Planning now for a different kind of Christmas

[sanguine_speed]

We've done some math and we realize how tight our finances are (or rather, should be, if we were spending responsibly). There have been lots of kids born in the immediately family in the past few years, and we've always just bought everyone a present at Christmas. We've started making the calls to ask the siblings about cutting back and so far so good. One more brother to call.

Is anyone else planning on cutting back this year?

I should add, it's not only about $$, but also about priorities and decreased consumption. This is big for us! Almost as big as canceling cable (see recent post LOL). I think we're on a frugal roll here!

So far we're discussing a couple ideas: drawing names among the nieces and nephews, or each family buying a family gift for the others (there are three in total). Something like a gift certificate for the family, or a family game, or camping gear for the family who likes camping etc. I'm excited about this idea. Anyone else making changes this year?

Hopefully this last family is receptive. Wish us luck! We don't want to dictate what they do, or tell them they can't buy for everyone if it's something they really want to do, or even pressure them since the others all agree. Hopefully it goes smoothly.

[MorganRiley]

Good luck! and congrats for instigating this in your extended family!

a few years back we started by only giving to the children...no adult exchanges anymore

two years ago I spent 1/2 what I normally would on all my neices and nephews and wrote them each a letter explaining that the other 10$ was going to the salvation army gift basket program instead

i researched and printed stats for the city we live in about homeless...moms and children...poverty stats etc.

hopefully made an impact

[HipGal]

I have been thinking about this as well. I'd love to at least draw names if not give up the adult gift giving. But it is Dh's side of the family, so I don't really want to be an instigator! Maybe he can talk to the inlaws about it. It is so tough to shop for adults who can afford anything they want (or the things they can't afford would be too expensive!). I feel like every year I'm just guessing what they might like at it is such a waste.

I also had the idea of giving to charities instead of gifts. We mentioned that in our Christmas letter one year, but only one person responded that they were interested.

[FillingMyQuiver]

DH and I have been discussing this type of thing for a couple of years now. Last year, our kids got pretty much all handmade gifts, as did most of our family members. Not only were finances tight, but we are trying to teach our children that the holidays are less about "me, me, me, what brand new, name brand, noisy toy did I get" and more about the joy of the season, spending time as family, and putting real thought and energy into the gifts we give (hence the handmade).

Since I'm pg and due sometime in Nov, I've started working on our Christmas presents already. The majority of them will be handmade again, with much thought going into what the recipient would enjoy.

I'm also 1 of 5 children and 4 of us are going to be *adults* this year (my baby bro is only 2) and of those 4, 3 of us are in married or committed relationships. Needless to say, that's a lot of people to buy presents for, so I think we will be drawing names for gifts from now on and all buying/ making for my parents and baby brother (he fits in more w/ my kids anyway )

[Leylla]

In my family adults don't swap gifts.

For kids, I would say 50% is from goodwill or yardsales, 25% is made, and 25% is new.

This year I would like to increase the used and decrease the new.

Steph

[sanguine_speed]

I guess I didn't say in my OP that the adults never did buy for one another. It was always just the kids. But there are 9 kids and that's a lot . We would also like to give more to charity. Should have mentioned that when we called the families. The other brother was receptive though when we talked about spending limits he did say something to the effect of: "yeah, one that we can ignore if we want to right?": . Ah well, still looks good.

[onemoremom]

Sounds good. I have a big extended family and we draw names- so each adult gets a gift for one adult, and each kid gives to one child. Works well, saves money. Plus the 'secret' part is fun, and when you have less people to give to you have more time to come up with something really thoughtful.

[bwylde]

I want to cut things back more this year. It's more exciting when you put more work into it instead of mindlessly buying everything in sight . Of course when you start buying for people outside the immediate family, where do you draw the line? I'd like there to be less people on our list this year (and take care of everything well in advance!)

[quirkylayne]

In Dh's large family we do the $25-30 limit circle exchange (where you draw #'s) and then do a drawing for the cousins. The circle exchange is okay but there are always some duds. A 21 year old guy is putting in Simpsons season 5 and grandma is putting in a lovely silk flower arrangement.

Previously we did an everybody chip in what they can and we split it and buy gifts for all. We had a special name for it based on a social/political movement. We thought that was better because asking a one income family of 7 to spend $25 each was a bit much and we had several dual income no kids families. It worked well, except that the same few people ended up having to go shopping every year.

[msjd123]

Last year, I gave the kids tickets to the local kids' museum plus a small toy or book gift rather than spending more on a toy, and that was very well received. For my 2-year old neice who has food allergies, I also put together a little treat gift basket full of special foods she could eat, and that was a HUGE hit. Kids love food, LOL!

[Mama Dragon]

We got a nice windfall before the winter holidays last year and between the MDC Holiday Helper program and 4 kids (and us), we had a lot of fun (read: went crazy and spent way to much, at least $2k where we normally would spend less then $500)...

I've made it a point to have simple birthdays and will do so for the winter holidays. We never buy gifts for extended family, but send out photo cards and will do so again, but the gifts the kids get won't be quite so.....insane.

[organicmommy]

We stopped exchanging gifts with my bil and his family last year, none of us had any money to spend anyways.
This year we hope to continue this because we don't want to spend the extra money as no one really needs anything.
We still do a small exchange with my family as I am the oldest and there aer still 2 that are teen/preteen age!
As everyone gets older on my side we will either draw names or choose to not exchange there as well.
Hugs
Jessica

[becoming]

My family and DH's family already both draw names ($20 gift for my family, $40 for DH's), but we're cutting back for our own kids this year. We've given ourselves a goal of $100 each for the older two (they'll be 6 & 2) and $30 for the youngest (he'll be 5 months). That's a far cry from what we ended up spending last year, so I hope we can stick to it. Our reason is not just for frugality's sake but also because we're trying to cut back on the "gimme gimme gimme" attitude our little boy seems to be developing.

We will also be telling all of our friends that we're not exchanging gifts this year. Hopefully that idea will continue on for years to come!

[sanguine_speed]

I'm going to start looking now for thrift shop finds that the kids will love. I did buy dd a beading set at a consignment store for $3 yesterday, and she LOVES beading. I gave it to her immediately but could start holding on to a few things now for Christmas. Just hard to know what her interests will be by then.

[becoming]

Originally Posted by sanguine_speed

Just hard to know what her interests will be by then.

That's my problem. I planned to start birthday & Christmas shopping this month for my older two (they both have October birthdays), but I'm afraid they'll find things they really, really want between now and then.

You know, we should make this into a 6-month long thread about our frugal Christmas finds!

[fourgrtkidos]

These are all great ideas.

It is amazing that most people in the US do not realize what this thread points out........ Most of us have everything and too much.......... I wish "we" as a nation spread the wealth around a little more. CHristmas should be about charity.

Does anyone else worry about giving $ blankly to salvation Army or other charities. I feel better buying gifts for a family I know at my kids school, or church, or being hooked up to but for a specific kids' family somehow......

At least, there is always the giving thread here on MDC for Mammas who can't make a Christmas for their kids and lots of people help.

[Leta]

We stopped giving presents altogether. There are just too many of us. On my dad's side, for example, there are six children, their attendant spouses, 12 grandchildren, four of whom are married, my grandparents are divorced but both in committed relationships, so there's four older adults, and there are nine great-grandchildren now. That's 51 people who are supposed to exchange gifts. That's not including my mom's equally big family, or DH's family. It cannot be done. Even if we set a $10 per person limit, we'd still spend over $1000 without getting a single gift for our kids or each other.

Instead, when we (my Dad's family) get together for the holidays, one of the four younger boys (ages 8-10) brings a game for all of them to play, and one of the youngest girls (all about 1) brings some toys for the babies to play with. The teenagers and adults do White Elephant gifts- this is where you find the absolute tackiest thing you possibly can find at a yard sale or thrift store. Some past examples have included a tiny, hardbacked cooler with lid that was only big enough for a single can, "The Steam Machine" (you have to see this to appreciate how asinine it was), and Whitetailopoly- monopoly for deer hunters. 'Cause, you know, hunting and commercial real estate use the same set of skills. When this is all over, if you actually want any of this stuff, you can pick from the pile, but most of the stuff goes in the trash, and everyone has laughed so hard that who needs a real present?

[Mallori]

Some suggestions: Don't just apply it to Christmas. Do simpler gifts/living the rest of the year, then the kids will have a reasonable expectation of what a gift is, rather than splurge all year just to "go cheap" at the most commercialized season of the year.

Two things that majorly backfired: 1. setting a price limit. People don't know what to do, so if you set a limit, they're still going to go and get whatever plastic thing can be bought for that cheap price. It's almost always been something i've thrown in the trash by the end of school break. 2. trying to impose a "homeade" Christmas. Some people just don't get into making things, and would rather buy.

Watch all year at what holds kids attention. My kids each got a marshmallow shooter at a recent scout function. Those things have held their attention longer than anything we've bought in a LONG time. If you don't know what that is, it's a pile of PVC pipe cut into different lengths, along with some fittings. The kids assemble it into the shape they desire, and blow mini-marshmallows at each other with it. Even if you take the marshmallows out of the equation, PVC pieces and fittings will keep kids occupied a very long time. My kids are going to help me over summer break to make a kit for their cousins for Christmas.

Think outside the box. Don't just think cheap, think quality time. The other thing we did last year was I bought some plain, undecorated kids aprons. I put their picture on the front, with an iron on transfer. When we got together, I gave them their aprons, and a pile of colored sharpies, and they got to decorate them however they liked. When they were done, we put them on and whipped up a batch of Reindeer food and some cookies for Santa. So they got something to take home, parents got a keepsake of something their kids made for Christmas with a picture of what they looked like that year, and fun family TIME. For the grandparents, I also used iron on transfer paper to put the kids pictures on one side of a fabric bag, and on the other each child got to write their name.

Anyway, going cheap can be easy for people who are willing to get creative. For some, it's just painful to try to come up with something impressive under budget. Sometimes you just gotta let go of trying to be impressive about it, and just get thoughtful.

[abbylotus]

We have scaled down a lot with gift giving for Dh's side of the family since I have come into the picture. I'm an only child so there are no probs there. There was a time where every adult gave every adult a gift and every child "gave" every child a gift. There are six adults (not including the in-laws) and six children. Price whatever. That would mean my family would have to buy six adult gifts and TWELVE children's gifts. RIDICULOUS!! So multiply that by everyone else....disgusting. My first Christmas with them (before we even had kids) was overwhelming. It took the family THREE hours to open all of their gifts. They had to stop mid-way and eat. Now I am not a super crunchy person but this display of indulgence nearly made me cry. Who wants all of that shit?!! Now the adults draw names and each family buys each child one gift...the in-laws are not apart of the name drawing and gifts (BIG) from every family.: My MIL wouldn't have it any other way.

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by abbylotus

Now I am not a super crunchy person but this display of indulgence nearly made me cry. Who wants all of that shit?!!

I wish I could say that out loud. To lots of people.