother wasn't answering my sister's calls, so she called and once she got the answering machine she said "It's jessica pick up".. And our mom did, boy Amy was so mad..

the good times I'll miss.

***oh, I want to add some pictures on my signature line, but I can't figure it out, If you can tell me, I'll be able to do it probably this weekend.. Just to warn you, I don't think we look anything alike. She was petite, brown eyes, brown hair. I'm taller, and blonde and blue...
post #30 of 83
I have an older sister too... She's 38 and I'm 22 so there's quite an age difference. But I'm closer to her than I am to anyone--including DH and my mother! So on some level, I know how you feel... I don't know what I would do if I lost her. I offer you love, hugs and healing energy!

Peace to you,

LK
post #31 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by mighty-mama View Post

On a funny note, I once called her husband at work, and said some graphic sexual things, and he thought it was her, and then realized she would never do what I said.. OMG it was so funny, and then I was so disturbed as I knew for a second I turned him on... Oh, it was so gross..... I think both of us peed our pants that day.. Another time, our mother wasn't answering my sister's calls, so she called and once she got the answering machine she said "It's jessica pick up".. And our mom did, boy Amy was so mad..

the good times I'll miss.
Oh my gosh, you're BAD but that's hilarious!!!!!

***oh, I want to add some pictures on my signature line, but I can't figure it out, If you can tell me, I'll be able to do it probably this weekend.. [/QUOTE]

Sorry, I've been trying to figure out the photo thing too. Can someone here fill us in?
post #32 of 83

Oh mighty-mama....I am so deeply sorry for your loss!! I know the pain you are going through. Tomorrow will be my brother's memorial service. I can't imagine that 6 weeks have gone by. It's unreal that the world has kept going even though we have all been sheltered in our grief......and yet, I know that this is how it is supposed to be......we MUST go on, one step, one moment, one day, at a time. Our time is here and now... Somewhere, amidst all the grief, is a deep well of happy times, cherished memories and quirky fun stories (just like you and your sister shared). Although that time may not be right now, I think that is a worthy goal to work towards.... A time when some of the pain will numb (with time) and the special moments will resurface.

I'm not entirely there myself, but I can catch glimpses of it. Each time I look at our childhood pictures an entire barrage of moments flies through my head.....things I haven't thought of in years! They are special and precious moments....like when we rode our bikes to get our first dog, a big fat beagle named Loki. Of course, since this is all so raw, remembering those special moments that exist between siblings is followed by tears....but that is normal. You cry, you grieve, you ask "Why!?", etc, etc,....then you wipe away your tears and do something mundane....like feed the kids, wash the dishes.....and you realize that life continues to go on and you need to find a way to go on with it....

I truly feel for you and for your sister's family. My heart bleeds for those little boys, for her dh and for you. It is palpably obvious that you and she had a lovely relationship, the kind that transcends this tragedy.

I don't know what your thoughts are on the afterlife, but, for me there has been some measure of comfort reading about where our loved ones go and how they return to us to comfort, guide and simply "be" with us. I went to Borders and stocked up on some books written by mediums that delve into the after life. Maybe I'm just grasping, but I truly believe that our loved ones come back to us. I thought this before our tragedy hit, and I believe even more now. Your feeling that your sister is with you is more than wishful thinking.

We have received so many "signs" from my brother that it makes me both happy to know that he is communicating with me and sad that this communication is not the way it used to be. Of course, there is always that tiny bit of logic in me that thinks that maybe I'm finding and looking for signs where none exist. But, whether that is the case or not, it offers comfort and solace when nothing else seems to do that. So, I settle for the special dreams and the tiny signs I get every so often....they make sense to me.

I think your sister is letting you "feel" her presence, letting you know that you are not alone. I know that this knowledge probably just skims the surface of your grief, but it is a morsel of hope, I think, that our loved ones are inextricably drawn to us and do not truly leave us. They leave us on this physical earth but continue to return again and again and again, as long as we need them. I think this is especially the case when young people (including children) leave this earth. Their story is not finished and they have work to complete here with us.

Nevertheless, it is sad and tragic for the rest of us that need to figure out, as you so aptly put it, "how to live without" them. I don't have the answer, but I know that there must be a way and that their legacy will change us (hopefully for the better) for the rest of our lives.

Sending you my heartfelt condolences and wishing for you to find some measure of peace in the future.

L.

post #33 of 83

i'm so sorry. amy is around you.
time will help heal ... in the meantime, i can't imagine the pain and loss you must be experiencing.
post #34 of 83
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by delighted.mama View Post

Oh mighty-mama....I am so deeply sorry for your loss!! I know the pain you are going through. Tomorrow will be my brother's memorial service. I can't imagine that 6 weeks have gone by. It's unreal that the world has kept going even though we have all been sheltered in our grief......and yet, I know that this is how it is supposed to be......we MUST go on, one step, one moment, one day, at a time. Our time is here and now... Somewhere, amidst all the grief, is a deep well of happy times, cherished memories and quirky fun stories (just like you and your sister shared). Although that time may not be right now, I think that is a worthy goal to work towards.... A time when some of the pain will numb (with time) and the special moments will resurface.

I'm not entirely there myself, but I can catch glimpses of it. Each time I look at our childhood pictures an entire barrage of moments flies through my head.....things I haven't thought of in years! They are special and precious moments....like when we rode our bikes to get our first dog, a big fat beagle named Loki. Of course, since this is all so raw, remembering those special moments that exist between siblings is followed by tears....but that is normal. You cry, you grieve, you ask "Why!?", etc, etc,....then you wipe away your tears and do something mundane....like feed the kids, wash the dishes.....and you realize that life continues to go on and you need to find a way to go on with it....

I truly feel for you and for your sister's family. My heart bleeds for those little boys, for her dh and for you. It is palpably obvious that you and she had a lovely relationship, the kind that transcends this tragedy.

I don't know what your thoughts are on the afterlife, but, for me there has been some measure of comfort reading about where our loved ones go and how they return to us to comfort, guide and simply "be" with us. I went to Borders and stocked up on some books written by mediums that delve into the after life. Maybe I'm just grasping, but I truly believe that our loved ones come back to us. I thought this before our tragedy hit, and I believe even more now. Your feeling that your sister is with you is more than wishful thinking.

We have received so many "signs" from my brother that it makes me both happy to know that he is communicating with me and sad that this communication is not the way it used to be. Of course, there is always that tiny bit of logic in me that thinks that maybe I'm finding and looking for signs where none exist. But, whether that is the case or not, it offers comfort and solace when nothing else seems to do that. So, I settle for the special dreams and the tiny signs I get every so often....they make sense to me.

I think your sister is letting you "feel" her presence, letting you know that you are not alone. I know that this knowledge probably just skims the surface of your grief, but it is a morsel of hope, I think, that our loved ones are inextricably drawn to us and do not truly leave us. They leave us on this physical earth but continue to return again and again and again, as long as we need them. I think this is especially the case when young people (including children) leave this earth. Their story is not finished and they have work to complete here with us.

Nevertheless, it is sad and tragic for the rest of us that need to figure out, as you so aptly put it, "how to live without" them. I don't have the answer, but I know that there must be a way and that their legacy will change us (hopefully for the better) for the rest of our lives.

Sending you my heartfelt condolences and wishing for you to find some measure of peace in the future.

L.


Oh mama, I just pm'd you, before reading this, and you'll find my pm is exactly what you've written..

The only thing that keeps me going, is those mama's here who have opened my eyes to her prescence.. It's absoultely amazing. I was given a poem by a mama here that bascially goes into how she is with me, and she is the flicker in the candle, the dust in the wind. It mentions how I need to seek her guidance, and she will help me. From the point I've realized this, I've had a tiny bit of solace..

Amazingly, once I rec'd this, I had this strong desire, I told my dh that I think our babe will look like her. (dh and I are both blonde/ blue eyed, fair skin. Amy was brown/brown eyed, olive skin) I've been saying this from time to time, and that night, he actually agreed with me.

Within minutes, I rec'd a pm from a mama here who felt like someone was in her prescence. She felt like this spirit was telling her they were going to be a baby. She thought who is this, and she knew it was my sister.. The mama mentioned she logged onto MDC, and noticed that I was pregnant.

There are a few more occassions when I couldn't console myself, and I spoke to her, and asked her to help me, and within a day, I would receive a pm from a mama here, that without prompting, would answer my question for me.

thank you.
post #35 of 83
I am so sorry.... gentle healing, love & light s....I really have no words....
post #36 of 83
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. She'll be with you forever

P.S. I'd love to see pics of her (and you)
post #37 of 83
Mighty-mama,

We get the messages we need to get at the time they mean something to us. It is not a coincidence that you have received these messages from other mamas. Your sister is reaching you in the only way she is able to at this time. Talk, listen and try to hear the messages. Only time can heal the pain that you are experiencing right now. Unfortunately, we can't speed time up. I wish I could fast forward a year or two, when maybe it wouldn't be so raw and painful. For now, small messages here and there must suffice.....

praying for you and your family.....

p.s. I pm'd you.
post #38 of 83


you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and let time take care of the rest. i wish you lots of love and healing light during this difficult time. please know that your entire family is on my mind and in my heart.

post #39 of 83
i'm so sorry!
post #40 of 83
mighty-mama,

I pretty much only read posts in the Nutrition Forum these days and so missed the announcement of Amy's death for almost two weeks. I cried for most of the afternoon and everyday since. My son now asks about Amy. He said a prayer "I want the people in Heaven to be on the ground." That's the prayer of a child who does not understand basic science and, then again, none of us really know how exactly it all works. I am excited for you and your growing baby.

After my son prayed, I prayed that we all have the strength and determination to take care of our health with the zeal that Amy had. I struggle with this everyday -- I have a lot of information to do the right thing, but it's hard to make that commitment every single day. Most of us could use more of Amy's zeal.

I have not lost a sibling or a close family member. I cannot imagine how painful this is. But if you would find some peace in these prayers of strength and protection, email/PM me with your address (these are my mom's).

Amanda
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