Any tips for a good hospital experience?

[tini1205]

If is was solely up to me I would have a homebirth, but my DH unfortunately is less than supportive of that and insists that I have the baby (our first) at a hospital.

I picked a small neighborhood hospital (not 3 minutes from our home) with a pretty progressive reputation and an enclosed midwifery practice. I love the midwifes (I have met two out of the three there and will meet the last one for my next prenatal) and really like them so far.

I am more concerned with the hospital staff though, I have read their brochure and it made me shudder (from getting into the gown on arrival, getting an IV to fetal monitoring, dilation checks and NB procedures, though I know that this brochure was designed for your average birth with one of their staff OB's, which I hope I will never have to get to know! (The midwife only use the staff OB's in case of complications, otherwise they will do the entire delivery.)

I would like to avoid any medical intervention if possible (and no complications develop), but I am unsure on how to breach the issue with my midwife(s) and which battles to pick and which ones to let go.

My ideal plan would involve staying at home as long as possible and being released as early as possible with the least amount of being poked and prodded.

What worked for you? Where did you make compromises? What do you wish you hadn't compromised on?

Thanks for your sharing your tips!

[DoomaYula]

Is there a birth center? That might be a good compromise. I cannot in good faith recommend a hospital birth unless you have a high risk pregnancy in which case you need to be around docs.

Oh, and get a doula. She can help.

[Jasmyn's Mum]

I wore my own shirt. No hosp gowns (it didn't matter in the end cause I was stark naked by the time I birthed her ). We were allowed to use candles so we closed the blinds and turned out the lights. We made sure everyone was quiet when she came out. We told them they have to wait to weigh her until we were ready. We asked the staff to leave soon after she was born (we compromised and agreed to one nurse staying with us). Monitors were kept to a minimum cause I didn't always let them touch me. If there's a bathtub, use it to labour. I walked around and outside when I could through the labour. I refused to birth on my back and demanded free range of motion. We told them not to cut the cord right away. All in all, for a hospital birth, it was gentle on dd. That's all I can think of right now. It can be a good birth but you really have to stand your ground sometimes.

[BetsyS]

I think sometimes it's helpful to ask your midwife at a prenatal visit to describe a typical birth, complete with all the "standard" stuff. If she says, well, you get to the hospital, you change into a gown...You stop the conversation and say, what about if I want to wear my clothes? Her answer at that moment will give you an idea of how much of a fight you'll need to prepare for.

The answer could range from, "no problem; lots of mamas wear their own clothes," to a blank stare like she's never been asked that before, to "well, I guess if you really wanted to..."

Having this discussion ahead of time doesn't so much change standard procedure as it gets you prepared for what to expect.

I chose a hospital where lots of people wore their own clothes, ate take-out in labor, got in the water, weren't monitored continuously, kept their babies with them, refused Vit K and erythromycin. None of this stuff was a fight. Literally none of it. They asked, I said no, and that was that. If lots of people ahead of me hadn't already fought the good fight, I would have had to be prepared to more stand my ground against silly arguments. "but your baby might die without Vitamin K" that type.

[bloominmamas]

I would really suggest getting a doula, reading "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth," and "Birth as an American Rite of Passage." They are incredibly informational and give you ideas of what you might or might not be willing to deal with at the hospital even with a midwife, i.e. don't want to push baby out laying flat out on your back (which is only convienent for caregiver and more likely to cause tears, stalling labor, etc.). Just food for thought, good luck!

[wombatclay]

I had two wonderful births at our local small hospital. BUT this hospital is 100% pro-natural birth and is an amazing, supportive, mama/babe friendly place. It's small (4 birth suites) and it's not fancy (the jacuzzi tub is in what used to be a large janitor's closet) but the staff believes in birth and they believe in supporting mamas and babes in whatever way they can. Where what you want or go naked, eat what you want (I had thai food delivered during my first birth though I wound up not wanting it), birth in whatever position or place or manner you need. They wait till mama asks about pain meds instead of bringing it up, and they request birth plans from all mamas...and if your plan says you want a med free birth the nurses work with you/your partner/your doula to provide options if you do ask (check out my vbac story in my sig to see what I mean). There is no well baby nursery, no pacis provided or formula bags handed out (they make their own bags with a baby board book, LLL flyer, local mama support info, a onsie, etc), and although they certainly have routines they're very flexible and responsive to parents.

Anyway...these sorts of things should be standard at hospitals, but they're not. Find out how "seperate" the midwives are...one of our larger local hospitals has an "idependent" midwife unit but a lot of mamas find themselves transfered from the midwives to the obs if they don't labor "by the book". Ask yourself what you WANT in a birth and what you NEED in a birth in order to look back with joy and pride. For example...a tub is nice but maybe the natural birth friendly hospital with no tub would be better than the shiny gizmo filled hospital where despite having the natural birth "toys" no one supports their use.

Ask local doulas about which hospitals they would use...and what battles might come up. Doulas often have really useful impressions of birth sites that could help...

happy birthing and good luck!

[pinksprklybarefoot]

When I first met my CNM, I had a big list of things I wanted more information about. I just went down the list and told her what my ideal was, and asked what her experience was.

We also went over my birth plan together before I was in labor. This meant that everything was discussed at least twice.

[philomom]

I had two great hospitals births with a cnm. Both times, I arrived already at 9 centimeters ready for birth. We had taken Bradley childbirth classes and my dh was very good at saying "we don't want that", "no thanks" and "not in a million years". Sometimes he did get the "look" from the nurses but they clucked and ran off. I had only a little doptone checking of the fetal heartbeat once in awhile. The room was dim, I was naked. I choose my own pushing place/position. The baby was checked in my arms with a minimum of fuss and bother.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I'd be working on the husband. Studies show that homebirth is *at least* as safe as hospital births. I'd show him the studies, remind him that YOU are the one who has to give birth, and tell him the burden's on him. If he wants you to take the conceivably less safe route (slightly higher infant mortality at the hospital even adjusting for risk factors), which you are less comfortable with, I see no reason why he should automatically get his way. I actually think men who put their foot down about things like birth have an awful lot of nerve, and the women who just go along to get along confuse me.

[prothyraia]

:

You're 3 minutes from the hospital. There's no reason to go there unless there's an emergency, because if there is an emergency you'll get there in plenty of time.

There are very very very few situations in which 3 minutes will make a difference, and in those instances it would take longer than that to get an OR prepped for surgery anyway. You'd get the midwife to call ahead and be there before they were ready to do anything anyway.

I suggest you find some homebirth safety statistics, show them to your husband, and then go through any 'what if's' he might have, perhaps at a meeting with a midwife. From a pure safety standpoint, in your particular case you're much better off at home!

[GwendalynsMommy]

We had what I consider a very positive hospital birth even after having to be induced because of pre eclempsia. At my very first prenatal checkup I came in with a rough draft of a birth plan for my midwife. I prefaced it all by saying that these were all my wishes but our most important thing out of the whole even was a healthy baby and a healthy momma.

I listed out the things I hoped for and the things I would not budge on. She told me that all those things were ok with her and if anything unexpected came up we would talk about it as much as we could and had time for.

The induction did put some restrictions on me and I had to alter the birthplan a little because of it but I feel given the circumstances everything went like I would hope. I did have an iv because of the pitocin but she was very good about giving me as much freedom to move around without the efm as possible. I was able to walk around a little until my blood pressure started shooting up. I was able to eat until I started getting sick. I did wear the hospital gown even though I brought my own but that was my decision I had started out in my own gown but quickly realized i was more comfortable in the hospital gown and like someone else said it didn't really matter anyway because by the time I started pushing I was stark naked anyway.

I think it's important to just know what to expect and know what they will allow. Also ALWAYS remembr that it's your birth, your body, and your baby you have the right to ask for and even demand anything you want or don't want. You may get objection to it but it's still your right.

[JanetF]

Also ALWAYS remembr that it's your birth, your body, and your baby you have the right to ask for and even demand anything you want or don't want. You may get objection to it but it's still your right.

Indeed. That goes for husbands too. Anyone who thinks hospitals are safe or desirable is working from a serious misconception. If you're not sick, you don't need a hospital. No one should have to fight for their basic human rights and the first one of those is the choice of birth place. Only you will have the scars on your body and soul for life, only you can make that decision.

If women have genuine need of the technology in hospitals, they can research and decide for themselves what thy want to use, how and why. You can do that too I blogged on this only yesterday

[Nicole77]

Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl

I'd be working on the husband. Studies show that homebirth is *at least* as safe as hospital births. I'd show him the studies, remind him that YOU are the one who has to give birth, and tell him the burden's on him. If he wants you to take the conceivably less safe route (slightly higher infant mortality at the hospital even adjusting for risk factors), which you are less comfortable with, I see no reason why he should automatically get his way. I actually think men who put their foot down about things like birth have an awful lot of nerve, and the women who just go along to get along confuse me.

That. Every word. I am continually mystified by this as well...

[tini1205]

Thank you so much for all our tips.
I am thinking about hiring a doula, though I have not made a decision yet, I hope that a very good friend of mine will be available to be with me for the birth.

As for DH, he will only stay with me for a while and leave as soon as he feels too uncomfortable. I am fine with that (we have discussed the issue and completely agree on this) but I think it is his main reason for not wanting a homebirth, we live in a very small apartment and he would have to physically leave the apartment if he needed to retreat.

We have quite a couple of independent birth centers in the area, which I would consider using, but just as with the doula, money is an issue and my insurance won't cover these services. On the other hand I don't want to regret not spending the money and ending up with a bad experience because of that.

I am generally just insecure about the US medical system I guess. I am originally from Germany, where I feel much more comfortable insisting on what I want, it's not a language thing, more of a different attitude and relationship between patient and provider.

I am not due until November, so I feel I am being a little premature, but from what most of you are saying it is never too early to start planning ahead. It is good to hear though that some of you had quite positive experiences.

Thanks for sharing!

[alegna]

Wait a second- your husband wants to dictate where YOU birth because HE doesn't want to be there? :

I'd tell him he's welcome to go hang out at the hospital while you birth at home.

-Angela

[JanetF]

Sounds good.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

He will need to RETREAT? Because your laboring to give birth to his child will be too hard on HIM? Oh boy. That's rich. What you guys need is a very good, very thorough childbirth class to increase his confidence. Bradley Method might be good for you if you have time-it's 12 weeks. I used to teach it and teach another class now, and of all the couples I've taught, including many where the dads were really scared, I've never had one dad pass out or feel the need to leave. He's just scared of the unknown, so hurry up and make it KNOWN so he doesn't ruin the only birth this baby will ever get.

[JanB]

Okay, I'm not really going to get into the whole issue of your husband's reasons for not wanting a homebirth, but I'd be having some serious discussions with him on this topic, personally.

Regarding how to have a good hospital birth:

1. Get a doula. I had two hospital births without a doula and one with. I now wish that I'd had a doula with the first two as well. Get a doula!

2. Have a birth plan, preferably with your OB/midwife's signature at the bottom of it. Believe it or not (I was surprised myself), the staff at my relatively non-baby-friendly hospital followed my birth plan to the letter at my last birth. It really helped a lot.

3. Show up as late as possible. With my last birth, I didn't have an IV, didn't have any fetal monitoring whatsoever, didn't have any of the interventions you so commonly hear about in hospital births. Why? Well, 1) my birth plan and doula, but 2) much more importantly, I was only in the hospital for 30 minutes before pushing the baby out. Now, that was cutting it a bit close for me, because I really did not want to have the baby in the minivan or the parking lot, but living 3 minutes away from the hospital gives you a lot of leeway.

Good luck!

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Originally Posted by alegna

I'd tell him he's welcome to go hang out at the hospital while you birth at home.

:

If the hospital is only three minutes away, you can give him a call when things get good.


Seriously, though, I forgot to add something to my previous post. Like some of the PPs, I showed up as late as possible. I think that also helped my situation.

[prothyraia]

The 'show up as late as possible' bit can be a little tricky. With my son's birth (first time mom), I *thought* I waited as long as possible! I was convinced I was on the cusp of transition...maybe I was. I got the hospital at 6cm...and my labor went "Poof!" :

Of course, if you're only 3 minutes away, you could always just go back home if that happened. After about 6 hours there, I agreed to have my membranes ruptured instead of going back home. That was...dumb. Don't do that.