Another rant

[CMcC]

Everytime I talked to someone who asks me "So, what do you do?" and I tell them I'm a student doula...just once I'd like for someone to know what a doula is. Conversation always goes....hmmm, what's a doulie? And I'd love to meet a woman who didn't say "My dr said I had to _______" It would be so refreshing to meet a woman that understands that she is in charge of her body and it's not the doc's responsibility. Oh, and could they not look horrified when I tell them I'm still nursing my 2.5 year old. Sometimes I think women have totally lost their common sense when it comes to their own body. If they don't understand how their own body works, how are they going to teach their daughters? They're not....and I think that's why our society looks to a doctor for answers instead of trusting and knowing their own body.

*Deep breath out* Okay, I feel better. I'll get off my soapbox for now.

[courtenay_e]

Oh, I know! But, I've come to look forward to those conversations, actually. They so often end in, "WOW! I wish I'd had a doula when I was having MY kids! Can I have a couple of your cards? I know that my XXX is pregnant..." Just be excited about your work, and the excitement tends to spread. I even carry a few copies of my ALACE trifold with me, because it quickly summarizes what I do, with stats to back me up!

As far as breastfeeding your 2.5 year old...I still nurse my 3.5 year old, and I just don't talk about it all that much. Not because I don't think it SHOULD be talked about...but that very few people are "ready" emotionally or educationally to accept that I'm still nursing my 3.5 year old. Or even my 18 mos old, frankly. If somebody ASKS, I'm more than happy, again, to spread the excitement. Otherwise, most people just assume that I've weaned and I don't really publicize that I haven't in the general public...unless DS asks to nurse! *shrug* That's just me though!

[DoomaYula]

I'm with ya, and I know I *should* feel that it's an educational opportunity, but sometimes I'm not feeling patient enough. Maybe it's the hormones.

A few times I've heard, "Oh my husband was my doula." Really? There's so few male birth doulas, I don't think I've ever heard of one. How many births has he attended? Did he train with DONA, ALACE, CBI, or CAPPA? (Okay I never say that out loud, but it's my internal convo.)

[CMcC]

Originally Posted by courtenay_e

Oh, I know! But, I've come to look forward to those conversations, actually. They so often end in, "WOW! I wish I'd had a doula when I was having MY kids! Can I have a couple of your cards? I know that my XXX is pregnant..." Just be excited about your work, and the excitement tends to spread. I even carry a few copies of my ALACE trifold with me, because it quickly summarizes what I do, with stats to back me up!

As far as breastfeeding your 2.5 year old...I still nurse my 3.5 year old, and I just don't talk about it all that much. Not because I don't think it SHOULD be talked about...but that very few people are "ready" emotionally or educationally to accept that I'm still nursing my 3.5 year old. Or even my 18 mos old, frankly. If somebody ASKS, I'm more than happy, again, to spread the excitement. Otherwise, most people just assume that I've weaned and I don't really publicize that I haven't in the general public...unless DS asks to nurse! *shrug* That's just me though!

I do like those conversations ocassionally to educate the public, but IT GETS OLD sometimes! I really like your idea of carrying those things with what a doula does and the stats. It would definately be easier. Plus, people tend to key on something if they see it written down. Think I'll start doing that.

As for the breastfeeding: Typically I don't bring it up. However, it did come up today.... twice. (Once with the mother I was talking with, the other was a surprised nurse at the doc's office that told me to put the gown on because the doc was going to do a breast exam....) I just wish it was a non-issue or at least I wish more people were surprised when a mother ISN'T nursing than when she IS. Like today, there was another mother listening to the conversation. No one was surprised she wasn't nursing her 8 month old, but shock of all shock that I was still nursing my 2.5 year old. People forget that it is actually an evidence based recommendation to continue nursing to a year and longer if possible. It just makes me sad to see how many women have bought into all this nonsense that formula is "just as good" when it is not medically necessary.

Wouldn't it be nice if women were surprised if someone had a cesarean birth... those mothers would actually get the emotional support that they need instead of it being a non-issue. Wouldn't it be nice if women knew their options and if they didn't...they knew where to get the correct info from. If so many women feel that they need to birth in a hospital to feel safe, shouldn't the demand for doulas be sky high. (Not "What is doula and what do they do?") Really, It's just absurd that so many women don't take more responsibility for their own body.

I needed to see a gynocologist for some problems I've been having the last 9 months. The dr had a much better understanding of what was going on with my body because I've been using FAM for almost 10 years. We both had a much better guesstimate as to what's going on and the proper treatment because I have taken an active role in my healthcare. But if I had just came in with a general "it aches here" kinda attitude, she would have either blown me off or had to be pretty invasive. I think this is what happens WAY to often to women in general, especially during pregnancy. They expect the dr to fix everything with limitted info from them... If women want to be treated with respect, they should take an active role in their own care.

*stepping off my soapbox again*

[courtenay_e]

HAH! I JUST had a conversation like that with a client this evening! She's an X-pat who just moved here, and I was trying to explain why our docs here practice defensive medicine rather than evidence based medicine...and why I have part of my contract that mentions that I don't have liability coverage and that they're aware of it, and that they won't sue me if something happens to the baby. She wondered why I'd have to have something like that on paper, and I explained that it was REALLY for their lawyer who'd want to sue everybody in the room if something happened. Again she wondered why somebody would bring a lawsuit. I explained that my personal take on it is that we are raised to believe that doctors are just a shy step down from Gods, and that we take alllll of our problems and put them in the hands of the doctors, and wait to be saved. And that way, when something goes wrong, and/or the doctors don't know where to look, or how to "fix" the problem, the patients have somewhere besides them selves to place the blame. That's a large part of our "problem," I think. If more women actually knew what was going on in their bodies, they'd have to take responsibility for eating well, exercising, and taking overall good care of themselves, rather than just popping pills to be well...and that's a heck of a lot of work, now, isn't it, when we can just let the doctors "take care of it all!"...SAD.

[Veritaserum]

"So, what, is that like a midwife?"

No, it isn't! Then on to explain the difference....

[courtenay_e]

Oh, YES, that's the most common response I get to "I'm a doula." I sometimes feel like just printing a t-shirt with the info on it, so I can just point to my back.

[CMcC]

I'm actually on day 3 of explaining what I do and don't do to these women. Today's question was "So if you had to 'deliever' a baby....could you?" They're definatly getting their education on the ins and outs of being a doula. I decided to go technical and not spare the legal issues of "if I had to catch a baby". I just hope their paying attention and will actually tell someone who needs to know. (They're done having kids. But I supose you gotta spread the word somehow.)

[DoulaClara]

Christina- I totally hear ya! My favorite response of all time so far has had to be a former college housemate of DH's. He stayed with us once when we lived near Chicago, and I was leaving for a prenatal appointment and he asked what I was doing. I told him that I was a "doula," and that I worked with women who are birthing. He asked if it was a type of midwife, and I told him that I was really there for a lot of pre-birth info specific to what the mom wants, a source for more "natural" birthy things, and a support person in the room.

He looked confused, then said, "Oh, so like a white witch?"

I laughed all the way to the appointment.

[CMcC]

Originally Posted by DoulaClara

Christina- I totally hear ya! My favorite response of all time so far has had to be a former college housemate of DH's. He stayed with us once when we lived near Chicago, and I was leaving for a prenatal appointment and he asked what I was doing. I told him that I was a "doula," and that I worked with women who are birthing. He asked if it was a type of midwife, and I told him that I was really there for a lot of pre-birth info specific to what the mom wants, a source for more "natural" birthy things, and a support person in the room.

He looked confused, then said, "Oh, so like a white witch?"

I laughed all the way to the appointment.

White witch! Okay, that's gotta be a new one!