My MW was my friend first, actually I met her on MDC and she invited me into the local AP group when we moved here last year. So she was one of the first people I met in person. The kids and I would go to her house for playgroups. Then because we were both passionate about birth we started having birth studygroups and I became her assistant, going to prenatals and births with her. When I got PG it seemed logical that she would be my MW... she is nearby, I know her birth philosophy and it really matches mine, I feel like we would get exactly the birth we wanted with her. Plus we were going to barter the whole cost of the birth--paying less money always helps!
But anyway, something hasn't been clicking since our last prenatal. I finally decided that maybe I'm just having a hard time negotiating all these different relationships. She is having a lot of really, really shitty things happen in her life and I want to be there as her friend to listen to her. And I have spent a lot of time with her going to prenatals and being on-call for births (all for free) and helping her take care of others. But now she is my MW and I need to have time with her that is just about *me* KWIM? You kind of want that when you're pregnant, and it's just not happening. So I think it's time to listen to my instincts and change midwives. I've given that advice so many times to others! Yet it's so much harder to do it yourself... It is going to be so hard to talk to her and tell her we are switching. Like she needs one more bit of bad news right now... *sigh*
So, the next part of the dilemma is this: We have very specific wishes for this birth--like basically being left alone so it's just DH and I at the time of birth, and he will catch, and whatever MW we choose will mostly stand back and watch and only jump in if needed. (Kind of a UA birth but with a "lifeguard" just in case I have a PPH again--best compromise we can come up with.) Some MWs may just not be agreeable to this at all, I don't know. My bigger concern is that we'll choose a MW who says she is on board, but then in the actual situation will have a tough time really just sitting back and watching... I know from experience that if you've been trained to do something, it is really hard to do nothing.
Luckily I'm in an area with several HB MWs. Two I have ruled out already for various reasons. I got a phone number for a MW I've never met but have heard good things about, so we're going to try to meet her. There is another MW I'd like to talk to but don't have any contact information for.
Then there is our MW that we used last time. I talked to her yesterday and it is really tempting to just go with her. I think she is awesome but on the other hand, there were some reasons we weren't going to use her again. It is hard to explain because she was great, I always loved my prenatals, I basically had a wonderful birth, and she handled my PPH really, really well and we didn't have to transport. But I also feel that she said some things when I was pushing, things that were supposed to help, that made me feel self-conscious instead. And there were a few things at the time of birth that didn't happen in the way she'd said they would (use of bulb syringe, who cut the cord). I don't know if there are good explanations for it all or if it can be remedied by better communication on our part... or not. So even though I love her, and it felt *so great* to talk to her yesterday (like a huge weight off my shoulders, actually) and it would be so easy and comfortable to see her again, I'm not 100% sure if we'll really get what we want with her. But I'm also not excited about interviewing the other MWs and trying to guess what they will be like at the birth--we may not get what we want with them either. Heck, just because we have such specific ideas for this birth, this baby will probably throw us for a loop no matter what!
What do you think, go with the known or the unknown?
But anyway, something hasn't been clicking since our last prenatal. I finally decided that maybe I'm just having a hard time negotiating all these different relationships. She is having a lot of really, really shitty things happen in her life and I want to be there as her friend to listen to her. And I have spent a lot of time with her going to prenatals and being on-call for births (all for free) and helping her take care of others. But now she is my MW and I need to have time with her that is just about *me* KWIM? You kind of want that when you're pregnant, and it's just not happening. So I think it's time to listen to my instincts and change midwives. I've given that advice so many times to others! Yet it's so much harder to do it yourself... It is going to be so hard to talk to her and tell her we are switching. Like she needs one more bit of bad news right now... *sigh*
So, the next part of the dilemma is this: We have very specific wishes for this birth--like basically being left alone so it's just DH and I at the time of birth, and he will catch, and whatever MW we choose will mostly stand back and watch and only jump in if needed. (Kind of a UA birth but with a "lifeguard" just in case I have a PPH again--best compromise we can come up with.) Some MWs may just not be agreeable to this at all, I don't know. My bigger concern is that we'll choose a MW who says she is on board, but then in the actual situation will have a tough time really just sitting back and watching... I know from experience that if you've been trained to do something, it is really hard to do nothing.
Luckily I'm in an area with several HB MWs. Two I have ruled out already for various reasons. I got a phone number for a MW I've never met but have heard good things about, so we're going to try to meet her. There is another MW I'd like to talk to but don't have any contact information for.
Then there is our MW that we used last time. I talked to her yesterday and it is really tempting to just go with her. I think she is awesome but on the other hand, there were some reasons we weren't going to use her again. It is hard to explain because she was great, I always loved my prenatals, I basically had a wonderful birth, and she handled my PPH really, really well and we didn't have to transport. But I also feel that she said some things when I was pushing, things that were supposed to help, that made me feel self-conscious instead. And there were a few things at the time of birth that didn't happen in the way she'd said they would (use of bulb syringe, who cut the cord). I don't know if there are good explanations for it all or if it can be remedied by better communication on our part... or not. So even though I love her, and it felt *so great* to talk to her yesterday (like a huge weight off my shoulders, actually) and it would be so easy and comfortable to see her again, I'm not 100% sure if we'll really get what we want with her. But I'm also not excited about interviewing the other MWs and trying to guess what they will be like at the birth--we may not get what we want with them either. Heck, just because we have such specific ideas for this birth, this baby will probably throw us for a loop no matter what!
What do you think, go with the known or the unknown?
